Mean lady in parking lot! That is what I thought about during another sleepless night!

So as I lay there wondering why I was messing with I. Why Me was torturing Me? Why Myself wasn't letting Myself get the sleep it deserved, my brain started doing what it always does when it is spinning out of control in a sleep deprived state. It started replaying certain situations over and over!

That is what I do when I can't sleep. I think about altercations I have had, conversations where I felt one way but acted in another. Where I didn't want to be confrontational,so I wound up not speaking my mind. Be it with strangers,co-workers, friends, family. I think about things that went on during my day, and how I should have handled them, as opposed to how I did handle them. So I figure until I become a different person, or totally alter my personality through brain transplant, I will have dialogues with myself. I will completely re-enact moments from my day, only in my re-enactments, I will be a Bad Ass Chick. (Totally not a phrase I use much)  I won't take shit from anybody! No more Mister Nice Guy (Gal) Maybe this will be a self therapy kind of thing.Or it'll make me seem crazy when my husband or kids walk in on me having conversations with myself. One 'Bad Ass' me yelling at 'wimpy' me! 

Here is one random scene from my day-

I pulled into a Home Depot parking lot to pick up my daughter. It is across the street from her High School, and that is where all the parents pick their kids up. (Well... the smart parents that don't want to wait in the cluster f*ck of a pick up circle ) As soon as I whipped in, I realized I was going a bit fast around the corner,and it startled the driver coming out of the lane. She looked at me like I was the Devil, (or a Bitch)  so I gave her the universal smile/wave/nod that means "My bad!Oops!Sorry!" I mean I really was sorry. For reals!!I hate upsetting people when I am driving. I spaced out at a stop sign once, and went when it wasn't my turn. After realizing it, I found the person, and mouthed the most hearfelt "I'm sorry. So So SORRY" They waved and mouthed "It's O.K." and we were Stop Sign Soulmates after that.
So you see, I don't like people being mad at me.

So this lady (and I am pretty sure she was a carpool mom herself, and not a Home Depot shopper) puts on her brakes, rolls down her window, and mouths "Fucking Idiot"
Oh Boy!!!  I don't like being called names, confrontation gives me diarrhea, so what did I do?  WHAT DID I DO?? Cover your ears.........................I did nothing!!!!! I just gave her  the exaggerated guilt cringe, then smiled/waved/nodded, and pulled up to where my daughter was waiting.I didn't do anything. I even said I was sorry. Gosh that lady hates me now. I will think about this allllll day. Didn't she know I was sorry, and that I am actually a nice person, not a F*cking Idiot!! Insert sad face here. 

But....what I should have done was this- "You know what Lady?Don't get your panties in a bunch. First of all, I didn't even hit your dumb ass!!!!I gave you the universal gesture for 'I'm soooo sorry,'  but screw you, I take my wave back! I take my guilty cringe back! You know what,YOU KNOW WHAT?? Screw that! I take my smile back too!!! and...........ONE LAST THING........ IGNORE MY COEXIST STICKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It doesn't pertain to you!!!"

Now that may have made me feel better!

Coexisting can be hard when there are so many Non-Coexisters
I myself have been guilty of shooting one of my fingers up at someone who cuts me off, then I remember my sticker.
Maybe instead of a sticker, I should get a removable magnet.
Woke up singing with the birds? - Magnet ON
Woke up telling the birds to 'Shut the hell up!!' - Magnet OFF

Selfless Mom - or - Selfish Mom? Sometimes a bit of both!

    Definition of SELFLESS

: having no concern for self : unselfish

Definition of SELFISH

1

: concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others

2

: arising from concern with one's own welfare or advantage in disregard of others <a selfish act>

I have a best friend who always describes me as being a completely selfless person.The most giving person she knows. She also boasts about how my children have always come first, blah, blah, blah!

I think about this sometimes,and I have to say I do agree with her............for the most part!

Why for the 'most part', you ask? Well, the other day at work, I was speaking to another good friend/co-worker of mine and we were talking about how, as mothers, our job is to always protect our children. NO MATTER WHAT! I was wholeheartedly agreeing with her, adding in my 'Uhh Hmmm's!' and 'You Betcha's' and 'Oh, totally 100%'s' But then we both eventually admitted to scenarios where we did not necessarily put our children's safety first. Like invasion of the body snatchers took over our otherwise selfless mom minds and turned us into..................................Oh, can I even admit it?......Turned us into Selfish Moms!!!! Panic, dismay, and a complete sense of self dissapointment had overcome both of us at one time. Well, we had our little secret club now. Confiding in one another, times where as 'Mommies' we acted as purely childless women, with no care for any human life other than our own!

So it got me thinking. I am going to make a mental list of my SELFLESS mom moments and my SELFISH mom moments. I'm really hoping one side outweighs the other.......

• Not planning a meal correctly, resulting in one chicken breast short for my family. Mom winds up with a plate of only green beans and mashed potatoes, NO chicken. Husband and children come first! - Selfless
• Being asked for 1 dollar, 5 dollars, 20 dollars, 150 dollars by my children whether for junk food, mall money, or to help pay an auto mechanic bill. Knowing that the 1 dollar,5 dollars,20 dollars, or 150 dollars (which I had tucked away for a spa day) was the last in my wallet. My spending money for the week...... and of course it goes to the kids. - Selfless
• Having plans for months to go out with a girlfriend who lives about an hour away.Both of us having kids, we have to schedule according to our hectic lives. My daughter tells me, with one days notice, that she has changed her mind; she now wants to attend the school dance with her boyfriend,(because they are going back out) and she would like for me to do her hair and take her to get her nails done. The dance falling on the same night as my plans with a friend that I have not seen in a loooong while. Daughter comes first! - Selfless
• Daughter gets braces, she is in excruciating pain the first few nights. I decide to sleep in her bed with her, just so that I can rub her head, or simply be there as she tosses and turns and wakes up through the night.  Although I have an awful headache myself, and have not been sleeping well, and did I mention her bed is a tiny twin bed? Oh,and did I mention that while sleeping she moves, kicks, and turns around like a Tazmanian Devil on Crack? I swear she has almost broken my rib in her sleep (and that was when she was a tiny infant) - Selfless
• I just bought myself a stylish black top from Macy's. My teen daughter walks in saying that she really, really, REALLY wants to wear something super cute to school tomorrow, and she is tired of all her own clothes.I think to myself 'That black top paired together with her skinny jeans, and black Converse. She'd look pretty darn adorable!' So I yell for her to come back to my room, and I take the BRAND NEW (tags still on) black top out of my closet. Throw it at her, and say "here, try this on!" Of course she loved it, of course she wore it, of course she washed it and shrunk it. It is hers now. I didn't get mad (well, a little mad) - Selfless
• I am not really a big fan of driving on the freeway. In fact for a while I had pretty bad anxiety from it, resulting in the need to drink wine from a sippy cup;I wasn't driving while drinking out of the sippy cup,my husband was.I wanted the quick fix of a shot of Tequila, right before we left on our road trip, but no more Jose Cuervo left from our Margarita weekend the month before. So Wine in a sippy cup was my husbands idea. He wanted it gulped down by the time we got on the freeway so that I wasn't using my 'pretend brakes' or using my 'Oh Shit' handle to hang on for dear life imagining he was going to kill us. My freeway anxiety is slowly fading. Not sure why it came on, not sure why it's going away.Just glad it's almost gone. BUT......while it was in full effect, and I was at the peak of freeway hatred, my son needed me to lend him money so he could get his car out of the shop. He lives about a half hour up the freeway. There is no coastal route to take there, as the city I live in and the city he lives in with my ex is separated by a military base. Maybe I could drive up to the Military Police guarding the entrance, explain my new found anxiety, and ask a teensy weensy favor of them. That favor being,"hey, could you just let me slip onto your base, avoid the freeway, and take some of your 'top secret' military back roads to Orange County, and get my son the money he needs to get his car out of the shop." I decided against bribing a young marine to 'give me a lift in your tank' or 'just let me use some of your back roads,no body has to know'! So......anxiety ridden, white knuckled I made my way to pick up my son, and drive him to the auto repair store up the freeway more,!!!!!!! - Selfless

