Monday, December 31, 2012

The Cool Girl Likes Me! She even let me guest post on her blog!

Blogging is sort of like a club.

And there always has to be a new kid that wants in.

I was that new kid;in fact I think I still am a bit of a 'newbie.'

You follow certain blogs, they follow back, but you seem to have your few close pals.

Marianne at We Band of Mothers let me in her club, and I feel pretty darn cool.

Now, Marianne is probably reading this and chuckling.Shaking her head, and denying herself the Coolness Throne that I am putting her on. But who cares what she thinks..........

I think she is SUPER COOL!

Have we ever met? NO

Have we ever spoken? NO

But do I think she seems like a person I'd clink my glass with, and say"Cheers" to, all the while eating Hot Wings? YES

I just get that sense, and that is all there is to it!


and one more reason why I think she is cool


You can read it here

The reason she needs some guest bloggers is because she is busy with the Holidays, Football and promoting 
The Holiday Book of 2012 is Here!
which can be purchased on Amazon

Thank you Marianne! ;)

Sunday, December 30, 2012

I have a very important job, and I am VERY BUSY at my stressful important job!

I have an important job.

I am very busy.

I have deadlines,stress, and major responsibilities.

I have emails to check and respond to.
Voicemails to delete listen to.
Co-Workers to chit chat discuss important work topics with.

The other day my Co-Workers and I(whom also happen to be two of my closest friends)were going over some notes from a meeting that we had.

Somehow, online marketing strategies turned into 


First we were talking about some of our clients, and then it turned into talking about a Hospital in Oregon.
We deal with Hospitals

Then it went from a hospital in Oregon to talking about snow.

Then being trapped in the snow.

Then I said out loud "I could totally survive in the North Pole if I was stranded alone. I watched this show on how the Eskimos build Igloos, and I think I could do it. I mean, at least for shelter"

Then Jenna my Co-Worker/Friend said "I could totally picture you trying to build an igloo, hunting for polar bears."

Next Daniella got in on the National Geographic sounding discussion, saying "Oh My GOD J.R., actually I REALLY can see you trying to survive out in the canyon." 
Don't ask me how we moved on from the freezing, frigid North Pole weather, to the canyon behind my house in sunny San Diego. Like, really........Don't ask.

"Yeah, I would be back there trying to light a fire, hunting for coyote's!!"

Jenna then asks "In all seriousness, have you ever come across a coyote when you and M go for your walks?"

I say "NO"

She says "OH"

Then we all ponder silently until one of us asks
"Where do Coyote's go during the day? Like huts, or holes, or dens? DENS!! Yeah,I think that's it!"


Yellow Arrows Point to Actual 'JOB STUFF'
Blue Arrows Point to 'BULLSH*T my co-workers and I think about

Yes Folks!

I am busy!

Pretty Fricking Busy! 

Thank Goodness I have off the next two days for New Year's! 
I need a break from all that stress!


Thursday, December 20, 2012

Sometimes I do things just to be like 'One of Those People'

Like my title? 

It is true!

Sometimes I look at certain people and think " I want to be like them"


"I want to do what they are doing"


"Hmmm, maybe I should start ______, or_______, or __________ then I will be one of those cool whatever kind of people"


Cool Vitamin Healthy juice drinking people:
I was at Target in the makeup section buying new lip gloss. The Vitamins were one isle over. 
Hmm, I thought. Maybe I should buy some vitamins. I could have them sitting on my counter, like "Hey look at me, I take vitamins. Not just a plain ol' boring multi vitamin, but like different letters and stuff!" 
I scanned the shelves. Fish oil......Uhhhh! Cod Liver?? WTH?......Prenatal?? Ahh, now that I recognize, and boy it sure did make my nails grow out long and strong. Vitamain B6? My eyes went straight to the word ENERGY. I need more energy, because I am always tired in the afternoon. Throw it in the basket! YAY, Success. Cool Vitamin Person, I have now become. 

