Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Moment of Silence, for my world will never be the same after next season

The Office is ending after it's 9th season. I am sad.
The Office makes me happy. REALLY HAPPY! Like Happy Pill mixed with a Margarita kind of Happy!
I have the theme song on my ipod, and when my ipod is set to shuffle it will come one in between Fleetwood Mac and Flo' Rida. Every time it comes on, I can't help but smile.

Whether you watch The Office, or GOD FORBID, have never heard of it. Please take a moment to think of me. For after next season ends, my Thursday nights will never be the same.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

I have a disease, and it is called Doctor appointment Cancelitis!

I am a habitual Doctor's appointment canceller (is that a word? I could only find Chancellor, but I don't think I am in any way a leader of a University)

I hate going to Doctor's appointments, and you can read about that here and here.

I have four children (well, now 3 and one official adult, but hey!)

Not to mention myself. So I feel like a month does not go by where there are not appointments to be made. Waiting rooms to be sat in. Doctors to be listening to. Co-pays to be handed over. Time to be lost from my precious life!!!!!!!!!!!

Between my four kids this is a compiled list of the last year-

Family Practice
2nd, 3rd, and 4th opinion till we found the RIGHT Orthodontist
Another Dentist due to switched insurance
Another Dentist because the new one sucked ASS
Oral Surgeon
Dermatologist- for 5 year old. Yes, Eczema
Dermatologist- for 14 year old. Dents in thumb nail thought to be from Psoriasis (which I have)
Rheumatologist - as Dermatologist was a bit baffled by dents in nail
Urgent care for after hours- Can't even list it all

So anyway, I just cancelled my 15 year olds checkup that she had scheduled yesterday at 7:30 A.M.
When I make these appointments, I have temporary memory loss. I forget that I am NOT A MORNING PERSON!!!!!!! 7:30 in the morning??? WTF was I thinking.

I just got off the phone with the 14 year old's orthodontist. Rescheduled her 10:00 appt. to next week. I woke up this morning, and felt dread and damnation at the thought of sitting in that office reading their same crinkled up People Magazines. Kourtney Kardashian gave birth to Mason 3 years ago!!! We have moved on to Penelope Kardashian now! GET A NEW MAGAZINE!

5 year old has appt. on Friday at the dentist. I just had to bring her in there last week for a dental emergency that wound up being nothing, and then had to shell out 70 bucks for them to look at her, smile and reassure me she was fine, and that was it! UGGHHH!  I think I will reschedule that because after looking at my calendar, I realize her Kindergarten orientation is at the same time.
Which brings me to my next topic. All of the lies I tell when I cancel or reschedule.
See, the Kindergarten orientation is true. But most of the time I lie.

So here is a compiled list of my cancellation excuses LIES!

  • "I got called in for a shift at work -makes me sound like a waitress. My job does not have shifts! I never get called in!" I am going to HELL!
  • "___________ (insert name of child) Started throwing up this morning. So sorry, but there is no way she could sit through a dental cleaning. I will reschedule later. Oh, yes I will tell her you are thinking of her."
  • "OH MY GOSH, my daughter just informed me she has a yearbook meeting at that time. Ugghh, teenagers, always so forgetful. I am so sorry, and believe me, I will lecture her on the importance of letting me know these things beforehand." 
  • "I am so sorry, I am going to have to reschedule. My husband promised me he was going to bring her to the appointment for me, but he just informed me he won't be able to break away from work. MEN!!! I tell ya!!!!!!!!" - and then the receptionist and I bond over the frustrations of men, their lack of helping in the mommy department, blah, blah, blah. Meanwhile my poor husband is busting his ass at work, not even knowing why his ears are ringing.
  • My favorite is trying to call first thing in the morning and getting their voicemail. Then you don't have to hear their disapproving voices. Sometimes I even lie to the answering machine. 
  • O.K.- I am not that bad. Sometimes...........ONLY SOMETIMES, I actually don't blame anybody else. I actually tell a semi-truth. I say "I am so sorry, I just won't be able to make it. It just kinda came up on me, and I realized there is no way I can get in there." A Halo starts forming over my angelic little head. 
Now, I must go. I have an appointment to cancel; for myself on Monday. I realize it conflicts with my teens first day of High School. Should I tell the truth, or say that lightning struck my house, there is now a big gaping hole over my living room, and Monday I have to wait for the roofer to come by??????? Sound like a good one? Believable??

Happy Wednesday everyone! 

Monday, August 13, 2012

Is Bored a bad word? How dare you say it!!!??!!!

I get so frustrated when my kids tell me they are bored!

I just told my husband I was bored!

Am I a hypocrite???

Shhhhhhh! Don't you dare tell my kids!

He thinks that by me saying 'I am bored' it means so many things- I am bored with him, I am bored with my life, I am bored with our family, marriage, or whatever,and I may now run off with a hunk from the Brazilian circus, and never return home again to take care of our children.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Honey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am here to stay, bored or not! Don't read so much into it.

I am just bored!