• Jumping in a Castle Jumpy for my daughters 4th Birthday (she is now 13). I was in there with my daughter, my neighbors daughter, and 2 other little ones. My ex husband accidentally unplugged the jumpy! Have you ever been in a jumpy when it is unplugged? ? ? Well, let me tell you it deflates. It deflates QUICKLY!!!!!!! VERY QUICKLY!!!So I did what came natural to me, and that was to get the hell out of there. I dove. Literally, DOVE out of the little netted opening, rolled down the inflatable landing slide, right onto the grass. All the while screaming "Everyone out!" As I look up, I see the house start to re-inflate. My ex, thank goodness, had realized what he did about 2 seconds after he unplugged it. 2 seconds was all it took though for every parent at the party to stand, stare and realize that J.R. was- Selfish Mom! Isn't it like on an airplane, where they tell you to put your own oxygen mask on first??? I mean , even airline attendants tell you!!! I was saving myself first, giving myself the oxygen mask per say, so that I could then go back in and retrieve the trapped children. Sound reasonable? Anyone?? Anyone?? Fine! O.K.! - Selfish
• Beautiful sunny day in my backyard. Birds are chirping, ice tea is made. Snacks are in a bowl. My brand new library book is in hand. My little 4 year old baby bear is in her splash pool, behaving so well, keeping herself entertained. I look up to see hummingbirds fluttering near our outdoor fish pond. Ahhhh, what a life! What a perfect day off! What a gorgeous existence we have here on this wonderful planet we call Ea ....... What the Hell??? What is that noise? Where is that coming from? BZZZZZZZZZZZZZBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BEE'S Oh Crap BEE'S ZZ   RUN, RUN, RUN, BEE'S, RUN!!!!!BZZZZZZZZBZZZZZZZZZ This was not 1 bee. Not 5 bees, not 50 bees. This was a SWARM!!!!! A swarm that turned the sky black,caused the ground to rumble and shake as though a pack of wild horses were making their way through my back yard.  So I ran. I Ran. I, Me, Myself. ME in the singular sense!I ran to the sliding glass door, and with one foot planted firmly in the safety of my kitchen, I yelled to my precious trusting daughter. The daughter whom I gave birth to. The daughter I breastfed for two, TWO years. The daughter I swore to always protect! I yelled to her "Run, Ki, Run. Get out of your pool, and RUNNNNNNNNNN!"- Now in my defense, I ran to the house in a psychotic panic, like almost blacked out panic! But I am sure I would have snapped out of it and grabbed her, but she is pretty darn quick. She made it to the house, without a single sting. She was fine, perfectly fine!; Thank God!!! (But maybe I will be talking to a therapist about this,because it has to be the symptoms of early onset multiple personality syndrome. That was NOT me, it had to be one of my EVIL SELFISH personalities. The real J.R. would never leave her child in danger, while only saving herself. I will make an appointment tomorrow. Get this straightened out!!!) O.K. No excuses- Selfish

Selfless definitely outweighs Selfish. I mean, I think so......
So the moral of this post is this. If any of you, any of you at all, are in the process of creating your will. And you are struggling with whom to leave your precious little ones with. Do not hesitate to entrust them in my care. I will love them, nurture them, give them hugs & kisses, feed them my chicken, hand them the shirt off my back, drive them to school dances, and fork over to them my last bit of money. I care and love more than I think is humanly possible. My husband sometimes says I care too much ( not that he doesn't ) but my life basically revolves around my children. And it will revolve around yours too. Cross my heart, hope to die........... Wait, the dying part...let's discuss that.I obviously have an issue with that. 

Bee Stings?


DEATHLY AFRAID OF BEE'S!

Suffocation by Bounce House? 

NOT MY THING!!!!!


Maybe you shouldn't trust me with your children. I can barely keep mine safe.

For the record:
* I would like a do over. I swear I will be better next time. You can test me. If you know of anybody that rents out swarms of bees for the day, preferably trained and tame, I swear, I PROMISE, I will first scoop my daughter up before I run into the house. 

Next party, we are renting a Bounce House. I will tell my husband to unplug that sucker, and I will grab every single child and carry them out to safety. 

I will then re post this same list in one year. It will only have SELFLESS moments! Unless that pesky other personality wants to come out and play. I shall call her Shelly. Selfish Shelly! Don't ever, under any circumstance, ever leave your children with her. 

My High School Drama Teacher Once Said........

My freshman year in high school I took drama. Looking back, I am surprised I did. I loved being outgoing in front of my friends, but at that time in my life, I certainly was not the most self confident young girl.
But it covered my elective credits, and my best friend got switched into my same period class and she promised me we'd get through it together.

Well, get through it was about all we did. I SUCKED!!!! I mean, I tried, I really tried, but like I said, I did not have an overflow of confidence. I had boy short hair and braces (the boy short thing having to be done, since I was coming off of a little stint of trying the whole 'new wave' look of almost shaved short on one side, and comes around long on the other side. Well, I had to get rid of the long side, since I was so over that cut after summer) One of the first skits we had to do was from Little Women, I can't even remember what character I played, but I know my 'sisters' and I were supposed to be sitting around drinking tea, and chatting with one another.

I basically played the whole scene with my tea cup covering my mouth, to hide my giggles. See, I did not like getting in trouble. My friend? Yah, the opposite. So she spent the whole time laughing, which then made me laugh. But...... I was a good student. Good in the sense, that I didn't disrespect my teacher, and I actually REALLY listened when he talked. And boy did he talk. He was a very passionate drama teacher, VERY PASSIONATE.

I just told you this little short story because... well... I don't know, but the point is this. Well, keep reading, I really will get to a point.

I was an awful, horrible little actress (in my room alone, I was Meryl 'fricking' Streep. In class? Forget it!!)  and definitely not a student that stood out in his class, but something he said always stood out to me.

