Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Trick- Or - Margarita, errrrrr I mean Treat! Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween Everybody!

Hope you all get the candy of your dreams!
Or what that really means is......

Hope your children get the candy of your dreams, and that you are able to sneak into their room and steal it in your most STEALTH like manner.

Have a Great Night! 
Jack O has a drinking problem.
The problem being that he has no hands to hold his drink!
I'll take that off your hands Jack O, you shouldn't Drink and Light anyway~ You could get electrocuted! 

Monday, October 22, 2012

Monday Gripes we can all relate to.... or not!

I think I am going to start a new tradition on my blog.

Every Monday I will gripe about something. Something we can all relate to.

F.Y.I. - this will probably last about 3 Mondays tops. I don't really stick to anything.

Oh My God - My mind just went blank. Like seriously blank. I was driving home after dropping my daughter off at school, had an AWESOME gripe that I just knew everyone would be able to relate to. I was even smiling to myself imagining the comments:

"Oh J.R. you just wrote exactly what I was thinking"

"J.R. that has happened to me before also. I so relate, I hate when that happens"

"Way to tell it J.R. That was a terrific gripe. I feel ya sista"

But alas, I am sitting in front of my computer staring. I cannot remember the F*ing Gripe. It was a good one too. 

O.K. so on to Plan B- 

My Gripe for today, is this:

"Don't you hate when you can't remember something that was literally in your brain 2 seconds ago?"

Happy Monday!

Friday, October 19, 2012

Things that I don't understand, starting with Google +1

I don't know why, but I feel like listing off a few things that I don't get (or I don't care to get)

  1. Google+1 - My blogger asked me if I wanted to replace my blogger profile with Google+, it said I would get more followers, blah blah blah. So I clicked on it. Too many sentences, so I clicked out. End of story!
  2. Football- I try to watch. But I am amazed by people that can sit there and shout out plays. Especially women. I mean did they spend hours, upon hours learning this stuff. First and ten, line drive, shot clock ( I think I just threw some baseball and basketball terms in there) See, what the hell do I know. I just know to cheer when our team runs across the finish line.......Finish Line??
  3. Refinance talk- We Re-Financed at an awesome rate. When the notary came over with the GIGANTIC stack of papers from the loan agent, I just grabbed the pen she gave me and sat there waiting to sign. My husband asked questions at each page. She explained things that I just cannot soak in. Fixed rate? 30 year? Blah Blah Blah. In 30 years I'll be in a nursing home............Just tell me where to sign! 
  4. Geography - Not too much to say here. You mean Washington D.C is not in the state of Washington????? WHHHAAAAtttttttt??? - Kidding......Or am I?
  5. Gardening - Like serious gardening. We have a tropical yard, palm trees and stuff. He buys Palm Fertilizer. Knows when to water, when to not water. And the whole Perennial and Annual, and seeding. I want to understand, I really do.
  6. The human body - I still, to this day, have to google 'Which side is your appendix on' whenever I feel a sharp pain in my side. Some info just won't stick!
I could go on, and on, and on, and on.   O.K. well, maybe not that many "on and on's" - I mean I am  not an idiot!

Just felt like posting this.

Happy Friday! 

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

First Spanish with Dora, now Penis with MOM! Thanks NickJr. you are full of information.

For the past couple of weeks, I have been creating a new nightly routine that goes a little something like this -

5 year old daughter: "Mama, can I watch t.v. while you are brushing your teeth and getting ready for bed?"

Me: "Yes, of course"

5 year old daughter: "NickJr. is boring now!"

Me: "Oh, really, yeah. O.K. honey" not really paying attention because I am too busy wondering if the $200 facial cleansing set is really worth the money. Olay for $8.95 worked just as well.

5 year old daughter: "I am going to wait for you in my room mommy. I will play Barbies instead while you brush your teeth"

Me: "O.K. I will come in and read to you in a minute"

Does this nightly routine sound new?


Because it is not!

The new part is this:

After putting my daughter to bed, I walk into my room and climb under my covers searching for the remote that my daughter likes to stick in weird places after she gets bored with the T.V. Not to mention that she always fails to turn the T.V. off.

I am fluffing my pillow, putting my hand lotion on, and plugging my phone into the charger getting ready to change the channel for some "Housewives of New Jersey" when all of a sudden I hear the word



P    E   N   I    S

Now, is hearing the word "Penis" the hugest deal in the world? God NO!!! I am not a prude!

