Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Farts, Farting, Fart!! What is a conversation without mentioning the 'F' word!

Farting and Pooping. Totally natural. Everybody does it.

In my house?

Not only is it natural, not only does everybody do it. EVERYBODY TALKS ABOUT IT!! ALOT!

On any given morning, as my teen daughters are so perfectly applying their makeup, straightening their hair, and borrowing one another's clothes to create the most fashionable of outfits, the fart talk is running rampant.
"Can I borrow your black skirt? The one with the ......EWWW You just farted!"

"Yeah, the skirt is in my bottom drawer."

Covering Nose

"Whh drarew" - which drawer in face cover talk.

"The bottom drawer!! And don't act all disgusted. You stunk up the bathroom BAD yesterday!"

These are GIRLS people! SO all of you with BOYS, don't think it doesn't happen to the Girl only households. 
And by looking at my daughters, you would never know it. Meticulous with their beauty, Popular, even featured on the fashion pages of their yearbook!
Farts do not discriminate!! 

I think I may start a weekly post, dedicated to the fart and poop talk that goes on in my house. Like how "PooPoo on the Head" somehow turned into the theme song for when my husband gives our 5 year old daughter her shower. Don't ask, cause I don't have an answer. I think one day, he was getting ready to jump in the shower, so I told him to bring her, she didn't want to, he tried to make her laugh by saying. "We have to wash your hair. It smells like Poo Poo"  Giggles & Laughter followed.
They laugh together, she gets clean, doesn't freak out about washing her hair,and all is peaceful at shower time.
Well except hearing them all the way from downstairs. 
"Poo Poo on the head"
"Poo Poo on the head"
When she is in her twenties, in her apartment,
will she reminisce about Poo Poo on the Head?
As an adult who is able to curse, will she change it to 
"Shit on the Head"
"Shit on the Head"
Hope Not!
Her roommates may think she is demented.

Here is the conversation this morning as I was dropping my 13 year old daughter off at her Junior High.

K- "Oh MY GOD Mom, see that kid with the red backpack?"

Me- "Uhh, yeah!" -my brain going into hyperdrive- "WHAT?! Is he mean to you? Is he a bully?WHAT?"

K- "Mom, no! God! He is the one I was telling you about......the one that STINKS!"

Me- "Ohhhh, that one!"

K- "Yeah, he stinks so bad it distracts me in class!I sit right next to him!I don't want to ask to move, because I don't want him to feel bad! But he is making me feel bad!!!"

She is now gathering her folder, and purse. And getting ready to shut the door.



K- "Yeah, ROTTEN ORANGE CHICKEN AND FARTS. Bye Mom, I love you!"

Me- "Call me from the nurses office if you feel sick........"       DOOR SLAMS

I drive away thinking of Rotten Orange Chicken, and how I may never order that again from the Chinese Takeout.

Then my 5 year old pipes up from her booster seat

Ki- "Call me if you feel sick! That is funny! Cause the farts would make her sick, huh Mama!!!"

Me- "Huh?"

Ki- "You said to K 'call me if you feel sick from the farts' "

Me- "Oh, no baby, not from the Orange Farts" - I have now condensed the name of the fart "K had a bad headache this morning, so I was reminding her that if it gets worse to call me."

Ki- "Oh"

Heading back home,we start pointing out anything circular we see along the way. Her pre-school class is studying circles,and wants us to point out EVERYTHING, according to my daughter.
But the fart talk could not end.

Ki- "But Mommy! A fart could make K sick. It could make her sick, huh? It makes me feel sick sometimes. Like when you or daddy.......!"

Me- "O.K., o.k. enough fart talk"

Ki- "But, sometimes..."

Me-"Yes, I suppose an Orange Chicken Fart could make K want to puke. The thought is kinda making me want to puke!"

~We both laugh~

And that was my morning conversation

Circles and Farts
and Rotten Orange Chicken (whatever that smells like)

My household is 80 percent female, I can't even blame it on the boys. Farts are funny! Gross! But Funny!


  1. Okay, I totally lost my desire to eat a Pop Tart. Thank you for saving me the calories. That is hilarious. I can't stand the word "fart," so I've implemented a "toot" - only usage. Great post!

  2. I just dropped off my nieces from a 4 day visit and all they did was talk about farting, gassing, tooting, pooping and smelly butts! I'm exhausted from all their drama and cat fighting. Three boys were a breeze in comparison!
    I think I need a stiff drink.

  3. Hahaha Marianne, I love that. 'Toot' is now my favourite word of the week!

    There is in my house, at the moment, a distinct aroma of methane that seems to permeate from both the bedrooms.
    Spawn like most males, can toot on demand and likes to practice his showmanship on an hourly basis.

    I on the other hand, feel as though there are several gas canisters stuck in my colon, that need to be released slowly thoughout the day...I'm over sharing again, aren't I?

    1. I like when you over-share. Please go on. (:

  4. He he, you guys I wish we could have a sleep over - without JR,s rotten orange chicken of course (I know - it was chinese take away), maybe some fried rice and chicken and ham rolls for a fartarific night.
    Yep girls are totally more gross than boys.

  5. I find girls are more disgusting than boys. That is all my nieces seem to say. They never stop.

  6. Too funny! I completely agree. The 2 older girls talk about that kind of stuff ALL THE TIME. And I am sure the little one will join in as soon as she can:)

  7. Marianne-I don't mean to 'toot' my own horn, but my blog is pretty powerful, as I can now put 'Diet Coach' on my blogs resume, right next to 'Fire Starter'.
    Sorry about the Pop Tart, every diet needs a cheat day, and Pop Tarts are the best. I have a pleasant, girly post lined up for my next one. It involves Fairies and Girl time. For real!!! No Toot Talk!

    Tina- Yes Girls are EXHAUSTING!!! And when they are not yours to yell at, it is especially draining. Although being an Aunt gives you some discipline rights.Right?? ;)

    Lily- I know, why is it that males have that skill. On demand is right! Over sharing?? No, I think one of my first blogs I spoke about how I keep Immodium A-D in business. Or how I had Diarrhea on my first date with my husband. (thank god my cleavage got me off the hook for that one)
    Colon Canister- that may be my new secret code word. "Uh Oh,someone opened up the canister"

    Julie- Sleep Overs are the BEST!! I will let my hubby know that I need a plane ticket to Australia, A.S.A.P.!!! Sleepover is coming to you. I have always wanted to visit Australia anyway! Years ago, I worked at Macy's. Yes I was an adult. Yes I was already a mother. Some of us girls in the department I worked in had a Slumber Party. We toilet papered the Shoe Managers House.Then took a picture, developed it and left it his desk a week later,with a note saying "We Love You" He was a grouchy but funny guy. Strange combination! GREATEST YOUTH RELIVING NIGHT EVER!

    Tracie- Girls are pretty disgusting! I sometimes listen to my daughters conversations and think "WHAT THE HECK?" - O.K. sometimes I listen to my own conversations, and think "WHAT THE ****?" My girlfriends and I can be pretty gross when we want, and then we always say "do you think anyone looks at us and thinks we talk like this?" I do try to be a proper lady at least 85% of the time though...

    Katie- Oh the little one will definitely join in. Sorry! My oldest three are teens, then a big gap, then my 5 year old. It is hard when a five year old wants to join in with teens. Thank god they are respectful of trying to be a little more subdued around her...........Well.......Sometimes..
    I guess teens should not get all the blame. I am known to partake in some fart talk; "toot" if Marianne is reading. I grew up w/ 3 older brothers. Kind of in my blood! And my husband is the one singing "Poo Poo on the head" - Enough Said! ;)


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