A Person Who Can't Start Their Day Unless They Start it With CARDIO!
That person is NOT me! I do not get enjoyment from working out. I buy workout clothes only so that I have something to wear on the days that I don't feel like wearing tight jeans, but can't get away with wearing my fuzzy pajamas to Target. I want my friends to call me and say "Hey, whatcha doin today?" and for me to say "Oh, heading over to the gym..........after I work out at home first. You know me, HaHa Ha, the gym is my church!" 
The Gym is NOT my church! The Gym is not my go to happy place! Working out is awful, and I would rather have my eyes poked out with hot needles! 
Although, if walking from my car to the inside of Target to purchase more workout clothes;only to have to try on 4 different sports bras, 3 pairs of yoga pants, and 2 zip up hoodies........well if that doesn't sound like cardio to me, I don't know what is. Hey, maybe I am a fitness freak after all! 

An 'I can sit around discussing foreign news, the stock market, and overseas trading at a party' Type of Person.
First of all, is Overseas trading even a phrase? Is it even a 'thing'? It just rolled off my tongue, so I typed it.
Anyways, lets move on. I am already yawning!
Don't get me wrong, I can hold an intelligent conversation, but certain topics leave me bored and baffled!

Well I may not talk politics over a cosmopolitan,

I can wear a mustache, fake glasses and wave my hands in the air like I 


No 'Bored and Baffled' going on here! Just a whoooole lotta Warm Rum Cider, Fake Mustache/Nose/Glasses and some music!
Take that Foreign Trade Stock Politics!

Tuesday, December 11, 2012


Is that them? Is that the top of her car in the drive thru? It has to be. She loves McDonalds.
On Monday, December 10, 2012 at 8:43 a.m. our 16 year old daughter became a member of the Licensed Drivers Club.

On Monday, December 10, 2012 at 9:13 as her and our 14 year old pulled out of the DMV parking husband and I became members of the Parents Who Stalk Their Teens Club.

Part #1
Make sure you are staring all teary eyed and emotional at the CORRECT car in the McDonalds drive thru.

They had asked if they could get fast food breakfast, and then drive to school. We said 'yes'. They took off out of the lot, We got stuck at a red light.

We come down the hill of a major road and see them in the left turn lane, we think we are being slick going straight so that we can pull into the shopping center across the highway and stalk  lovingly watch as she orders her first real licensed driver Egg McMuffin.

Is that even her car? Wait, that isn't even her!!! Where are they?

Part #2
When you lose em, text the 14 year old passenger (never the driver) and nonchalantly ask if they have 'made it to school yet? Where did they wind up going to eat? Yada Yada'  Even though you know darn well they are still on the road, have not made it to school yet and 'wind up going to eat' is your way of asking 'WHERE ARE YOU EATING RIGHT THIS VERY SECOND????'

Success! 14 year old texts back saying
 "No, we are not at school yet. We came to Robertos, by the medical building." 
With screeching tires, we haul ass to Robertos. Breakfast Burritos; OF COURSE!  Surveillance under way!

Eventually they come out, (taking a bit of their sweet ol' time I have to say) and hopefully this is not a pre-cursor to their days of ditching. 

A few miles into it we catch up to them. It was a bit hard to try to stay hidden behind her, as she was thankfully driving a bit cautious and slow, and we couldn't keep stopping traffic just so that we could 'hang back, and not get caught stalking.'
They laughed at us in the rear view mirror at the red light before their school. I thought we would have U-turned to head home at that point, but hubby won the 'Crazy Parent Award' (an award usually saved for good ol' super freak mom)and followed them all the way into the student parking lot. Made sure she parked o.k., reminded her that she is now in charge of not only her life, but her sisters (No pressure put on her at all) blew her a kiss, gave a thumbs up and we took off.

Part #3
This lesson has nothing to do with stalking, but just a lesson on the Parents Place in the Pyramid of teenageland!

Once you are no longer needed to be the 25 and older driver of a 'Permit Carrying' Teen, you are no longer needed to be in the front seat. 

What happens when you say you want to go to the Dollar Tree?

B grabs her keys and says 
"I'll take you"

You smile and say
"How nice! Now you get to Chauffeur me around"

You walk out into the cold evening air with your 16 year old and 14 year old...
You automatically reach for the front seat passenger handle, and are greeted with a
"ummmm, K is going to sit up front with me. She is the D.J. of the stereo. don't have to sit up front and help me anymore......... I have my actual license now"

This is my back seat view of B's car.
And I think they are getting a kick out of it.

