Me is really smart! Ain't I? Just ask my BFF!

I am pretty lucky in the job department. I have worked for the same company for 11 years, and honestly other than wishing that I was rich and didn't have to work at all, this is the next best thing. (well, maybe the next, to next, to the next best thing. But still a great place to work!)

But one of my ABSOLUTE favorite reasons for loving my place of employment is that I actually get to work next to one of my best friends in the entire world. 

I met her when I started working there, and after we got over the hump of getting to know one another, we realized we were soulmates. 

In many ways we are different:

She doesn't take crap from anybody                    

I, on the other hand, take your crap, hold onto it for you, and tell you your crap smells like roses all the while smiling.I will nurture it, hug it, and keep it safe for you!

She does not get nervous in professional office situations. In fact she is calm and cool, and intelligence oozes out of her.

I on the other hand develop a horrible case of the nerves anytime we have important meetings with anyone other than our normal work crew! If my Immodium A-D doesn't take affect quick enough, the only thing that oozes out of me is diarrhea! 

On the other hand,she does get nervous in certain social situations. BBQ's, Parties, etc.

Social situations..........Pssshhhh, a breeze! Gimme a microphone, I'll even tell you some jokes!

When she gets drunk, you really can't tell.Other than a glassy eyed look, and a slight head roll and finger snapping attitude that decides to come out, she is never falling down drunk.

When I am drunk, you really CAN tell! I will just leave it at that......You really, REALLY can tell! 
REALLY, REALLY can tell!!!!! 

She has curly hair

I have straight hair 

(figured I'd throw that in there)

In alot of ways we are the same:

She can spot a bargain from 10 miles away. 

I can spot a bargain from 9.9 miles away.

(hey, close enough)

She has a buttload of kids

I have a buttload of kids

She grew up in our town

I grew up in our town

(I am a few years older than her, we went to competing high schools, but did not actually know one another when we were young)

She has stomach issues

I have stomach issues

(this alone made us soulmates.When you go to a Quickbooks class with a new co-worker, then ask for the bathroom key, and don't come back until 2 hours later. ...... well there is no room for embarrassment. You just gotta put it out there! "O.K. I get diarrhea ...... I mean ALOT"  When you hear back an "Oh my god, I have stomach issues too!" Well a friendship is formed for life!!)

We have the EXACT SAME TASTE IN FOOD

We have the EXACT SAME TASTE IN FOOD

She will tell a story, and I will know exactly where she is going with it

I will tell a story and she will know exactly where I am going with it

(in fact, we will keep a story going, embellishing it, making it more humorous and adding to one another's 'stories' to keep it all going)

I love to text her. Sometimes it is easier than a phone call. Stories, sentences, one liners, jokes, or just a stupid emoticon (like the piece of poop emoticon on the iphone. Immature? Yes. Funny? Yes)
She loves to text me. She understands it is easier than a phone call. 
(Sometimes we text each other until one of our husbands has to put the brakes on it, accusing us of sitting on our butts, laughing out loud to our phones, and forgetting we have dinner on the stove)
'Ooops, sorry honey! Just texting D.'
'Why don't you just call her. Or better yet, go down to her house, she just lives down the street?'
'Because I wanted to hang out with you tonight Babe! But hold on, let me text her back one more thing' "LOL       LOL         LOL      OMG           LOL       Husband getting cranky! I'll see you tomorrow at work! Bleh, can he be any moodier! Whahhh, Whahhh!! I burned the biscuits! 
Call a WAA-MBULANCE! LOL!! LOL!! Gotta go!"
'What are you laughing at over there?'
'Nothing honey! O.K. I turned my phone off. Now where were we pookie........'

Our differences are very different.

But our similarities are extremely similar.

So it was no surprise today when we were both at our desks

Checking our emails

Getting updated on our tasks for the day

Going over contracts, websites, paperwork

Filtering out stuff in our inbox

and

NOURISHING OUR BRAIN

to it's fullest potential.

We both believe that being smart is important.

How do we do this you ask?

Read books?

Study current events?

Attend classes at our local college?

No, we eat smart!

As I was chomping down on this

Smart Popcorn! I can feel the intelligence growing inside me.I won't be able to contain it!

She was guzzling this down

The bottle is almost empty. Somebody, QUICK,!Call 9-1-1, her brain is about to explode with Smarts!!!

Oh, and one more thing that we have in common.....
the way we think


As soon as it was pointed out that we were both consuming brainiac snacks, what did we do?


We both grabbed our phones out of our purses and took a picture......


all the while laughing, because we had realized we both grabbed our phones.


So now we were laughing at the Smart Food
We were laughing at our phones
We were laughing because we were laughing
And then
We laughed some more!






