Tuesday, January 31, 2012

My Son is ...gulp...Almost a Man!

My Son is the oldest, but still my baby. I am feeling a bit mushy about him right now, so if you feel the mush in this post, I apologize. It probably won't last long. That little sucker will probably upset me again in a week. 
Upset is more humorous than mush! 

My son will be 18 years old on Valentines Day. Yup, the day of love. And boy I love him! From the  moment he kicked me in my bladder and made me pee my maternity pants, I knew he was a keeper! Boys are great, they love their momma's like nobody else can. But little boys grow into big boys. Sometimes big boys are dirty,rude,lazy,disrespectful slobs who can play Xbox Call of Duty until 3 in the morning, but can't figure out the washing machine. They can eat a whole bag of Doritos and finish up the last bit of Orange Juice straight from the carton, but won't take the time to make a sandwich. But we love 'em!!
Yes, my little boy who was once the sidekick of all sidekicks, is going to be a man soon. Man may be to strong of a word though, and honestly I'm not quite sure he is ready for what being a man entails.

This 'little boy/man' had been slacking the last few months on looking for a job.His first job was awesome,but unfortunately he got laid off, and for some bizarre reason,he was under the assumption that he had reached his quota for the year as far as labor. The moment he was laid off, we started pushing him to find a job.

Job talk dialogue:

Adult: Hey how about after school you go to Stater Brothers, Albertsons, any grocery store for that matter. Fill out an application.There is the one right across the street from your school. It is a good place to get your foot in the door, especially for benefits and stuff.

Teen that thinks money grows on trees: Nawww! Grocery stores are kinda lame.

Adult: - speechless- (but inside thinking, really?? Did you really just say that?)

Adult: Lame? It's a job, what is 'lame' about it?

Teen that thinks Genie and his magic lamp are going to show up: I don't know. Ty and Kevin work at Stater Brothers, and they are always complaining about all the hours. They hate it there, like it's boring, and just Grocery stores are so generic.

Adult: Oooo.Kkkkk. Well, what about the restaurants that are all around dads house? You could be a busboy, make tips. One of my first jobs was hostessing at the restaurant on the pier,and even hostessing I made good tips.

Teen that thinks maybe he will meet a Sugar Momma soon: Tips would be cool!!! Yeah, I went into that coffee shop that my old English teacher opened up. They aren't hiring anymore,but I talked with him, and he said he'd let me know if they ever need anyone. So I've tried restaurants.

Adult: You have "tried restaurants" Sssss. With an 'S' on the end?

Teen that is just waiting for a long lost uncle to mention him in his will: Wellll, I mean I drove by a few, but they didn't have signs on the window. I'll go to some places tomorrow.

Adult: SIGNS IN THE WINDOW? What do you think this is, Mels Diner? People don't put signs in the window anymore.

Teen that maybe I breastfed too long,held too much, coddled to an extreme, waited on hand and foot,made sandwiches for because he 'didn't know how to', did laundry for,you get the point: Who's Mel? Is he hiring? Can you get me a job there?

Well,I am proud to say he is now a proud member of the high school student workforce.He has a corner office with an ocean view,and earns 6 figures a year. NOT!!! He is employed at a local city baseball field concession stand. At first I was a bit agitated, but kept it to myself. I mean Concession Stand? So you are going to sell candy bars and popcorn for Little League games? Way to go son!! How is their 401k option? Health Benefits? Wow !! Awesome.

But I did not show my disdain for his journey into the world of Hot Dog carts. I smiled, like any good mom, then shot my husband  a "just smile" glance from the other side of the living room. I could tell he was pumped about this new job. I have not heard him this excited since I surprised him and took him to see Weird Al Yankovich in concert when he was 9.I have not seen his face light up this much since a girl in 8th grade texted him a picture of herself in her bikini. ( which I then made him erase immediately, and proceeded to lecture him for about 2 hours on the dangers of sexting, and having respect for women, ALL women!  I said "you have respect for me right?"  Well, when I was a teenager they didn't have cell phones, but if they had, and hypothetically speaking, if I was the type of teen girl who thought she looked pretty cute in her fluorescent yellow bikini with the pink flower in the middle, and her matching scrunchi, and pink hoop earrings from Contempo to match, and I texted a picture of myself to a boy, who I use to drool over every day at the beach,and lets say that boy forwarded that picture to 300 of his closest friends. "Well how would you feel if someone did that to me?" He then asked to be excused, and went into the bathroom , where I heard faint vomiting sounds for about 20 minutes) I guess comparing 14 year old me with his 14 year old crush did the trick, or made him sick. Either way, hope it made a point!!

Our next adult question was how many hours are they going to be giving you?

Teen who may be doing his college thesis on the evolution of the hot dog: Well, I'm on a trial basis at first. But I will know more later.

Adult: - Smile -

Well, I decided to drive up to Orange County yesterday evening to check him out at his new job. He told me to come around 6, and maybe he'd be able to take a break and "hang with me".

I tell you what!! Popcorn & Candy this is not! Some of the items on the 'le menu' (trying to sound fancy)

  • Teriyaki Chicken Rice Bowl
  • Spinach Wrap
  • Maui Teriyaki Burger
  • Chicken Ceasar Salad

A mothers bond with her son is almost unexplainable. It is amazing that someone can piss you off so bad, that you have hung up on him, almost wanted to wipe his smart ass smirk off of his smart ass face, almost wanted to spank his 'smart' ass,but you can't because he is now way taller than you. Hunted him down at a party, because he snuck out, and you know he is at that Vic kids house, where you know the parents are the 'cool' parents that let them drink. Dam those parents!!!! But I make cookies, doesn't anyone want to come to our house? 

All these things get washed away when you head up a cement ramp towards a 'Gourmet' Concession Stand and see a smile so big that it is visible even through the handprints on the glass of a walk up order window. All the ups and downs of the teen years are put aside, when you see your son grab the aluminum handle on that sliding window, shove it open, and stick half of his 5'11'' body out of the tiny opening.

"Hey Mom" 

I kiss the top of his head, and shove him back in the window.

He takes my order,and lets me know that he will come out in a minute to eat his burger and take his break with his sister and I.  He has a funny laugh as he writes my order down on his little ticket pad. Normally with a food establishment full of teenage boys, I would wonder if the laugh was an insight as to how my food was going to turn out, but then I remembered it was my son. Surely he wouldn't spit in my food.

He comes out a few minutes later with his cheeseburger and gives me a huge hug.I would have kept hanging on, but I composed my sappy self. 
"Look at you dealing with the public, taking orders and stuff!" 
"Ummhhhhchch YUP I mmlikemm working chhhheremmm" Scarfing down his cheeseburger, like a contestant who just won a challenge on Survivor Island.
"Where is our food C?"
"Your order will be called soon mom" - and again with the funny little laugh

So I watched him eat, listened to his story of the first customer that got a tad bit upset at him for not serving him fast enough, heard all about his new friends (both from school and work), and glanced around the fields. It is kinda a happening place. All lit up for night games. Skate park, toddler playground, and of course baseball/softball teams galore. The place was pretty packed from people in the stands watching their family members play, to families waiting for their C'est Magnifique food orders. 