Sunday, December 9, 2012

I Am Recovering From Hip Replacement Surgery.......No, NO I'm not but I may as well be!

Hubby with his pro looking, energetic bowling moves
Way To Go! Spare! 

I may not be the best at everything, but I have a competitive side to me that can take something fun & turn it into something that brings these words out of my fist pumping, air jumping, finger poking mouth,
"Booyah! Take that sucker! YOU ARE GOING DOWN!"

No Hips were actually hurt or replaced in the production of this blog post. In actuality, the above picture is a portrayal of a woman on a mission to prove that she can get a strike before the night was over. Did she achieve her goal? Yes! Yes she did! But not without a price. It is now 3 days after this 'fun little date night' and I feel as though my lower back, hips, thighs, and left butt cheek were repeatedly given noogies. Noogies that only my older brother has the power to inflict on me. (has he been sneaking in while I am sleeping, only to brush up on his 'Noogiing skills?" ) I have been lifting off my couch with the same posture of a 105 year old woman reaching for her walker so that she can then make her way to her dentures. 
How many muscles are actually used when bowling, for goodness sake?

Saturday, December 8, 2012

I have a Facebook Page, and Poop Ornaments Exist.

I created a Facebook Page for my blog. Everyone else was doing it, so I figured I would too.

Yes, if you all jumped off a bridge I would too...............As long as that bridge was only 2 feet over water, and not just any water, but crystal clear turquoise Hawaiian water, and there was a cabana boy waiting to hand me a Mai Tai with a chunk of pineapple and  a pink umbrella sticking out.

Anyway, I cannot figure out to how to add the widget that says

"Hey everybody, follow me on Facebook"

I will figure it out later, but between online shopping, checking emails for confirmation of my online purchases, and then helping my daughter online shop for her boyfriend........Well, my eyes are dry, and bugging out of my head. So I need a break from staring at my computer screen.

Here is my Facebook page. Please 'like' it. Please don't hate it.

Like it or Santa won't come to your house.

Oh, and just for fun - look what my daughter found on Etsy for her boyfriend. 
Personalized Poop Ornaments!
Christmas Poop Couple Ornament Personalized
Ohhhhhhh, she soooooo had to do it. Pooping and Farting are never NOT funny, and since her boyfriend started out as a 'good friend' they had already passed the whole "I can't fart or talk about my stomach issues because we are a new couple" Ohhhhhhhh No. When they were still in the friendship stage, Mr. Boyfriend came to visit us while we were camping at the beach, and he had his stomach issues in our tiny little camper. 

If any boyfriend deserves a Poop Ornament it would be him. 
If you have a special guy or gal in your life deserving of a poop ornament, you can find it here.

Friday, December 7, 2012

I am totally supportive when my husband is on a totally...I promise! I SWEAR!! WHAT?!?!?

I am just going to say it! I am just going to shout the words out, and finally be set free of the guilt!


O.K. - So, YES I admit. I have a metabolism that most people would kill for. 

There!!! I Said It! 

Now, with that being said. I probably have the clogged arteries most people would die from.

I am trying to eat healthier. I really am! I actually grew up on healthy food, but I also love junk food! 

My Husband? Not so lucky in the metabolism department............Sorry Honey (sad face inserted)

So every once in a while he gets into his little health kicks. Tells me he wants to start walking, eating better, using the laundry organizing station    errrrr, I mean the exercise bike. So on, and so on! Then there is always the discussion that starts with a look. A look he gives me as I am chomping on my Lays Potato Chips, followed by a Dr. Pepper chaser. 

"Babe.......I need your support! You have to start buying healthier foods. It'll do all of us good;you, me and even the kids. Fruits, vegetables, unsweetened cereals....all of it. Babe, you gotta do this for me.Stop filling the kitchen up with junk! Please!"

I actually listened this time. I listened, because he was right. Every time he mentions eating better, I wind up coming home with Chips Ahoy and Oreos. ( all Nabisco products buy one get one 1/2 off) I can't pass that up. BBQ Lays and Cheddar Sour Cream (Coupon for two for two dollars? Whhhaaatttt!!?? Of course I'm getting them) 
I put them in the cupboard, then lecture him when he finally caves and starts munching on cookies instead of the carrots I bought him.