He said this, in an extremely dramatic over the top tone (which was how he said everything) for instance : " Haaaallll Passsss! You would like to have USE of the HALL PASSSSSS! Why, YES You May" - then he would stare at you for a few seconds, wave his hand in the air, and push his glasses  back onto the bridge of his nose.  O.K that was an example of his tone, but this is what he said:

"I detest going to the Movie Theater. Full of rowdiness, sticky floors, and sounds of obesity chewing on popcorn. But if I MUUUST go and invest my time in sitting through a Beautiful work of Art that is laid out for me on a giant screen, then I absolutely, under no circumstance, ever leave before the very last credit has rolled. I only stand up when the lights have turned on. Because class, it is not just the actors on the stage who made that film work. But it is a collaboration! My years spent performing in theater, I have played many roles. The actor,the understudy,the light man, the sound man,the stage designer,and simply someone who swept behind the curtain. But I was proud. So when those credits rooolllll, I want you to paaaay attention, past the main actors names, paaaast the supporting actors, paaaaaaast the music, because I know you may wait to look up a song that was in a scene, but just REMEMBER.(slamming his cane thingy down on the ground) There are makeup artists, prop technicians, food service workers who all know their name is going to be up on that screen, yet sadly, they know that nobody will see it.They are proud and their moms are proud. Show them some RESPECT! They helped make this motion picture an Academy Award winner! Claaaassss Dismissed!" 


Do I do this for every movie I go to? Sadly, No
Have I done it here and there,when time and patience allows? Yes
By 'here and there' do I mean, just once? YES- I really have the best intentions though, and the thought is always there. Those words truly have always stuck with me.

WHAT IS YOUR POINT J.R.? GEEZ

So I was looking at my blog list, and of course reading the updated blogs from those whom I follow, and it got me thinking. Every blogger had their first posts. Their posts that were being written to an empty audience, but they wrote anyway. The "Middle Posts" probably get ignored the most. Kinda like the Middle Child Syndrome. So I am going to make it a personal goal to sit and read, from first to last, every single post from the blogs I follow. I don't have a deadline set for myself, I will do this at my leisure ~or~ at my 'lazy ass' time, but I am going to do it. It is like the newest posts are the Main Actors, and the old posts are the Food Service Technicians. 

But what would those Main Actors be without some Food and Water?

"Your Blog is Becoming a Fire Hazard"-Quote from my Husband

• So, my husband was BBQ'ing some chicken breasts that we had marinated all day in yummy teriyaki sauce. He got the charcoal going, waiting for the coals to be red hot. 
• After coals are hot enough, he puts chicken on the grill
• He then walks inside the house (as it is cold outside, so he keeps coming in and out,as opposed to the summertime when he just stands over the BBQ with a beer in one hand)
• I am sitting on the couch, with my laptop next to me.
• I excitedly exclaim "I have 17 followers now" Followed by, "Did you read the post I wrote about C?"
• He then sits next to me on couch, and proceeds to talk with me about my blog. Conversation going like this:

 "I am really glad I bought you this laptop for Christmas. Seeing you really enjoying it makes me feel good about the purchase"

"I am too. You know how I stay up late at night? That is when I always imagined myself writing. While you were sleeping, but I never wanted to go downstairs and sit at the desk. Now I can be up in bed, writing"

"I can tell how much you are enjoying your blogging. Like it is bringing 'you out' like you are 'blossoming' or something. This has been great for you."

"Oh babe, thank you for being so supportive. I was afraid my new love affair with my laptop was going to start bumming you out. Or you were going to start getting sick of my blog talk. Which by the way, some of these ladies are really funny. You should let me read some to you sometime" 

"Oh fer sure, yeah looking forward to it"  - In between  watching football and basketball, working, fishing, fishing, and working, planting a new palm tree, going to the beach, watching sports, and making a new fishing rod. 

"Ohh, Babe, you are so supportive of my writing and my blog. I love that you actually listen to me talk about it, and that you actually care. Wow, pookie, snookie, lovey dovey, you are the bestest!!"

"Of course I love hearing you go on, and on,and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on......." - If I listen to her, maybe she'll repay me later with some lovin'

"Aww, babe! Hugs!!"

" SHIT!! FUCK!! THE BARBECUE!" -goes RUNNING out to the porch to find flames shooting out from under the lid of his little charcoal grill.

I look up and can see the reflections of the flames in one of our glass picture frames on the wall. Crap, he's gonna be pissed!

I only hear muffled yells coming from outside, but they went a little something like this:

" FUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKK!!!!"

Then the sliding glass door opens, he grabs a spatula and tongs, goes back outside where he proceeds to peel the black layer of burnt skin off of the chicken breasts. But the grill had heated up to such a high temperature, that he was only able to peel little bits off at a time, before having to stand back from the heat and take a break. 

I, on the other hand, was standing inside, staring at him through the sliding glass door. I was trying to keep the smirk on my face hidden. I don't know why, but sometimes situations like this happening to my husband make me laugh. Evil, I know!

"Shhhhiiiittttt, this is HOT! The chicken is ruined, I got most of the burnt skin off, but..........Shit!"

Then he came inside....... 

and all of the LOVEY DOVEY 

SNOOKIE POOKIE

I love your BLOGGY WOGGY

BLOSSOM WOSSOM went out the door

and was replaced with this...........





"YOUR BLOG TALK IS BECOMING A FIRE HAZARD.

IT MADE ME BURN THE CHICKEN!"

Yummy!!

*Wow, blogs are more powerful than I realized.
MY blog has fire starting powers!
What other blog can make that claim?

I wonder what my toothbrush can do........

* the chicken turned out fine after we peeled off the burnt layers,hubby calmed down, and he has gone back to his supportive ways. He'd better be supportive and nice.
He wouldn't want my blog and I lightin his ass on fire..........!!!

My Son is ...gulp...Almost a Man!

My Son is the oldest, but still my baby. I am feeling a bit mushy about him right now, so if you feel the mush in this post, I apologize. It probably won't last long. That little sucker will probably upset me again in a week. 

Upset is more humorous than mush! 

My son will be 18 years old on Valentines Day. Yup, the day of love. And boy I love him! From the  moment he kicked me in my bladder and made me pee my maternity pants, I knew he was a keeper! Boys are great, they love their momma's like nobody else can. But little boys grow into big boys. Sometimes big boys are dirty,rude,lazy,disrespectful slobs who can play Xbox Call of Duty until 3 in the morning, but can't figure out the washing machine. They can eat a whole bag of Doritos and finish up the last bit of Orange Juice straight from the carton, but won't take the time to make a sandwich. But we love 'em!!
Yes, my little boy who was once the sidekick of all sidekicks, is going to be a man soon. Man may be to strong of a word though, and honestly I'm not quite sure he is ready for what being a man entails.

This 'little boy/man' had been slacking the last few months on looking for a job.His first job was awesome,but unfortunately he got laid off, and for some bizarre reason,he was under the assumption that he had reached his quota for the year as far as labor. The moment he was laid off, we started pushing him to find a job.