Then I hear it, the reason for my almost grown man of a son to be giggling like he did when he was 5  watching the Rugrats. My name was being called from the loudspeakers, and I noticed people looking around.

"Order ready for MOM"
"Mom your orders ready"
"Tiki Tenders for MOM"

I look at my son, who in turn is looking up at the window to his buddies. They are inside laughing as well, and then I get a huge smile on my face. I didn't feel like an outsider. I didn't feel stupid, or as though they were laughing 'at me'. I felt like I was let in. Let in on a joke, let in on his job, let in with his new circle of friends, let in to his life.He wasn't embarrassed of me, but rather the opposite. He was happy I was there. I walked up, grabbed my Chicken Tenders from a nice boy who stuck his head out the window pronouncing 'Nice to meet you C's mom!', and sat back down next to my little boy.

The time flew by. I was enjoying his stories, as he was getting a kick out of mine.
Jumping up a few minutes later, he told me he had to get back to work. 

"I love you mom! I'm glad you guys came" 

"I love you too Boo"

One day that boy I call 'Boo' actually will be a man. A man with a girlfriend, fiance, or wife. A man that may choose a career that leads him to another state. A man that travels, and is only able to pop in once every couple of years. A man who marries a woman whose family takes precedence over ours. 

So for now, if I am his money tree (money 4 inch potted plant actually) then so be it. I will dust off my magic lamp, make him sandwiches when he is hungry, listen to him when he needs me,and help him with his laundry. I will always tell him to shoot for the stars, or chicken nuggets in the shape of stars. Whatever makes him happy.That's just what moms do.

Mom, order ready

Friday, January 27, 2012

Squeaky Brakes=OMG Mom!Your car is sooo embarrassing

It all started with a very quick, faint, squeaky sound as I was pulling into the parking lot at work. The sound almost went unnoticed, as Adele was serenading me through my speakers. It was like a "Rollin in the Deep" duet, just Adele and I, two extraordinary singers, harmonizing as one. Kidding! Kidding! I couldn't carry a tune if my life depended on it. I tried to sing a love song to my husband in bed one night, and he has never (and I mean NEVER) let me live it down.It is a story that he tells at BBQ's, get together's, and one day, I'm sure,my funeral. I am thankful my kids let me sing to them when they were young.Puff the Magic Dragon and You Are My Sunshine were always requested.
*I should probably have their hearing tested.

Right as I was zipping into my parking space, I turned off my ipod, and heard the most god awful, nails on a chalkboard, wretched sound! I darted my head around wondering whose car was responsible for contaminating my ears. Then it dawned on me, as my car crept about 5 more feet, that the blood curdling sound came from my car.Whaaaat?? When did that start?

So I did what most women would do, I sent my husband a text.

Me: Car making weird noise

Husband: How

Me: Squeeeeaaaakkkk.
Phone Rings
Ring ~ Ring

Me answering my phone: Hey

Husband: Babe you can't text me sounds. Now, What is it doing?

Me: Squeeeaaakkk. Squuueeeeakkk. EEEeeeeeh EEEeeeeehh

Husband: I'll have to look at it when you get home

Me: You mean you can't tell what it is from my sound imitation?

Husband: Silent

Me: I'm kidding

So of course my husband looks at it when I get home. 
So of course he takes it for a test drive.
So of course he says "I don't hear anything.Your car is fine"

Why does that happen? It never makes the sound for a husband or mechanic. I have stood in many a car repair shop making a fool of myself, trying to mimic the clatter coming from my engine, only to have the service technician tell me 
'Sorry Miss, I don't hear a thing.Now what was that sound again?' 

'Varoop,Varoop! Clickaaahh,Clickaaah! Varoop, Varoop! Pssshhhhh! Then it dies!'

'Hmmff, Sorry I'm not laughing Mam, I have something in my throat. O.K. can you do that one more time?'

Somewhere on You Tube, there is a compilation mash-up video of women making numerous car noises. I just know those repair places have video of us, and they are piecing them together, mashing them up to some popular hip hop songs, and turning it into some Mommy Beat Boxing. We probably have a million or more hits, and we don't even know it ladies. 

Fast forward 2 weeks (2 weeks of me imitating the sounds, and 2 weeks of the stubborn sounds not performing during my husbands test drive)
Finally, Finally he borrows my car to take our daughter to do errands, and when they come back, she is the first to greet me in the kitchen. 

B -15 year old daughter: "He heard it!! He totally heard it"

Husband:It's your brake pads. They need to be replaced. 

Me: See I told you! 

So that was a week ago, and he is going to actually fix it tomorrow morning for me. Thanks M!

But, let me tell you what it is like having teenage daughters and a car that makes sounds. 
Really awful, ear splitting, high pitched noises that will not stop,no matter what you do ( well it stops, but only when the car stops, which isn't an option when you are driving) 

I pull out of my driveway this morning to take K my 13 year old daughter to school. I secretly pray to the heavens above to just let me get her dropped off before my mom mobile wants to start screeching at me, and I get maybe a 2 minute reprieve, ..............and then it starts. 

'Squuueeeeeeeeeaaaaakkkk EEEEeeeeeeeeehhhhhh EEEEEEeeeeehhhhh EEEEEeehhhhhhhhh'

.......and then she starts

EEEeeeeehhhhhh OH MY GOD EEEeeeeehhhhhh

Me Laughing: Honey, It's not that embarrassing. It'll stop before we pull up to the drop off.

K trying not to laugh: It's not stopping!!

Me still laughing: It's gonna stop.

K still trying to maintain her teen composure, and not show a smile: It's sooo loud.It's not stopping.

Me, cracking up: Uh Oh, we are almost to the drop off. You want me to drop you off up the hill, and you can walk down?

K: Arrghh, I'm gonna be late, you have to drop me off up front. Make it stop mom!

Me, not laughing, because as we get closer, I too am getting a bit embarrassed: I'll write you a note for being late, let me just drop you off up here at the stop sign. 

K: Mom, now you're embarrassed??? Just pull in the drop off, I'm gonna be late. Why me? 

Me: It stopped!! Yeaahh!

K: O.K. hurry, pull up, let me out!! 

Me: Bye, Love......DOOR SLAMS SHUT....You

As I start to pull out of the drop off, the sound starts up again. Slowly, gaining momentum with each roll forward. Scrreeeeccchhhhhhhh!!! EEEeeeehhh!! Squeeeaaakkkk!!!
I look in my rear view mirror, and sure enough I can see her. She is speed walking away from the curb, as fast as she can.Completely mortified, but at one more glance I notice her turn around and give a little wave and a half smile. Dying of humiliation,in fear of losing a popularity point, but still a glimmer of 'I love you mom' - even though your car is a rolling billboard of ridiculousness! ' I love you mom'  I didn't mean to slam the door so quickly. 'I love you mom' 
I start to get a bit of a lump in my throat that she took the time to turn around, and then I see it. Her B.F.F. step out from behind a little bush, and they hug. 

"O.K. I am a loser! She was waving at Bre, not me!" - Punch in the gut for mom!