I realized that this game we played was potentially costing him his health. My husband being my savior, my rock, my world and more. How could I not listen?
How could I keep bringing sugar, salts, and greasy lard into the kitchen when all the poor guy is trying to do is just lose a few pounds and feel better about his health.

So I did it guys! I did it! We went grocery shopping together, him and I. Carrots, Hummus, Strawberries, grapes, raspberries. Yogurt and Granola, whole grain bread, Garlic Powder to replace the Garlic SALT! Who needs potato chips when you can crunch on one of these little suckers.......Yup, that's right! A Carrot! 

Fast forward 2 days. I am still technically being supportive, because technically he said 'not to bring that junk into the kitchen anymore' So technically I am following the rules. My new found guilty pleasure has not stepped foot in the kitchen. In fact my friend Joe; Trader Joe to you people........well he is staying tucked away up in our bedroom. Hidden from the eyes of the husband and children. 

Milk Covered Potato Chips! 
I never claimed to be a Saint! And these devilishly, delicious concoctions of the sweet and salty mix are not in the kitchen. Hubby does even know about the secret house guest I have living in our home. 
Oh Trader Joe, you  Crazy Concoction Producing Genius
They are well hidden

Well, not really well hidden, but lets face it. 
My husband has no need, desire, or even the tiniest bit of curiosity to look into my mess of a craft supply / junk holder of an Armoire.
Don't open the bag honey.......DON'T STEP INTO THE LIGHT!!!

So hidden away from his slow metabolism, are my treats. My goodies; my happiness!

What you don't know won't kill you! 

It may just kill your wife one day when her unhealthy ways finally catch up with her.
And I think they are. 
In my next post I will describe how a date night at the bowling alley has me needing an ice pack and heating pad. 
Didn't know bowling could be so strenuous. 
Fast metabolism does not = in shape

Carrots, here I come. 

Saturday, December 1, 2012

The Flip Side of Judging a Book By It's Cover. Tattoos,Do Gooders and a Royal Flush

If you think about it, even those of us who don't normally discriminate, judge, or 'size up' other people, are guilty of it at some point in their lives. 

Example - Tattoos

My husband is a General Contractor; a trusted & loved one at that. His customers range from a sweet 80 year old couple who trust him with their secret hiding spot for their house key, to a popular hat/clothing company FULL of warehouse merchandise, where the owners are giving him their alarm code so he can lock up when he is done building their new offices.
My husband also has full sleeves of tattoos. He knows that some may judge, so when he is meeting a potential client for the first time he wears a long sleeve shirt...........just in case. 

One time I was home alone during the day, and I heard the doorbell ring. I HATE when the doorbell rings on  a weekday when no one is home with me. I instantly tip toe to the door, and peer through the peep hole.
It could be a mass murderer as far as I am concerned, so I tip toe (quickly) to the back room and call my husband. 

"Honey! There is some scary guy ringing the door bell. Were you expecting anyone today, and forgot to tell them you weren't gonna be home?"

"No.... Why?"

"Well, there is some weird looking guy at the front door. Shaved head, goatee, tattoos, and like a dirty construction worker shirt on........ I'm SCARED!"

"Well, Babe, he is probably just some door to door home repair guy dropping off flyers. Just don't answer the door. Oh, and Babe......"


"You know you just described me head to toe right?"

My husband getting a group hug from all three of our girls after giving them
 money to  get ice cream at the camp store. 

But just as there is judging in the world of people who don't fit societies standards of a 'normal, nice, innocent' looking person. There is a different kind of judgement that goes on. Reverse judging!

The kind where you look at someone and think WOW they sure seem:
  • pleasant
  • perfect
  • nice
  • sweet
  • innocent
  • shy
  • quiet
  • responsible
  • good natured
  • list could go on

I will set the scene for you
Let me go back to the beginning

I was born in 1974, my parents.......