Job talk dialogue:

Adult: Hey how about after school you go to Stater Brothers, Albertsons, any grocery store for that matter. Fill out an application.There is the one right across the street from your school. It is a good place to get your foot in the door, especially for benefits and stuff.

Teen that thinks money grows on trees: Nawww! Grocery stores are kinda lame.

Adult: - speechless- (but inside thinking, really?? Did you really just say that?)

Adult: Lame? It's a job, what is 'lame' about it?

Teen that thinks Genie and his magic lamp are going to show up: I don't know. Ty and Kevin work at Stater Brothers, and they are always complaining about all the hours. They hate it there, like it's boring, and just Grocery stores are so generic.

Adult: Oooo.Kkkkk. Well, what about the restaurants that are all around dads house? You could be a busboy, make tips. One of my first jobs was hostessing at the restaurant on the pier,and even hostessing I made good tips.

Teen that thinks maybe he will meet a Sugar Momma soon: Tips would be cool!!! Yeah, I went into that coffee shop that my old English teacher opened up. They aren't hiring anymore,but I talked with him, and he said he'd let me know if they ever need anyone. So I've tried restaurants.

Adult: You have "tried restaurants" Sssss. With an 'S' on the end?

Teen that is just waiting for a long lost uncle to mention him in his will: Wellll, I mean I drove by a few, but they didn't have signs on the window. I'll go to some places tomorrow.

Adult: SIGNS IN THE WINDOW? What do you think this is, Mels Diner? People don't put signs in the window anymore.

Teen that maybe I breastfed too long,held too much, coddled to an extreme, waited on hand and foot,made sandwiches for because he 'didn't know how to', did laundry for,you get the point: Who's Mel? Is he hiring? Can you get me a job there?

Well,I am proud to say he is now a proud member of the high school student workforce.He has a corner office with an ocean view,and earns 6 figures a year. NOT!!! He is employed at a local city baseball field concession stand. At first I was a bit agitated, but kept it to myself. I mean Concession Stand? So you are going to sell candy bars and popcorn for Little League games? Way to go son!! How is their 401k option? Health Benefits? Wow !! Awesome.

But I did not show my disdain for his journey into the world of Hot Dog carts. I smiled, like any good mom, then shot my husband  a "just smile" glance from the other side of the living room. I could tell he was pumped about this new job. I have not heard him this excited since I surprised him and took him to see Weird Al Yankovich in concert when he was 9.I have not seen his face light up this much since a girl in 8th grade texted him a picture of herself in her bikini. ( which I then made him erase immediately, and proceeded to lecture him for about 2 hours on the dangers of sexting, and having respect for women, ALL women!  I said "you have respect for me right?"  Well, when I was a teenager they didn't have cell phones, but if they had, and hypothetically speaking, if I was the type of teen girl who thought she looked pretty cute in her fluorescent yellow bikini with the pink flower in the middle, and her matching scrunchi, and pink hoop earrings from Contempo to match, and I texted a picture of myself to a boy, who I use to drool over every day at the beach,and lets say that boy forwarded that picture to 300 of his closest friends. "Well how would you feel if someone did that to me?" He then asked to be excused, and went into the bathroom , where I heard faint vomiting sounds for about 20 minutes) I guess comparing 14 year old me with his 14 year old crush did the trick, or made him sick. Either way, hope it made a point!!

Our next adult question was how many hours are they going to be giving you?

Teen who may be doing his college thesis on the evolution of the hot dog: Well, I'm on a trial basis at first. But I will know more later.

Adult: - Smile -

Well, I decided to drive up to Orange County yesterday evening to check him out at his new job. He told me to come around 6, and maybe he'd be able to take a break and "hang with me".

I tell you what!! Popcorn & Candy this is not! Some of the items on the 'le menu' (trying to sound fancy)

• Teriyaki Chicken Rice Bowl
• Spinach Wrap
• Maui Teriyaki Burger
• Chicken Ceasar Salad

YUM!

A mothers bond with her son is almost unexplainable. It is amazing that someone can piss you off so bad, that you have hung up on him, almost wanted to wipe his smart ass smirk off of his smart ass face, almost wanted to spank his 'smart' ass,but you can't because he is now way taller than you. Hunted him down at a party, because he snuck out, and you know he is at that Vic kids house, where you know the parents are the 'cool' parents that let them drink. Dam those parents!!!! But I make cookies, doesn't anyone want to come to our house? 

All these things get washed away when you head up a cement ramp towards a 'Gourmet' Concession Stand and see a smile so big that it is visible even through the handprints on the glass of a walk up order window. All the ups and downs of the teen years are put aside, when you see your son grab the aluminum handle on that sliding window, shove it open, and stick half of his 5'11'' body out of the tiny opening.

"Hey Mom" 

I kiss the top of his head, and shove him back in the window.

He takes my order,and lets me know that he will come out in a minute to eat his burger and take his break with his sister and I.  He has a funny laugh as he writes my order down on his little ticket pad. Normally with a food establishment full of teenage boys, I would wonder if the laugh was an insight as to how my food was going to turn out, but then I remembered it was my son. Surely he wouldn't spit in my food.

He comes out a few minutes later with his cheeseburger and gives me a huge hug.I would have kept hanging on, but I composed my sappy self. 

"Look at you dealing with the public, taking orders and stuff!" 

"Ummhhhhchch YUP I mmlikemm working chhhheremmm" Scarfing down his cheeseburger, like a contestant who just won a challenge on Survivor Island.
"Where is our food C?"

"Your order will be called soon mom" - and again with the funny little laugh

So I watched him eat, listened to his story of the first customer that got a tad bit upset at him for not serving him fast enough, heard all about his new friends (both from school and work), and glanced around the fields. It is kinda a happening place. All lit up for night games. Skate park, toddler playground, and of course baseball/softball teams galore. The place was pretty packed from people in the stands watching their family members play, to families waiting for their C'est Magnifique food orders. 

Then I hear it, the reason for my almost grown man of a son to be giggling like he did when he was 5  watching the Rugrats. My name was being called from the loudspeakers, and I noticed people looking around.

"Mom"

"Order ready for MOM"

"Mom your orders ready"
"Tiki Tenders for MOM"

I look at my son, who in turn is looking up at the window to his buddies. They are inside laughing as well, and then I get a huge smile on my face. I didn't feel like an outsider. I didn't feel stupid, or as though they were laughing 'at me'. I felt like I was let in. Let in on a joke, let in on his job, let in with his new circle of friends, let in to his life.He wasn't embarrassed of me, but rather the opposite. He was happy I was there. I walked up, grabbed my Chicken Tenders from a nice boy who stuck his head out the window pronouncing 'Nice to meet you C's mom!', and sat back down next to my little boy.

The time flew by. I was enjoying his stories, as he was getting a kick out of mine.
Jumping up a few minutes later, he told me he had to get back to work. 

"I love you mom! I'm glad you guys came" 

"I love you too Boo"

One day that boy I call 'Boo' actually will be a man. A man with a girlfriend, fiance, or wife. A man that may choose a career that leads him to another state. A man that travels, and is only able to pop in once every couple of years. A man who marries a woman whose family takes precedence over ours. 