I give my dashboard a little love tap, and whisper softly "Come on, let's embarrass the hell out of her"

I pull up in the driveway, get Ki out of her booster seat - 

" I love you mommy" 

"I know you do sweetheart" 

And then, my phone buzzes in my purse-  A text from K

Teenagers, they can surprise you

Thank Goodness it is getting fixed tomorrow.
There are noise pollution laws in our fine city.

I just TYPE and hit Publish. What is all the other crap?

I created a blog a year ago.
I thought it could be a way for me to release some of my thoughts.
A way to just write,write,write. I can't even send a short text. Short email (even for business)?Forget about it, it's not possible for me. I write like I talk, and I love to talk in detail. I move my hands around ALOT when I talk. I always have to 'show' what I am talking about. The checker at the grocery store asked me if I was Italian, because of all my hand gestures as I was explaining to him that I forgot my re-usable bags, but I will have plastic, but don't worry we use the plastic for other things, so it is kinda like recycling anyway, blah, blah,blah. No I am not Italian, but I guess Italians use alot of hand gestures. I do make people offers they can't refuse, so hmmmm...... Maybe the guy at the grocery store knows something I don't.I am OBSESSED with Housewives of New Jersey
(although I am obsessed with all reality t.v.)

Anyway, for the first 11 months of having a blog it was set to private. I just wrote for myself, but pretending I had followers. I investigated all the privacy stuff, read other peoples opinions, tried to understand all of the settings, changed the background and look of my blog about a million times.
Finally deciding on a picture of our plumeria tree in our backyard. My daughter took the picture with her cell phone camera. She is an aspiring photographer ( not really ) but she takes a TON of pictures with her phone, and they are actually good. Like REALLY, REALLY good.Her phone takes better quality pictures than my expensive, digital, million megapixel,foo foo camera. As long as she sticks to Plumerias, Sunsets, and the occasional self portrait in her mirror for her Facebook profile, I am good. If that Camera Phone even goes one step in the direction of  "Sexting" I will lock her up, and throw away the key. Oh, and take that phone away faster than she can say "Buuut Moooom!!"

So I go to Create Post
I type, I laugh (yes I laugh at my own stories. I was also my first follower. Self love is important, that is what my spiritual self help books say. I love buying self help books because they always seem so, well they have nice covers, and I always mean to get around to reading them.....but ... anyway)
I do click on the spell check button. (then I see way more yellow highlighted words than I thought I was going to see. Me sometimes making up my owns words and all) 
I then ignore the spell check.
I hit Publish
Waa Laa!! 
New Post Created 

Before I admit to the stuff I am not quite hip to, let me take a moment to go over the stuff I do understand about computers. So you won't think I am a total idiot. ( I was an exchange student, remember? So, I mean, I am kinda smart)
I work in an office first of all. I have worked there for 11 years.  When I started I had absolutely no computer knowledge,but I was needed only as an assistant to my boss, and she wasn't even sure what she needed me for. She liked me and hired me. (I do have a certain charm) In fact, my first day she looked at me and said "hmmm, what should I have you do?" She then sent me to the grocery store to buy soda and snacks for the company refrigerator. Then she read my resume, and for hobbies I had put down that I re-finish and paint furniture. So she brought in an old coffee table and had me re-finish it for her.

Eventually, they bought me my own computer for my desk. I stopped painting and grocery shopping, and was sent to a Quickbooks class. (unfortunately I spent half the day in the bathroom with stomach issues. So thank god they had sent me there with another employee, who is now one of my best friends) She is uber smart, so basically she trained me. I did payroll for about 5 years. I use Microsoft Word for typing documents. I can make my way around Excel, a tad bit, but never have a need for it.I can navigate my way around a computer in a way that can make me seem like a computer whiz (well, a whiz compared to someone who hasn't touched a computer since the days of the green apple screen, playing Oregon Trail)
But here is what I don't quite have figured out about Blogger:

  • HTML - Huh? I just type and publish remember
  • Insert Jump Break - I played around with it one day, kinda get it, mostly don't
  • To the right, On Post Settings, Then Options- Backlinks? Allow or Don't Allow? Huh???? 
  • Compose Mode- Show HTML literally? or Interpret typed HTML?? WTF??
  • Line Breaks - Use <br> tag-or- Press "Enter" for line breaks    - I just want to write and people to read
  • At the bottom of your blog where it says 'Links to this blog'?? Nope, don't get it. Won't click on it. 
  • Labels- Clicked on that, o.k. Got it!! 
  • Probably tons of other crap
  • How do some people have that extra menu bar under their title? Like About Me, FAQ's, Blah, Blah. I looked into this and,WOW,the directions freaked me out.Here was one of the helpful answers to my question:
In fact, here is how Blogger does it. They place an invisible outer shell of the Blogger navbar as a static-positioned HTML element (the default) with height 30px right after the <body> tag so that it pushed the rest of the blog down 30 pixels, and then they make the inner shell of the Blogger navbar have absolute positioning which pops it out of its parent element's constraints so it can expand across the entire page. Example:

#myNavbar {
  height: 30px;
  padding: 0px;
  margin: 0px;
#myNavbar div {
  position: absolute;
  left: 0px;
  padding: 0px;
  margin: 0px;
  width: 100%;
  z-index: 10;
<div id='myNavbar'>
  <div>Your Navbar Goes Here</div>

OH, that TOTALLY helped me. Now I get it! 
Static Position?
Parent Element?
Inner Shell?
Outer Shell?
Anyway guys (gals). Until I have all of this crap figured out, which may never happen, I will just type,and publish! Hope you are all o.k. with that. 
Oh, and if any of you are thinking, 'Wow she is a complete, frickin idiot' - Well, keep that to yourself. It'll just make me feel bad,and then I will have to dust off one of my self help books. 

Thursday, January 26, 2012

I can't sleep,and THIS is what goes through my head??!!

I wrote this post after a sleepless night a couple of nights ago. It is a bunch of jumble, mixed with actual sentences, mixed with more jumble. I saved in drafts and forgot to publish (that is how tired I was) 
I can't sleep.But I'm tired!
Does Excedrin really have that much caffeine in it?
Could that be why I feel dead tired,but am grinding my teeth at the same time?

I am super tired!Extremely exhausted! Where you can't stop yawning, and one eye is even drooping.  I thought for sure as soon as my head hit the pillow I'd be sound asleep in slumber land, but noooooooooooooo!!!!!!!! This did not happen, I tossed, I turned, I mumbled really awful cuss words (like the really, really awful ones)  So I gave up! I turned the T.V. on hoping that staring at the screen would help speed up the sleepytime process. I had about 5 Law & Order SVU's recorded, and I figured I would get started on them. What happened next? Well I marathoned it. Watched em' all!!! I want to say this though. A word of advice! Weekly episodes of SVU, I can handle. 6 episodes back to back, I would think twice about.That much SVU in one time period is not good for the mind.The show is phenomenal! It rocks (even with Elliott gone) But the subject matter is never easy, so after that marathon,( mixed with a night of insomnia which is never good for my wandering mind) I am warning my son never,EVER to send away for a  Russian Mail Order Bride, because the Russian mafia will hunt him down, demand money, and kill his new wife. My daughter will be forewarned to never, EVER step off a bus in New York, and confuse the kindness of a young man for the kindness of a pimp.I will never let my child take the subway to school alone, even if I practiced with them for a week straight and gave them a new cell phone in case of emergency.Oh wait we don't have subways here by the beach.Pretty much, my children will never go to New York. Kidding, about the New York thing, (one of my daughters wants to go there when she graduates, so I told her we'd start looking into it. NYU, here we come! Actually I think she just wants to go shopping in New York, I am the one thinking College. She is thinking Fashion) Every city, every town has their problems.Even Sunny San Diego!  But boy that show can mess a mom up. I need to take a mental break from Law & Order SVU.