Not that beginning

We were out of bread, so I took my more than eager (almost licensed) daughter to the store. Kill two birds with one stone. She could practice driving, and also run in for me as I was already in my slippers and jammies for the night. Don't judge! It was one of those days.

So I gave the little grocery list to my daughters, and sat daydreaming out the window, enjoying the rain.
Just people watching.

Just people watching.
Elderly couples walking arm in arm, as the husband chivalrously holds the umbrella over his wife.
Mothers shielding their little ones from the sprinkles above.
Men jumping in their car, with their 12 pack of beer after a long day at work.

And this woman

She was actually parked right in front of my daughters car. I watched her unload her groceries from the cart, and put them in the trunk of her mini van.She had auburn hair that she wore in a shoulder length bob. I remember chuckling to myself that her green sweater matched the color of her van. At one point she even turned her head a bit, and I could see that she was smiling.........for no reason, as she did not have anyone with her. Then I waited for personal favorite past time. Waging a personal bet in my own head, as to whether or not a person will put their cart away, or just leave it in the middle of the lot, having no care for the car it will roll into 3 minutes later. 

Wait for it

Waaaaaiiiiiiitttttt for it

Waaaaaiiiiiiiiittttttttttttt foooooorrrrrrrrrr ittttttt!



She is one of the good ones!

She walked her cart back to the receptacle. 

One small leap for PTO mom, 
One Giant Leap for Momkind
(or whatever, but you get my point) 

I sat up a little more erect in my seat.
I was a bit more elated when it came to the state of humanity all over the world. 
I was whistling the tune to 'Singing In The Rain'

I was


Again.......You get my point.

People are nice, they put their carts back, and the personal Cart Placing Poker Bet I placed in my own head was holding a Royal Flush. 

Then I witnessed what can only be described as a horrific crime against my town.

That bob hairstyle sporting, green sweater wearing, slightly plump in a jolly way, cart putting back, minivan driving lady did something that I usually stumble upon in parking lots and wonder 


(and here is where the judging comes in)

  1. Teenagers
  2. White Trash
  3. Homeless Car Living Tweakers
  4. Probably the losers in front of me in line with the 10 screaming kids.

The 'sweet' lady started to pull away, and then stopped. I looked up; again, people watching. I wondered if maybe she forgot something, or was maybe waiting for another car to pull out, but then I saw her drivers side door open, and her body lean out. For a split second it reminded of the same position used by someone who drank WAAAAAYYYYYYY too much on New Years Eve, spent the night at a friends house, woke up first thing in the morning, jumped in her car to head home, but had to keep pulling over every ten minutes to stick her upper body out of the car so that she could throw up the last bit of remaining chunks left in her hungover & ashamed little soul. A bit off track, but I have heard that could happen. Not that I would know.

Anyways, 'sweet, jolly, plump lady' opened her car door, and stuck her Jack in the Box cup full of trash right smack dab in the middle of the parking space. 

I have no words people. No words, only sadness.

Really? Really, did you think I had No Words?

I have a few.

This, my friends, is what I call Reverse Discrimination. See, usually when I walk through a parking lot and look down to see that someone has cleaned out their car, and used the asphalt as a trash can, I tend to blame it on a variety of individuals. Use your imagination.

But none of the individuals conjured up in my head ever match the description of a sweater wearing minivan driving middle aged woman.

Don't Judge A Book By It's Cover can work both ways. 

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Move Over Twilight,There is Another Literary Phenomenon Heading Your Way! EPIC MOM!!!

So my Blogger Gal Pals got together and wrote a book! 


Let's face it, as bloggers we all want our 'words' out there. We may start off blogging, just to get some stuff off of our chest, or make connections with other humorous writers that we can relate to. But in the back of our minds, some of us are thinking
'What If?'


'What if I just went for it?'

Well, two bloggers I have the honor of following and being followed by went for it!

Marianne  - Funny Mom Extraordinaire over at 
Julie  (a.k.a. MOV) - Wonderfully Witty Mother at

Got together and wrote a book.

Let's show some support



For every 100 "Likes" they get on the new Facebook Page, Epic Mom Book (!/epicmombook),they are giving away a book to one of the "Likers." 
The contest will end once they get to 1,000 "Likes." 
After 1,000 likes I am assuming they will be too busy moving into their new beach front mansions, and deciding on which private jets to purchase. So let's help them get there!!!! 

