Sunday, January 15, 2012

Do I have to wait for one of my kids to win a Grammy, before they publicly thank me in front of millions??

Everytime I am upset,and feel extremely taken advantage of by one of my children I usually break down in tears,and complain to either:

  1. Husband
  2. Mom
  3. Dad
  4. Friend
  5. Friend
  6. Friend
  7. Aunt 
  8. Ex-Husband (if it is one of his that I am complaining about)
  9. Ex- Mother In Law ( still close to her)
  10. Co-Workers
  11. Bag Boy at grocery store
  12. Jack in the Box Cashier
  13. Teller at the Bank
  14. Person stopped next to me at red light
  15. Homeless, Sign twirler on the corner (Whom I'm sure is also a Tweeker, i.e. meth head)
This list is in no particular order. Because Tweekers are good listeners, or I think he was. I mean he nodded his head ALOT, and said "uhh,huh" "uhh,huhh" "Yeah, I gotcha, I gotcha" "Uh,huh, Uh huh" And his eyes were always really bright, open and alert. Like he really got me, ya know? Like he really was into what I was saying. A very energetic listener,except for the fact that he would lose focus here and there, mumbling something about the cops, but I think he really understood where I was coming from.

But no matter what, No matter who I talk to, they all say the same thing.............. 
and it is this...............
"They aren't going to Thank You now! But they will Thank You ONE DAY"

Oh my goodness gracious! Is that it? Silly ol' me, I get it! I just have to wait for that magical, beautiful,meaningful, sparkly,sunshiny, 'ONE DAY'! 
Then I got to thinking, as I was watching the Peoples Choice Awards, MTV awards, Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards, Grammy,Academy, Meaningless, Peaningless,Stupid,Schmupid Awards.
Almost every single person who gets up on stage, and accepts an award, thanks their MOM!! 

So then I started looking at my children, and had my 'AHA' moment! That is it, not only will I be given the proper thanks that I deserve, but I will be thanked in front of Millions of Television Viewers. I may even be in the audience, because like those sweethearts Matt Damon and Ben Affleck, my child will bring me as his/her date.  Publicly Validated!! Yes, ONE DAY is sounding F*ing Awesome, and I can wipe my tears, stand tall, be patient and wait. Wait for the glory that is rightfully mine. I will purchase a Couture gown, or, wait, maybe vintage.Oh, and I will see Angelina, and ask her how it is going with all of her kids, and then give her a few stories about how mine are treating me, or, no, maybe........ 
WTF? What was that?

That, my friends, was my bubble bursting. My dream popping. My hopes fading. Because as this daydream was settling in, and starting to make me feel uplifted, positive, full of admiration for my future award winners, Reality Set In!

I sit on my bed, and start thinking of the four children and who I have the highest hopes for at the moment

