Depeche Mode Made Me Crash My Parents Car in High School

If you have read any of my old posts, you may remember reading about my gut wrenching, white knuckled freeway anxiety.

I am happy to say it is one hundred percent almost gone!

When it started a few years ago, I was at first perplexed, then worried, then angry, then upset, sad, perplexed again. I asked my doctor to prescribe me Xanax just for road trips; because crying to your husband that he is going to kill us if he drives any faster, and pressing on your imaginary brakes the whole time is not good for any marriage.

I did not get the Xanax, but was told to look deeper into what was causing it. Maybe talk to somebody is what my doctor told me. Well I am too busy to sit down and talk to somebody, so that was out of the question.

It wasn't just when others were driving it was when I was driving as well. I stayed in the slow lane, absolutely certain that a tire was going to blow out on my car, I would lose control and die!!!

I walked into Cost Plus one day to buy a candle, and possibly some throw pillows for my home. There was a little basket on a shelf calling out to me. I wandered over, and saw a large pile of little tiny dolls with explanations for each doll. They were Worry Dolls. My friend was having issues with her teenage son, so I started digging through the basket searching for a Teenager Worry Doll. I then realized, who am I kidding, she is a total Christian who thought Harry Potter supported wizardry, and 'Hocus Pocus', so she definitely was not going to look towards a Mayan Worry Doll to pour her faith into. I on the other hand was raised Catholic, but am open to whatever works. I live with the idea that as long as you are just a good person, then all is good. And not to pat myself on the back, but I am pretty sure God likes me. I'm kind of a nice person. Can't go wrong there!
I kept searching through the basket, because now I was just intrigued.
And then I saw it, like a little Mayan angel, sent from above;or sent from Central America,but wherever he was sent from, he was in my cart now.

I will put you under my pillow. You will make everything better!o.k. little buddy....

He was only a Car Worry Doll, but sometimes I would tell him other worries. Like I'm worried that I don't have an outfit to wear to the wedding we are attending this weekend. I am worried that the beauty supply no longer carries my hair dye. I am worried that I left my sunglasses at the grocery store, and I am worried that these boots don't look right with this outfit......

I had the doll for about 2 years. I just started feeling a bit more at ease about 3 months ago. I would like to thank my new Mayan friend, but since I started out with him under my pillow, but then lost him, and then found him again as I sucked him up into our vacuum, I am not sure he was the reason I stopped having roadside panic attacks. If anything he is probably a little pissed that he got sucked up into a black hole of dust bunnies. In fact, as he was flapping around the wheel of the Vacuum, I heard him mumbling something about bigger troubles ahead...... the end of the world .... freeway shmeeway .......the ancient Mayan calendar predictions.......something,something....blah, blah, blah. Anyway, he is now in my junk drawer with my rubber bands, old batteries, and broken flashlights.

Just as fast as the freeway torture came into my life, it was disappearing. But it did make me stop and think a little more deeper  into it. Why had it come on?? My husband suggested one day, that it was post traumatic stress disorder,maybe from a previous car accident.

OH CRAP!!!

MAYBE IT WAS!!!

**BUT THAT CAR ACCIDENT WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL, OVER 20 YEARS AGO....

 BUT COULD IT BE??

Come to think of it, I did have an awful car crash in High School. And guess who's car I totaled....
Mine? Nope! My parents car! I asked my dad to trade cars with me for a day. His car had a cassette player, and mine only had a radio;not to mention, a radiator leak, rusted holes in the trunk, moldy french fries under the seats, and fast food cups everywhere.We both had Toyota Camry's,mine paid for courtesy of my job at the Restaurant on the Pier.(Courtesy of my parents too, who only made me pay $1500 of the $3000 they bought it for)

I was going to drive my cousin to San Diego that day, so we picked up my Best Friend, and headed on our way. Of course I first went through my plastic crate that held all of my cassettes.Gotta have some tunes, since that was the whole point of borrowing his car, and entrusting him with my trash can on wheels!

We only drove about 5 miles down the freeway before it started to lightly sprinkle. No big deal! I was 17 years old, totally experienced in life and driving (yeah, right!!) I looked down real quick to find my Depeche Mode tape and then I look up and I see brake lights, I swerve to the right,my car (or should I say my parents car) starts fishtailing,eventually doing 360's until I finally crashed into the center divider. I clung onto the steering wheel screaming, looked at my cousin in the front seat next to me, then to the back seat where my best friend was sitting. As my car spun, and circled out of control, I honestly felt like we were in a cloud.I could hear the screeching, the sound of metal crashing, my best friend and my cousin yelling. But at the same time, it was like we were floating, and the sounds were muffled.

Many onlookers pulled over to help us. These were the days before cell phones, but days of car phones. One man ran over saying he had already called 911. One of my most surreal memories was of a woman rushing over to me, peeling my fingers off of the steering wheel, and asking me for my parents name and number. I remember crying that 'they are going to kill me' and she put her hand on me and said 'No, they will just be glad you are alive'. She then kept her hand on me and said "Honey, I don't know if you are religious or not, but you, little girl, had a guardian angel watching over you" She, and the man who had called 911,then proceeded to talk about how they honestly could not believe what they just witnessed. A busy  weekend on the San Diego freeway, my car starting in the fast lane, doing 360's all the way to the slow lane, then back to the fast lane center divider. And I did not hit one car. Not one car!!!!