Look for this book coming out sometime in December.
Christmas Gift for a friend!
Stocking Stuffer!
Gift for yourself?

* In all seriousness, let's show some support and like it. Ask your friends to like it, and they can ask their friends. If there is one thing I like doing, it is helping people. Especially people who are trying to follow their dreams, be it big or small. I also like supporting other women. As women we all spend so much time sizing one another up, we don't stop to realize that in actuality we should be one another's best supporters, cheerleaders, and friends. 

O.K. enough with the mushy stuff. I just don't want them to forget me when they are riding around in their private jet. Maybe they can parachute a bottle of Cristal Champagne down to my humble abode, as they jet set off to the Cayman Islands. So 'Like' the dam page already! I may need to borrow money from them if they strike it rich! 

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

The Spice Girls Have Given Me Back My Spice for Life! Thanks Scary,Sporty,Posh,Baby, and Ginger

 I was feeling a bit blue lately. Just normal life stuff I guess, mixed with holiday busy times.Don't worry, I feel better now. Not to mention my laptop was spazzing out on me, so a spazzed out laptop does not make for a kept up blog.

Laptop is doing better, and so am I.

By the way, blue is one of my favorite colors.Why is it used to describe a sad emotion?What about saying, I am feeling a little Chartreuse lately.

Anyway, on one of my Chartreuse days I was curled up in my bed flipping channels around on the TV. My husband had taken K, our five year old, out to do some errands. The teenagers were both gone with friends, and I stayed home. I said it was because I needed to 'get a few things done', but we all know what that is code for -

I put on my Rubios Fish Taco Sweatshirt that I have had since I was 18 years old.
My favorite pink sweats, and threw my hair in a bun.

Stared at my pile of laundry, and gave it a big HUG   'F' -YOU, and jumped into bed!
Where is my remote?

Ahh there it is, Housewives of Wherever, here I come.

"YOOOOOO, Tell me what you want, what you really, really want"

"I'll tell you what you want, what you really really want" 

Is that?


Could it be??

Is this Spice World, the Movie?

One of the cheesiest films ever made?
Yet, the top of the pyramid in my pyramid of guilty pleasures!!!

I will take you back a few years. 

I was 23 years old, married to my first husband, and at home with our son. I had many little cousins. We are a tight family, and cousins are as important as oxygen. Because of the age difference, it seemed like I was more of an Aunt. But, nope they are my little cousins.

My little cousins would stay the night often,two of them being little girls, who in fact happened to be IN LOVE with the Spice Girls. So naturally when they came over, the VHS of Spice World was popped in. 
We  they would dance around the living room, playing with our their Spice Girl Dolls. 
In fact my Aunt had bought me the Ginger Spice Doll  for a gift  as a joke! I had experimented with Auburn Hair and Blonde Highlights at the time, so Ginger was fitting. 

SO, when I came upon this on my television screen, I stopped! 

Sadly, it was almost the end of the movie, but I stared at the screen with tears of happiness in my eyes. Tears of HAPPINESS, WARMTH, GOOD TIMES!
I immediately took pictures of the TV screen and texted them to my little cousins.

"You will never guess what is on right now!!!"

These are the lyrics to the song they were singing.

These are the lyrics that broke me out of my funk.

These are the lyrics that can cure diseases
(alright, I am taking it a bit far)

But these are the lyrics from the song at the end of the movie.
A movie that holds unexplained, warm and fuzzy memories for me.

La la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la

When you're feelin' sad and low
We will take you where you gotta go
Smiling dancing everything is free
All you need is positivity

Colors of the world
Spice up your life
Every boy and every girl
Spice up your life
People of the world
Spice up your life, aahh

Back when Posh actually did more than just stand and pose! 

Oh, Scary Spice! You don't scare me!

*Thanks You Crazy Gals! Thanks for bringing back some memories.
I will now be going on to and buying your DVD, and pulling out boxes from the Attic looking for that Ginger Spice Doll to play with give to my daughter!