So for now, if I am his money tree (money 4 inch potted plant actually) then so be it. I will dust off my magic lamp, make him sandwiches when he is hungry, listen to him when he needs me,and help him with his laundry. I will always tell him to shoot for the stars, or chicken nuggets in the shape of stars. Whatever makes him happy.That's just what moms do.

Mom, order ready

Squeaky Brakes=OMG Mom!Your car is sooo embarrassing

It all started with a very quick, faint, squeaky sound as I was pulling into the parking lot at work. The sound almost went unnoticed, as Adele was serenading me through my speakers. It was like a "Rollin in the Deep" duet, just Adele and I, two extraordinary singers, harmonizing as one. Kidding! Kidding! I couldn't carry a tune if my life depended on it. I tried to sing a love song to my husband in bed one night, and he has never (and I mean NEVER) let me live it down.It is a story that he tells at BBQ's, get together's, and one day, I'm sure,my funeral. I am thankful my kids let me sing to them when they were young.Puff the Magic Dragon and You Are My Sunshine were always requested.
*I should probably have their hearing tested.

Right as I was zipping into my parking space, I turned off my ipod, and heard the most god awful, nails on a chalkboard, wretched sound! I darted my head around wondering whose car was responsible for contaminating my ears. Then it dawned on me, as my car crept about 5 more feet, that the blood curdling sound came from my car.Whaaaat?? When did that start?

So I did what most women would do, I sent my husband a text.

Me: Car making weird noise

Husband: How

Me: Squeeeeaaaakkkk.

Phone Rings

Ring ~ Ring

Me answering my phone: Hey

Husband: Babe you can't text me sounds. Now, What is it doing?

Me: Squeeeaaakkk. Squuueeeeakkk. EEEeeeeeh EEEeeeeehh

Husband: I'll have to look at it when you get home

Me: You mean you can't tell what it is from my sound imitation?

Husband: Silent

Me: I'm kidding

So of course my husband looks at it when I get home. 

So of course he takes it for a test drive.

So of course he says "I don't hear anything.Your car is fine"

Why does that happen? It never makes the sound for a husband or mechanic. I have stood in many a car repair shop making a fool of myself, trying to mimic the clatter coming from my engine, only to have the service technician tell me 

'Sorry Miss, I don't hear a thing.Now what was that sound again?' 

'Varoop,Varoop! Clickaaahh,Clickaaah! Varoop, Varoop! Pssshhhhh! Then it dies!'

'Hmmff, Sorry I'm not laughing Mam, I have something in my throat. O.K. can you do that one more time?'

Somewhere on You Tube, there is a compilation mash-up video of women making numerous car noises. I just know those repair places have video of us, and they are piecing them together, mashing them up to some popular hip hop songs, and turning it into some Mommy Beat Boxing. We probably have a million or more hits, and we don't even know it ladies. 

Fast forward 2 weeks (2 weeks of me imitating the sounds, and 2 weeks of the stubborn sounds not performing during my husbands test drive)

Finally, Finally he borrows my car to take our daughter to do errands, and when they come back, she is the first to greet me in the kitchen. 

B -15 year old daughter: "He heard it!! He totally heard it"

Husband:It's your brake pads. They need to be replaced. 

Me: See I told you! 

So that was a week ago, and he is going to actually fix it tomorrow morning for me. Thanks M!

But, let me tell you what it is like having teenage daughters and a car that makes sounds. 

Really awful, ear splitting, high pitched noises that will not stop,no matter what you do ( well it stops, but only when the car stops, which isn't an option when you are driving) 

I pull out of my driveway this morning to take K my 13 year old daughter to school. I secretly pray to the heavens above to just let me get her dropped off before my mom mobile wants to start screeching at me, and I get maybe a 2 minute reprieve, ..............and then it starts. 

'Squuueeeeeeeeeaaaaakkkk EEEEeeeeeeeeehhhhhh EEEEEEeeeeehhhhh EEEEEeehhhhhhhhh'

.......and then she starts

EEEeeeeehhhhhh OH MY GOD EEEeeeeehhhhhh

MOM THIS IS SOOOO EMBARRASSING

EEEeeeeehhhhh

Me Laughing: Honey, It's not that embarrassing. It'll stop before we pull up to the drop off.

K trying not to laugh: It's not stopping!!

Me still laughing: It's gonna stop.

K still trying to maintain her teen composure, and not show a smile: It's sooo loud.It's not stopping.

Me, cracking up: Uh Oh, we are almost to the drop off. You want me to drop you off up the hill, and you can walk down?

K: Arrghh, I'm gonna be late, you have to drop me off up front. Make it stop mom!

Me, not laughing, because as we get closer, I too am getting a bit embarrassed: I'll write you a note for being late, let me just drop you off up here at the stop sign. 

K: Mom, now you're embarrassed??? Just pull in the drop off, I'm gonna be late. Why me? 

~Silence~

Me: It stopped!! Yeaahh!

K: O.K. hurry, pull up, let me out!! 

Me: Bye, Love......DOOR SLAMS SHUT....You

As I start to pull out of the drop off, the sound starts up again. Slowly, gaining momentum with each roll forward. Scrreeeeccchhhhhhhh!!! EEEeeeehhh!! Squeeeaaakkkk!!!

I look in my rear view mirror, and sure enough I can see her. She is speed walking away from the curb, as fast as she can.Completely mortified, but at one more glance I notice her turn around and give a little wave and a half smile. Dying of humiliation,in fear of losing a popularity point, but still a glimmer of 'I love you mom' - even though your car is a rolling billboard of ridiculousness! ' I love you mom'  I didn't mean to slam the door so quickly. 'I love you mom' 

I start to get a bit of a lump in my throat that she took the time to turn around, and then I see it. Her B.F.F. step out from behind a little bush, and they hug. 

"O.K. I am a loser! She was waving at Bre, not me!" - Punch in the gut for mom!

I give my dashboard a little love tap, and whisper softly "Come on, let's embarrass the hell out of her"

I pull up in the driveway, get Ki out of her booster seat - 

" I love you mommy" 

"I know you do sweetheart" 

And then, my phone buzzes in my purse-  A text from K

Teenagers, they can surprise you

Thank Goodness it is getting fixed tomorrow.

There are noise pollution laws in our fine city.

I just TYPE and hit Publish. What is all the other crap?

I created a blog a year ago.
I thought it could be a way for me to release some of my thoughts.
A way to just write,write,write. I can't even send a short text. Short email (even for business)?Forget about it, it's not possible for me. I write like I talk, and I love to talk in detail. I move my hands around ALOT when I talk. I always have to 'show' what I am talking about. The checker at the grocery store asked me if I was Italian, because of all my hand gestures as I was explaining to him that I forgot my re-usable bags, but I will have plastic, but don't worry we use the plastic for other things, so it is kinda like recycling anyway, blah, blah,blah. No I am not Italian, but I guess Italians use alot of hand gestures. I do make people offers they can't refuse, so hmmmm...... Maybe the guy at the grocery store knows something I don't.I am OBSESSED with Housewives of New Jersey
(although I am obsessed with all reality t.v.)


