Monday, April 30, 2012

He said WHAT? I'm a M.I.L.F.????

O.K. so I wrote about my daughter getting her heart broken by a nimrod. Although I had promised her that through my blogging life, I would never say that anyone broke her heart. So for the reputation of my daughter,she broke his heart, wink wink!!

So, J Man SUCKS!!
J Man is a little Dweeb!
J Man is a Bleeping, bleeper, bleep, Bleep, Bleeping BLeep! !!!!!
WOW!!!! I FEEL BETTER. Apologies for the potty mouth. This mouth just really needed to go potty on the matter.

J Man is someones son, so for that I will stop calling him names. But he broke her heart in between classes. Couldn't even wait until lunch. Really??!!??

And as her heart was breaking, the wall was starting to crumble.

The wall of secrets.

The little things she kept inside while she was dating him, 
but now she will admit.

He had a bit of a jealousy issue.
I already called that one, and was keeping my eye on it

He blamed us (my husband and I) for a lot of stuff.
a.k.a  - .
we are the ultimate Cock Blockers. Sorry buddy..... 3 daughters.......
You bet your ass we are blocking!

Sometimes his breath smelled.
Well, ummm, can't help you on that one. Buy your next boyfriend some gum!?

She was embarrassed by some of his outfits.
Unless you are dating a fashionable gay man,(which is a secret strange dream of mine) welcome to the male species. We spend our life embarrassed by some of their outfit choices, and trying to turn them into our very own paper dolls.
'Are you really going to wear shorts out to dinner?'

But the number one secret......

The topper.......

The ice cream on the cake.....

The cherry on the sundae.....

"He said you were a M.I.L.F."

He WHAT!!???

"He said it a few times"

A M.I.L.F.??!!


Ummm, o.k.

"I said to him 'what if I said that about your dad'? So he stopped saying it....... Kinda"

I mean I know your brothers friends have said it to him before....... But I didn't think you girls had to hear it! I mean boys are always egging each other. But your boyfriend? Ewww!

Then I tried to think back to the times I was around J man. Were my pants to tight, was my cleavage showing? Did I open the door accidentally in my bra and underwear?? - the answer is 'NO' , I was just going down the list of possibilities.

Most of the time when I was around him, I was in sweatpants, slippers, jeans, whatever.
Most of the time I was picking them up from a movie at 10:00 p.m. I did not step foot out of the car.

Do I exude M.I.L.Fness from my eyeballs while looking into the rear view mirror asking him if I turn right or left to get into his neighborhood?

Did I exude M.I.L.Fness while standing on the front porch of his house, speaking to his parents to make sure they were going to be home the whole time that the kids were going to be 'studying'?

Did I exude M.I.L.Fness while my husband and I sat on the couch with Jman and my daughter, lecturing them on taking things slow, having respect for our daughter, and the rules of dating our daughter. Was I just super MILFy then??

Should I change my last name to Robinson?

Jman is gone!

Her heart has healed!

I am a M.I.L.F.!


* is it o.k. if there was a teeny, tiny, eensy, weensy, itty, bitty, super duper minuscule, ultra microscopic part of me that was a wee bit flattered?

NO? That is not o.k.?             

O.K. I take it back! 



Down right disrespectful!


Good Riddance J Man!

* Originally the 'Bleeping Bleeps' were actual BAD words! But I had thought about it, and I have a son. I don't want any mom of a daughter calling him those names. 
Did I like Jman? NO
Did I approve of some of his actions? NO
Was he probably just being a typical teenage boy? Well, I guess.
So I turned the bad words into bleeps. Not because I don't cuss. But because I did not feel good cussing out a 16 year old boy. 
Now, if a boy ever lays a hand on my daughter, or is verbally abusive. 
IT IS ON!!!!!! 
No Censoring my feelings on that one!