So I turned off the T.V. at about 2:00 a.m. and waited for my body to just give in, and relax.

Doo, doo,doo, la la la!! Ummm, o.k.

Wow my husband breathes loud

Is that the cable box making that sound? 

What is that sound?

Is water dripping?

Should I just go downstairs and have a bowl of Reeses Puff Cereal? God that cereal is good!

I hate walking downstairs late at night......why am I such a scaredy cat?

Should I wake M up and tell him I can't sleep?? No, that's mean

Did I set the coffee pot timer?

I wonder why he never sets the coffee pot timer? 

Why am I the only one who gets the coffee pot ready?

I'm gonna boycott being the coffee wife. See if he notices, see if he does it. 

He's a good husband. 

Did I save that love note he left in my car the other day?

Shit, I hope I didn't throw it away.

My car is a mess. 

I should have put money away for College for the kids

I shouldn't beat myself up for not doing that. Lots of people don't!

They can get student loans.

GOD, Why am I even thinking of College. So far none of the older ones show any interest.That could change though. O.K. J.R. stop stressing, deep breaths. 
My five year old may want to go. If I start saving now, what will that add up to?............
Will the light from phone calculator wake him up? 

Poor guy, deserves to sleep. He works so hard. I love him!

But he could set the coffee timer sometime. I mean atleast once a week.

God he is snoring, annoying! I should plug his nose!

Oh, he stopped snoring on his own, thank god!

Law & Order stuff, Wow! that last episode disturbed me. I'm gonna check on the kids.

Kids are good, sound asleep. I love my beautiful sleeping children,

Is the cable box humming now? I never noticed that before.

What do I want to do with my life? Oh god, am I too old to even think that? 
I mean my life is already half way over.  

I love my job, I mean it's not my passion,but I love the people. 

What is my PASSION? 

PASSION?? Was that Elizabeth Taylors perfume?

Some old man once told me I look like a  young Elizabeth Taylor with my dark hair and blue eyes. I should google her. If I turn on my laptop will he wake up?


Why am I grinding my teeth to the tune of  an Eazy E song?? 
Why is 'The Boyz in the Hood' even in my brain right now?

 I should start scrapbooking more. 

I actually have alot of scrapbooking supplies. I like buying them, just don't get around to using them

Tomorrow I am going to get some of my boxes of pictures down from the rafters

How do 'Scrapbooking Mom's' find so much time to scrapbook. Who invented 'Scrapbooking?"

I don't know enough about politics,I hate when people bring it up. I can't even define myself. I am conservative,but liberal.
I'm a Conservative Liberal! That's it! 
Why can't everyone in the world just get along? I wonder what God thinks of us.
I wonder what God thinks of me
We should start going to church.
Church was sooo boring though.
Oh my god I remember when my brother ditched CCD, and the nun called my mom. My brother was BAD, but he was my hero. 
I was a good teenager..................... until my Senior year, then all bets were off

I just laughed out loud. Hope I don't wake M up. 
Do they still make Boones Farm Strawberry Hill? 
I'm gonna look next time I'm at the Liquor store.

How do smart computer people just 'KNOW' everything about computers. I wish I could suck the information out of their brain, and put it in mine. 

It's weird

I am smart. I feel like some people don't know how smart I am. Some people make me feel dumb because they are smarter than me. When people make me feel dumb,I should say 
" I was an exchange student in high school"
I actually do say that sometimes. 
I want to go back to Japan someday.

I just laughed outloud thinking of an episode of The Office. Oops hope I didn't wake M up

The Office makes me happy. I miss Michael, but the show is still funny. 

What was that noise?

Where is the baseball bat?

Oh, the Dam cat.

Everything happens for a reason

I believe that

Do I believe that?

Who made that up?

God, I'm soooo tired, and I have to go to work tomorrow. 

I wish I didn't have to work.

I need to play the lottery

I want to write a book

Who would be my main character?

Who would be my main character?

God that lady in the parking lot was soooo pissed today. I totally smiled at her too. I shouldn't have smiled the second time. She didn't deserve it. 

Sometimes I'm too nice. I wish I could be a bitch

I am a bitch to my husband sometimes
You always hurt the ones you love
Bitch Bitch Bitch 

Why am I so non-confrontational?
I am confrontational when I drink
Aren't we all? 
That's it, I could just walk around with a drink in my hand all day, like Karen on Will & Grace, with a Martini. 

I just laughed out loud again,thinking of myself with a martini glass picking K up from pre-school or walking into work. 

D would like a martini, she likes vodka. 

I hate Vodka
I would have to walk around with a Margarita or Rum & Coke

Oh god,that one time I gulped straight Vodka...........

He just rolled over. Did my laughing wake him up?

Why am I still Awake???

O.K. lets get serious about sleep. Breathe, relax. Stop thinking about stupid, weird crap!

'Since you've been gooone, I can breathe for the first time. I'm so movin oooonn, Yeah, Yeah
Thanks to you
Now I get what I waaaant
Since you've been gone'

Grinding my teeth to Kelly Clarkson, Nice!

I'm gonna cry!


What was that beeping?
Is that the coffee pot turning on?
What time is it?


Everything about me was exhausted, EVERYTHING. My brain, my eyes, my pinky toe. I love sleeping. If I went on a game show, I would be pretty excited hearing Bob Barker yell to me through his strangely long and skinny microphone..

"You have just won a lifetime supply of NAPS!!" 


" can pass, and try for the BRAND NEW CAR!!"


*lily at had a sleepless night a few nights ago. I think she jinxed me! Kidding!
Insomnia has never entered my life, never knocked at my door. But it has decided to stay. Since I wrote this a few nights ago, I have had a few sleepless nights. So This may be my theme for a bit. But Hopefully not. 

I just dropped my daughter off at pre-school and after I got back in my car realized I had 2 different colored ugg boots on. A dark brown and a light tan!!! That mixed with my flat bed head! Do you think they call CPS for unmatching fashion.

"Yes this is Sunshiny Pre-School. We would like to report a mom"

"Yes, what seems to be the problem?"

" Well, we have a mom who is usually well groomed, and looks ready for her work day. But today was a bit different. We are actually worried for the childs well being"

"Does the child have bruises, visible scars?"

"No but the mom had on TWO different colored Ugg boots. Dark Brown and Light Tan. With grey sweats, one leg tucked in the boot, the other out. And an oversized sweatshirt that had peanut butter on the arm. Well, I hope it was peanut butter."

"O.K. keep the child safe until we arrive. If the mother tries to pick her up, try to stall her. And by god, call 911 if she shows up with those hideous unmatching Uggs again.!!" 

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

I am a Closet Lazy Ass, and I am Proud (well, secretly proud)

Anyone who looks at me probably just thinks I never stop. I'm always on the go!