Anyway, for the first 11 months of having a blog it was set to private. I just wrote for myself, but pretending I had followers. I investigated all the privacy stuff, read other peoples opinions, tried to understand all of the settings, changed the background and look of my blog about a million times.
Finally deciding on a picture of our plumeria tree in our backyard. My daughter took the picture with her cell phone camera. She is an aspiring photographer ( not really ) but she takes a TON of pictures with her phone, and they are actually good. Like REALLY, REALLY good.Her phone takes better quality pictures than my expensive, digital, million megapixel,foo foo camera. As long as she sticks to Plumerias, Sunsets, and the occasional self portrait in her mirror for her Facebook profile, I am good. If that Camera Phone even goes one step in the direction of  "Sexting" I will lock her up, and throw away the key. Oh, and take that phone away faster than she can say "Buuut Moooom!!"


So I go to Create Post
I type, I laugh (yes I laugh at my own stories. I was also my first follower. Self love is important, that is what my spiritual self help books say. I love buying self help books because they always seem so .....so.....umm, well they have nice covers, and I always mean to get around to reading them.....but ... anyway)
I do click on the spell check button. (then I see way more yellow highlighted words than I thought I was going to see. Me sometimes making up my owns words and all) 
I then ignore the spell check.
I hit Publish
Waa Laa!! 
New Post Created 


Before I admit to the stuff I am not quite hip to, let me take a moment to go over the stuff I do understand about computers. So you won't think I am a total idiot. ( I was an exchange student, remember? So, I mean, I am kinda smart)
I work in an office first of all. I have worked there for 11 years.  When I started I had absolutely no computer knowledge,but I was needed only as an assistant to my boss, and she wasn't even sure what she needed me for. She liked me and hired me. (I do have a certain charm) In fact, my first day she looked at me and said "hmmm, what should I have you do?" She then sent me to the grocery store to buy soda and snacks for the company refrigerator. Then she read my resume, and for hobbies I had put down that I re-finish and paint furniture. So she brought in an old coffee table and had me re-finish it for her.


Eventually, they bought me my own computer for my desk. I stopped painting and grocery shopping, and was sent to a Quickbooks class. (unfortunately I spent half the day in the bathroom with stomach issues. So thank god they had sent me there with another employee, who is now one of my best friends) She is uber smart, so basically she trained me. I did payroll for about 5 years. I use Microsoft Word for typing documents. I can make my way around Excel, a tad bit, but never have a need for it.I can navigate my way around a computer in a way that can make me seem like a computer whiz (well, a whiz compared to someone who hasn't touched a computer since the days of the green apple screen, playing Oregon Trail)
But here is what I don't quite have figured out about Blogger:

• HTML - Huh? I just type and publish remember
• Insert Jump Break - I played around with it one day, kinda get it, mostly don't
• To the right, On Post Settings, Then Options- Backlinks? Allow or Don't Allow? Huh???? 
• Compose Mode- Show HTML literally? or Interpret typed HTML?? WTF??
• Line Breaks - Use <br> tag-or- Press "Enter" for line breaks    - I just want to write and people to read
• At the bottom of your blog where it says 'Links to this blog'?? Nope, don't get it. Won't click on it. 
• Labels- Clicked on that, o.k. Got it!! 
• Probably tons of other crap
• How do some people have that extra menu bar under their title? Like About Me, FAQ's, Blah, Blah. I looked into this and,WOW,the directions freaked me out.Here was one of the helpful answers to my question:

In fact, here is how Blogger does it. They place an invisible outer shell of the Blogger navbar as a static-positioned HTML element (the default) with height 30px right after the <body> tag so that it pushed the rest of the blog down 30 pixels, and then they make the inner shell of the Blogger navbar have absolute positioning which pops it out of its parent element's constraints so it can expand across the entire page. Example:

<html>

<head>

<style>

#myNavbar {

  height: 30px;

  padding: 0px;

  margin: 0px;

}

#myNavbar div {

  position: absolute;

  left: 0px;

  padding: 0px;

  margin: 0px;

  width: 100%;

  z-index: 10;

}

</style>

</head>

<body>

<div id='myNavbar'>

  <div>Your Navbar Goes Here</div>

</div>

...
</body>

</html>

OH, that TOTALLY helped me. Now I get it! 

NOT!!!!

Static Position?

Parent Element?

Inner Shell?

Outer Shell?

Anyway guys (gals). Until I have all of this crap figured out, which may never happen, I will just type,and publish! Hope you are all o.k. with that. 

Oh, and if any of you are thinking, 'Wow she is a complete, frickin idiot' - Well, keep that to yourself. It'll just make me feel bad,and then I will have to dust off one of my self help books. 

I can't sleep,and THIS is what goes through my head??!!

I wrote this post after a sleepless night a couple of nights ago. It is a bunch of jumble, mixed with actual sentences, mixed with more jumble. I saved in drafts and forgot to publish (that is how tired I was) 

I can't sleep.But I'm tired!
Does Excedrin really have that much caffeine in it?
Could that be why I feel dead tired,but am grinding my teeth at the same time?

I am super tired!Extremely exhausted! Where you can't stop yawning, and one eye is even drooping.  I thought for sure as soon as my head hit the pillow I'd be sound asleep in slumber land, but noooooooooooooo!!!!!!!! This did not happen, I tossed, I turned, I mumbled really awful cuss words (like the really, really awful ones)  So I gave up! I turned the T.V. on hoping that staring at the screen would help speed up the sleepytime process. I had about 5 Law & Order SVU's recorded, and I figured I would get started on them. What happened next? Well I marathoned it. Watched em' all!!! I want to say this though. A word of advice! Weekly episodes of SVU, I can handle. 6 episodes back to back, I would think twice about.That much SVU in one time period is not good for the mind.The show is phenomenal! It rocks (even with Elliott gone) But the subject matter is never easy, so after that marathon,( mixed with a night of insomnia which is never good for my wandering mind) I am warning my son never,EVER to send away for a  Russian Mail Order Bride, because the Russian mafia will hunt him down, demand money, and kill his new wife. My daughter will be forewarned to never, EVER step off a bus in New York, and confuse the kindness of a young man for the kindness of a pimp.I will never let my child take the subway to school alone, even if I practiced with them for a week straight and gave them a new cell phone in case of emergency.Oh wait we don't have subways here by the beach.Pretty much, my children will never go to New York. Kidding, about the New York thing, (one of my daughters wants to go there when she graduates, so I told her we'd start looking into it. NYU, here we come! Actually I think she just wants to go shopping in New York, I am the one thinking College. She is thinking Fashion) Every city, every town has their problems.Even Sunny San Diego!  But boy that show can mess a mom up. I need to take a mental break from Law & Order SVU.

So I turned off the T.V. at about 2:00 a.m. and waited for my body to just give in, and relax.

