Does this frazzled, stressed out look make me look fat?

I am frazzled!

But not like frazzled beyond belief.....
Not frazzled, like 10 kids, 4 quintuplets, lost job, no income, living on the streets, kind of frazzled.

Just normal frazzled.

If I did have quintuplets, I guess I would feel like I have a right to complain.

But I don't.

But what I do have is this-

An 18 year old son who has graduated,and doesn't really need me, but I can't seem to let go of him. I want to baby him, take care of him, and have control of his life. But I don't!
I haven't for a while.

I have a 15 1/2 (almost 16) year old daughter who is 'in love' for the 3rd time (this time 'for real') and she needs a ride EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have a 14 year old who just started high school as a freshman, and is trying to keep up with the 15 1/2 year old junior. She is a bit 'lost', yet somehow mature, and intelligent beyond her years.

I have a 5 year old who is really the only one who tells me she loves me anymore.

The teens only say 'I love you' as I am giving them money, or rides, or the answer they want to hear (which is YES!) In defense of the teens, they are not awful. They are not spoiled brats who just came off of the set of My Super Sweet 16 on MTV. I just condense it for the blog world. There are still hugs. There is still love. But, boy oh boy, raising teen daughters is giving me a run for my money. 

The job that I have had for almost 12 years is getting 'boring' to me.Not to mention changing directions. A direction that I am hoping I can keep up with. They are a family. I love them, but I love being creative. I love writing, crafting, painting, creating, and especially making people laugh. My dream has always been to be on Saturday Night Live. I work in an office. Not in a crafty live t.v studio set, based somewhere in New York City.

 Is it o.k. to secretly wish that I was one of those "Make A Wish Kids" and that I could make a wish to star on one episode of SNL?..............................DON'T ANSWER THAT!!!! I have the answer.It is horrible to think that, as we all know that the Make a Wish Children deserve it! Me? I am a 38 year old healthy woman who just wishes that I could 'Make A Wish'. But in no way do I actually deserve to Make A Wish and have it come true.

Blah!

Blah!

Blah!

In recent news, I handed over control of the teen girls to my husband. All of the taking advantage that they were doing was really getting to me. I think it has helped.

It felt so good to rest in my air-conditioned room the other evening while I heard this as I was eavesdropping   trying to brush my teeth-

Dad- "So, you got it???The rules are the rules! Your mom needs a break, so you will now be calling me for rides. You will call me when you want to go somewhere after school! You will call me if you want to have a friend come over! AND IF I SAY NO, IT IS NO!!!!"

Girls- "But....But............."

Dad- "But, BUT NOTHING!"

Girls- "But, what if I need to get aho?????????"

Dad- " Ahold of what??? Ahold of me???? If I answer, Great!!!! If I am up on a 20 foot scaffold with a hammer in my hand, and can't answer the phone.......well then the answer is 'NO' N...O...! GOT IT? Great, good night!!!"


Why is it so much easier for him?

Why is he able to just 'shush' them, and walk away?

Why are high waisted shorts back in style? Oh off subject!

Sometimes these girls are my confidantes!
Sometimes they are my buddies!
Sometimes they need their mommy!
Sometimes they hug me, and make me feel like the most loved mom ever!

But.....
Sometimes they are just teen girls

And
Sometimes, I have to remember I was a teen girl once too
And hopefully one day, they will be back on my shoulder.Crying, and laughing.Confiding, talking, and loving!

For now I have this

A five year old just wants to be with her Mama!
A five year old tells her Mom "Mama, you are the prettiest, best Mama EVER!"
Can I just keep producing five year olds? 

A five year old who has no idea what Facebook is (o.k. she does, but she doesn't have one)
She doesn't know that having a mom is embarrassing! In fact, quite the opposite. She wants 'Mama' to stay with her all day at school, and never leave. She doesn't make me drop her off down the street, and around the corner, all the while pretending I don't exist.
She doesn't show discomfort when I hug her, squeeze her, or grab her little booty! Sorry, but little booties are sooo cute!
She doesn't want to slam her door shut! She wants it open
She doesn't want to sleep in her room, forgetting to say goodnight because she is too busy on her phone.She wants to sleep in bed with Mommy and Daddy.

Which makes me think..............

Parenting is just one big mess of confusion.
You spend so long waiting till' the 'next stage', only to curse it.
You put so much thought into how you can do everything right, only to have it backfire on you.
You want them out of your hair, out of your room, out of your bed, to hurry up, to shush, to give you a moment of peace, to give you just 'one second of silence', to please play the 'who can be the quietest game' for a bit more longer, to just LEAVE YOU ALONE!!!! You want all of this!