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

A funny picture of my toe, to balance out yesterdays sad post :(

When I wear my super sleek black boots from Macy's with my tight skinny jeans, and fashionable black blouse, nobody suspects that this is what awaits.
I am always finding little reasons to believe that my children are Geniuses. Here is reason # 2,751. She ate her sandwich, minus the crust, but the point is............Look at how she arranged the crust. Biggest to smallest. Pure genius behavior - or OCD- but I prefer to call it Genius!
Just because it is a cute picture. Put my daughters hair in curlers, and this is her walking into the bathroom to go check herself out in the mirror.

Monday, November 5, 2012

People Suck, and other Funny things!

Sometimes people are mean. I don't understand it. I am mean sometimes, but it makes me feel awful. Like, really, really awful.

But there are some people in this world who almost get off on it. They have no filter on their mouths. No beat in their heart.

In a strange twist of emotions this is how I am starting to feel-
I am pretty much nice to everybody. Overly nice in fact. And that awful feeling I get when I am mean? Well I am starting to get it from being overly nice.

You ask

You say

I ask myself What? also. 
I say 'Weird' also.

I have just had it with always worrying about everybody else's feelings. I don't ever, EVER want anybody to dislike me. And now at almost 40 years old it has left me drained. I was put in tears today. Sobbing, convulsive tears.

I just want to say again - People Suck!  

Oh, and if you are waiting for the 
'Other Funny Things' 
as it says in my title.

I am sad right now.
Sad and drained from always being nice, when I am realizing that not everybody else is.

Funny J.R. will be back to her regular, hilarious, knee slapping, roaring good, downright amazing writing soon. Ohhhhhhhhh, now you laugh huh?  ;) 
But this girl needs a break, and may have to wind up taking one. Too bad if certain people don't like it. I can't help it.

This picture makes me happy.

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Trick- Or - Margarita, errrrrr I mean Treat! Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween Everybody!

Hope you all get the candy of your dreams!
Or what that really means is......

Hope your children get the candy of your dreams, and that you are able to sneak into their room and steal it in your most STEALTH like manner.

Have a Great Night! 
Jack O has a drinking problem.
The problem being that he has no hands to hold his drink!
I'll take that off your hands Jack O, you shouldn't Drink and Light anyway~ You could get electrocuted! 

Monday, October 22, 2012

Monday Gripes we can all relate to.... or not!

I think I am going to start a new tradition on my blog.

Every Monday I will gripe about something. Something we can all relate to.

F.Y.I. - this will probably last about 3 Mondays tops. I don't really stick to anything.

Oh My God - My mind just went blank. Like seriously blank. I was driving home after dropping my daughter off at school, had an AWESOME gripe that I just knew everyone would be able to relate to. I was even smiling to myself imagining the comments:

"Oh J.R. you just wrote exactly what I was thinking"

"J.R. that has happened to me before also. I so relate, I hate when that happens"

"Way to tell it J.R. That was a terrific gripe. I feel ya sista"

But alas, I am sitting in front of my computer staring. I cannot remember the F*ing Gripe. It was a good one too. 

O.K. so on to Plan B- 

My Gripe for today, is this:

"Don't you hate when you can't remember something that was literally in your brain 2 seconds ago?"

Happy Monday!

Friday, October 19, 2012

Things that I don't understand, starting with Google +1

I don't know why, but I feel like listing off a few things that I don't get (or I don't care to get)

  1. Google+1 - My blogger asked me if I wanted to replace my blogger profile with Google+, it said I would get more followers, blah blah blah. So I clicked on it. Too many sentences, so I clicked out. End of story!
  2. Football- I try to watch. But I am amazed by people that can sit there and shout out plays. Especially women. I mean did they spend hours, upon hours learning this stuff. First and ten, line drive, shot clock ( I think I just threw some baseball and basketball terms in there) See, what the hell do I know. I just know to cheer when our team runs across the finish line.......Finish Line??
  3. Refinance talk- We Re-Financed at an awesome rate. When the notary came over with the GIGANTIC stack of papers from the loan agent, I just grabbed the pen she gave me and sat there waiting to sign. My husband asked questions at each page. She explained things that I just cannot soak in. Fixed rate? 30 year? Blah Blah Blah. In 30 years I'll be in a nursing home............Just tell me where to sign! 
  4. Geography - Not too much to say here. You mean Washington D.C is not in the state of Washington????? WHHHAAAAtttttttt??? - Kidding......Or am I?
  5. Gardening - Like serious gardening. We have a tropical yard, palm trees and stuff. He buys Palm Fertilizer. Knows when to water, when to not water. And the whole Perennial and Annual, and seeding. I want to understand, I really do.
  6. The human body - I still, to this day, have to google 'Which side is your appendix on' whenever I feel a sharp pain in my side. Some info just won't stick!
I could go on, and on, and on, and on.   O.K. well, maybe not that many "on and on's" - I mean I am  not an idiot!

