Saturday, September 29, 2012

Happy Saturday

Happy WEEKEND! I tried to make my first Mojito. Yay for me! Now we are off to Harbor Days to hang on the boat. Nothin funny to say today, but stay tuned I have a busy week ahead.

Monday, September 17, 2012

I am eating AIR and totally losing weight! Try it!

There is really not much to write for this post except for 

Disgusting! I made some for myself. I even bought Honey Mustard.
Look at this chicken nugget!
It is filled with AIR, and what looks to be the insides of what I would imagine a dried out road kills stomach lining to look like.
My kids are always begging me for Chicken Dinos.
I always say 
Then I saw a bag of nuggets on sale,(not Dinos, just Nuggets)buy one bag get one free! 
The bag failed to mention that they were the new 
Meatless, Air-Filled Nuggets. 

Guess I should've bought the Dinos.........Atleast those things have some crap meat in the middle.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Gettin jumped by my husband............NOoooo silly!! Not in that way!

What is more embarrassing than having your car NOT start after dropping your daughter off at Kindergarten???????????

Having your car NOT start, only to make obnoxious clicking / grinding sounds right in front of the PTO program sign up table!!!! Then you have to wait 30 minutes for your husband (god love him) who has to leave work as a General Contractor (a.k.a. sometimes dirty clothed construction worker) and come jump your uncooperative car!

Nothin like a bunch of PTO moms staring at you like "who is the loser with the NON starting car?"

*Disclaimer.Nothin but love for PTO moms! I have been a PTO mom with my older kids, and now that I have one back in elementary I will probably somehow get sucked in again. Nothin against them, but definitely not one of them yet. They are a new breed. I have not been at that school in a while. I had one of them ask me in a 'I am the PTO President' Kind of tone "Oh, are you a newww mom here?"

What I wished I could say if my alter ego, Drunk J.R. was talking, "Bitch, Please!!!! Are you F*ing kidding me? Am I NEW here??!!!! I have lived in this neighborhood since I was 4. I F*ing went to school here, my husband went to school here. My 18 year old, 15 year old, and 14 year old went to school here.I used to help with the Spirit Wear, and was co- leader on the Auction Dinner Committee. It's been a few years, but now I am a Kindergarten mom once again, so you'd better hang onto your PTO PRESIDENT Title, cuz I'm a comin for it!!!!!!!!!!!!" - joke! I soooo don't want that title. But Drunk J.R. would try to take it just for fun.Drunk J.R. doesn't show up drunk to school,so I won't have to worry about her signing me up for committees, groups and such. Thank God! 

What I actually said, since Drunk J.R. only exists about twice a month, and the real J.R. is a people pleasing, sweet as pie, kind of gal- "Oh, no, I'm not technically new. It's been a few years, but now I have a Kindergartener again. Thank you for asking though. Oh, by the way, my name is J.R., what is yours? Perfect Patty? Oh, nice to meet you Perfect Patty! Well, golly gee, see you around"

Drunk J.R. tries to overtake my blog sometimes, but those usually get erased by morning time. If you are an insomniac, (or different time zone) you may get lucky about once a month.

Want to know what is more embarrassing than your car NOT starting in front of Perfect Patty,Bake Sale Betty, and Super Suzy? 

Calling your boss to say you would be late because  - "I am waiting for my husband to come jump me"

Made it home after he charged the battery, only to have it die right before pulling into driveway. 
Good Bye Fallen Car Part! You were a brave soul!

Good Day Folks! Car is fixed, and now I can go into work..........late........because............................ my husband did the dirty deed!!! Nooooooo, not that dirty deed, good lord! Got his hands dirty with grease, oil and stuff! New Alternator Installed!

And $167.00 dollars, and 2 hours later. Hello Mr. Alternator. Welcome to your new family. Don't let me down, and if you do.... Please not in front of anybody!

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

I am worried about my pal Kim Kardashian

Poor Kimberly.

Did you see the episode where Kanye comes in and has his stylist 'makeover' Kim's wardrobe? Calling some of her items ghetto.

She is left with a bare closet. So basically she has gone from one mistake to another. A guy who wants to change her. Only she says she is doing it because she is evolving, and changing herself.