  1. C- 17 year old son (almost 18) - getting ready to graduate with most likely a 'D' average, although he is a freaking genius, just too lazy to apply it. I think he will most likely couch surf after graduation,( I suggested backpacking across Europe, although I am not really sure what that entails,but living out of a backpack and staying in a youth hostel does not sound expensive) and since I got  pregnant young and only backpacked to the hospital to give birth, I will live vicariously through him. Then after seeing a part of the world, he will then come back and apply his 'geniusness' at a junior college, then transfer to a 4 year university (where,again,I will live vicariously through him) After 4 years, he will become a geologist,computer software designer,video game creator,inventor, etc. - o.k., so while I do have high hopes for him. I don't see him on a stage thanking me.Unless he becomes another Bill Gates, creating a little company called Peach,Banana, or Pineapple. Maybe at one of his computer seminars, he could slip in a little "thanks mom" into his motivational speech. Hmmmmm, onto the next child
  2. B-15 year old daughter - Beautiful, smart, sometimes in her own world. Great Big sister to our 5 year old, loves dancing in her room to hip hop music, or singing at the top of her lungs to Florence and the Machine. Doesn't really LOVE school like we wish she would, but she loves her phone,Facebook,and boyfriend, so she tries her hardest in school so as not to have these things taken away. (well, we can't really 'take' her boyfriend away, but I am sure my Hubby would like to ship him away) Not super motivated at memorizing her vocabulary words for her History exam, but by god you put a You Tube video in front of her with someone playing the drums, and she can play those same beats 10 minutes later, just from watching. But right now, her drum set has a layer of dust about 10 inches thick, so that motivation has been lost a tad bit too. I see her doing something semi-artistic, something musically, but at the same time, I am not sure what exactly. The singing voice that drifts out from her room, is, well, ummm, lets just say maybe she could be a songwriter, maybe just not the actual singer. Do songwriters thank their Moms??? Do drummers ever get to talk, or does the lead singer hog all the limelight? I will be in the front row screaming "Let the drummer talk Dammit!!! She needs to thank her Mom!!" 
  3. K- 13 year old- She is a strange mix.An older maturity mixed with a naive little girl mind. Beauty mixed with lack of confidence, over achieving straight A, worrier, mixed with ABSOLUTELY NO DESIRE to go to college.No desire to go to College?? What are you trying so hard for then?? I told her she absolutely must be a Lawyer, since she has been practicing arguing since the age of 2, but nope!! College is not an interest.Hopefully that will change in a few years, but as of right now she wants to have her own CupCake Shop. Thanks Food Network for all of your Cupcake reality shows. I asked her the other day if she would like to drive to a small university that we have about 20 minutes away from our house, "just to check it out, grab some lunch,look at college kids walking around. A mother daughter day" - She looked up from her Facebook, with a blank expression. Absolutely no sound of excitement or curiosity peeped out of her mouth. "Why?" she asked matter of factly. "Umm, it could be fun!!"  then she does pipe up, after realizing where this University is located. "OH, could we stop at Nordstrom Rack on the way there?" ~   I forgot to mention, she is a bit of a shopper.Total brat one minute, asking me to take her to the mall the next. A little fashionista. Maybe she will move to New York and become a personal shopper to the Rich and Famous. Do personal shoppers ever get on t.v.? Do they get awards for shopping the best? If so, maybe I'll get my public thanks then. 
  4. Ki- 5 year old daughter.- Awww- She is a sweetheart and a half!! Honest to god, she is just the frickin coolest kid ever. No Joke!!! None of the older kids ever played any sports, just worked out that way. We live near the beach, so swimming, body surfing, surfing here and there. Soccer once, tennis lessons forced upon one of them, but nothing ever concrete with the older ones. But our five year old, she is just such an easy going, constantly smiling, kind of kid, that she would try whatever we signed her up for. So last year we started with T-Ball. She was the only girl on the team, pink and black cleats and all. She didn't LOVE it, but she didn't complain. She persevered, even got a home run (they all get home runs, it's T-Ball), and at the end of the season we got to gloat, and drench ourselves in parental pride at the Pizza Party Trophy Ceremony. It is now on the shelf right next to my husbands little league trophy, and my 1st place Airband Award ( I killed it with Cyndi Laupers 'Girls Just Want to Have Fun' ) - She  is always smiling, gets along with every single child in her pre-school class, and is always concerned with others feelings. - Do Humanitarians ever accept awards? (preferably on T.V.)  She is only five, so she isn't taking advantage of me yet, doesn't ask me for rides,money,new clothes,or to borrow my makeup. She doesn't know what an eye roll is yet, or how to huff and puff. Right now she thinks it's 'Fun' to put on her mini apron, and 'help' me with the dishes. I am sure in about 8 years that will all change. The older ones will be out of the house, and she will be my lone teenager. But for now, she thanks me everyday- now if I could just get her on a stage somewhere, and ask someone to record it, and then broadcast it Thursday Nights, on NBC, right between the Office and Up All Night! I'd be set!
Well looking at this list, I am not sure who it'll be. But also after writing this list, my brain has had an epiphany (my brain has epiphany's, I don't, just my brain) Maybe I don't have to wait for one of them to be on a stage, accepting an award. Maybe the magical,glorious, 'ONE DAY' will be when they become parents themselves. They will appreciate all that I do for them. All the love I have put their way. I can be accepting of this.

But......... if one of those little suckers does go on to be famous, gets nominated for a Grammy, gets their name called, walks up to that podium, grabs that award, puts their lips to that microphone, and does NOT start off by saying "I would first like to thank my Mom............" There will be hell to pay.HELL!! You will see and hear one crazy mommy rushing that stage, dogpiling her grown child, shoving that microphone in their mouth, and saying "You wanna re-think that speech kiddo? This is my 'ONE DAY' and I'll be damn if you are going to take it away from me!!" 

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” 
― Albert Einstein

My kids are all geniuses, even when they are not. Even when they are Geniuses of being complete and utter 'bleeper-bleepers' 
No matter what they do with their lives, or who they become, I am thankful for them. And I know "One Day" they will tell me that they are thankful for me. 


  1. Thank you for writing this blog. You make us laugh.

    1. Right back atcha' Thank you for writing that comment. And you are welcome!!!

      By the way, "Grandpa is this you? And how much did mom pay you to write that?" Kidding!

      I'll keep writing, and you keep laughing..... What a team!


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