Friday, January 27, 2012

Squeaky Brakes=OMG Mom!Your car is sooo embarrassing

It all started with a very quick, faint, squeaky sound as I was pulling into the parking lot at work. The sound almost went unnoticed, as Adele was serenading me through my speakers. It was like a "Rollin in the Deep" duet, just Adele and I, two extraordinary singers, harmonizing as one. Kidding! Kidding! I couldn't carry a tune if my life depended on it. I tried to sing a love song to my husband in bed one night, and he has never (and I mean NEVER) let me live it down.It is a story that he tells at BBQ's, get together's, and one day, I'm sure,my funeral. I am thankful my kids let me sing to them when they were young.Puff the Magic Dragon and You Are My Sunshine were always requested.
*I should probably have their hearing tested.

Right as I was zipping into my parking space, I turned off my ipod, and heard the most god awful, nails on a chalkboard, wretched sound! I darted my head around wondering whose car was responsible for contaminating my ears. Then it dawned on me, as my car crept about 5 more feet, that the blood curdling sound came from my car.Whaaaat?? When did that start?

So I did what most women would do, I sent my husband a text.

Me: Car making weird noise

Husband: How

Me: Squeeeeaaaakkkk.
Phone Rings
Ring ~ Ring

Me answering my phone: Hey

Husband: Babe you can't text me sounds. Now, What is it doing?

Me: Squeeeaaakkk. Squuueeeeakkk. EEEeeeeeh EEEeeeeehh

Husband: I'll have to look at it when you get home

Me: You mean you can't tell what it is from my sound imitation?

Husband: Silent

Me: I'm kidding

So of course my husband looks at it when I get home. 
So of course he takes it for a test drive.
So of course he says "I don't hear anything.Your car is fine"

Why does that happen? It never makes the sound for a husband or mechanic. I have stood in many a car repair shop making a fool of myself, trying to mimic the clatter coming from my engine, only to have the service technician tell me 
'Sorry Miss, I don't hear a thing.Now what was that sound again?' 

'Varoop,Varoop! Clickaaahh,Clickaaah! Varoop, Varoop! Pssshhhhh! Then it dies!'

'Hmmff, Sorry I'm not laughing Mam, I have something in my throat. O.K. can you do that one more time?'

Somewhere on You Tube, there is a compilation mash-up video of women making numerous car noises. I just know those repair places have video of us, and they are piecing them together, mashing them up to some popular hip hop songs, and turning it into some Mommy Beat Boxing. We probably have a million or more hits, and we don't even know it ladies. 

Fast forward 2 weeks (2 weeks of me imitating the sounds, and 2 weeks of the stubborn sounds not performing during my husbands test drive)
Finally, Finally he borrows my car to take our daughter to do errands, and when they come back, she is the first to greet me in the kitchen. 

B -15 year old daughter: "He heard it!! He totally heard it"

Husband:It's your brake pads. They need to be replaced. 

Me: See I told you! 

So that was a week ago, and he is going to actually fix it tomorrow morning for me. Thanks M!

But, let me tell you what it is like having teenage daughters and a car that makes sounds. 
Really awful, ear splitting, high pitched noises that will not stop,no matter what you do ( well it stops, but only when the car stops, which isn't an option when you are driving) 

I pull out of my driveway this morning to take K my 13 year old daughter to school. I secretly pray to the heavens above to just let me get her dropped off before my mom mobile wants to start screeching at me, and I get maybe a 2 minute reprieve, ..............and then it starts. 

'Squuueeeeeeeeeaaaaakkkk EEEEeeeeeeeeehhhhhh EEEEEEeeeeehhhhh EEEEEeehhhhhhhhh'

.......and then she starts

EEEeeeeehhhhhh OH MY GOD EEEeeeeehhhhhh

Me Laughing: Honey, It's not that embarrassing. It'll stop before we pull up to the drop off.

K trying not to laugh: It's not stopping!!

Me still laughing: It's gonna stop.

K still trying to maintain her teen composure, and not show a smile: It's sooo loud.It's not stopping.

Me, cracking up: Uh Oh, we are almost to the drop off. You want me to drop you off up the hill, and you can walk down?

K: Arrghh, I'm gonna be late, you have to drop me off up front. Make it stop mom!

Me, not laughing, because as we get closer, I too am getting a bit embarrassed: I'll write you a note for being late, let me just drop you off up here at the stop sign. 

K: Mom, now you're embarrassed??? Just pull in the drop off, I'm gonna be late. Why me? 

Me: It stopped!! Yeaahh!

K: O.K. hurry, pull up, let me out!! 