But then they get older, and you want them in your hair, in your room, wanting to sleep with you, slow it down, talk more, break the silence,not be so FRICKING QUIET. You want them to not be strangers.

I guess parents can't win.

We are all just doing the best we can.

My best really isn't too bad. Even my teens would begrudgingly agree!

I am going to end this post now, because this five year old has now rolled over, kicked me, and asked me in her sleep , to "turn down the light on my laptop".

See, this is where confusion sets in. I am now wishing she was a teen that wanted nothing to do with me, or my bed! 

Happy Labor Day everybody! As being a parent is one of the most laboring jobs there could be.

OH MY GOD - I wish I was never born!!!!!!!!!

"Oh my god, WHY DID YOU EVEN HAVE ME?"

"You ruined my LIFE!"

"You are soooooooooooo embarrassing!No other parents do that!"

"******'s mom buys her whatever clothes she wants!"

"*****'s parents just took her to Contempo Casuals and bought her a new cropped shirt! Why can't you be like them?"

"What?? WHAT??? You said 'hi' to the boy I like???I'm NEVER going to school again! EVER!!!"

"Drop me off at the corner! The cor.....what?? What are you doing? Why are you pulling up in front of the school? I said the cooooorrrrrnnnnnneeeerrrrrr.............Ugggggghhhhh! So embarrassing!"

"Mom, are you seriously going to pull over and ask that kid if he wants a ride? WHY? He is in my math class, and he is a weirdo? I don't care if it's raining, you are soooo EMBARRASSING!!"

"Why are you waving at them?Soooooo embarassing!"

"On restriction? Are you serious? There is a HUGE party on Friday and everybody is going! I swear I will never roll my eyes or talk back to you again!I promise! I am so sorry......You are the best parents in the world...........Can't I get off restriction on Thursday? What? WHY?......You are the WORST parents in the entire world."         SLAM- "Sorry, I didn't mean to slam the door" - Yeah right, I DID mean to slam it!!!-     "What? Huh, I didn't say anything, I said 'I love you guys'"

"Wait! Dad, you are kidding me right? RIGHT? Did you really paddle your board over to a group of my guy friends out in the water, and ask which one was my boyfriend and then introduce yourself to him? Please tell me you are joking!............Yes it is a big deal..........I am going to kill myself. "  - SLAM- Door slams, "ha ha, let them think I'm in my room actually causing harm to myself".........................."umm, how come they are not checking on me?"..........."Don't they care?".....................UGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!! 

"Seriously Mom, when you pick my friends and I up from the mall, do we have to listen to Joan Baez, or Joni Mitchell, or the Neville Brothers, or whatever else you listen to? I am bringing my Kid n Play, or Rob Base cassette tapes!......Fine, compromise with my Pretty in Pink Soundtrack! Your music is so embarrassing, it is probably killing my friends ears."

Parents are certainly the most embarrassing people walking the face of the earth. Just ask any teenager, and you will see that the census sways in the direction of 'Parents just should not exist'

The above quotes?  They are all things that ......................

That.......

That I......

That I have heard from.......

That I have heard from my.....

That I have heard from my own two ears.

That I have heard from my own two ears,

Coming out of ........

Coming out of my OWN TWO LIPS!!!

Yes ladies and gentleman, I am the awful teen that spouted these words of hate and rebellion!

Spouting them vehemently from my own two lips!

What a wretched teen I was!

They were all from me.

Yup, sweet, wonderful daughter, J.R.!

I was a good kid, really not too bad, but gosh I could be a brat. A BIG GIANT BRAT!!!!! I loved my parents, and still do, more than anything in the entire world. But everything, and I mean everything, was embarrassing to me. I guess looking back on it, maybe I struggled with some self esteem issues. Always doubting what was cool, what would be accepted. I wish I could go back in time and give the teenage me a bit more confidence. I was not unpopular, I was not unattractive, I was not anything that could be looked at as negative for a teen.In fact, I was semi popular. Dipping one foot in with the Uber popular kids, and one foot in to the wading pool of semi popular. Not too shabby actually.  I think I was just plain and simply a TEEN! That is it. 

Nowadays, I am pretty sure about myself. I am not really lacking in self confidence, other than the occasional normal stuff. 

These days my parents do not embarrass me, just for the fact that they are breathing.In fact I love and appreciate them so much, that to say they ever embarrassed me nowadays would almost feel sacrilegious, ungrateful, down right awful. When I was a teen, they were not even able to breathe-Good lord, how dare they breathe or exist? Geez! Don't they know I have my teenage life and reputation to uphold. But now I need, love, and admire them so much that they better keep on breathing. Dammit, don't they know they have a daughter to keep on keeping on for?