Doo, doo,doo, la la la!! Ummm, o.k.


Wow my husband breathes loud


Is that the cable box making that sound? 


What is that sound?


Is water dripping?


Should I just go downstairs and have a bowl of Reeses Puff Cereal? God that cereal is good!


I hate walking downstairs late at night......why am I such a scaredy cat?


Should I wake M up and tell him I can't sleep?? No, that's mean


Did I set the coffee pot timer?


I wonder why he never sets the coffee pot timer? 


Why am I the only one who gets the coffee pot ready?


I'm gonna boycott being the coffee wife. See if he notices, see if he does it. 


He's a good husband. 


Did I save that love note he left in my car the other day?


Shit, I hope I didn't throw it away.


My car is a mess. 


I should have put money away for College for the kids


I shouldn't beat myself up for not doing that. Lots of people don't!


They can get student loans.


GOD, Why am I even thinking of College. So far none of the older ones show any interest.That could change though. O.K. J.R. stop stressing, deep breaths. 
My five year old may want to go. If I start saving now, what will that add up to?............
Will the light from phone calculator wake him up? 


Poor guy, deserves to sleep. He works so hard. I love him!


But he could set the coffee timer sometime. I mean atleast once a week.


God he is snoring, annoying! I should plug his nose!


Oh, he stopped snoring on his own, thank god!


Law & Order stuff, Wow! that last episode disturbed me. I'm gonna check on the kids.


Kids are good, sound asleep. I love my beautiful sleeping children,


Is the cable box humming now? I never noticed that before.


What do I want to do with my life? Oh god, am I too old to even think that? 
I mean my life is already half way over.  


I love my job, I mean it's not my passion,but I love the people. 


What is my PASSION? 


PASSION?? Was that Elizabeth Taylors perfume?


Some old man once told me I look like a  young Elizabeth Taylor with my dark hair and blue eyes. I should google her. If I turn on my laptop will he wake up?




GO TO SLEEP!!!! STOP TALKING TO YOURSELF!!


Why am I grinding my teeth to the tune of  an Eazy E song?? 
WEEEIIIIRRRRDDD!! 
Why is 'The Boyz in the Hood' even in my brain right now?






 I should start scrapbooking more. 


I actually have alot of scrapbooking supplies. I like buying them, just don't get around to using them


Tomorrow I am going to get some of my boxes of pictures down from the rafters


How do 'Scrapbooking Mom's' find so much time to scrapbook. Who invented 'Scrapbooking?"


I don't know enough about politics,I hate when people bring it up. I can't even define myself. I am conservative,but liberal.
I'm a Conservative Liberal! That's it! 
Why can't everyone in the world just get along? I wonder what God thinks of us.
I wonder what God thinks of me
We should start going to church.
Church was sooo boring though.
Oh my god I remember when my brother ditched CCD, and the nun called my mom. My brother was BAD, but he was my hero. 
I was a good teenager..................... until my Senior year, then all bets were off


I just laughed out loud. Hope I don't wake M up. 
Do they still make Boones Farm Strawberry Hill? 
I'm gonna look next time I'm at the Liquor store.




How do smart computer people just 'KNOW' everything about computers. I wish I could suck the information out of their brain, and put it in mine. 


It's weird


I am smart. I feel like some people don't know how smart I am. Some people make me feel dumb because they are smarter than me. When people make me feel dumb,I should say 
" I was an exchange student in high school"
I actually do say that sometimes. 
I want to go back to Japan someday.


I just laughed outloud thinking of an episode of The Office. Oops hope I didn't wake M up

The Office makes me happy. I miss Michael, but the show is still funny. 

What was that noise?


Where is the baseball bat?


Oh, the Dam cat.

Everything happens for a reason


I believe that


Do I believe that?

Who made that up?


God, I'm soooo tired, and I have to go to work tomorrow. 


I wish I didn't have to work.


I need to play the lottery


I want to write a book


Who would be my main character?


Who would be my main character?


God that lady in the parking lot was soooo pissed today. I totally smiled at her too. I shouldn't have smiled the second time. She didn't deserve it. 


Sometimes I'm too nice. I wish I could be a bitch


I am a bitch to my husband sometimes
You always hurt the ones you love
Bitch Bitch Bitch 




Why am I so non-confrontational?
I am confrontational when I drink
Aren't we all? 
That's it, I could just walk around with a drink in my hand all day, like Karen on Will & Grace, with a Martini. 


I just laughed out loud again,thinking of myself with a martini glass picking K up from pre-school or walking into work. 


D would like a martini, she likes vodka. 


I hate Vodka
I would have to walk around with a Margarita or Rum & Coke

Oh god,that one time I gulped straight Vodka...........


He just rolled over. Did my laughing wake him up?


Why am I still Awake???


O.K. lets get serious about sleep. Breathe, relax. Stop thinking about stupid, weird crap!

'Since you've been gooone, I can breathe for the first time. I'm so movin oooonn, Yeah, Yeah

Thanks to you

Now I get what I waaaant

Since you've been gone'

Grinding my teeth to Kelly Clarkson, Nice!




I'm gonna cry!


I'M GOING TO CRY!! 


What was that beeping?
Is that the coffee pot turning on?
What time is it?


-crying-






Everything about me was exhausted, EVERYTHING. My brain, my eyes, my pinky toe. I love sleeping. If I went on a game show, I would be pretty excited hearing Bob Barker yell to me through his strangely long and skinny microphone..

"You have just won a lifetime supply of NAPS!!" 

"YES!!! THANK YOU"

"Or.......you can pass, and try for the BRAND NEW CAR!!"

"NOPE, I'LL TAKE THE LIFETIME OF NAPS!!!!Thanks Bob"

*lily at http://theincoherentramblingsofasingleparent.blogspot.com had a sleepless night a few nights ago. I think she jinxed me! Kidding!

Insomnia has never entered my life, never knocked at my door. But it has decided to stay. Since I wrote this a few nights ago, I have had a few sleepless nights. So This may be my theme for a bit. But Hopefully not. 

I just dropped my daughter off at pre-school and after I got back in my car realized I had 2 different colored ugg boots on. A dark brown and a light tan!!! That mixed with my flat bed head! Do you think they call CPS for unmatching fashion.

"Yes this is Sunshiny Pre-School. We would like to report a mom"

"Yes, what seems to be the problem?"

" Well, we have a mom who is usually well groomed, and looks ready for her work day. But today was a bit different. We are actually worried for the childs well being"

"Does the child have bruises, visible scars?"

"No but the mom had on TWO different colored Ugg boots. Dark Brown and Light Tan. With grey sweats, one leg tucked in the boot, the other out. And an oversized sweatshirt that had peanut butter on the arm. Well, I hope it was peanut butter."

"O.K. keep the child safe until we arrive. If the mother tries to pick her up, try to stall her. And by god, call 911 if she shows up with those hideous unmatching Uggs again.!!" 

I am a Closet Lazy Ass, and I am Proud (well, secretly proud)

Anyone who looks at me probably just thinks I never stop. I'm always on the go!

