Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Selfless Mom - or - Selfish Mom? Sometimes a bit of both!

    Definition of SELFLESS

: having no concern for self : unselfish

Definition of SELFISH

: concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others
: arising from concern with one's own welfare or advantage in disregard of others <a selfish act>

I have a best friend who always describes me as being a completely selfless person.The most giving person she knows. She also boasts about how my children have always come first, blah, blah, blah!
I think about this sometimes,and I have to say I do agree with her............for the most part!
Why for the 'most part', you ask? Well, the other day at work, I was speaking to another good friend/co-worker of mine and we were talking about how, as mothers, our job is to always protect our children. NO MATTER WHAT! I was wholeheartedly agreeing with her, adding in my 'Uhh Hmmm's!' and 'You Betcha's' and 'Oh, totally 100%'s' But then we both eventually admitted to scenarios where we did not necessarily put our children's safety first. Like invasion of the body snatchers took over our otherwise selfless mom minds and turned us into..................................Oh, can I even admit it?......Turned us into Selfish Moms!!!! Panic, dismay, and a complete sense of self dissapointment had overcome both of us at one time. Well, we had our little secret club now. Confiding in one another, times where as 'Mommies' we acted as purely childless women, with no care for any human life other than our own!
So it got me thinking. I am going to make a mental list of my SELFLESS mom moments and my SELFISH mom moments. I'm really hoping one side outweighs the other.......

  • Not planning a meal correctly, resulting in one chicken breast short for my family. Mom winds up with a plate of only green beans and mashed potatoes, NO chicken. Husband and children come first! - Selfless
  • Being asked for 1 dollar, 5 dollars, 20 dollars, 150 dollars by my children whether for junk food, mall money, or to help pay an auto mechanic bill. Knowing that the 1 dollar,5 dollars,20 dollars, or 150 dollars (which I had tucked away for a spa day) was the last in my wallet. My spending money for the week...... and of course it goes to the kids. - Selfless
  • Having plans for months to go out with a girlfriend who lives about an hour away.Both of us having kids, we have to schedule according to our hectic lives. My daughter tells me, with one days notice, that she has changed her mind; she now wants to attend the school dance with her boyfriend,(because they are going back out) and she would like for me to do her hair and take her to get her nails done. The dance falling on the same night as my plans with a friend that I have not seen in a loooong while. Daughter comes first! - Selfless
  • Daughter gets braces, she is in excruciating pain the first few nights. I decide to sleep in her bed with her, just so that I can rub her head, or simply be there as she tosses and turns and wakes up through the night.  Although I have an awful headache myself, and have not been sleeping well, and did I mention her bed is a tiny twin bed? Oh,and did I mention that while sleeping she moves, kicks, and turns around like a Tazmanian Devil on Crack? I swear she has almost broken my rib in her sleep (and that was when she was a tiny infant) - Selfless
  • I just bought myself a stylish black top from Macy's. My teen daughter walks in saying that she really, really, REALLY wants to wear something super cute to school tomorrow, and she is tired of all her own clothes.I think to myself 'That black top paired together with her skinny jeans, and black Converse. She'd look pretty darn adorable!' So I yell for her to come back to my room, and I take the BRAND NEW (tags still on) black top out of my closet. Throw it at her, and say "here, try this on!" Of course she loved it, of course she wore it, of course she washed it and shrunk it. It is hers now. I didn't get mad (well, a little mad) - Selfless
  • I am not really a big fan of driving on the freeway. In fact for a while I had pretty bad anxiety from it, resulting in the need to drink wine from a sippy cup;I wasn't driving while drinking out of the sippy cup,my husband was.I wanted the quick fix of a shot of Tequila, right before we left on our road trip, but no more Jose Cuervo left from our Margarita weekend the month before. So Wine in a sippy cup was my husbands idea. He wanted it gulped down by the time we got on the freeway so that I wasn't using my 'pretend brakes' or using my 'Oh Shit' handle to hang on for dear life imagining he was going to kill us. My freeway anxiety is slowly fading. Not sure why it came on, not sure why it's going away.Just glad it's almost gone. BUT......while it was in full effect, and I was at the peak of freeway hatred, my son needed me to lend him money so he could get his car out of the shop. He lives about a half hour up the freeway. There is no coastal route to take there, as the city I live in and the city he lives in with my ex is separated by a military base. Maybe I could drive up to the Military Police guarding the entrance, explain my new found anxiety, and ask a teensy weensy favor of them. That favor being,"hey, could you just let me slip onto your base, avoid the freeway, and take some of your 'top secret' military back roads to Orange County, and get my son the money he needs to get his car out of the shop." I decided against bribing a young marine to 'give me a lift in your tank' or 'just let me use some of your back roads,no body has to know'! So......anxiety ridden, white knuckled I made my way to pick up my son, and drive him to the auto repair store up the freeway more,!!!!!!! - Selfless