'Wow,how does she do it?'

'Where does she find the time?'

'Did you see that bed she refinished and painted?'

Yes I am busy, yes I carpool, work, have a scheduled calendar in my purse as well as a smartphone calendar just for alarm purposes. I make crafts during Holidays, bake Birthday cakes for family members, drive my kids all over town, have parties/BBQ's/fish taco nights. We love to go camping, I love the beach, I love nights out on the town, either with girlfriends or my hubby. LOVE to dance, laugh, tell stories, skeeball, bowling, anything that I can show my secret competitive side. I simultaneously cook dinner, help kids with homework, talk on the phone to my mom, tell another kid to finish their chores, and check my emails all at the same time.

I could keep going!
                      I am a busy gal!
                                  The list could go on and on!

But what truly brings me joy.....

What I absolutely love the most.....

What I look forward to doing when I have the house to myself........

What is included in my daydream fantasy life, that will never really happen, but a girl can dream..........

What I secretly do with every second of free time that I have........ when no one is home

I grab the remote
I lay in bed
I watch television
I love it at 9:00 a.m.
I love it at 2:00 p.m.
I love it on Weekdays (if its my day off or I get off work early) 
I love it on Weekends

Then I hear it, I hear the sound of the diesel truck pulling into the driveway, the garage door going up.

Shit, the hubby is home!

T.V. off

Look in mirror, Dam pillow wrinkles on face, flat hair in the back!

Run downstairs

Put dryer on tumble ( that same load has been tumbling for 2 days)

Grab a pile of crap from bottom of stairs

Hear keys in door

"Hey babe I'm home. Whatcha up to?"

"Oh, just getting some stuff done around here. I'm on my fifth load of laundry, and now I am bringing this pile of toys upstairs to have K put away in her room."

"Hey did you wash my black sweatshirt?"


My husband knows I am a secret lazy ass.He has to know.
That is one of the reasons I love him, and maybe one of the reasons he loves me. A lazy ass who still manages to get it done! How does she do it folks?
He plays it off, goes along with it,but I know he has caught on to me.
Only trying sometimes to catch me at it-"did you wash my black sweatshirt?" (good one honey!)

Well, I am going to end this post,and soak up as much lazy time as I can.Before the hubby and the teenagers ruin a perfectly good, impromptu peaceful day.I had to stay home from work today because my 5 year old woke up with a tummy ache (which is a less gross way of saying she was having diarrhea and vomiting into a bowl all at the same time.) She is now sleeping in her bed, poor little thing, so I am going to have some Lazy Ass Me Time. That is, until I hear that garage door open. Then it is time to spray some Pine Sol into the air, push start on the dishwasher, and hold a spoon in my hand.

"After I took care of our ailing daughter, I mopped,did the dishes and now I am getting ready to cook something. Next I am going to put my feet up. Whoo, what a day! How was your day Honey?" 

Friday, January 20, 2012

Family Texting is AWESOME! You don't have to actually see them roll their eyes!!

What would my family do without texting? How on earth would we communicate?
Biscuits would be left un-buttered, houses would burn down, tires would blow out, moms wouldn't know how much their teens love and appreciate them, and children wouldn't get fed. Here are just a few from the last couple of days between my family and I. 

Text between my husband and I- I was upstairs actually blogging on my laptop,he was downstairs keeping his ear open for the oven timer. Garlic Cheese Biscuits, they are my specialty (o.k. it is the recipe on the back of the Bisquick box) One of my biggest pet peeves is someone yelling to me from downstairs, another room,etc. I HATE IT!!! Drives me INSANE. I have finally gotten it through to my husband, NOT TO YELL TO ME FROM ANOTHER ROOM IN THE HOUSE!!!
So instead of yelling to me, my husband has resorted to texting. What did we ever do without technology? Probably got more exercise.  
* side note- I love to correct my husband on his grammar. I love to correct my children on their grammar.
I should not be correcting anyone on their grammar. Because I have obviously failed to understand the difference between 'Than' and 'Then'. I'm not sure I ever really will. So I call a truce, the white flag is raised. I surrender. Sorry family, sorry for thinking that I was so perfect. 


From 17 (almost 18 year old son) who started living with my ex husband about a year ago. About 30 minutes north up the freeway.
He has had this spare tire on his car for about a month now. He is supposed to purchase himself a new tire (teaching him responsibility and all) All together his Christmas money added up to about 400 dollars but he did not want to spend that on a tire. Every weekend he says he is going to get a new tire.I have already told him he cannot drive on the freeway with the spare he has. Every week this month, he has sent me almost the same message. I know what he is doing. I carried his 10 pound baby body in my little 19 year old stomach for 9 months. That lazy,good for nothing,mama's boy, love of my life is hoping that I will cave and buy him a tire. 

The mommy in me just wants to do it. The responsibility guru in me says "Snap out of it you Wuss! He can buy his own tire. If he can give money to a bum outside the liquor store to buy him and his friends beer, he can buy a tire." - O.K. Responsibility Guru Voice, I will listen to you!! (Well,that voice and the voice of my husband, ex husband, and my dad. They would not be very proud of me if I caved. Need to teach him to be a man and all!!)


From 15 year old daughter B

My two teen daughters and I all use straightening irons on our hair. 

My two teen daughters and I have all, at one time, been guilty of leaving them on.

My two teen daughters and I have been lectured by the husband on the dangers of doing this, and what would happen if we burnt the house down.
My two teen daughters and I are very paranoid now...............

13 year old daughter K
She is in 8th grade, and on the yearbook staff. For $30 dollars you can purchase a small section to dedicate to your graduating 8th grader. After Christmas, we were a little strapped for money, but by god, I would do whatever it takes to make this happen. I want to write a little blurb about how awesome she is as a daughter!! How would she feel if she were one of the only kids whose parents didn't show their pride and love. She would be devastated. So I called her yearbook teacher, and asked him if I could turn the order form and check into him on Monday.(Deadline being yesterday and all) He said that was completely fine, and he would reserve a spot for my yearbook dedication. I hung up the phone, smiling, relieved, full of joy, and a sense of mommy accomplishment. 
My daughter, on the other hand, after having been told by her teacher that I had called, had some different feelings
(thanks Mr. A, thought the dedications were supposed to be a surprise)

*I may re-think the kind words I was going to write about her
My Five year old does not have a phone yet. But if she did, these would be our texts:

Ki - Hi Mommy!

Me - Hi Baby Bear, Boogie Butt

Ki - Can you come downstairs and make me a Quesadilla?

Me - Where is your dad?

Ki-  Sitting next to me, we are watching T.V. together. He said to text you so he didn't have to yell........

Me - O.K. well, I would not want to make your daddy get up

Ki - Thank you Mommy! 

Daddy says he wants one too!

Me - :) tell daddy to text mommy. I want to text him some 'special words'. Thank you Baby Bear!

Ki- Daddy just rolled his eyes mommy.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Hubby is playin Mister Mom this week, is it too much to ask for next week as well???