Soulmates!

Depeche Mode Made Me Crash My Parents Car in High School

If you have read any of my old posts, you may remember reading about my gut wrenching, white knuckled freeway anxiety.

I am happy to say it is one hundred percent almost gone!

When it started a few years ago, I was at first perplexed, then worried, then angry, then upset, sad, perplexed again. I asked my doctor to prescribe me Xanax just for road trips; because crying to your husband that he is going to kill us if he drives any faster, and pressing on your imaginary brakes the whole time is not good for any marriage.

I did not get the Xanax, but was told to look deeper into what was causing it. Maybe talk to somebody is what my doctor told me. Well I am too busy to sit down and talk to somebody, so that was out of the question.

It wasn't just when others were driving it was when I was driving as well. I stayed in the slow lane, absolutely certain that a tire was going to blow out on my car, I would lose control and die!!!

I walked into Cost Plus one day to buy a candle, and possibly some throw pillows for my home. There was a little basket on a shelf calling out to me. I wandered over, and saw a large pile of little tiny dolls with explanations for each doll. They were Worry Dolls. My friend was having issues with her teenage son, so I started digging through the basket searching for a Teenager Worry Doll. I then realized, who am I kidding, she is a total Christian who thought Harry Potter supported wizardry, and 'Hocus Pocus', so she definitely was not going to look towards a Mayan Worry Doll to pour her faith into. I on the other hand was raised Catholic, but am open to whatever works. I live with the idea that as long as you are just a good person, then all is good. And not to pat myself on the back, but I am pretty sure God likes me. I'm kind of a nice person. Can't go wrong there!
I kept searching through the basket, because now I was just intrigued.
And then I saw it, like a little Mayan angel, sent from above;or sent from Central America,but wherever he was sent from, he was in my cart now.

I will put you under my pillow. You will make everything better!o.k. little buddy....

He was only a Car Worry Doll, but sometimes I would tell him other worries. Like I'm worried that I don't have an outfit to wear to the wedding we are attending this weekend. I am worried that the beauty supply no longer carries my hair dye. I am worried that I left my sunglasses at the grocery store, and I am worried that these boots don't look right with this outfit......

I had the doll for about 2 years. I just started feeling a bit more at ease about 3 months ago. I would like to thank my new Mayan friend, but since I started out with him under my pillow, but then lost him, and then found him again as I sucked him up into our vacuum, I am not sure he was the reason I stopped having roadside panic attacks. If anything he is probably a little pissed that he got sucked up into a black hole of dust bunnies. In fact, as he was flapping around the wheel of the Vacuum, I heard him mumbling something about bigger troubles ahead...... the end of the world .... freeway shmeeway .......the ancient Mayan calendar predictions.......something,something....blah, blah, blah. Anyway, he is now in my junk drawer with my rubber bands, old batteries, and broken flashlights.

Just as fast as the freeway torture came into my life, it was disappearing. But it did make me stop and think a little more deeper  into it. Why had it come on?? My husband suggested one day, that it was post traumatic stress disorder,maybe from a previous car accident.

OH CRAP!!!

MAYBE IT WAS!!!

**BUT THAT CAR ACCIDENT WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL, OVER 20 YEARS AGO....

 BUT COULD IT BE??

Come to think of it, I did have an awful car crash in High School. And guess who's car I totaled....
Mine? Nope! My parents car! I asked my dad to trade cars with me for a day. His car had a cassette player, and mine only had a radio;not to mention, a radiator leak, rusted holes in the trunk, moldy french fries under the seats, and fast food cups everywhere.We both had Toyota Camry's,mine paid for courtesy of my job at the Restaurant on the Pier.(Courtesy of my parents too, who only made me pay $1500 of the $3000 they bought it for)

I was going to drive my cousin to San Diego that day, so we picked up my Best Friend, and headed on our way. Of course I first went through my plastic crate that held all of my cassettes.Gotta have some tunes, since that was the whole point of borrowing his car, and entrusting him with my trash can on wheels!

We only drove about 5 miles down the freeway before it started to lightly sprinkle. No big deal! I was 17 years old, totally experienced in life and driving (yeah, right!!) I looked down real quick to find my Depeche Mode tape and then I look up and I see brake lights, I swerve to the right,my car (or should I say my parents car) starts fishtailing,eventually doing 360's until I finally crashed into the center divider. I clung onto the steering wheel screaming, looked at my cousin in the front seat next to me, then to the back seat where my best friend was sitting. As my car spun, and circled out of control, I honestly felt like we were in a cloud.I could hear the screeching, the sound of metal crashing, my best friend and my cousin yelling. But at the same time, it was like we were floating, and the sounds were muffled.