'Wow,how does she do it?'


'Where does she find the time?'


'Did you see that bed she refinished and painted?'

Yes I am busy, yes I carpool, work, have a scheduled calendar in my purse as well as a smartphone calendar just for alarm purposes. I make crafts during Holidays, bake Birthday cakes for family members, drive my kids all over town, have parties/BBQ's/fish taco nights. We love to go camping, I love the beach, I love nights out on the town, either with girlfriends or my hubby. LOVE to dance, laugh, tell stories, skeeball, bowling, anything that I can show my secret competitive side. I simultaneously cook dinner, help kids with homework, talk on the phone to my mom, tell another kid to finish their chores, and check my emails all at the same time.

I could keep going!
                      I am a busy gal!
                                  The list could go on and on!


But what truly brings me joy.....

What I absolutely love the most.....

What I look forward to doing when I have the house to myself........

What is included in my daydream fantasy life, that will never really happen, but a girl can dream..........

What I secretly do with every second of free time that I have........ when no one is home

I grab the remote

I lay in bed

I watch television

Simple!

I LOVE TELEVISION

I LOVE BEING LAZY
I LOVE MY BED

I love it at 9:00 a.m.

I love it at 2:00 p.m.

Anytime

I love it on Weekdays (if its my day off or I get off work early) 

I love it on Weekends

Then I hear it, I hear the sound of the diesel truck pulling into the driveway, the garage door going up.

Shit, the hubby is home!

T.V. off

Look in mirror, Dam pillow wrinkles on face, flat hair in the back!

Run downstairs

Put dryer on tumble ( that same load has been tumbling for 2 days)

Grab a pile of crap from bottom of stairs

Hear keys in door

"Hey babe I'm home. Whatcha up to?"

"Oh, just getting some stuff done around here. I'm on my fifth load of laundry, and now I am bringing this pile of toys upstairs to have K put away in her room."

"Hey did you wash my black sweatshirt?"

"Uhhh"

My husband knows I am a secret lazy ass.He has to know.

That is one of the reasons I love him, and maybe one of the reasons he loves me. A lazy ass who still manages to get it done! How does she do it folks?

He plays it off, goes along with it,but I know he has caught on to me.

Only trying sometimes to catch me at it-"did you wash my black sweatshirt?" (good one honey!)

Well, I am going to end this post,and soak up as much lazy time as I can.Before the hubby and the teenagers ruin a perfectly good, impromptu peaceful day.I had to stay home from work today because my 5 year old woke up with a tummy ache (which is a less gross way of saying she was having diarrhea and vomiting into a bowl all at the same time.) She is now sleeping in her bed, poor little thing, so I am going to have some Lazy Ass Me Time. That is, until I hear that garage door open. Then it is time to spray some Pine Sol into the air, push start on the dishwasher, and hold a spoon in my hand.

"After I took care of our ailing daughter, I mopped,did the dishes and now I am getting ready to cook something. Next I am going to put my feet up. Whoo, what a day! How was your day Honey?" 

Family Texting is AWESOME! You don't have to actually see them roll their eyes!!

What would my family do without texting? How on earth would we communicate?
Biscuits would be left un-buttered, houses would burn down, tires would blow out, moms wouldn't know how much their teens love and appreciate them, and children wouldn't get fed. Here are just a few from the last couple of days between my family and I. 

Text between my husband and I- I was upstairs actually blogging on my laptop,he was downstairs keeping his ear open for the oven timer. Garlic Cheese Biscuits, they are my specialty (o.k. it is the recipe on the back of the Bisquick box) One of my biggest pet peeves is someone yelling to me from downstairs, another room,etc. I HATE IT!!! Drives me INSANE. I have finally gotten it through to my husband, NOT TO YELL TO ME FROM ANOTHER ROOM IN THE HOUSE!!!

So instead of yelling to me, my husband has resorted to texting. What did we ever do without technology? Probably got more exercise.  

* side note- I love to correct my husband on his grammar. I love to correct my children on their grammar.
I should not be correcting anyone on their grammar. Because I have obviously failed to understand the difference between 'Than' and 'Then'. I'm not sure I ever really will. So I call a truce, the white flag is raised. I surrender. Sorry family, sorry for thinking that I was so perfect. 
____________________________________________________________________

From 17 (almost 18 year old son) who started living with my ex husband about a year ago. About 30 minutes north up the freeway.

He has had this spare tire on his car for about a month now. He is supposed to purchase himself a new tire (teaching him responsibility and all) All together his Christmas money added up to about 400 dollars but he did not want to spend that on a tire. Every weekend he says he is going to get a new tire.I have already told him he cannot drive on the freeway with the spare he has. Every week this month, he has sent me almost the same message. I know what he is doing. I carried his 10 pound baby body in my little 19 year old stomach for 9 months. That lazy,good for nothing,mama's boy, love of my life is hoping that I will cave and buy him a tire. 

The mommy in me just wants to do it. The responsibility guru in me says "Snap out of it you Wuss! He can buy his own tire. If he can give money to a bum outside the liquor store to buy him and his friends beer, he can buy a tire." - O.K. Responsibility Guru Voice, I will listen to you!! (Well,that voice and the voice of my husband, ex husband, and my dad. They would not be very proud of me if I caved. Need to teach him to be a man and all!!)

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From 15 year old daughter B

My two teen daughters and I all use straightening irons on our hair. 

My two teen daughters and I have all, at one time, been guilty of leaving them on.

My two teen daughters and I have been lectured by the husband on the dangers of doing this, and what would happen if we burnt the house down.

My two teen daughters and I are very paranoid now...............

13 year old daughter K

She is in 8th grade, and on the yearbook staff. For $30 dollars you can purchase a small section to dedicate to your graduating 8th grader. After Christmas, we were a little strapped for money, but by god, I would do whatever it takes to make this happen. I want to write a little blurb about how awesome she is as a daughter!! How would she feel if she were one of the only kids whose parents didn't show their pride and love. She would be devastated. So I called her yearbook teacher, and asked him if I could turn the order form and check into him on Monday.(Deadline being yesterday and all) He said that was completely fine, and he would reserve a spot for my yearbook dedication. I hung up the phone, smiling, relieved, full of joy, and a sense of mommy accomplishment. 

My daughter, on the other hand, after having been told by her teacher that I had called, had some different feelings

(thanks Mr. A, thought the dedications were supposed to be a surprise)

*I may re-think the kind words I was going to write about her
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My Five year old does not have a phone yet. But if she did, these would be our texts:

Ki - Hi Mommy!

Me - Hi Baby Bear, Boogie Butt

Ki - Can you come downstairs and make me a Quesadilla?

Me - Where is your dad?

Ki-  Sitting next to me, we are watching T.V. together. He said to text you so he didn't have to yell........

Me - O.K. well, I would not want to make your daddy get up

Ki - Thank you Mommy! 

Daddy says he wants one too!

Me - :) tell daddy to text mommy. I want to text him some 'special words'. Thank you Baby Bear!


Ki- Daddy just rolled his eyes mommy.