Tuesday, January 31, 2012

My Son is ...gulp...Almost a Man!

My Son is the oldest, but still my baby. I am feeling a bit mushy about him right now, so if you feel the mush in this post, I apologize. It probably won't last long. That little sucker will probably upset me again in a week. 
Upset is more humorous than mush! 

My son will be 18 years old on Valentines Day. Yup, the day of love. And boy I love him! From the  moment he kicked me in my bladder and made me pee my maternity pants, I knew he was a keeper! Boys are great, they love their momma's like nobody else can. But little boys grow into big boys. Sometimes big boys are dirty,rude,lazy,disrespectful slobs who can play Xbox Call of Duty until 3 in the morning, but can't figure out the washing machine. They can eat a whole bag of Doritos and finish up the last bit of Orange Juice straight from the carton, but won't take the time to make a sandwich. But we love 'em!!
Yes, my little boy who was once the sidekick of all sidekicks, is going to be a man soon. Man may be to strong of a word though, and honestly I'm not quite sure he is ready for what being a man entails.

This 'little boy/man' had been slacking the last few months on looking for a job.His first job was awesome,but unfortunately he got laid off, and for some bizarre reason,he was under the assumption that he had reached his quota for the year as far as labor. The moment he was laid off, we started pushing him to find a job.

Job talk dialogue:

Adult: Hey how about after school you go to Stater Brothers, Albertsons, any grocery store for that matter. Fill out an application.There is the one right across the street from your school. It is a good place to get your foot in the door, especially for benefits and stuff.

Teen that thinks money grows on trees: Nawww! Grocery stores are kinda lame.

Adult: - speechless- (but inside thinking, really?? Did you really just say that?)

Adult: Lame? It's a job, what is 'lame' about it?

Teen that thinks Genie and his magic lamp are going to show up: I don't know. Ty and Kevin work at Stater Brothers, and they are always complaining about all the hours. They hate it there, like it's boring, and just Grocery stores are so generic.

Adult: Oooo.Kkkkk. Well, what about the restaurants that are all around dads house? You could be a busboy, make tips. One of my first jobs was hostessing at the restaurant on the pier,and even hostessing I made good tips.

Teen that thinks maybe he will meet a Sugar Momma soon: Tips would be cool!!! Yeah, I went into that coffee shop that my old English teacher opened up. They aren't hiring anymore,but I talked with him, and he said he'd let me know if they ever need anyone. So I've tried restaurants.

Adult: You have "tried restaurants" Sssss. With an 'S' on the end?

Teen that is just waiting for a long lost uncle to mention him in his will: Wellll, I mean I drove by a few, but they didn't have signs on the window. I'll go to some places tomorrow.

Adult: SIGNS IN THE WINDOW? What do you think this is, Mels Diner? People don't put signs in the window anymore.

Teen that maybe I breastfed too long,held too much, coddled to an extreme, waited on hand and foot,made sandwiches for because he 'didn't know how to', did laundry for,you get the point: Who's Mel? Is he hiring? Can you get me a job there?

Well,I am proud to say he is now a proud member of the high school student workforce.He has a corner office with an ocean view,and earns 6 figures a year. NOT!!! He is employed at a local city baseball field concession stand. At first I was a bit agitated, but kept it to myself. I mean Concession Stand? So you are going to sell candy bars and popcorn for Little League games? Way to go son!! How is their 401k option? Health Benefits? Wow !! Awesome.

But I did not show my disdain for his journey into the world of Hot Dog carts. I smiled, like any good mom, then shot my husband  a "just smile" glance from the other side of the living room. I could tell he was pumped about this new job. I have not heard him this excited since I surprised him and took him to see Weird Al Yankovich in concert when he was 9.I have not seen his face light up this much since a girl in 8th grade texted him a picture of herself in her bikini. ( which I then made him erase immediately, and proceeded to lecture him for about 2 hours on the dangers of sexting, and having respect for women, ALL women!  I said "you have respect for me right?"  Well, when I was a teenager they didn't have cell phones, but if they had, and hypothetically speaking, if I was the type of teen girl who thought she looked pretty cute in her fluorescent yellow bikini with the pink flower in the middle, and her matching scrunchi, and pink hoop earrings from Contempo to match, and I texted a picture of myself to a boy, who I use to drool over every day at the beach,and lets say that boy forwarded that picture to 300 of his closest friends. "Well how would you feel if someone did that to me?" He then asked to be excused, and went into the bathroom , where I heard faint vomiting sounds for about 20 minutes) I guess comparing 14 year old me with his 14 year old crush did the trick, or made him sick. Either way, hope it made a point!!

Our next adult question was how many hours are they going to be giving you?

Teen who may be doing his college thesis on the evolution of the hot dog: Well, I'm on a trial basis at first. But I will know more later.

Adult: - Smile -

Well, I decided to drive up to Orange County yesterday evening to check him out at his new job. He told me to come around 6, and maybe he'd be able to take a break and "hang with me".