But.........Hearing the word "PENIS", and then looking up to the T.V. Screen and seeing the NickJr. symbol in the right hand corner.......well that is just plain craaaazzzzzyyyyy!!!

Uhhhh, am I drunk?

Uhhh, am I in some parallel universe?




I change channels, then change it back. Blink my eyes and open them again. The symbol still says NickJr. 
But the show is called 
NickMOM Night Out!

I leave it on the channel for a minute, hear a few more ADULT jokes, and start totally tripping out!

My husband walks in and I turn to him like a complete spaz -

"Honey, look at NickJr. Listen! Look! It's like stand up comedy,and it's called Mom something and I heard the word Penis, and, and blah aadfaiddgfiahgfiagfahfhkdfsdijds"

"WOW. Weird, crazy"
I don't think he is paying attention to me. Maybe he is also wondering if my $200 facial kit was worth it. Ooops, I meant $100 dollar facial kit. 
Do we ever really give our husbands the 'true' price?

This has been my nightly routine for the past week or so.

Every night I turn on NickJr. just to see if there are still ADULTS saying ADULT THINGS.

YES! NICK MOM is still going strong

Every night, I spaz out, trying to get my husband to feel the same bewilderment I feel. 

Every night he doesn't seem as miffed as I do.

So I figured I would blog about it.
Would I be the only one?
Am I in the Twilight Zone?

But then I got home from work today, and on the MSN front page I saw this:   


Someone wrote an article!

*As I said earlier. I am totally not a prude. But they did not even wait until past 10 or 11. I mean, why go messin with NickJr anyway, but if they really wanted to they could have waited until the Juniors of the world are actually asleep. I don't know about everyone else, but at 8:00 my little one is still beggin to watch T.V. and YES, sometimes I actually let her. She watches T.V. while I catch up on my magazine subscriptions, or talk to my older girls about their day.

Wonder how long Mom Night is going to last. I mean, I am amazed by it, but I have a million other things to be passionate about. But there are some crazy protesting moms out there, so little Junior better watch out. Moms on a mission can be dangerous!

Penis on NickJr. Is "NickJr." turning into "DickJr." ? 

Friday, October 12, 2012

Who needs toys when Mommy & Daddy drink a lot of wine and like burritos?

Does my title make sense?


Does it now?

My daughter loves stacking things.

I collect wine corks. That was only a weeks worth....KIDDING!

Isn't there a correlation between stacking and being a genius?
Did I just make that up?

Who cares!

Happy Friday!
Whatever you are doing, have a great time.
I will be adding to my wine cork collection.My daughter needs new stacking material.

* I am actually collecting the wine corks, and am determined to create something nifty out of them. Have you seen Pinterest lately?
Good Lord, there is a world of crafts out there dedicated to Wine Corks.
Now to make a trivet or really go for it and make a backyard chair??

Yes, someone out there had enough corks (and time on their hands) to make an actual chair the size of a lazy boy, out of wine corks.
wine cork chair
Start Guzzlin
Mama needs a new chair!

Thursday, October 11, 2012

We saw the 'Biebs' in concert! Cue the SCREAMS!!!

 Yes my household is a music loving household. All types of music can be heard from our ipods.
From Fleetwood Mac to Flo Rida.
From Johnny Cash to Johnny Rotten
From New Kids on the Block (hey, I relive my youth once in a while) to Justin Bieber!

I sat in front of two computers, four months ago and anxiously awaited while the hourglass spun in circles.
Would they be sold out?
Would I be able to figure out the Ticketmaster Captcha?
Are the $50 dollar seats going to be in the nosebleed section? spoiler alert.....Yes they were!

Hourglass stopped spinning

The hoops I had to jump through to get these tickets........
too many hoops to count!

Pre-Sale to American Express cardholders only- No problem!
Yes Problem- We don't have an AMEX

Call my parents, they'll surely have one- they don't
Sign up for one online, Genius!- Card will arrive in the next 2-4 weeks, WTF?? I NEED IT NOW! 

Call my parents back asking for advice- Go to grocery store and buy AMEX gift card?!?!
GENIUS PARENTS I HAVE! WAIT, NO, Not enough time!!!
Tell parents you love them, but you have to hang up now and contrive a plan- Dad says "hold on, call your Aunt! She may have one, and you can pay her back." GENIUS AGAIN!