Uhhhhhhhhh, Kim, that is not what it looked like from my point of view - my point of view being from my cozy bed with a nightcap, and a grumbling husband who complains about my choice in television viewing. Sorry Honey, but I am a sucker for reality. Any reality, even if it is semi scripted and fake. How do those Kardashian girls get their hair so shiny?

So it had me thinking. In a way we all change a bit when we start dating someone. Maybe we don't throw the entire contents of our closet away, but we all do something. Even if we don't notice that we are doing it.

When I first started dating my husband, I overheard him say something about how some girls look cute wearing jean overalls with tank tops. (Maybe he had some farm girl fantasy, I don't know) So what did I do? Ohhhhh, I just happened to dig out my Old Navy jean overalls, a little white tank top and just happened to wear them on one of our desert dirt bike trips. I HATED THOSE OVERALLS!!!!!! But I sure rocked the hell out of them that weekend. I also pretended to like the Lakers, even choosing my favorite player. I acted like I knew who the Dead Kennedys were (a Punk band, I don't like punk at all)
Eventually the overalls stopped seeing the light of day, I started complaining when he played his music too loud, and now I go upstairs and read while he sits downstairs alone watching The Lakers.

My daughter is on boyfriend #3 right now. I have watched (or should I say listened) to her style in music change with each boy.
Boy #1 had diamond earrings, and even though he was as white as can be, had a bit of a hip hop tone to his voice.So of course, what was blaring from her stereo for 7 months? You guessed it.......Hip Hop and Rap!
Boy #2 different boy, different music. He didn't last long, so his style of music has already been forgotten.
Boy #3- We love boy 3. He is part of the family. They have known each other for a long time. They have always been friends, but then it grew. He is respectful, kind, and helped me bring in groceries from Costco the other day. He is a keeper. But I have now watched her change again. Not major changes, just minor enough for a mom who was once a teenage girl herself, to notice. Hipster,mellow music now plays from her ipod.When asked how she discovered this band, she says "oh, I have loved them for a while"- Well, that is not what I heard when I was eavesdropping on you and your sisters conversation. A conversation that went a little something like this.

B- 'I love the Lumineers'

K- 'Me too'

B- 'I am so glad boy #3 showed me who they were.'

K- 'Me too! Hey, put on that other song he played for you.'

B-' Oh yeah, they are my new favorite band too. Just so peaceful, ya know?'

K-'Yeah, I know'

B-'What are you wearing to school tomorrow?'

K-'I don't know, you?'

B-' I don't know, boy #3 likes those brown boots I wore the other day, so probably those'

I got to go, I just realized what time it is and I was going to try to paint my nails before work. I overheard my hubby saying he likes red nail polish on women, so..................................

Be yourself
Be Happy

But sometimes it is o.k. to be a tiny bit of the person your mate wants you to be. We all know us women are experts at trying to change our men;short of cutting their balls off.
I guess I can dust off some overalls, wear some red nail polish, and listen to one punk song, while watching sports. ;)

'THE' Overalls

But don't ever, EVER ask me to give away my wardrobe. That is where I would draw the line, for myself and my daughters.

**So it is o.k. if my daughter changes her tunes, and sports her brown boots. But if I start seeing her 'true inner spirit' start to change. We will have problems. On a positive note, boy #3 is awesome, and in all seriousness he has always liked her just for being her. I could spot his crush from twenty miles away, even when she didn't even realize it was going on. I don't think he wants to change anything about her, and that is fine with me. Although I could stand for him to tell her she needs to keep up on the dishes and cat box. Hey, help a mama out boy!

Happy Tuesday!

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Does this frazzled, stressed out look make me look fat?

I am frazzled!

But not like frazzled beyond belief.....
Not frazzled, like 10 kids, 4 quintuplets, lost job, no income, living on the streets, kind of frazzled.

Just normal frazzled.

If I did have quintuplets, I guess I would feel like I have a right to complain.

But I don't.

But what I do have is this-

An 18 year old son who has graduated,and doesn't really need me, but I can't seem to let go of him. I want to baby him, take care of him, and have control of his life. But I don't!
I haven't for a while.

I have a 15 1/2 (almost 16) year old daughter who is 'in love' for the 3rd time (this time 'for real') and she needs a ride EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have a 14 year old who just started high school as a freshman, and is trying to keep up with the 15 1/2 year old junior. She is a bit 'lost', yet somehow mature, and intelligent beyond her years.

I have a 5 year old who is really the only one who tells me she loves me anymore.