Like, there is nothing on T.V.
I don't feel like doing a craft!
I know we have laundry to do, but uggggh, that is the last thing I want to do!
I do need to finish my 3rd book of the 50 shades series, but I am a little over the sex stuff (over the sex stuff? Gasp!)
I could go through my makeup basket and get rid of some stuff; Does anyone wear Wet n' Wild liquid blue eyeliner anymore? Can I sell it on eBay as an antique?
I DVR'd 15 movies, but now they all seem lame,and boring!

UGGGGHHHHHH I am somehow a 14 year old teenager, and I am just plain BORED!

I am happy!
I am NOT depressed!

I am just bored!

Kids, I am sorry! Mommy understands, and next time you tell me you are bored, I promise I will not say "well, if you are that bored, go CLEAN YOUR ROOM! It'll give you something to do."

I PROMISE!!!!!!!!

Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a fricking hot needle in my eye. I will never tell you to clean your room when you are bored.


Well, because Mommy is bored and the last thing I feel like doing is cleaning my Mother F'ing room!!!!!!

God, what mother ever thought that was a good suggestion?

Husband's Help


My husband's suggestion?

"Wanna, DO IT? I mean if you are bored and all................wink wink" - gyrating motion!

God, what husband ever thought that was a good suggestion?

"Shucks babe, I have a load of whites to do!"

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Hey Mr. Computer Smarty Pants Boy- You SUCK!

What is it about computer knowledgeable people that make them think they are better than everyone else in the human race?

Our computer software whatever he is guy: "uh, what about this do you not understand?"

Me: "uhhh, everything you just said you big condescending A**!!!"

Computer software, keyboard know it all: " Let me get this straight.You are talking about this blah, blah, blabbity blahhh blah. But I am trying to explain to you this. So what about this do you not understand?"

Me: "Oh, MY GOD! What the fuck are you even babbling on about?" And can I please wipe your condescending smirk off of your skinny little face!!!

Computer Ass Nerd face: "So you really should be able to figure this stuff out yourself, but if you need me to do it for you, I mean I can. But it is actually pretty simple,so I am not sure which part you are not understanding"

Me: "What I don't understand is why you are such a skinny twirp! What I don't understand is why you think you are so high and mighty! What I don't understand is why my boss is paying you to talk to me like this! What I don't understand is why you don't understand that you are such a DOUCHE BAG!"

Software, wanna be cool kid with the patience of a peanut: " So, let me get this straight..........You don't understand why I am a douche bag? Well, do you know that it is not humanly possible for a human to take on the form of an actual douche bag, so there for you must be an idiot to think that I can physically turn myself into a douche bag." 

Me: "I think I am going to tell my husband to beat you up!"


Wednesday, August 1, 2012

I would like to publicly apologize for.............

I have been a bad blogger.
I have been a bad blog reader.
I have been a bad blog comment leaver (yes it makes sense)


Because summer has been BUSY for me.

But I have not been bad at this:

Daughters 14th Birthday 'ROOM MAKEOVER'
I want to live in her room.

I have also not been bad at this:

Jello Shot Cantaloupes!
Healthy yet, 'FUN'

I have also been pretty good at this:
Sittin on the boat, relaxing, reading 50 Shades!

This has kept me pretty busy also:
Teachin my 15 1/2 year old how to drive.
'Keep Both Hands on the WHEEL!'

Havin a little fun too:

Surprised my older girls with a Demi Lovato concert at our local fair.
Then Fried Foods, Picture Booth Photos and Expensive rides afterwards!
Threw a graduation party for my son, and was busy hiding the booze from his friends:
No, I don't normally keep bottles of Tequila in my room, but when my grandpa comes over to me saying "Hey, that tall, loud one over there was sneakin in your booze" - Well, I had to start hiding! and taking keys away.
Summer also makes time for camping:
Hubby had a fishing tournament during our first scheduled camping trip. So it was Mama and the kids!
Girl Power! Started the fire, even had to put a plastic bag over my hand to unclog the sewer in the camper. Ugghhhhh!

An intertube, and the evening ocean!Entertaining for hours.

Daddy and his little buddy! Doing some night fishing in the surf.

Time for some unwinding with a margarita.
Just registered my youngest for Kindergarten. My older girls for their High School Classes. Working, BBQ'ing with family.
My 20th High School Reunion
School Shopping
Checking on 18 year old son to make sure he is making good future choices - "What do you mean  you are going to hold off on taking some classes at the Junior College? Extending your summer a bit? WHAT?O.K. we will discuss this later! Yes,I love you too"
Getting mad at oldest teen daughter for trying to pull a fast one on us. - "Don't try to fool the masters little dear! Your dad and I were teens once too." 
My fourteen year old suddenly having the attitude of a prima donna! - "Who are  you? Where did you come from?"
My five year old wanting mommy to 'play with me.' every single second. - I am not sure how much more Littlest Pet Shop scenarios I can handle. 

I have been busy with just plain ol' family time. And it has felt good! It has been soothing, relaxing, fun! I love my kids! I love my husband, and right now, I am kinda lovin my life in general.

But school is starting soon, back to the old grind. Carpools, busy days, etc.

I will be back to blogging too, but right now, sunshine, beach, kids, husband and margaritas are taking precedence.

Here's to hoping that everyone has been having an AWESOME summer!