Best Aunt in the world, can I have your AMEX # to purchase some tickets to see the Biebs in concert?- YES? I LOVE YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!

Tickets Purchased!

'Upper Concourse' Section 316......Code Name for 'NOSEBLEED'
But in all honesty, my girls and I don't complain. Justin Bieber the size of an ant is better than no Bieber at all.

My Co-Worker/BFF also jumped through the same hoops that morning, and was able to buy tickets for herself and her three girls.

Then our boss, who, in case he is reading this is THE BEST BOSS EVER, found out we were going and used his Marriott Reward points to get us each a Hotel Room.
CAN YOU SAY          

When checking into a hotel that is full of Justin Bieber fans from all over California, what do you do first?

You leave your teen daughters in the hotel room with your five year old while they get all decked out in homemade t-shirts, and makeup (teens, not 5 year old! No makeup for her yet. This isn't Toddlers and Tiaras)

You tell them you are going to 'check out the Hotel and go for a little walk', then you grab your husband (who only came because he happened to have the next day off. No ticket for him. He was going to lounge at the bar while I have my ear screamed in by crazed lunatic teenagers) 

You call your BFF who is staying a floor below you;even though the B*TCHY girl at the front desk swore you were on the same floor. Uhhhh, when did 21 and 20 become the same number?

.......and you wind up here
We checked out the Hotel......on our way to the outdoor bar. These parents deserve a drink before heading into the treacherous land of Maniac Bieber Fans!
By the way, we could hear the screams from the Staples Center while sitting at the bar. The screams of girls that thought if they showed up early they'd catch a glimpse of JB hoppin out of his tinted windowed, chrome car!

Bartender, can you make that a double?

Time to go!

Blurry action shot of the girls jumping in the hall on the way down. 

All in all it was a great experience

Oh, wait let me rewind. 
A word of advice

Five year olds get tired waiting 2 hours for someone to show up on a stage. 
Five year olds don't care about concerts
They only care about Hotel Pools and jumping on Hotel Beds
Five year olds grab your hand midway through the FIRST SONG and yell in your ear
"Can I go to the Hotel with Daddy? I'm tired!"

Five year olds make teenagers say 
"OHHHHHH MYYYYY GOOODDDDDDDDDD! She is wasting a ticket! We so could have brought one of our friends"

To which mom replies-

"We are NOT even going to go there!"

and for once.......they zipped their lips, and didn't go there. :)

Daddy saved the day.Thank goodness he came, thank goodness he was 2 seconds away having a tray of sliders and a beer at the ESPN Sports Bar! Thank goodness his night was made by having two moms try to pick him up because he looked 'lonely'.
Thank goodness he had an excuse of "Oh, I'm waiting for my wife and daughters inside the concert"
Thank goodness that excuse turned out not to be a lie, because one minute later he was actually needed.

Daddy to the rescue. 
YES, they went back to the room and jumped on the beds! He is a big kid too!

What an AMAZING time with my family.

The next morning we raided the Executive Lounge for all of the free snacks.Thanks Boss....again......for being an Elite Member! We love free snacks!

We were exhausted, but hubby still drove us through Hollywood to 'see the sights'
Sights being Homeless and Graffiti, but Hey, I got my Hollywood sign Picture.

Lessons learned

  • If you are going to sit in front of your computer for AMEX presale tickets. Make sure you actually have an American Express. 
  • Don't think your homemade purple t-shirts from Michaels are going to be 'Super Original'- They AREN'T! I can't even tell you how many homemade purple t-shirts we saw! And Justin didn't even take the time to come find my girls and compliment them on their iron on skills.
  • If your five year old states to you beforehand that she is SUPER excited about the Hotel, but the concert 'Uhhhh, not too much Mama'- Believe her! Don't waste the money on the ticket. She will have just as much fun in the pool or jumping on the bed with Daddy.
  • Find the Bar! Find the Bar at the Hotel, and then when you get into the arena, find that bar too. Smile at the Bartender, slam your hand down on the counter and say "I think this Mama deserves a Margarita"
  • Most important lesson learned- HAVE FUN! Because I did! 
  • Upper Concourse means............             UPPER CONCOURSE!!!   SUPER DUPER UPPER!