  • Jumping in a Castle Jumpy for my daughters 4th Birthday (she is now 13). I was in there with my daughter, my neighbors daughter, and 2 other little ones. My ex husband accidentally unplugged the jumpy! Have you ever been in a jumpy when it is unplugged? ? ? Well, let me tell you it deflates. It deflates QUICKLY!!!!!!! VERY QUICKLY!!!So I did what came natural to me, and that was to get the hell out of there. I dove. Literally, DOVE out of the little netted opening, rolled down the inflatable landing slide, right onto the grass. All the while screaming "Everyone out!" As I look up, I see the house start to re-inflate. My ex, thank goodness, had realized what he did about 2 seconds after he unplugged it. 2 seconds was all it took though for every parent at the party to stand, stare and realize that J.R. was- Selfish Mom! Isn't it like on an airplane, where they tell you to put your own oxygen mask on first??? I mean , even airline attendants tell you!!! I was saving myself first, giving myself the oxygen mask per say, so that I could then go back in and retrieve the trapped children. Sound reasonable? Anyone?? Anyone?? Fine! O.K.! - Selfish
  • Beautiful sunny day in my backyard. Birds are chirping, ice tea is made. Snacks are in a bowl. My brand new library book is in hand. My little 4 year old baby bear is in her splash pool, behaving so well, keeping herself entertained. I look up to see hummingbirds fluttering near our outdoor fish pond. Ahhhh, what a life! What a perfect day off! What a gorgeous existence we have here on this wonderful planet we call Ea ....... What the Hell??? What is that noise? Where is that coming from? BZZZZZZZZZZZZZBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BEE'S Oh Crap BEE'S ZZ   RUN, RUN, RUN, BEE'S, RUN!!!!!BZZZZZZZZBZZZZZZZZZ This was not 1 bee. Not 5 bees, not 50 bees. This was a SWARM!!!!! A swarm that turned the sky black,caused the ground to rumble and shake as though a pack of wild horses were making their way through my back yard.  So I ran. I Ran. I, Me, Myself. ME in the singular sense!I ran to the sliding glass door, and with one foot planted firmly in the safety of my kitchen, I yelled to my precious trusting daughter. The daughter whom I gave birth to. The daughter I breastfed for two, TWO years. The daughter I swore to always protect! I yelled to her "Run, Ki, Run. Get out of your pool, and RUNNNNNNNNNN!"- Now in my defense, I ran to the house in a psychotic panic, like almost blacked out panic! But I am sure I would have snapped out of it and grabbed her, but she is pretty darn quick. She made it to the house, without a single sting. She was fine, perfectly fine!; Thank God!!! (But maybe I will be talking to a therapist about this,because it has to be the symptoms of early onset multiple personality syndrome. That was NOT me, it had to be one of my EVIL SELFISH personalities. The real J.R. would never leave her child in danger, while only saving herself. I will make an appointment tomorrow. Get this straightened out!!!) O.K. No excuses- Selfish

Selfless definitely outweighs Selfish. I mean, I think so......
So the moral of this post is this. If any of you, any of you at all, are in the process of creating your will. And you are struggling with whom to leave your precious little ones with. Do not hesitate to entrust them in my care. I will love them, nurture them, give them hugs & kisses, feed them my chicken, hand them the shirt off my back, drive them to school dances, and fork over to them my last bit of money. I care and love more than I think is humanly possible. My husband sometimes says I care too much ( not that he doesn't ) but my life basically revolves around my children. And it will revolve around yours too. Cross my heart, hope to die........... Wait, the dying part...let's discuss that.I obviously have an issue with that. 

Bee Stings?


Suffocation by Bounce House? 


Maybe you shouldn't trust me with your children. I can barely keep mine safe.

For the record:
* I would like a do over. I swear I will be better next time. You can test me. If you know of anybody that rents out swarms of bees for the day, preferably trained and tame, I swear, I PROMISE, I will first scoop my daughter up before I run into the house. 

Next party, we are renting a Bounce House. I will tell my husband to unplug that sucker, and I will grab every single child and carry them out to safety. 

I will then re post this same list in one year. It will only have SELFLESS moments! Unless that pesky other personality wants to come out and play. I shall call her Shelly. Selfish Shelly! Don't ever, under any circumstance, ever leave your children with her. 


  1. Hahahaha! Brilliant!

    My bug bear is white butterflies. No matter where we are, park, garden, middle of a busy road with on going traffic and I see a white butterfly, it's every man for himself and that includes Spawn.
    I've dropped bags of shopping and run screaming for the hills, only to realise, after panic has abated, that I'm missing child.

    I think that it's only just, that as mums we are selfish once in a while. But is it really selfish? We spend so much time looking after others, why not indulge ourselves a bit, even if it's buying a family pack of chocolate, waiting till the kids/hubby are asleep and then stuffing our faces until we weep with nausea?

  2. I have a Selfish Fast Food obsession. It'll either be that we are budgeting and trying not to eat out, or just trying to eat healthier. Either way, making a big deal of staying clear of drive thru's for a bit. But, deep down inside, I am a big kid myself. I absolutely MUST HAVE FAST FOOD once in a while. So sometimes when I have a bit of alone time (which is rare) I pull up, order a value meal with a large DR. Pepper, and just sit in my car and gobble it up. Smiling to myself!
    Sure enough though, the french fry smell always lingers, and the kids always question.

    White Butterflies Huh?? I am picturing Jessica Rabbit screaming like a wild banshee, flailing her arms around in a crowded park full of children.......


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