Wednesday, April 25, 2012


I am supposed to be getting ready for work

I dropped my daughter off at pre school and came back home

I am enjoying my empty quiet house

I am supposed to be heading into work

I don't want to go to work today

I want to bask in the glory of my quiet empty house

I want to play on my laptop,watch my DVR'd shows,read magazines,paint my nails, take a nap,play on laptop more,read a book, read some blogs, sit in my bed, eat Lays potato chips, have a bowl of ice cream for lunch, enjoy this dreary weather in my QUIET EMPTY HOUSE!

Did I mention I am in denial of having a job? Sometimes I do that. I have worked there for 11 years, I kinda make my own hours, as long as I don't take advantage. I want to take advantage today!
I should be getting into my car right now and heading in, but my butt won't move from my bed. 

This is a random post! I just felt like typing something before I headed into work.
The work I don't want to head into.
Not because I hate it there.
Quite the opposite.
In fact I work with one of my Best Friends, and I actually enjoy my job!

But sometimes motivation steps away, and the need for a 'LAZY ASS ME TIME' day comes a knockin on my door!


Why did I title it I Love Margaritas?

Well, cuz I do

And that is what will keep me going today.
That will be my light at the end of the tunnel.
That is what I will focus on (well, I mean I will focus on work, but.. well.. you know) 
I will think of the well deserved Margarita that I will get to enjoy at the end of my workday.
I get off at 3 today, but it'll be 5 o'clock somewhere

I really don't want to go to work today

I really do love Margaritas

No matter what you are doing today,
Have a good one!

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Don't ever say I'm not a fun mom! Would an un-fun mom do this?

The weather here in San Diego county is beautiful. Even in the winter, we are lucky. I'm not going to lie!

But we do get rain.
We have thunder.
We experience lightning.

When your daughter is on Spring Break, and has plans to go to the beach, but then those plans are thwarted by rain,
==Lots and LOTS of rain==
well what do you do? 

You give your daughter and her friend some ideas for a rainy day.

  • Rent a movie
  • Give each other makeovers
  • Throw some rain ponchos on, and run up and down the street
  • Bake something
  • Uhhh, rent a movie
I get no response

I see blank stares

It is as if I have said "do some homework"

Oh well, I tried! I'm going to snuggle in my bed, while watching General Hospital and reading a book simultaneously. I love rainy days, especially on my days off.

Then I hear it........

The sound of a plan....

The sound of masterminding......

The sound of Imagination, driven by extreme boredom.....

I come out of my room to find this

Cover the stairs with blankets
Line the walls with pillows
Take the cushions off of the couch to pad the tile at the bottom
Grab a hamper

What in the heck are you doing?
That is dangerous?

"Moooommm!!! It's Fun!!!OH MY GOD MOM, You should try it!"

No Way!
No How!

Did I say 'No Way!No How!' ?
Was that me?

that was un-fun mom
I am FUN mom!!

When you can't beat 'em
Join 'em

Oh, and after they got bored with their stair sliding idea,
they took one of mine


True Quotes

"Ummm, OMG, These ponchos don't match"
"This poncho hood is messing up my hair"
"Wait, let me look in the mirror first"
"Are we really gonna run around the neighborhood?What if we see someone we know?"
"Your poncho is cuter than mine"

*Sometimes it is fun to act like a kid.
Sometimes it is rewarding to be fun mom.
Sometimes I don't wanna beat 'em.
Sometimes I wanna join 'em.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Me is really smart! Ain't I? Just ask my BFF!

I am pretty lucky in the job department. I have worked for the same company for 11 years, and honestly other than wishing that I was rich and didn't have to work at all, this is the next best thing. (well, maybe the next, to next, to the next best thing. But still a great place to work!)

But one of my ABSOLUTE favorite reasons for loving my place of employment is that I actually get to work next to one of my best friends in the entire world. 

I met her when I started working there, and after we got over the hump of getting to know one another, we realized we were soulmates. 

In many ways we are different:

She doesn't take crap from anybody                    
I, on the other hand, take your crap, hold onto it for you, and tell you your crap smells like roses all the while smiling.I will nurture it, hug it, and keep it safe for you!

