Friday, January 27, 2012

I just TYPE and hit Publish. What is all the other crap?

I created a blog a year ago.
I thought it could be a way for me to release some of my thoughts.
A way to just write,write,write. I can't even send a short text. Short email (even for business)?Forget about it, it's not possible for me. I write like I talk, and I love to talk in detail. I move my hands around ALOT when I talk. I always have to 'show' what I am talking about. The checker at the grocery store asked me if I was Italian, because of all my hand gestures as I was explaining to him that I forgot my re-usable bags, but I will have plastic, but don't worry we use the plastic for other things, so it is kinda like recycling anyway, blah, blah,blah. No I am not Italian, but I guess Italians use alot of hand gestures. I do make people offers they can't refuse, so hmmmm...... Maybe the guy at the grocery store knows something I don't.I am OBSESSED with Housewives of New Jersey
(although I am obsessed with all reality t.v.)

Anyway, for the first 11 months of having a blog it was set to private. I just wrote for myself, but pretending I had followers. I investigated all the privacy stuff, read other peoples opinions, tried to understand all of the settings, changed the background and look of my blog about a million times.
Finally deciding on a picture of our plumeria tree in our backyard. My daughter took the picture with her cell phone camera. She is an aspiring photographer ( not really ) but she takes a TON of pictures with her phone, and they are actually good. Like REALLY, REALLY good.Her phone takes better quality pictures than my expensive, digital, million megapixel,foo foo camera. As long as she sticks to Plumerias, Sunsets, and the occasional self portrait in her mirror for her Facebook profile, I am good. If that Camera Phone even goes one step in the direction of  "Sexting" I will lock her up, and throw away the key. Oh, and take that phone away faster than she can say "Buuut Moooom!!"

So I go to Create Post
I type, I laugh (yes I laugh at my own stories. I was also my first follower. Self love is important, that is what my spiritual self help books say. I love buying self help books because they always seem so, well they have nice covers, and I always mean to get around to reading them.....but ... anyway)
I do click on the spell check button. (then I see way more yellow highlighted words than I thought I was going to see. Me sometimes making up my owns words and all) 
I then ignore the spell check.
I hit Publish
Waa Laa!! 
New Post Created 

Before I admit to the stuff I am not quite hip to, let me take a moment to go over the stuff I do understand about computers. So you won't think I am a total idiot. ( I was an exchange student, remember? So, I mean, I am kinda smart)
I work in an office first of all. I have worked there for 11 years.  When I started I had absolutely no computer knowledge,but I was needed only as an assistant to my boss, and she wasn't even sure what she needed me for. She liked me and hired me. (I do have a certain charm) In fact, my first day she looked at me and said "hmmm, what should I have you do?" She then sent me to the grocery store to buy soda and snacks for the company refrigerator. Then she read my resume, and for hobbies I had put down that I re-finish and paint furniture. So she brought in an old coffee table and had me re-finish it for her.

Eventually, they bought me my own computer for my desk. I stopped painting and grocery shopping, and was sent to a Quickbooks class. (unfortunately I spent half the day in the bathroom with stomach issues. So thank god they had sent me there with another employee, who is now one of my best friends) She is uber smart, so basically she trained me. I did payroll for about 5 years. I use Microsoft Word for typing documents. I can make my way around Excel, a tad bit, but never have a need for it.I can navigate my way around a computer in a way that can make me seem like a computer whiz (well, a whiz compared to someone who hasn't touched a computer since the days of the green apple screen, playing Oregon Trail)
But here is what I don't quite have figured out about Blogger:

  • HTML - Huh? I just type and publish remember
  • Insert Jump Break - I played around with it one day, kinda get it, mostly don't
  • To the right, On Post Settings, Then Options- Backlinks? Allow or Don't Allow? Huh???? 
  • Compose Mode- Show HTML literally? or Interpret typed HTML?? WTF??
  • Line Breaks - Use <br> tag-or- Press "Enter" for line breaks    - I just want to write and people to read
  • At the bottom of your blog where it says 'Links to this blog'?? Nope, don't get it. Won't click on it. 
  • Labels- Clicked on that, o.k. Got it!! 
  • Probably tons of other crap
  • How do some people have that extra menu bar under their title? Like About Me, FAQ's, Blah, Blah. I looked into this and,WOW,the directions freaked me out.Here was one of the helpful answers to my question:
In fact, here is how Blogger does it. They place an invisible outer shell of the Blogger navbar as a static-positioned HTML element (the default) with height 30px right after the <body> tag so that it pushed the rest of the blog down 30 pixels, and then they make the inner shell of the Blogger navbar have absolute positioning which pops it out of its parent element's constraints so it can expand across the entire page. Example:

#myNavbar {
  height: 30px;
  padding: 0px;
  margin: 0px;
#myNavbar div {
  position: absolute;
  left: 0px;
  padding: 0px;
  margin: 0px;
  width: 100%;
  z-index: 10;
<div id='myNavbar'>
  <div>Your Navbar Goes Here</div>

OH, that TOTALLY helped me. Now I get it! 
Static Position?
Parent Element?
Inner Shell?
Outer Shell?
Anyway guys (gals). Until I have all of this crap figured out, which may never happen, I will just type,and publish! Hope you are all o.k. with that. 
Oh, and if any of you are thinking, 'Wow she is a complete, frickin idiot' - Well, keep that to yourself. It'll just make me feel bad,and then I will have to dust off one of my self help books. 


  1. OK, just a couple of things:
    1. What are these offers that you make that people can't refuse? And does your husband know about this?

    2. Is the digital, million megapixel foo foo,(this made me laugh) available at all good stockist?

    J.R. I know even less than you about computers. Setting up my first one I asked my brother, "so when I want to turn it on, do I press the on button?"

    The codes just make me feel as though I have dyslexia. But if you work out how to get the extra menu, then can you explain it to me...just remember to explain it like you're talking to a simpleton though.

    1. 1.) Oh I don't have to offer much, simple offers like "I am offering you dinner. Would you like some?" -or- "I am offering to bring you a towel, since you forgot to grab your own before getting in the shower" - or- "I am offering you a ride to your friends house, in return for some laundry folding" - And by golly, they never seem to refuse being fed, babied,or given rides.Sometimes I wish they would refuse.
      2.) Million Megapixels, shoot, I think I got the only one. Sorry!

      3.) Figuring out the codes..... Well, I am quite stubborn when I want to be, so on a boring day, in between being a Lazy Ass and a completely crazy, insanely busy mom, I may make it my personal goal to figure it out. Then I will let you know. And I'm glad I'm not alone.


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