I tell you what!! Popcorn & Candy this is not! Some of the items on the 'le menu' (trying to sound fancy)

  • Teriyaki Chicken Rice Bowl
  • Spinach Wrap
  • Maui Teriyaki Burger
  • Chicken Ceasar Salad

A mothers bond with her son is almost unexplainable. It is amazing that someone can piss you off so bad, that you have hung up on him, almost wanted to wipe his smart ass smirk off of his smart ass face, almost wanted to spank his 'smart' ass,but you can't because he is now way taller than you. Hunted him down at a party, because he snuck out, and you know he is at that Vic kids house, where you know the parents are the 'cool' parents that let them drink. Dam those parents!!!! But I make cookies, doesn't anyone want to come to our house? 

All these things get washed away when you head up a cement ramp towards a 'Gourmet' Concession Stand and see a smile so big that it is visible even through the handprints on the glass of a walk up order window. All the ups and downs of the teen years are put aside, when you see your son grab the aluminum handle on that sliding window, shove it open, and stick half of his 5'11'' body out of the tiny opening.

"Hey Mom" 

I kiss the top of his head, and shove him back in the window.

He takes my order,and lets me know that he will come out in a minute to eat his burger and take his break with his sister and I.  He has a funny laugh as he writes my order down on his little ticket pad. Normally with a food establishment full of teenage boys, I would wonder if the laugh was an insight as to how my food was going to turn out, but then I remembered it was my son. Surely he wouldn't spit in my food.

He comes out a few minutes later with his cheeseburger and gives me a huge hug.I would have kept hanging on, but I composed my sappy self. 
"Look at you dealing with the public, taking orders and stuff!" 
"Ummhhhhchch YUP I mmlikemm working chhhheremmm" Scarfing down his cheeseburger, like a contestant who just won a challenge on Survivor Island.
"Where is our food C?"
"Your order will be called soon mom" - and again with the funny little laugh

So I watched him eat, listened to his story of the first customer that got a tad bit upset at him for not serving him fast enough, heard all about his new friends (both from school and work), and glanced around the fields. It is kinda a happening place. All lit up for night games. Skate park, toddler playground, and of course baseball/softball teams galore. The place was pretty packed from people in the stands watching their family members play, to families waiting for their C'est Magnifique food orders. 

Then I hear it, the reason for my almost grown man of a son to be giggling like he did when he was 5  watching the Rugrats. My name was being called from the loudspeakers, and I noticed people looking around.

"Order ready for MOM"
"Mom your orders ready"
"Tiki Tenders for MOM"

I look at my son, who in turn is looking up at the window to his buddies. They are inside laughing as well, and then I get a huge smile on my face. I didn't feel like an outsider. I didn't feel stupid, or as though they were laughing 'at me'. I felt like I was let in. Let in on a joke, let in on his job, let in with his new circle of friends, let in to his life.He wasn't embarrassed of me, but rather the opposite. He was happy I was there. I walked up, grabbed my Chicken Tenders from a nice boy who stuck his head out the window pronouncing 'Nice to meet you C's mom!', and sat back down next to my little boy.

The time flew by. I was enjoying his stories, as he was getting a kick out of mine.
Jumping up a few minutes later, he told me he had to get back to work. 

"I love you mom! I'm glad you guys came" 

"I love you too Boo"

One day that boy I call 'Boo' actually will be a man. A man with a girlfriend, fiance, or wife. A man that may choose a career that leads him to another state. A man that travels, and is only able to pop in once every couple of years. A man who marries a woman whose family takes precedence over ours. 

So for now, if I am his money tree (money 4 inch potted plant actually) then so be it. I will dust off my magic lamp, make him sandwiches when he is hungry, listen to him when he needs me,and help him with his laundry. I will always tell him to shoot for the stars, or chicken nuggets in the shape of stars. Whatever makes him happy.That's just what moms do.

Mom, order ready


  1. That is such a nice story. I got a little teary eyed and now I'm actually looking forward to my own "mom" ticket order one day. You done a fine job. The boy-man will get there, no worries.

  2. Aww, I love this post. Both funny and heartwarming at the same time.

    Agree with Marianne, you've done a fine job!

  3. Marianne- Thank you!I am definitely sure you have a "mom" ticket in your future. Mine is in my keepsake box (a.k.a. junk drawer)

    Lily-Thank you.Some of your posts about you and lil'man remind me of my son and I. The wit,humor and the spawn times!

  4. Awwww, you're makin' me miss my Wild Child. He's 20. He works at a Subway. As a Sandwich Artist. At 20.

    BUT, it's the first time that he actually went out and GOT a job, so I'm so HAPPY!

    1. Wild Child, I like that. Boys are little wild ones aren't they? I always repeated exactly what my parents told me. "We won't have an issue, as long as we know you are trying your hardest" My son wasn't trying his hardest for a few months. But when he is, I am as happy as can be. Us moms aren't really to hard to please.Now it is your sons turn to make YOU a sandwich;)


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