Maybe that is why I felt as though we were in a cloud....

A muffled cloud.....

Maybe I was being carried to safety...

Maybe I did have a guardian angel...

Whip lash,slight black eye, and stitches on my friends leg from one of the back windows crashing out, resulting in some shards of glass in her thigh. That was it! 

Our parents rushed to the ER, and the woman was right.

My parents hugged me

My friends parents hugged me

They were just happy we were alive

My parents car was TOTALED

The junk yard was it's new home

My dad was able to buy a new car

I got back my radiator leaking, rust bucket

and appreciated every fuzzy radio station 

that my Cassette Playerless stereo had to offer me

So here is my own theory on the whole freeway anxiety thing.My son was working towards getting his drivers license, eventually obtaining one, and buying his own rolling heap of junk. I am a natural worrier, and once I realized my little babies were turning into car owning, car driving members of society, I kinda started to freak. I was losing control of my kids;that mixed with an extremely late in life onset of Post Traumatic Stress, was surely to blame . You can call me Dr. J.R.. Call me with all of your anxiety diagnosis needs.My 15 year old daughter is getting ready to sign up for Drivers Ed, so thank god I am getting a handle on this. 

Dear Freeway Anxiety,

So glad you are going away now!

No time for this!

I drive a lot,

and the white knuckled stuff was giving me carpal tunnel..... 

or arthritis, 

or....

just really ugly white knuckles........ 

I remembered myself as a teenager. I remember how invincible I thought I was. I would change lanes without even a second glance. I would pile friends into my car with no seat belt. I would have one hand on the steering wheel, while the other was searching through the center console for the perfect mixed tape, all the while balancing a Roberto's Bean and Cheese burrito in my lap. I would ask my friend to take the wheel so that I could throw on my Fisherman's Restaurant Polo shirt, over my bikini top;always late to work! Ahhhh,the memories!!! 

Nowadays teenagers have so much more to distract them. Cell phones, texting, talking, ipods, car chargers; o.k., our generation had talking too, but I wanted to add that in there. Talking is distracting, especially if you use alot of hand gestures when you talk, such as I do.  

I have texted my son before, because I think he is at home. I get a text back saying

'Ma, I'm driving'

Really!!!????

You are driving???!!!!

And you just texted me???!!!!!

UGGGHHHHH!!!!???? 

I guess in life, there are always dangers. 

There are always distractions

There is always going to be that song that you just had to play right that second

There is always going to be Depeche Mode

Dear Mom and Dad,

I may have never told you this

but, this is where that unconditional love comes in.

When you asked me about the accident, 

and the specifics of what happened.....

Well.......

It wasn't the jerk in front of me, who just slammed on his brakes without warning!

I mean, he did have to slam on his brakes, but I probably would have had a longer time to react, had it not been for the fact that I was searching through my bag. 
O.K. well this is where it gets tricky.................Had I not been searching through my................Looking for my........................................................................................ LOOKING FOR MY DEPECHE MODE TAPE!!!!!! There I said it!!!!!!

I had to put on the perfect song for driving with my best friend. It was of the utmost importance for the beginning of our little freeway road trip to San Diego.

I mean,you understand right?

I am sure you remember leaning over, looking in your glove box, one hand on the wheel, and the other digging for your Beach Boys 8 Track Tape???

Love,

J.R. 

I'm taking a ride with my best friend

I hope he never lets me down again

Drive safe kids
Don't text
Don't talk
And
Put your ipod on shuffle


Just let the music flow
Whether it is
Depeche Mode
Marky Mark
Stevie B
The Cure
Nirvana
Fleetwood Mac
Beach Boys
Lil' Wayne
Tupac
Nicki Minaj
Garth Brooks
Jason Aldean
or None of the above
Get there safely!
You don't want to have to admit 20 years later to your parents that LMFAO made you crash their car because you just had to hear
Party Rock Anthem!!




*this post dedicated to my Mom, Dad, and their Grey Toyota Camry with the cassette player.

J.R. at 15 1/2 learning to drive
Exactly 2  years later, a Depeche Mode Song would cause the destruction of this car
"Never Let Me Down Again"Sorry little car,
Sorry I let you down

* Disclaimer- Depeche Mode is not really to blame. My own negligence and lack of safe driving were. Depeche Mode still brings me happiness, or darkness depending on the song (ahem... Blasphemous Rumors) I think I may go turn on my ipod and get nostalgic :) 

I just TYPE and hit Publish. What is all the other crap?