She does not get nervous in professional office situations. In fact she is calm and cool, and intelligence oozes out of her.
I on the other hand develop a horrible case of the nerves anytime we have important meetings with anyone other than our normal work crew! If my Immodium A-D doesn't take affect quick enough, the only thing that oozes out of me is diarrhea! 

On the other hand,she does get nervous in certain social situations. BBQ's, Parties, etc.
Social situations..........Pssshhhh, a breeze! Gimme a microphone, I'll even tell you some jokes!

When she gets drunk, you really can't tell.Other than a glassy eyed look, and a slight head roll and finger snapping attitude that decides to come out, she is never falling down drunk.
When I am drunk, you really CAN tell! I will just leave it at that......You really, REALLY can tell! 
REALLY, REALLY can tell!!!!! 

She has curly hair
I have straight hair 
(figured I'd throw that in there)

In alot of ways we are the same:

She can spot a bargain from 10 miles away. 
I can spot a bargain from 9.9 miles away.
(hey, close enough)

She has a buttload of kids
I have a buttload of kids

She grew up in our town
I grew up in our town
(I am a few years older than her, we went to competing high schools, but did not actually know one another when we were young)

She has stomach issues
I have stomach issues
(this alone made us soulmates.When you go to a Quickbooks class with a new co-worker, then ask for the bathroom key, and don't come back until 2 hours later. ...... well there is no room for embarrassment. You just gotta put it out there! "O.K. I get diarrhea ...... I mean ALOT"  When you hear back an "Oh my god, I have stomach issues too!" Well a friendship is formed for life!!)


She will tell a story, and I will know exactly where she is going with it
I will tell a story and she will know exactly where I am going with it
(in fact, we will keep a story going, embellishing it, making it more humorous and adding to one another's 'stories' to keep it all going)

I love to text her. Sometimes it is easier than a phone call. Stories, sentences, one liners, jokes, or just a stupid emoticon (like the piece of poop emoticon on the iphone. Immature? Yes. Funny? Yes)
She loves to text me. She understands it is easier than a phone call. 
(Sometimes we text each other until one of our husbands has to put the brakes on it, accusing us of sitting on our butts, laughing out loud to our phones, and forgetting we have dinner on the stove)
'Ooops, sorry honey! Just texting D.'
'Why don't you just call her. Or better yet, go down to her house, she just lives down the street?'
'Because I wanted to hang out with you tonight Babe! But hold on, let me text her back one more thing' "LOL       LOL         LOL      OMG           LOL       Husband getting cranky! I'll see you tomorrow at work! Bleh, can he be any moodier! Whahhh, Whahhh!! I burned the biscuits! 
Call a WAA-MBULANCE! LOL!! LOL!! Gotta go!"
'What are you laughing at over there?'
'Nothing honey! O.K. I turned my phone off. Now where were we pookie........'

Our differences are very different.

But our similarities are extremely similar.

So it was no surprise today when we were both at our desks

Checking our emails

Getting updated on our tasks for the day

Going over contracts, websites, paperwork

Filtering out stuff in our inbox


to it's fullest potential.

We both believe that being smart is important.
How do we do this you ask?

Read books?

Study current events?

Attend classes at our local college?

No, we eat smart!

As I was chomping down on this
Smart Popcorn! I can feel the intelligence growing inside me.I won't be able to contain it!

She was guzzling this down
The bottle is almost empty. Somebody, QUICK,!Call 9-1-1, her brain is about to explode with Smarts!!!

Oh, and one more thing that we have in common.....
the way we think

As soon as it was pointed out that we were both consuming brainiac snacks, what did we do?

We both grabbed our phones out of our purses and took a picture......

all the while laughing, because we had realized we both grabbed our phones.

So now we were laughing at the Smart Food
We were laughing at our phones
We were laughing because we were laughing
And then
We laughed some more!


Saturday, April 14, 2012

A Broken Hand is NO GOOD FOR A BLOGGER!!

You cannot type with a broken hand!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean, I can only imagine how hard it would be to type with a broken hand..............

I mean.......