But what I have actually come to the realization of is this- My parents are actually considered to be 'Cool'! Don't tell them that though, don't need any big heads goin on. They are not, nor were they ever cool in the way of being 'those parents'. You know, the ones that let you drink, stay out all night, cover for you, and help you roll your first joint.When you are young, those are the 'Cool' parents. I would hear rumors of 'Those' parents existing, and think 'Why was I not born to them'?

Or those other kind of 'Cool Parents'- The rich ones! My mom did not take me shopping every weekend like other moms, and I did not have a wardrobe that was to die for thanks to my 'super young fashionable rich' mom. My dad wasn't the kind of 'Daddy' that made me out to be 'Daddy's Princess', buying me a car for my 16th Birthday or lavishing me with gifts,money, and material items. My mom did not wear makeup, or understand my need for getting to the drugstore because I was out of mousse, and that is considered an emergency for a girl with a spiral perm. 

I would not realize until years later, and I would run into people from high school, that my parents were just cool, because........well, just because they were just plain COOL! 

My dad is a wonderful man. Honest, true, kind hearted, dependable, responsible, loving, caring and kind. Not to mention he is a surfer! He has surfed at the same beach since he was a kid, and is definitely a respected local. But most of all, my dad loves me! He never made me feel less than. He never put unrealistic expectations on me. He never made me feel bad, guilty, or awful for mistakes that I made. My dad has always loved me unconditionally.

My mom is a wonderful woman. Nurturer, loving, caring, and kindness beyond belief. Neighborhood kids knew that they could bring baby birds that they found on the ground TO HER!. She would feed it and take care of it. She was probably hipper, cooler, and more with it than I gave her credit for. I also have to say that maybe as a daughter, I was a bit harder to get along with than my brothers. Mothers and daughters just clash by nature. I, of course, am learning that now.My mom (like my dad) loves me one hundred percent UNCONDITIONALLY! And that is alot more than I can say for most parents.

I love my parents more than the sun, moon and stars! They don't embarrass me anymore.

They can't!

They just can't!

I am an adult!

I am secure!

I am confid.......

Confiden........

Confident!........

Oh, wait a minute!!

Oh Shit!!!

Wait, my mom is on Facebook!

My reputation!

DID SHE JUST BECOME FRIENDS WITH MY 7th GRADE BOYFRIEND????

Ohhhhhhh Nooooooooo, She Di'int!

Oh My God!

OH MY GOD!

OH MY GOD!

Did she just comment on my 7th grade boyfriends picture that he posted 2 years ago (meaning that she has been spending the day 'creeping' on his old albums')

O.M.G.!!!!!

My daughters accuse me all the time of being a 'Facebook Creeper'
Me?
Not me, I am a cool mom!
Geez!

I am a teenager all over again, only I am not a teenager.I am a mature adult who appreciates my parents. Who loves my parents. I am incapable of being embarrassed..........DAMMIT......DAMMIT...

It is hard being older and mature! 

This is what I woke up to.
This is what I logged on to Facebook and saw this morning.

J.R.s Facebook Wall

J.R.'s Mom- Made a comment on 'J.R.s childhood boyfriends photo'

 Comment to a picture my off and on junior high/high school boyfriend posted of himself from Junior High.A YEAR AGO!! MOM, You creepin much??
You just became friends with him 2. 5 hours ago woman! 

WOW! Thanks Mom! Love you too! Facebook is NOT private ya know! Your last name??? Well, it was my last name all through school...........Yup!!! Everyone will know who your 'winky face' is talking about!

Ugghhh

You are a Cool Mom
You are a Cool Mom
Everyone Likes you
Everyone Likes You
Deep Breaths
Deep Breaths

Speed Dial Therapist
Speed Dial Therapist

Fuck , I don't have a Therapist
Xanax
Xanax

Xanax downed with Pear Cider

I don't have Xanax.......Ugghhh, I wish I did!

O.K. Deep Breaths.
Calming down
I'm Calm


You are a cool mom!

I'm sleepy


ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

* I called my mom this morning

My dad answered

I started off the conversation saying "Dad, you remember in junior high when you paddled your longboard over to ***** and said "Hi, I'm J.R.'s dad!Just wanted to introduce myself"

"Yes! How could I forget? I 'ruined your life' that day. What about it?

"Well, you need to tell my mother she's killin me! That woman is killin me!"

"What did your mom do?"