Just felt like posting this.

Happy Friday! 

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

First Spanish with Dora, now Penis with MOM! Thanks NickJr. you are full of information.

For the past couple of weeks, I have been creating a new nightly routine that goes a little something like this -

5 year old daughter: "Mama, can I watch t.v. while you are brushing your teeth and getting ready for bed?"

Me: "Yes, of course"

5 year old daughter: "NickJr. is boring now!"

Me: "Oh, really, yeah. O.K. honey" not really paying attention because I am too busy wondering if the $200 facial cleansing set is really worth the money. Olay for $8.95 worked just as well.

5 year old daughter: "I am going to wait for you in my room mommy. I will play Barbies instead while you brush your teeth"

Me: "O.K. I will come in and read to you in a minute"

Does this nightly routine sound new?


Because it is not!

The new part is this:

After putting my daughter to bed, I walk into my room and climb under my covers searching for the remote that my daughter likes to stick in weird places after she gets bored with the T.V. Not to mention that she always fails to turn the T.V. off.

I am fluffing my pillow, putting my hand lotion on, and plugging my phone into the charger getting ready to change the channel for some "Housewives of New Jersey" when all of a sudden I hear the word



P    E   N   I    S

Now, is hearing the word "Penis" the hugest deal in the world? God NO!!! I am not a prude!

But.........Hearing the word "PENIS", and then looking up to the T.V. Screen and seeing the NickJr. symbol in the right hand corner.......well that is just plain craaaazzzzzyyyyy!!!

Uhhhh, am I drunk?

Uhhh, am I in some parallel universe?




I change channels, then change it back. Blink my eyes and open them again. The symbol still says NickJr. 
But the show is called 
NickMOM Night Out!

I leave it on the channel for a minute, hear a few more ADULT jokes, and start totally tripping out!

My husband walks in and I turn to him like a complete spaz -

"Honey, look at NickJr. Listen! Look! It's like stand up comedy,and it's called Mom something and I heard the word Penis, and, and blah aadfaiddgfiahgfiagfahfhkdfsdijds"

"WOW. Weird, crazy"
I don't think he is paying attention to me. Maybe he is also wondering if my $200 facial kit was worth it. Ooops, I meant $100 dollar facial kit. 
Do we ever really give our husbands the 'true' price?

This has been my nightly routine for the past week or so.

Every night I turn on NickJr. just to see if there are still ADULTS saying ADULT THINGS.

YES! NICK MOM is still going strong

Every night, I spaz out, trying to get my husband to feel the same bewilderment I feel. 

Every night he doesn't seem as miffed as I do.

So I figured I would blog about it.
Would I be the only one?
Am I in the Twilight Zone?

But then I got home from work today, and on the MSN front page I saw this:   


Someone wrote an article!

*As I said earlier. I am totally not a prude. But they did not even wait until past 10 or 11. I mean, why go messin with NickJr anyway, but if they really wanted to they could have waited until the Juniors of the world are actually asleep. I don't know about everyone else, but at 8:00 my little one is still beggin to watch T.V. and YES, sometimes I actually let her. She watches T.V. while I catch up on my magazine subscriptions, or talk to my older girls about their day.

Wonder how long Mom Night is going to last. I mean, I am amazed by it, but I have a million other things to be passionate about. But there are some crazy protesting moms out there, so little Junior better watch out. Moms on a mission can be dangerous!

Penis on NickJr. Is "NickJr." turning into "DickJr." ?