Oh, do you think I am talking about myself? Do you think that is where I have been?

Sorry to mislead you.
I didn't break my hand!
I was just saying, wondering
Thinking out loud!
Got your attention though!
Where have I been?

No good excuses, really..... I wish I had some terrific, funny, outrageous story. But, sadly, I don't.

Here is a quick re-cap of my last few weeks, in pictures!

I will be back with a vengeance! I have so many blogs in my head, that the fire department is getting ready to be called due to my brain reaching it's maximum occupancy limit. There is an unsafe number of words piling into this little head! It is against the city ordinance! Some of these thoughts are going to have to leave, or there could be a riot! No one wants a riot coming out of this mind! Believe me!

First of all WORK. VERY BUSY right now.

No, I don't work for a chicken tender/corn dog taste testing company. Geez!
I just really wanted junk this day!
That little dish with the fork sticking out? Those are green beans to go with my corn dog and chicken tenders.
See? Healthy, Right?

Second of all......Family Stuff! Broken hearted daughter, Easter, just stuff!

When your daughter comes home with a broken heart because some little nimrod stomped on it, well you make her homemade Frappuccino's, and Ruffles chips for dinner.
And you just listen
And you share your heartbreaks
And then you get a bad stomachache, because Ruffles and Frappuccino's don't agree with you.
Then you listen, hug, and listen some more.

Our counter top on Easter! No joke, this was exactly sitting like this when I walked through. Had to take a picture.
It's like the circle of life, but in drink form.
All that was missing was an Ensure at the end!

Third of all.......... More life stuff. 

A.K.A. Spring Cleaning!

This hamper?
It was full and overflowing.
The laundry fairy was taking a break.
Well, she came and visited.

No matter what...
Even if my life depended on it....
I can never keep a clean purse!
But I did clean it one day, because my daughters begged me to.
They are sick of standing in stores with me while I dig through it for something.

Lastly...........Just spending time with my family. Fun stuff, boring stuff, but still time with them.

'Caviar Nails'
My daughter got the idea off of Pinterest.
I have been doing this to both daughters non stop, as the beads only seem to last a day,
then they want me to do it again.

Easter Present from my son.He has been disappointing me a bit lately in the  'responsible young man' department, but when he walked in on Easter morning with this...
Let's just say 'TEARS'
The original old school Game Boy with Tetris.He knows I have been wanting one, just like the one I had in High School
Just like the one I played during my whole entire pregnancy with him.
They are either hard to come by, too expensive, or broken
He found a working one, with games, at a thrift store. Used his own money, and thought of me.
I had to hold off on the responsibility, 'what are you gonna do after you graduate' lecture for the weekend!

Ahhhhh, Yes!!!
 Our new passion!
Our new addiction!
It was supposed to be for our five year old daughter who starts singing lessons on Monday.
My family bought it for her.
She has been able to use it twice!
Because hubby and I need to brush up on our rendition of
Lita Ford and Ozzy Osbourne
"If I close my eyes forever
Will it all remain unchanged....."
This picture was taken the SECOND I walked in from work. Hubby had been practicing, and told me to put my bag down, and get over there.
He had thought of our perfect duet.............
"Uhhhh, Can I go pee first?"
"NOPE! Get over here and sing with me!"
"What song?"
"Close my eyes forever"
"OHHHH, I always loved that song. Peeing can wait!"

And the rest is Karaoke History........
We are already planning our Summertime Karaoke Bash!

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Suzy the Meth Head gets a second chance at life. Thanks to my lack of blogging time.

I basically closed my eyes, scrolled down some old posts, and chose one to re-post.

I have been SUPER busy the past few weeks. Work, kids, husband, family. Birthday parties, and BBQ's on the weekends. Kid stuff on the weeknights.
A 5 year old who told me I wasn't coloring with her enough anymore. Ugghh, can my heart break anymore?
A 13 year old who just wants to talk at night.
A 15 year old who is mending a broken heart.
An 18 year old consuming my mind, because he is not making the wisest choices in his Senior Year. 2 1/2 more months to go kid, come the hell on!!
A husband who wants some 'alone time' with his wife.