I created a blog a year ago.
I thought it could be a way for me to release some of my thoughts.
A way to just write,write,write. I can't even send a short text. Short email (even for business)?Forget about it, it's not possible for me. I write like I talk, and I love to talk in detail. I move my hands around ALOT when I talk. I always have to 'show' what I am talking about. The checker at the grocery store asked me if I was Italian, because of all my hand gestures as I was explaining to him that I forgot my re-usable bags, but I will have plastic, but don't worry we use the plastic for other things, so it is kinda like recycling anyway, blah, blah,blah. No I am not Italian, but I guess Italians use alot of hand gestures. I do make people offers they can't refuse, so hmmmm...... Maybe the guy at the grocery store knows something I don't.I am OBSESSED with Housewives of New Jersey
(although I am obsessed with all reality t.v.)


Anyway, for the first 11 months of having a blog it was set to private. I just wrote for myself, but pretending I had followers. I investigated all the privacy stuff, read other peoples opinions, tried to understand all of the settings, changed the background and look of my blog about a million times.
Finally deciding on a picture of our plumeria tree in our backyard. My daughter took the picture with her cell phone camera. She is an aspiring photographer ( not really ) but she takes a TON of pictures with her phone, and they are actually good. Like REALLY, REALLY good.Her phone takes better quality pictures than my expensive, digital, million megapixel,foo foo camera. As long as she sticks to Plumerias, Sunsets, and the occasional self portrait in her mirror for her Facebook profile, I am good. If that Camera Phone even goes one step in the direction of  "Sexting" I will lock her up, and throw away the key. Oh, and take that phone away faster than she can say "Buuut Moooom!!"


So I go to Create Post
I type, I laugh (yes I laugh at my own stories. I was also my first follower. Self love is important, that is what my spiritual self help books say. I love buying self help books because they always seem so .....so.....umm, well they have nice covers, and I always mean to get around to reading them.....but ... anyway)
I do click on the spell check button. (then I see way more yellow highlighted words than I thought I was going to see. Me sometimes making up my owns words and all) 
I then ignore the spell check.
I hit Publish
Waa Laa!! 
New Post Created 


Before I admit to the stuff I am not quite hip to, let me take a moment to go over the stuff I do understand about computers. So you won't think I am a total idiot. ( I was an exchange student, remember? So, I mean, I am kinda smart)
I work in an office first of all. I have worked there for 11 years.  When I started I had absolutely no computer knowledge,but I was needed only as an assistant to my boss, and she wasn't even sure what she needed me for. She liked me and hired me. (I do have a certain charm) In fact, my first day she looked at me and said "hmmm, what should I have you do?" She then sent me to the grocery store to buy soda and snacks for the company refrigerator. Then she read my resume, and for hobbies I had put down that I re-finish and paint furniture. So she brought in an old coffee table and had me re-finish it for her.


Eventually, they bought me my own computer for my desk. I stopped painting and grocery shopping, and was sent to a Quickbooks class. (unfortunately I spent half the day in the bathroom with stomach issues. So thank god they had sent me there with another employee, who is now one of my best friends) She is uber smart, so basically she trained me. I did payroll for about 5 years. I use Microsoft Word for typing documents. I can make my way around Excel, a tad bit, but never have a need for it.I can navigate my way around a computer in a way that can make me seem like a computer whiz (well, a whiz compared to someone who hasn't touched a computer since the days of the green apple screen, playing Oregon Trail)
But here is what I don't quite have figured out about Blogger:

• HTML - Huh? I just type and publish remember
• Insert Jump Break - I played around with it one day, kinda get it, mostly don't
• To the right, On Post Settings, Then Options- Backlinks? Allow or Don't Allow? Huh???? 
• Compose Mode- Show HTML literally? or Interpret typed HTML?? WTF??
• Line Breaks - Use <br> tag-or- Press "Enter" for line breaks    - I just want to write and people to read
• At the bottom of your blog where it says 'Links to this blog'?? Nope, don't get it. Won't click on it. 
• Labels- Clicked on that, o.k. Got it!! 
• Probably tons of other crap
• How do some people have that extra menu bar under their title? Like About Me, FAQ's, Blah, Blah. I looked into this and,WOW,the directions freaked me out.Here was one of the helpful answers to my question:

In fact, here is how Blogger does it. They place an invisible outer shell of the Blogger navbar as a static-positioned HTML element (the default) with height 30px right after the <body> tag so that it pushed the rest of the blog down 30 pixels, and then they make the inner shell of the Blogger navbar have absolute positioning which pops it out of its parent element's constraints so it can expand across the entire page. Example:

<html>

<head>

<style>

#myNavbar {

  height: 30px;

  padding: 0px;

  margin: 0px;

}

#myNavbar div {

  position: absolute;

  left: 0px;

  padding: 0px;

  margin: 0px;

  width: 100%;

  z-index: 10;

}

</style>

</head>

<body>

<div id='myNavbar'>

  <div>Your Navbar Goes Here</div>

</div>

...
</body>

</html>

OH, that TOTALLY helped me. Now I get it! 

NOT!!!!

Static Position?

Parent Element?

Inner Shell?

Outer Shell?

Anyway guys (gals). Until I have all of this crap figured out, which may never happen, I will just type,and publish! Hope you are all o.k. with that. 

Oh, and if any of you are thinking, 'Wow she is a complete, frickin idiot' - Well, keep that to yourself. It'll just make me feel bad,and then I will have to dust off one of my self help books.