Me: Bye, Love......DOOR SLAMS SHUT....You

As I start to pull out of the drop off, the sound starts up again. Slowly, gaining momentum with each roll forward. Scrreeeeccchhhhhhhh!!! EEEeeeehhh!! Squeeeaaakkkk!!!
I look in my rear view mirror, and sure enough I can see her. She is speed walking away from the curb, as fast as she can.Completely mortified, but at one more glance I notice her turn around and give a little wave and a half smile. Dying of humiliation,in fear of losing a popularity point, but still a glimmer of 'I love you mom' - even though your car is a rolling billboard of ridiculousness! ' I love you mom'  I didn't mean to slam the door so quickly. 'I love you mom' 
I start to get a bit of a lump in my throat that she took the time to turn around, and then I see it. Her B.F.F. step out from behind a little bush, and they hug. 

"O.K. I am a loser! She was waving at Bre, not me!" - Punch in the gut for mom!

I give my dashboard a little love tap, and whisper softly "Come on, let's embarrass the hell out of her"

I pull up in the driveway, get Ki out of her booster seat - 

" I love you mommy" 

"I know you do sweetheart" 

And then, my phone buzzes in my purse-  A text from K

Teenagers, they can surprise you

Thank Goodness it is getting fixed tomorrow.
There are noise pollution laws in our fine city.


  1. Aww, that's so sweet, brought a lump to my throat.

    So many funny parts to this post. Hubby telling you that you can't text sounds. The noises made to describe the sounds of the car. (I can just imagine the mechanics face)And imagining the mash-up of women on youtube.

    Seriously made me laugh out loud. :)

    1. Brakes are officially fixed! I can pull into the drop off circle with the best of em'!!
      Oh, and I have to admit, I searched You Tube- typed in "women making car sounds" No Mash-Ups!! Just "Man making Car sounds" -or- "Mom making her baby laugh with car sounds" So, I'm safe!

    2. Also, a big Thanks for being my first unbribed, unpaid, unblackmailed,non family, non sympathetic bff, Real True Life follower. I think even my husband knows your name. Probably because when I realized I had a follower that wasn't on my family tree, I started yelling downstairs ( I know I hate yelling through the house, know) "I have a follower named Lily. She just 'stumbled' upon my blog."
      And literally what I said after was this---
      "I am going to call my cousin and see if this Lily is one of her friends" (my cousin being very helpful and supportive)

  2. This is so my new favorite blog. And why CAN'T they diagnose car troubles via text? Amateurs.

    1. THANK YOU!!! Means alot. Is it o.k. to admit that with each comment, I yelp out loud, then run downstairs with my laptop, plop next to my hubby on the couch, make him pause his sports program, and then read aloud to him what people write?

      Is that o.k. to admit that?? Or did it just put a really uncool image of me in your head.
      If so, then I'm just kidding! I ignore all comments, and don't care a bit!

  3. Every car I've ever owned has been one that refuses, REFUSES, to make the problem when a man or a mechanic was watching/listening for it. I think someone programs this into cars for women. Some nerdy guy somewhere is laughing his butt off about it.

    1. I think you may be right, and that same nerdy guy has expanded his resume to include "Noise Manufacturer of Miscellaneous Household Items" He has gotten ahold of my icemaker,water pipes in house, and dishwasher. Because they only like making their 'special sounds' for me!!

  4. LOVE IT!!! Same thing has happened to me with the mechanic never hearing the sound, until my warrenty runs out that is. Glad to be a new follower!!!

  5. I have left my car at the dealership, and told them to keep it all day. Drive it on their lunch break, take it for a cruise, visit your family in another town. I don't care, just get it going long enough so that you WILL HEAR what I am talking about!
    -and thanks- ;)

  6. This is so funny. I relate to this. Sounds like my car now. My brakes have been making sounds for months. My husband keeps telling me it's ok. It's not. I'm imbarrased everytime I drive. My neighbors all look at me when I drive by. Time is up Max. You are fixing my brakes! Thanks for the laugh!

    1. I'd like to find one woman who can't relate to this. When I was a teenager I had my dad to rely on to help me fix things on my car. As a married woman, you kinda rely on your husband (not to say if I was single, I wouldn't be taking care of it myself. I'm not that dependent) but hey, it's kinda the mans job. So this is what I do to light a fire under my husbands butt-
      "Well, honey, if you are too busy to work on it, that is fine. I'll just call my dad..." They aren't in a hurry to fix our cars, but you mess with their pride, and it's on!
      Good luck with your brakes, and in the meantime, turn up your tunes in the car. It helps drown out the noise!!


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