So as I lay there wondering why I was messing with I. Why Me was torturing Me? Why Myself wasn't letting Myself get the sleep it deserved, my brain started doing what it always does when it is spinning out of control in a sleep deprived state. It started replaying certain situations over and over!
That is what I do when I can't sleep. I think about altercations I have had, conversations where I felt one way but acted in another. Where I didn't want to be confrontational,so I wound up not speaking my mind. Be it with strangers,co-workers, friends, family. I think about things that went on during my day, and how I should have handled them, as opposed to how I did handle them. So I figure until I become a different person, or totally alter my personality through brain transplant, I will have dialogues with myself. I will completely re-enact moments from my day, only in my re-enactments, I will be a Bad Ass Chick. (Totally not a phrase I use much) I won't take shit from anybody! No more Mister Nice Guy (Gal) Maybe this will be a self therapy kind of thing.Or it'll make me seem crazy when my husband or kids walk in on me having conversations with myself. One 'Bad Ass' me yelling at 'wimpy' me!
Here is one random scene from my day-
I pulled into a Home Depot parking lot to pick up my daughter. It is across the street from her High School, and that is where all the parents pick their kids up. (Well... the smart parents that don't want to wait in the cluster f*ck of a pick up circle ) As soon as I whipped in, I realized I was going a bit fast around the corner,and it startled the driver coming out of the lane. She looked at me like I was the Devil, (or a Bitch) so I gave her the universal smile/wave/nod that means "My bad!Oops!Sorry!" I mean I really was sorry. For reals!!I hate upsetting people when I am driving. I spaced out at a stop sign once, and went when it wasn't my turn. After realizing it, I found the person, and mouthed the most hearfelt "I'm sorry. So So SORRY" They waved and mouthed "It's O.K." and we were Stop Sign Soulmates after that.
So you see, I don't like people being mad at me.
So this lady (and I am pretty sure she was a carpool mom herself, and not a Home Depot shopper) puts on her brakes, rolls down her window, and mouths "Fucking Idiot"
Oh Boy!!! I don't like being called names, confrontation gives me diarrhea, so what did I do? WHAT DID I DO?? Cover your ears.........................I did nothing!!!!! I just gave her the exaggerated guilt cringe, then smiled/waved/nodded, and pulled up to where my daughter was waiting.I didn't do anything. I even said I was sorry. Gosh that lady hates me now. I will think about this allllll day. Didn't she know I was sorry, and that I am actually a nice person, not a F*cking Idiot!! Insert sad face here.
But....what I should have done was this- "You know what Lady?Don't get your panties in a bunch. First of all, I didn't even hit your dumb ass!!!!I gave you the universal gesture for 'I'm soooo sorry,' but screw you, I take my wave back! I take my guilty cringe back! You know what,YOU KNOW WHAT?? Screw that! I take my smile back too!!! and...........ONE LAST THING........ IGNORE MY COEXIST STICKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It doesn't pertain to you!!!"
Now that may have made me feel better!
 |
| Coexisting can be hard when there are so many Non-Coexisters I myself have been guilty of shooting one of my fingers up at someone who cuts me off, then I remember my sticker. Maybe instead of a sticker, I should get a removable magnet. Woke up singing with the birds? - Magnet ON Woke up telling the birds to 'Shut the hell up!!' - Magnet OFF |
Bahaha @ Stop Sign Soulmates. I completely relate...I HATE driving and I HATE when another driver thinks (knows?) that I'm a bad driver. The worst is when I cut someone off and then we end up at the same red light and the driver keeps glaring at me and there's nowhere for me to hide. Cringe.
ReplyDeleteAhhhh Yes, the dreaded Red Light Side By Side Stare!!! The worst case scenario!! Well, actually worst case scenario would be someone pulling a gun on you in a road rage rampage, but Red Light's between both parties are 2nd on the list!
DeleteMean ladies suck.
ReplyDeleteNext time smile and ask her if she kisses her kids with that mouth.
In my mind, I am Kathy Bates from Fried Green Tomatoes when someone disturbs or objects to my fine driving.
Do you know the scene I'm talking about? Best thing ever!
Fried Green Tomatoes- You have given me a goal for the weekend. It is one of my moms FAVORITE movies!!! The kind she watches over and over. I vaguely remember the scene (as throughout the years, I have snuggled up next to my mom and watched it with her, but it's been a while) Maybe I will hang out with my Mama this weekend, grab a blanket and offer to watch it with her.
Delete;)
Well I for one applaud you for not behaving in the same manner. (though I would have flipped her the bird and told her a few things about her mama on your behalf)
ReplyDeleteIt showed exactly what kind of a person you are, in comparison to the a*** that she appeared to be.
If someone has the good grace to apologise, then have the decency to accept it and move on.
Lily thank you for offering up your middle finger. I have many friends who offer their fingers and words to me. I drive them crazy sometimes with my non-confrontational ways. I am sure one day I will snap!!! I feel bad for the poor soul who gets my years of pent up non-confrontation. Watch out Subway Kid, don't even think of forgetting to add the extra avocado to my turkey sandwich!!!
DeleteAlthough if you ask my husband, he says I have no problem with confrontation, atleast when it is directed at him. That is another post!
And thank you for your applause! Although my mind does need to be washed out with soap for all of the things I was 'Thinking' that I wish I had said!!
I have obsessed about these exact same kinds of exchanges (revealing my general deficiency in driving). Let it go. Brush it off. Maybe her kid called her a bad name a few minutes before. Then pour yourself a big glass of Bailey's. It helps. Swear.
ReplyDeleteIt does turn into an obsession sometimes huh. I hate that! Everyone always says " now you are letting her win" I have never understood that saying. I mean, it's not like I'm driving to her house, handing her a trophy, and saying "here, you win. Oh, you don't know who I am? Well, you have been winning and I have been losing for about 2 weeks now, didn't ya know?. Yeah, YOU ARE A WINNER!"
DeleteAnd yes, I actually do think about that sometimes, maybe the person having a bad day.Her daughter could have just called her Messy Haired, Bull Dog Face........ I mean, she kinda resembled a bull dog so I'm just guessing here!
Baileys, huh?? I'll let ya know after the weekend!