Anyway, I just chose a random old post (from when my blog was still set to private, and I was just writing for myself) I wrote this on 8/3/2011.

I have a couple new posts in the works. And I will put some time aside for myself this weekend while my husband is in his fishing tournament. Crossin  my fingers he wins. Extra money around tax time is a bonus!


Suzy- Is she a meth head or a homemaker? Fact or Fiction?

So I was going to start blogging everyday! Hmmmm, what happened? LIFE happened. Oh, and also the fact that I am a lazy, procrastinator. (Slightly kidding)

I want to become a writer. I dream of it. I read books all the time, and as I'm reading, as I get sucked into the characters lives, and can think of nothing else but what is going to happen at the next page turn, somehow, my brain also thinks deeper. Deeper into how the author thought of these characters. Did the author have to research cancer, because in her book one of the main characters is dying from it? Did the author actually travel to the town of 'Beachport' to locate every convenience store, diner, used car lot, and hair salon, so that her scenic descriptions were true and correct? Or does the author just take people, places, personalities, situations, towns, and lives from her very own life and somehow twist, mold and shape it into 'fictional' characters?
I love to write- but I am having a hard time writing fiction. Because every person I start to write about turns into me. Or some element of me. Sometimes funnier than me, more outlandish than me. Stronger than me,a bad girl version of me. She may even be a meth head prostitute,( the complete opposite of me, I promise) but somehow if "Suzy" the meth head decides she is hungry, and I write about her stopping off at a McDonalds to buy a Quarter Pounder with Cheese and  a large Dr. Pepper,but McDonalds won't take her coupon because it expired in 2010, and we are now in 2011, but how was poor Suzy to know. I mean her purse is a mess, with all of the receipts, gum wrappers, post it notes, grocery lists, and just plain junk, so she begs the guy at the drive thru to take it, because she only has three dollars, her ATM card is MIA, and her daughter is in the car seat crying. Not to mention she is late to pick up her other kids from school (and if she is late to get them, even by 30 seconds, the texts start coming, and they come FULL FORCE. "Mooommm, are you coming? Where are you? OMG!! ") And Suzy is just so hungry, and all she wanted was to treat herself to a Quarter Pounder, sit in her car, scarf it down, then go home and start doing laundry and helping with homework. Well folks,I've just incorporated myself into Meth Head Suzy.I love, love, love Quarter Pounders, I have definitely dealt with the embarrassment of handing over an expired coupon to a clerk, just because I was trying to rid my purse of the heap of trash, consuming its every pocket, one mangled coupon at a time.About my purse, Oh good lord, you should see my purse. I just won a game at a baby shower where you had to go down a checklist of miscellaneous items, and you got so many points if you could prove you had all of these items in your purse. Not only did I win, but I actually won the bonus points for the "extreme item" I mean who does not have their daughters baby teeth in a ziploc bag at the bottom of their Louis Vuitton? I was on my way to run upstairs and hide them, but my daughter came out of her room, so I panicked and stuffed them in my purse. Just having a busy week, not enough time in the day to take them out and put them away.
Wow, I have really gone off subject. The point is, I even found a way of turning Suzy Meth Head into Suzy Homemaker. So it starts off one way, but all in all, it's me!! I have a busy life, and it makes for some GREAT stories. So I am starting to second guess my life choice of wanting to be a writer.
Stand Up Comedian specializing in the tales of my life! THAT'S IT!! That may be my new venture. Now to just get over this increasing daily anxiety that is starting to plague my every move. I would definitely have to be drugged up with some perfectly legal prescription pills before I could get my butt up on a stage.
Oooooh. Kkkkk. So maybe stand up won't be my thing. Back to writing.......let the creative juices start flowin! Wish me luck ;)   Oh, one more thing, I do not,nor have I ever owned a Louis Vuitton. Suzy the Meth head might have gotten one as a present from her pimp, but I don't have one. This Mama's way, way to thrifty for that.