One of my first posts when I started this blog, was about how much time I spend at the Doctors office. I have four children, so Doctors, Dentists, and Orthodontists are pretty much par for the course.Not to mention the occasional visit to the local Urgent Care, Hospital Emergency room, Ear Nose and Throat specialist, Pediatric Surgeon ( my son shot himself dead center in the palm of his hand with his pellet gun when he was 15. Don't ask!!), Eye Doctor, Dermatologist, you get my point. Then there are the numerous appointments for myself. OB/Gyn, Primary Care, Urgent Care. Mammogram and Punch Biopsy on my breast at the young age of 35, because my breast was itchy ALL THE TIME. Turns out that is a symptom of Pagets Disease. Ever heard of it? Neither had I!! Did I wind up having it? No, I just have an itchy Boob!! FUN!!! and so on........... I should show a picture of my calendar, and all of its little squares being filled up with Doctors Appointments!!

But the appointments I dread the most, the ones that cause me to sweat, feel sick,anxious, and suddenly claustrophobic, are the dreaded well baby / well child checks. Because you know what that means don't ya moms? It means 'SHOTS', Immunizations, lying to your child........

"Mommy has to take you to the Doctor today"

"Why Mama?"

"Oh, just a checkup. So the doctor can look in your ear, and stuff"

"is he just gonna look in my ear?"

"yup" - unable to keep eye contact while lying

"I not getting a shot am I mommy,am I?"

"Umm, I don't know honey, but if you do, you need to be brave"- totally lying. I do know!! I know!!

Already crying " No, No mommy"

"Mommy will buy you a toy afterwards"

I dread the appointment from the moment I call and schedule it. I wish that my stupid smart phone (stupid and smart, wow, what a phone) would forget to remind me, but nooooo its sooooo smart, it reminds me twice. Show Off!!

I usually make morning appointments, so that I can get them over with. Walking into the building as if I am a prisoner on a pirate ship walking the plank. Am I a drama queen or what? I'm not even the one getting the shots. My poor kids are. So I walk in, sign the check in form and wait................
Then when the nurse calls our name, the perspiration starts. I gather up my purse, put down the magazines I was keeping myself distracted with, call my child from the little toy section they have provided to keep the kiddos busy, and head down the hallway of doom. My daughters smile is starting to fade, but the thought of getting a Snow White or Sponge Bob sticker at the end, still keeps a glimmer in one eye. The other eye is darting around looking for Doctor Evil (which is the name she will give him, after the shots are administered) Although, really the nurse is the one who gets to do the deed. He gets to slip out before the screaming starts.

When I am in the room, and the nurse says "the Doctor will be here in a minute" I just sit and stare. Usually dodging more "is it gonna hurt mommy?" questions! Dammit, what is taking him so long.  Why is it so hot in here? Could I be pre-menopausal? It's not my appointment, but I'm gonna ask him real quick about pre-menopause? God, it is hot in here!! Yuck, is that dried blood on the ground? Oh, thank god, it's not! "honey, just stay seated. Doctor F will be in here any minute. Yes, I am still going to buy you a toy."  Shit, why did I tell her that. My husband and I just had a 'budget' talk again. I will take her to the Dollar Store, she won't know the difference. Why is it soooo hot in here? God, my stomach hurts, I shouldn't have drank so much coffee. UGGGGGHHHHH,WHAT IS TAKING HIM SO LONG!! I thought I was the first appointment of the day.

I scheduled this appointment on my day off, but I tell you, this feels like work. It takes up half my day. I wake up in the morning thinking about it, talking about it, dreading it.

Well, that is how most of the Doctors appointments go. My husband has to work, I go on my day off, or take the day off since it is much more socially acceptable for a mom to re-schedule her whole work week around Doctors appointments then it is for a dad, but not this week people. My husband basically had the week off. His schedule was a bit slow, so he has been doing the Mr. Mom thing.
I came home from work the other day and this was our conversation

"Hey M, thanks for getting the kids and going to the store" - why I am thanking him for the job I do everyday, I am not sure, but it felt like the right thing to say.Even though I work, I have a flexible schedule,so I work and drive kids around,and make it to the store. 

"I feel like I have been driving aaaaaaaallllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll day" - he says with an exhausted face.

"Ya think?"

"I was just saying"

Suddenly I remember, our five year old has her 5 year checkup on Wednesday. 5 year checkup being a big one, lots of shots probably. I usually work Wednesdays, but Wednesdays are also one of my most easy days. I could totally take my daughter to her appointment at 9, then go to work after. But this Wednesday, I am actually doing the 9-5:30 shift. Covering for our full time girl. 

"Hey M, whats  your schedule lookin like for Wednesday?"

"As of now, nothing. Why?"

"Well, I have to work a full day, but K has her appointment. Could you take her?"

"Uhh, sure. Yeah, of course" - Was there a hint of "me? why me? you are the mom." I don't know, his voice started to trail that way, but quickly recovered. I will never know. "YES, OF COURSE!" he said again in a matter of fact way.

DANCING, SPINNING CIRCLES,SMILING TILL MY FACE HURT!! WOOP WOOP!! HE GETS TO SWEAT,WAIT AN HOUR AND FORTY MINUTES UNTIL OUR DAUGHTERS NAME IS CALLED! ANSWER A GAZILLION 'IS IT GOING TO HURT?' QUESTIONS.  THEN HE GETS TO HOLD HER DOWN WHILE THE NURSE ADMINISTERS THE SHOTS! I hate that part, I always cry, then want to punch the nurse, pick up my child and run screaming 'Mommy will never let them hurt you again baby!!'  THEN TAKE HER TO THE DOLLAR STORE (I will have to tell him about that one) THEN GO HOME, AND TAKE A NAP (It is so draining for me)

"Great. Thanks. It shouldn't be too bad. She might get shots, I'm not too sure!" - o.k. now I am lying to the husband. MIGHT get shots. I'm NOT SURE. It is a five year check up, of course she is getting shots!

------Wednesday Morning----------

Giving my daughter a kiss, wow her head feels a bit warm and she has a runny nose. Shit!!! If she is sick, they will not give her immunizations. - o.k. I am not some torture loving mom,who takes pleasure in my children getting shots. But the Hubby is taking her, remember?? He is getting the shots over with for me. No shots for a long while after this appointment, and HE WAS GETTING THE JOB DONE!! NOT ME!! 

My head is spinning in overdrive.

"Hey honey, what does your schedule look like next week?"

"Well, next week it picks up again. Big job lined up next week. Why?"

"Nevermind. Well, when you go in this morning make sure to ask about her fever. They may not give her immunizations if she has one. They may tell you to bring her back" - crossing my fingers.SHIT!

------Later on that day-------
Phone call from Hubby after appointment

" O.K. well, she needs to see the Ear Nose and Throat specialist again for that lump on her neck. He is  sending for a referral for the eye doctor too. Her left eye is a little off. I figure you can schedule all of those for your days off."

"O.K. Did you go over my list? Did you remember everything I wanted you to ask him?" - yes, I made a list. A very sloppy, hurried list, but I made a list. My husband can remember all the coordinates for where the fish were biting on his fishing trip, but I'm not sure he would remember to ask about the bumps on our daughters arm, if her recent headaches are 'normal', and what could be causing her to say she feels like she is 'going to throw up' after she eats. 