Many onlookers pulled over to help us. These were the days before cell phones, but days of car phones. One man ran over saying he had already called 911. One of my most surreal memories was of a woman rushing over to me, peeling my fingers off of the steering wheel, and asking me for my parents name and number. I remember crying that 'they are going to kill me' and she put her hand on me and said 'No, they will just be glad you are alive'. She then kept her hand on me and said "Honey, I don't know if you are religious or not, but you, little girl, had a guardian angel watching over you" She, and the man who had called 911,then proceeded to talk about how they honestly could not believe what they just witnessed. A busy  weekend on the San Diego freeway, my car starting in the fast lane, doing 360's all the way to the slow lane, then back to the fast lane center divider. And I did not hit one car. Not one car!!!!

Maybe that is why I felt as though we were in a cloud....

A muffled cloud.....

Maybe I was being carried to safety...

Maybe I did have a guardian angel...

Whip lash,slight black eye, and stitches on my friends leg from one of the back windows crashing out, resulting in some shards of glass in her thigh. That was it! 

Our parents rushed to the ER, and the woman was right.

My parents hugged me

My friends parents hugged me

They were just happy we were alive

My parents car was TOTALED

The junk yard was it's new home

My dad was able to buy a new car

I got back my radiator leaking, rust bucket

and appreciated every fuzzy radio station 

that my Cassette Playerless stereo had to offer me

So here is my own theory on the whole freeway anxiety thing.My son was working towards getting his drivers license, eventually obtaining one, and buying his own rolling heap of junk. I am a natural worrier, and once I realized my little babies were turning into car owning, car driving members of society, I kinda started to freak. I was losing control of my kids;that mixed with an extremely late in life onset of Post Traumatic Stress, was surely to blame . You can call me Dr. J.R.. Call me with all of your anxiety diagnosis needs.My 15 year old daughter is getting ready to sign up for Drivers Ed, so thank god I am getting a handle on this. 

Dear Freeway Anxiety,

So glad you are going away now!

No time for this!

I drive a lot,

and the white knuckled stuff was giving me carpal tunnel..... 

or arthritis, 

or....

just really ugly white knuckles........ 

I remembered myself as a teenager. I remember how invincible I thought I was. I would change lanes without even a second glance. I would pile friends into my car with no seat belt. I would have one hand on the steering wheel, while the other was searching through the center console for the perfect mixed tape, all the while balancing a Roberto's Bean and Cheese burrito in my lap. I would ask my friend to take the wheel so that I could throw on my Fisherman's Restaurant Polo shirt, over my bikini top;always late to work! Ahhhh,the memories!!! 

Nowadays teenagers have so much more to distract them. Cell phones, texting, talking, ipods, car chargers; o.k., our generation had talking too, but I wanted to add that in there. Talking is distracting, especially if you use alot of hand gestures when you talk, such as I do.  

I have texted my son before, because I think he is at home. I get a text back saying

'Ma, I'm driving'

Really!!!????

You are driving???!!!!

And you just texted me???!!!!!

UGGGHHHHH!!!!???? 

I guess in life, there are always dangers. 

There are always distractions

There is always going to be that song that you just had to play right that second

There is always going to be Depeche Mode

Dear Mom and Dad,

I may have never told you this

but, this is where that unconditional love comes in.

When you asked me about the accident, 

and the specifics of what happened.....

Well.......

It wasn't the jerk in front of me, who just slammed on his brakes without warning!

I mean, he did have to slam on his brakes, but I probably would have had a longer time to react, had it not been for the fact that I was searching through my bag. 
O.K. well this is where it gets tricky.................Had I not been searching through my................Looking for my........................................................................................ LOOKING FOR MY DEPECHE MODE TAPE!!!!!! There I said it!!!!!!

I had to put on the perfect song for driving with my best friend. It was of the utmost importance for the beginning of our little freeway road trip to San Diego.

I mean,you understand right?

I am sure you remember leaning over, looking in your glove box, one hand on the wheel, and the other digging for your Beach Boys 8 Track Tape???

Love,

J.R. 

I'm taking a ride with my best friend

I hope he never lets me down again

Drive safe kids
Don't text
Don't talk
And
Put your ipod on shuffle


Just let the music flow
Whether it is
Depeche Mode
Marky Mark
Stevie B
The Cure
Nirvana
Fleetwood Mac
Beach Boys
Lil' Wayne
Tupac
Nicki Minaj
Garth Brooks
Jason Aldean
or None of the above
Get there safely!
You don't want to have to admit 20 years later to your parents that LMFAO made you crash their car because you just had to hear
Party Rock Anthem!!