The teens only say 'I love you' as I am giving them money, or rides, or the answer they want to hear (which is YES!) In defense of the teens, they are not awful. They are not spoiled brats who just came off of the set of My Super Sweet 16 on MTV. I just condense it for the blog world. There are still hugs. There is still love. But, boy oh boy, raising teen daughters is giving me a run for my money. 

The job that I have had for almost 12 years is getting 'boring' to me.Not to mention changing directions. A direction that I am hoping I can keep up with. They are a family. I love them, but I love being creative. I love writing, crafting, painting, creating, and especially making people laugh. My dream has always been to be on Saturday Night Live. I work in an office. Not in a crafty live t.v studio set, based somewhere in New York City.

 Is it o.k. to secretly wish that I was one of those "Make A Wish Kids" and that I could make a wish to star on one episode of SNL?..............................DON'T ANSWER THAT!!!! I have the answer.It is horrible to think that, as we all know that the Make a Wish Children deserve it! Me? I am a 38 year old healthy woman who just wishes that I could 'Make A Wish'. But in no way do I actually deserve to Make A Wish and have it come true.




In recent news, I handed over control of the teen girls to my husband. All of the taking advantage that they were doing was really getting to me. I think it has helped.

It felt so good to rest in my air-conditioned room the other evening while I heard this as I was eavesdropping   trying to brush my teeth-

Dad- "So, you got it???The rules are the rules! Your mom needs a break, so you will now be calling me for rides. You will call me when you want to go somewhere after school! You will call me if you want to have a friend come over! AND IF I SAY NO, IT IS NO!!!!"

Girls- "But....But............."

Dad- "But, BUT NOTHING!"

Girls- "But, what if I need to get aho?????????"

Dad- " Ahold of what??? Ahold of me???? If I answer, Great!!!! If I am up on a 20 foot scaffold with a hammer in my hand, and can't answer the phone.......well then the answer is 'NO' N...O...! GOT IT? Great, good night!!!"

Why is it so much easier for him?

Why is he able to just 'shush' them, and walk away?

Why are high waisted shorts back in style? Oh off subject!

Sometimes these girls are my confidantes!
Sometimes they are my buddies!
Sometimes they need their mommy!
Sometimes they hug me, and make me feel like the most loved mom ever!

Sometimes they are just teen girls

Sometimes, I have to remember I was a teen girl once too
And hopefully one day, they will be back on my shoulder.Crying, and laughing.Confiding, talking, and loving!

For now I have this
A five year old just wants to be with her Mama!
A five year old tells her Mom "Mama, you are the prettiest, best Mama EVER!"
Can I just keep producing five year olds? 

A five year old who has no idea what Facebook is (o.k. she does, but she doesn't have one)
She doesn't know that having a mom is embarrassing! In fact, quite the opposite. She wants 'Mama' to stay with her all day at school, and never leave. She doesn't make me drop her off down the street, and around the corner, all the while pretending I don't exist.
She doesn't show discomfort when I hug her, squeeze her, or grab her little booty! Sorry, but little booties are sooo cute!
She doesn't want to slam her door shut! She wants it open
She doesn't want to sleep in her room, forgetting to say goodnight because she is too busy on her phone.She wants to sleep in bed with Mommy and Daddy.

Which makes me think..............

Parenting is just one big mess of confusion.
You spend so long waiting till' the 'next stage', only to curse it.
You put so much thought into how you can do everything right, only to have it backfire on you.
You want them out of your hair, out of your room, out of your bed, to hurry up, to shush, to give you a moment of peace, to give you just 'one second of silence', to please play the 'who can be the quietest game' for a bit more longer, to just LEAVE YOU ALONE!!!! You want all of this!

But then they get older, and you want them in your hair, in your room, wanting to sleep with you, slow it down, talk more, break the silence,not be so FRICKING QUIET. You want them to not be strangers.

I guess parents can't win.

We are all just doing the best we can.

My best really isn't too bad. Even my teens would begrudgingly agree!

I am going to end this post now, because this five year old has now rolled over, kicked me, and asked me in her sleep , to "turn down the light on my laptop".

See, this is where confusion sets in. I am now wishing she was a teen that wanted nothing to do with me, or my bed! 

Happy Labor Day everybody! As being a parent is one of the most laboring jobs there could be.