"Yes, I just handed him the list.He said he was 'proud of you' for writing it, by the way." - insert a little smile hear. I am a 'proud whore'. I thrive off of people being proud of me. Family, bosses, sandwich maker at Subway. I want them to be proud of the way I so efficiently answer their questions. "Wheat Bread please. Yes, toasted. Provolone, mayo and mustard. Salt and Pepper yes. Combo please. To go. Thank you"  

"Proud of my list? Cool!"
The 'List'

 Then came the dreaded, awful, gut wrenching news

"Oh, and you have to bring her back Monday at 9. They will give her her shots then."


"I have a job lined up on Monday, so I can't take her, but I scheduled it for Monday since that is your easy day and you work from home that day."


"They had to squeeze her in though, so it might be a little bit of a wait"


"Babe?? Hello! Monday at 9, does that work for you?"


"Yeah, that is fine.Monday at 9. I will be there"

" And then they will call you about the ENT, and the Eye Doctor"

"O.K. Sounds good, well give her a hug and kiss, and I will see you when I get home from work"

Macy's, Here We Come!!
Errr, I mean, Dollar Store here we come! Whoo, that was a slip!!! 

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Do I have to wait for one of my kids to win a Grammy, before they publicly thank me in front of millions??

Everytime I am upset,and feel extremely taken advantage of by one of my children I usually break down in tears,and complain to either:

  1. Husband
  2. Mom
  3. Dad
  4. Friend
  5. Friend
  6. Friend
  7. Aunt 
  8. Ex-Husband (if it is one of his that I am complaining about)
  9. Ex- Mother In Law ( still close to her)
  10. Co-Workers
  11. Bag Boy at grocery store
  12. Jack in the Box Cashier
  13. Teller at the Bank
  14. Person stopped next to me at red light
  15. Homeless, Sign twirler on the corner (Whom I'm sure is also a Tweeker, i.e. meth head)
This list is in no particular order. Because Tweekers are good listeners, or I think he was. I mean he nodded his head ALOT, and said "uhh,huh" "uhh,huhh" "Yeah, I gotcha, I gotcha" "Uh,huh, Uh huh" And his eyes were always really bright, open and alert. Like he really got me, ya know? Like he really was into what I was saying. A very energetic listener,except for the fact that he would lose focus here and there, mumbling something about the cops, but I think he really understood where I was coming from.

But no matter what, No matter who I talk to, they all say the same thing.............. 
and it is this...............
"They aren't going to Thank You now! But they will Thank You ONE DAY"

Oh my goodness gracious! Is that it? Silly ol' me, I get it! I just have to wait for that magical, beautiful,meaningful, sparkly,sunshiny, 'ONE DAY'! 
Then I got to thinking, as I was watching the Peoples Choice Awards, MTV awards, Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards, Grammy,Academy, Meaningless, Peaningless,Stupid,Schmupid Awards.
Almost every single person who gets up on stage, and accepts an award, thanks their MOM!! 

So then I started looking at my children, and had my 'AHA' moment! That is it, not only will I be given the proper thanks that I deserve, but I will be thanked in front of Millions of Television Viewers. I may even be in the audience, because like those sweethearts Matt Damon and Ben Affleck, my child will bring me as his/her date.  Publicly Validated!! Yes, ONE DAY is sounding F*ing Awesome, and I can wipe my tears, stand tall, be patient and wait. Wait for the glory that is rightfully mine. I will purchase a Couture gown, or, wait, maybe vintage.Oh, and I will see Angelina, and ask her how it is going with all of her kids, and then give her a few stories about how mine are treating me, or, no, maybe........ 
WTF? What was that?

That, my friends, was my bubble bursting. My dream popping. My hopes fading. Because as this daydream was settling in, and starting to make me feel uplifted, positive, full of admiration for my future award winners, Reality Set In!

I sit on my bed, and start thinking of the four children and who I have the highest hopes for at the moment

  1. C- 17 year old son (almost 18) - getting ready to graduate with most likely a 'D' average, although he is a freaking genius, just too lazy to apply it. I think he will most likely couch surf after graduation,( I suggested backpacking across Europe, although I am not really sure what that entails,but living out of a backpack and staying in a youth hostel does not sound expensive) and since I got  pregnant young and only backpacked to the hospital to give birth, I will live vicariously through him. Then after seeing a part of the world, he will then come back and apply his 'geniusness' at a junior college, then transfer to a 4 year university (where,again,I will live vicariously through him) After 4 years, he will become a geologist,computer software designer,video game creator,inventor, etc. - o.k., so while I do have high hopes for him. I don't see him on a stage thanking me.Unless he becomes another Bill Gates, creating a little company called Peach,Banana, or Pineapple. Maybe at one of his computer seminars, he could slip in a little "thanks mom" into his motivational speech. Hmmmmm, onto the next child
  2. B-15 year old daughter - Beautiful, smart, sometimes in her own world. Great Big sister to our 5 year old, loves dancing in her room to hip hop music, or singing at the top of her lungs to Florence and the Machine. Doesn't really LOVE school like we wish she would, but she loves her phone,Facebook,and boyfriend, so she tries her hardest in school so as not to have these things taken away. (well, we can't really 'take' her boyfriend away, but I am sure my Hubby would like to ship him away) Not super motivated at memorizing her vocabulary words for her History exam, but by god you put a You Tube video in front of her with someone playing the drums, and she can play those same beats 10 minutes later, just from watching. But right now, her drum set has a layer of dust about 10 inches thick, so that motivation has been lost a tad bit too. I see her doing something semi-artistic, something musically, but at the same time, I am not sure what exactly. The singing voice that drifts out from her room, is, well, ummm, lets just say maybe she could be a songwriter, maybe just not the actual singer. Do songwriters thank their Moms??? Do drummers ever get to talk, or does the lead singer hog all the limelight? I will be in the front row screaming "Let the drummer talk Dammit!!! She needs to thank her Mom!!" 
  3. K- 13 year old- She is a strange mix.An older maturity mixed with a naive little girl mind. Beauty mixed with lack of confidence, over achieving straight A, worrier, mixed with ABSOLUTELY NO DESIRE to go to college.No desire to go to College?? What are you trying so hard for then?? I told her she absolutely must be a Lawyer, since she has been practicing arguing since the age of 2, but nope!! College is not an interest.Hopefully that will change in a few years, but as of right now she wants to have her own CupCake Shop. Thanks Food Network for all of your Cupcake reality shows. I asked her the other day if she would like to drive to a small university that we have about 20 minutes away from our house, "just to check it out, grab some lunch,look at college kids walking around. A mother daughter day" - She looked up from her Facebook, with a blank expression. Absolutely no sound of excitement or curiosity peeped out of her mouth. "Why?" she asked matter of factly. "Umm, it could be fun!!"  then she does pipe up, after realizing where this University is located. "OH, could we stop at Nordstrom Rack on the way there?" ~   I forgot to mention, she is a bit of a shopper.Total brat one minute, asking me to take her to the mall the next. A little fashionista. Maybe she will move to New York and become a personal shopper to the Rich and Famous. Do personal shoppers ever get on t.v.? Do they get awards for shopping the best? If so, maybe I'll get my public thanks then. 
  4. Ki- 5 year old daughter.- Awww- She is a sweetheart and a half!! Honest to god, she is just the frickin coolest kid ever. No Joke!!! None of the older kids ever played any sports, just worked out that way. We live near the beach, so swimming, body surfing, surfing here and there. Soccer once, tennis lessons forced upon one of them, but nothing ever concrete with the older ones. But our five year old, she is just such an easy going, constantly smiling, kind of kid, that she would try whatever we signed her up for. So last year we started with T-Ball. She was the only girl on the team, pink and black cleats and all. She didn't LOVE it, but she didn't complain. She persevered, even got a home run (they all get home runs, it's T-Ball), and at the end of the season we got to gloat, and drench ourselves in parental pride at the Pizza Party Trophy Ceremony. It is now on the shelf right next to my husbands little league trophy, and my 1st place Airband Award ( I killed it with Cyndi Laupers 'Girls Just Want to Have Fun' ) - She  is always smiling, gets along with every single child in her pre-school class, and is always concerned with others feelings. - Do Humanitarians ever accept awards? (preferably on T.V.)  She is only five, so she isn't taking advantage of me yet, doesn't ask me for rides,money,new clothes,or to borrow my makeup. She doesn't know what an eye roll is yet, or how to huff and puff. Right now she thinks it's 'Fun' to put on her mini apron, and 'help' me with the dishes. I am sure in about 8 years that will all change. The older ones will be out of the house, and she will be my lone teenager. But for now, she thanks me everyday- now if I could just get her on a stage somewhere, and ask someone to record it, and then broadcast it Thursday Nights, on NBC, right between the Office and Up All Night! I'd be set!
Well looking at this list, I am not sure who it'll be. But also after writing this list, my brain has had an epiphany (my brain has epiphany's, I don't, just my brain) Maybe I don't have to wait for one of them to be on a stage, accepting an award. Maybe the magical,glorious, 'ONE DAY' will be when they become parents themselves. They will appreciate all that I do for them. All the love I have put their way. I can be accepting of this.

