Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Should I steal toilet paper from the mall? Just this once?

So my girls had money and gift cards from Christmas, and they were burning a hole in their pockets.

They did not want to go to our same ol' boring, lame, tiny mall - quote from the teens, as I personally like our mall.

So I decided to take them to a mall about 30 minutes away. It has a few stores that our mall does not have, including a Nordstroms, H&M, and a 3 Story Target!!! 
3 Story Target? I'm sold.

We shopped, we ate in the food court, and we shopped some more. Six of us total, as I let the girls each invite a friend.

Back at the Food Court for our second time in the evening, we all sat there a bit run down looking. I am not the hugest shopper, but today I went full force, and I tell ya; This Mama was pooped!

"Hey Guys, I know we haven't even stepped foot in the giganticor (made up word) Target, but I am done for the night. I don't think I can walk another step."


"O.K. your dad just texted me. He needs us to stop and get toilet paper on the way home~SHIT! I am so tired, I don't want to have to go anywhere else"
And tired I was. After this conversation with the girls, I used the restroom in the food court and as I sat on the toilet, I actually contemplated just grabbing a roll from the stall and sticking it in my purse. 
I said CONTEMPLATED, not DID IT! But boy did I contemplate long and hard. I was just so tired, and just wanted to get home.Dam my moral compass!

"Come on girls, let's go. I'm exhausted, and we still are going to have to stop by the store for toilet paper."




This is not a mall that we come to very often, and we were all a bit turned around.I swore that the Target was literally right next to the Nordstroms, which is where we parked. We could purchase the TP, head out the Target doors and be right at our car. 

Paid for the TP, and my oldest daughter grabbed it from the checker as I put my wallet back in my purse.
Finally heading home.
Wait! This isn't where we are parked.So we walk back into Target, and realize that we actually have to go out the Target doors, and back into the mall. Turn left, and head all the way down the first floor until we hit Nordstroms, then go through Nordstroms, and then we will be in the right parking lot.

Question: How long do you think it took my daughter to realize that she was holding the big bundle of Toilet Paper, and that she was going to have to carry it through the ENTIRE MALL?

Answer: About 2.6 seconds - "OH MY GOD!! Is anyone looking at me? I can't believe I'm carrying toilet paper through the mall. Why are you guys walking so fast, wait........" 


  1. Hahaha. I used to love doing that to my kids. Making them carry the embarrassing products is a right of passage for us parents.. And they in turn will do it to their kids.. The never ending circle of embarrassing love. Now about that three story Target.. Wth?? That would be awesome.. Sounds like a great day and those are some fun memories for the kids. :) Good job Mom!

    1. Yes! They can certainly carry the embarrassing stuff! After all we've done for them;)

      And yes! A 3 story Target. They have and escalator for you and a rising escalator that carries your cart up right next to you. We did not need a cart because we were only buying one thing, but the girls wanted so badly to try out the cart tram thingy.
      Oh well, guess I'll have to go back to that mall again. Shame!

  2. HAHAHAHAHAHA! Awesome.

    And I would've totally stolen the toliet paper.

    1. O.K. Marianne, can I tell you a secret. Don't tell anybody. Just between you and I......oh and anyone else reading this.

      As I sat there on the porcelain throne (isn't that such a 'man thing' to call it) anyway, as I sat there,my contemplating got cut short when I realized my purse was already stuffed with god knows what, and the toilet paper wouldn't have fit. THERE! There is the truth!
      So my overly stuffed purse saved my soul.

    2. HA!! I knew we were more alike than not. And I probably couldn't have fit it in my purse, either.

  3. We have a little store opposite to where we live and last year, I could get away with sending Spawn there to get my 'lady products.' Now he would rather have needles stuck in his eyeballs. I keep telling him it's good training for when he gets a girlfriend/wife but he's not taking the bait.

    And I would have totally taken the loo roll as well. Kudos for contemplating it.

    1. Yes- Boys should always be able to purchase pads and tampons! It is a must!! That was one of my wedding vows... lol!

  4. This is so funny. Me...... I would of taken the paper and ran. Embarrassing your teenagers...PRICELESS!!

    1. Thanks Tuna Kahuna- and I am the queen of embarrassment for teens. I could open up a How To Class for it.

      And I know you would have taken the tp and RAN~ but remember, you are not as young as you used to be ;)

  5. Dude I'm with Marianne - that toilet paper was there for the taking and I would've stolen it like a felon with an unlocked Cadillac! I'm super pumped that you enhanced your daughter's photo too- I'm sure that ranks right up there with carrying TP! Loved it!

    1. My daughters first comment if and when she sees this picture would be "Oh my god, why did you make my head so big??"

  6. Poor child. Carrying the TP and then a big cartoon head!
    I didn't know you were an almost felon. Felonious thoughts inside JR's head? Who knew? Marianne? Are you close by? I'm afraid that the two of you might get into some trouble together. Can I join in?

    1. The big cartoon head I guess could have been a bit more flattering. My drawing skills go up and down. This picture got me on a down day.

      Yes, I have to admit. J.R. has plenty of felonious thoughts. PLENTY! I just don't act on them. Well Marianne is in Chicago, I am in California, aren't you somewhere in the middle Tina? Trouble here we come. Hide your toilet paper folks.

      Actually, in my twenties I worked at Macy's for a few years, and our whole department got together and had a Macy's employee slumber party.What did we do? Well we Toilet Papered the shoe department managers house. Fun times~

  7. Oh no, poor thing! Have to admit it is a hilarious situation, though!

    1. It was pretty funny. And poor thing?? I don't feel bad at all!!! Everything I do for her!!

      Kidding - O.K. I felt a teeny, tiny bit bad. ;)

  8. This is so funny! I hope target doesn't read your blog and start putting those stickers that set the alarms off in their toilet paper. Can you imagine? That would be a story your kids would never let you forget.

  9. Wow, I never even thought to make my kids carry my tampons and now it's too late. Maybe I'll have them pick up some Depends on the way home from school.


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