*this post dedicated to my Mom, Dad, and their Grey Toyota Camry with the cassette player.

J.R. at 15 1/2 learning to drive
Exactly 2  years later, a Depeche Mode Song would cause the destruction of this car
"Never Let Me Down Again"Sorry little car,
Sorry I let you down

* Disclaimer- Depeche Mode is not really to blame. My own negligence and lack of safe driving were. Depeche Mode still brings me happiness, or darkness depending on the song (ahem... Blasphemous Rumors) I think I may go turn on my ipod and get nostalgic :) 

Family Texting is AWESOME! You don't have to actually see them roll their eyes!!

What would my family do without texting? How on earth would we communicate?
Biscuits would be left un-buttered, houses would burn down, tires would blow out, moms wouldn't know how much their teens love and appreciate them, and children wouldn't get fed. Here are just a few from the last couple of days between my family and I. 

Text between my husband and I- I was upstairs actually blogging on my laptop,he was downstairs keeping his ear open for the oven timer. Garlic Cheese Biscuits, they are my specialty (o.k. it is the recipe on the back of the Bisquick box) One of my biggest pet peeves is someone yelling to me from downstairs, another room,etc. I HATE IT!!! Drives me INSANE. I have finally gotten it through to my husband, NOT TO YELL TO ME FROM ANOTHER ROOM IN THE HOUSE!!!

So instead of yelling to me, my husband has resorted to texting. What did we ever do without technology? Probably got more exercise.  

* side note- I love to correct my husband on his grammar. I love to correct my children on their grammar.
I should not be correcting anyone on their grammar. Because I have obviously failed to understand the difference between 'Than' and 'Then'. I'm not sure I ever really will. So I call a truce, the white flag is raised. I surrender. Sorry family, sorry for thinking that I was so perfect. 
____________________________________________________________________

From 17 (almost 18 year old son) who started living with my ex husband about a year ago. About 30 minutes north up the freeway.

He has had this spare tire on his car for about a month now. He is supposed to purchase himself a new tire (teaching him responsibility and all) All together his Christmas money added up to about 400 dollars but he did not want to spend that on a tire. Every weekend he says he is going to get a new tire.I have already told him he cannot drive on the freeway with the spare he has. Every week this month, he has sent me almost the same message. I know what he is doing. I carried his 10 pound baby body in my little 19 year old stomach for 9 months. That lazy,good for nothing,mama's boy, love of my life is hoping that I will cave and buy him a tire. 

The mommy in me just wants to do it. The responsibility guru in me says "Snap out of it you Wuss! He can buy his own tire. If he can give money to a bum outside the liquor store to buy him and his friends beer, he can buy a tire." - O.K. Responsibility Guru Voice, I will listen to you!! (Well,that voice and the voice of my husband, ex husband, and my dad. They would not be very proud of me if I caved. Need to teach him to be a man and all!!)

_________________________




From 15 year old daughter B

My two teen daughters and I all use straightening irons on our hair. 

My two teen daughters and I have all, at one time, been guilty of leaving them on.

My two teen daughters and I have been lectured by the husband on the dangers of doing this, and what would happen if we burnt the house down.

My two teen daughters and I are very paranoid now...............

13 year old daughter K

She is in 8th grade, and on the yearbook staff. For $30 dollars you can purchase a small section to dedicate to your graduating 8th grader. After Christmas, we were a little strapped for money, but by god, I would do whatever it takes to make this happen. I want to write a little blurb about how awesome she is as a daughter!! How would she feel if she were one of the only kids whose parents didn't show their pride and love. She would be devastated. So I called her yearbook teacher, and asked him if I could turn the order form and check into him on Monday.(Deadline being yesterday and all) He said that was completely fine, and he would reserve a spot for my yearbook dedication. I hung up the phone, smiling, relieved, full of joy, and a sense of mommy accomplishment. 

My daughter, on the other hand, after having been told by her teacher that I had called, had some different feelings

(thanks Mr. A, thought the dedications were supposed to be a surprise)

*I may re-think the kind words I was going to write about her
_________________________________________________________

My Five year old does not have a phone yet. But if she did, these would be our texts:

Ki - Hi Mommy!

Me - Hi Baby Bear, Boogie Butt

Ki - Can you come downstairs and make me a Quesadilla?

Me - Where is your dad?

Ki-  Sitting next to me, we are watching T.V. together. He said to text you so he didn't have to yell........

Me - O.K. well, I would not want to make your daddy get up

Ki - Thank you Mommy! 

Daddy says he wants one too!

Me - :) tell daddy to text mommy. I want to text him some 'special words'. Thank you Baby Bear!


Ki- Daddy just rolled his eyes mommy.