Friday, May 25, 2012

A is for Apple, B is for Ball, F is always for F*CK!!!!

So my daughter had a friend that came over. She proceeded to stand in my kitchen, and cuss!

O.K. She did not exactly cuss, but really?! When you are telling a story, your voice is as loud as a freaking drill sergeant with a bull horn, and you start saying-

"So I was all, like 'Hey Mother F'er! And he was like O.K. You F'Head!" 

"Hey girls, want me to heat up some dinner"?


"So then I was like, she started dating him, and now they are all kissy kissy, so I am like what the F??"

I was standing right there.
She didn't care!

Hey little chicky, this Momma has somethin to say-

Just because you are saying F'er, does not mean my brain isn't computing it as FUCKER!

And just because you say F'Head, does not mean I don't know you mean FUCKHEAD!

And just because you say What The F?, don't think you are making me view you as a sweetheart that would never utter the phrase WHAT THE FUCK!

In the Alphabet
A is for Apple
B is for Ball
C is for Cat
D is for Dog
E is for Elephant
and F is always for FUCK!!!!!!!!

Everybody knows that,
So don't stand in my kitchen saying F,F,F,F,F!

I'm onto you
This Momma is smart
This Momma is not a figment of your imagination
This Momma is not deaf

You are goin over to the naughty side on my list of daughter's friends.
Not sure you can redeem yourself! Don't try to hop back to the other side of the list. I will have to put you there myself, and that may not happen.

We will see...............

* My daughter's are great girls. They have great friends. Even this girl, for all her 'F's' is a Great  semi good girl. She is just one of those obnoxious, makes herself a little toooo at home, loud, kind of girls. She is also a straight A student, and has a crazy, wise beyond her years sense of humor.
During this whole F'ing conversation in the kitchen, both my daughters were squirming like slithering snakes with ADHD. While they were trying to act like they were listening to her story, I know they were too preoccupied looking out for my reaction. I got satisfaction out of listening to them let out fake nervous laughs, all the while looking at one another.
Being a parent is turning into such an entertaining little hobby for me.
Who Knew???


  1. Why do you stress me out so much about the impending teen years? F*ck, I'm nervous.

    1. O.K.- I will balance your stress with positive stuff

      Visited my 18 year old, he has a girlfriend, as sweet as can be. They were both talking about what junior college they are going to, etc. I stood back and watched him hold the door open for her, get her napkins at Starbucks, etc. Knew I had done a good job.
      The teen girls- They drive me crazy, but most of the time they are loving, appreciative, and actually want to hang out with me. They still like to snuggle in bed with me, and watch movies, and compared to alot of girls right now, they are still on the mellow side.

      But then they all go back to driving me crazy again........... ;)

  2. You go gurl!

    Even though I've got a mouth filthier than a sewage canal, I still to this day, never swear in front of my mum...though she has a mouth that frequently needs washing out with soap.

    The past part of parenthood is getting to watch your child squirm. OH THE POWER!

    1. Right?? I mean we can all curse like drunken sailors, but in front of a mom?? Isn't that one of the seven deadly sins?
      Oh, and between my mom and dad, my mom has the mouth on her too. Would never think it by looking at her, but oooohhhh, She loves her middle finger and the 'F' Bomb! Watch out if you cut her off while driving.

      Watching them squirm is FUN!!!!!


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