But......... if one of those little suckers does go on to be famous, gets nominated for a Grammy, gets their name called, walks up to that podium, grabs that award, puts their lips to that microphone, and does NOT start off by saying "I would first like to thank my Mom............" There will be hell to pay.HELL!! You will see and hear one crazy mommy rushing that stage, dogpiling her grown child, shoving that microphone in their mouth, and saying "You wanna re-think that speech kiddo? This is my 'ONE DAY' and I'll be damn if you are going to take it away from me!!" 

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” 
― Albert Einstein

My kids are all geniuses, even when they are not. Even when they are Geniuses of being complete and utter 'bleeper-bleepers' 
No matter what they do with their lives, or who they become, I am thankful for them. And I know "One Day" they will tell me that they are thankful for me. 

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Pinterest..... It can be fun (or make you feel like a loser)

So I logged on to Pinterest (or asked to be 'invited', excuse me) a few months ago. I did not get it at first. I thought it was a craft website (I can be a bit crafty when I have the time), but only pictures of pretty models, and interior design came up. Then I dove in a little more, realized I had to 'follow' people, still didn't totally get the point though. Then I figured out how to look stuff up that pertained to me. DIY and Crafts, Kids, etc. There is a TON of great ideas on this site (still don't 100% get it though. I mean am I to 'like' a pin, or am I to 're-pin' it. Making sure to give credit to the original re-pinner??) When I go on it I am more just like a kid in a toy store, ooohhing and ahhhing. Every once in a while, I yell to my husband 
"M, come look at this. I finally know what to do with all of the Wine Corks we have been saving."

"Mmm Hmmm." - he is about as interested as I am in hearing about whatever websites he thinks are cool.

The only thing about Pinterest is this. It makes me feel inadequate as a crafter,sewer, do-it-yourselfer. It makes me feel jealous,upset,and envious that I don't have a craft room in my house, decorated and organized like it jumped out from a Martha Stewart magazine. It makes me feel anxious, looking at all of the pictures and really, truly thinking to myself
'I can make these things. I could TOTALLY do that' but when would I have the time? I feel stressed and excited all at once, I can't handle looking at all these cool pictures, uggghhh!! 
There are a gazillion crafts using the paint chips from home improvement stores. I have already asked my husband to start smuggling some each time he steps foot in one. Pretty soon,they are going to start having security cameras set up in the paint aisles. Looking for any suspicious 'crafty mom' types. 
"Mam, are you taking those samples to go home and match to an actual room, that you are going to actually paint?" 
"You sure?? Or are you going to be constructing a hanging lantern, valentines garland, bookmark, name cards, or homemade gift tags?"  SECURITY we got a crafter, paint aisle!!

Yeah, I will send my husband. He will get away with it, he certainly does not have the look of a crafter.

Since I have no craft room, (hell I don't even have a craft desk, or a craft closet.) I have to use the kitchen table, and a cardboard box that fits everything from broken tile pieces ( I really have been meaning to try out Mosaic Tiling), to pipe cleaners, to Scrapbook supplies (another thing I keep trying to get into,but after one page is done, I go on a two year hiatus). I may do the Valentine Garland. Looks easy and fun.

But.................... The one thing that was easy, because you don't really need tons of supplies, and between myself and my daughters, we are pretty well stocked, was the fading, glittery, colorful, french manicure. I don't need a Martha Stewart craft room to do this. I have everything I need in a basket under my bathroom sink.
Close up pictures of nails are ALL OVER Pinterest. So I chose the one that looked the easiest,and tried it. I love, love, love painting my toes, but my fingernails are another story. I am too impatient to let them dry, they always chip, and I always mess up. But this was easy. You don't have to be perfect in applying the tip, because the glitter goes over it and covers up any imperfections. Easy, Cute, Love it. 
See, when I am not writing about PMS, getting frustrated at my kids or husband, or hoping our cat doesn't get eaten by coyotes, or wondering what my (almost) 18 year old son is going to do with his life, and all of the other annoying things about being a woman/mom/wife, I am sitting on my bedroom floor painting nails with my girls..... until they annoy me. Kidding! My daughters had decided to try out a newspaper look. Where you dip your finger in alcohol (not rum, or vodka. That is for me! RUBBING alcohol for the nails. RUM for mom). Then you press a piece of newspaper onto your nail. Kinda like when we were kids and you would press your silly putty onto the comics, and then the picture would appear on the putty. Then the girls saw how cool my nails turned out, compared to how crappy theirs turned out, and they begged me to "please do ours when you are done" 
I said "sure, just let me finish" with a big,nice mommy grin. Well a few minutes later, I was over it. That is me, I get all gung ho on things, but can be totally done after fifteen minutes, laziness, and exhaustion setting in.
So I stood up, said "sorry guys, I'm gonna pour myself a cider (alcohol), and watch t.v." 
Fun Mom one minute... Tired Mom  the next...
That is how I roll........

Here is the final outcome, I am pretty proud of myself. (must be, since I took pictures, huh?) No pictures of the girls nails, theirs sucked remember! 

"Look Honey,look at my nails!"

"Mmm Hmmm!"
Red polish tips. Silver/Pink glitter
Clear Coat

Gray tips. Silver glitter
Clear Coat