"She commented on *****'s photo on Facebook!"

"Oh, well I can't control what she does on Facebook. Here let me hand the phone to her."

I hear laughs, mumbles, and more laughs

They think this is funny??

"Mom?"

"Uh, Oh, what did I do?"

All of a sudden I didn't have the heart.

All of a sudden I did not want to lecture my mom on embarrassing me.

All of a sudden a thought came into the forefront of my brain.

All of the people over the years that have told me,mentioned to me, or confided in me how much they really liked my parents growing up.

Including ***** my junior high boyfriend.

My mom is cool!

She has lived a long life, and most of that life she has had to endure me.

So I can endure her.

Why?

Because I would never want to wake up to a day where I didn't have her to endure,

Or love.

Happy 4th of July Everybody!

"WE MAY BE MAKING LOVE!!!"- and this is how I traumatized my daughters

I am a hot commodity in this house!

Needed by the hubby-
"Babe, where is my hat with the black rim?"
"I don't know, you wore it last"
"But you find everything. You are just good like that"
"Yeah......You are right!.......It is on the top shelf of closet, under your work shirts, half a centimeter away from my jewelry box, facing North East"
"Thanks J.R.!"

Needed by the kids-
"Mom where is the nail polish remover
                               hair shine spray
                               blowdryer
                               construction paper
                               Hershey's syrup
                               my black Vans
                               my grey Converse
                               my black strapless bra
                               dental floss
                               box of tampons we just bought
                               MY BRAIN!!!!!!!

Ahhhhh, Yes! A mom is always needed!

But the thing is, with all of this constant needing, I have a bad case of 'Door Knocking, Kid Needing Anxiety Disorder' 

Symptoms include:

• Refusing to have sex with your husband at spontaneous times, or any time that you know the kids are awake, for fear of them needing you.
• If giving in to having spontaneous sex, or kids are awake kind of sex, you are unable to fully relax, because one eyeball is firmly planted on the bedroom door. 
• Trying to act relaxed, but all the while asking your husband, "are you sure you locked the door?" 
• Hearing a creak in the floorboards, and pushing your husband off of you saying "see, I knew this was a bad idea"
• Yelling to your kids "does anyone need anything out of my room?? I have diarrhea (wink, wink) and I want to be left alone for a while, so NO KNOCKING on my door" - that is how I prep the kids, and hope there will be no knocking! All the while, looking over at hubby whose nose is scrunched up, thinking he was going to get lucky, saying "you are joking right?Do you really have diarrhea right now?" 

My husband and I had a talk one day, because honestly the needing was getting out of hand! 

Anytime we would shut the door, it was cause for an automatic KNOCK! 

"Hey, babe, I need to talk with you about something serious. It is about B and one of her text messages."

"Oh, shut the door, let's talk!"

KNOCK-KNOCK

"Honey, will you shut the door? I want to go over Ki's Santa list with you."

KNOCK-KNOCK

OH MY GOD! SOMETHING HAS TO BE DONE ABOUT THIS!

WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT 4 YEAR OLDS!

WE ARE TALKING ABOUT 15 AND 14 YEAR OLD GIRLS (and our 5 year old, but the teens are the worst)

"Girls, Giiiiiirrrrrrllllllssss! Upstairs for a family meeting! Pronto!!!!"

*I love family meetings! Feels so Brady Bunchy!

Eye rolls, annoyance, and huffing and puffing are what we are met with at our door.

"Girls, we asked you to come in here because we want to create a new house rule"

"What? Chores?"

"No, not chores. Although, good idea. More chores would be helpful. I'll get back to that one!"

"Great....Uggh"

"Anyway. The door knocking is getting out of hand!"

"Well, what else are we supposed to do? If we need something!"

"Not to mention, sometimes you don't even knock! You just walk in!"

"Because we know you are already in bed, or sleeping. We come in quietly!"

"If our door is shut! We may be busy.....Busy.....Busy, talking, discussing important stuff, changing, or maybe even having an argument. Leave us alone!"

"But, if we need the nail polish remover, what else are we supposed to do? I mean, you always put it under your sink and............"

-Husband interjects at this point-

"ARE YOU SERIOUS??? YOU WANT TO STAND HERE AND KEEP ARGUING WITH YOUR MOM? NO MORE DISCUSSION! IF THE DOOR IS OPEN, OR CRACKED,FINE, COME IN, WE HAVE AN OPEN DOOR POLICY. 

IF THE DOOR IS SHUT, LEAVE US ALONE!"

"But, I mean what if we..........."

-More arguing, so mom takes back her position in the conversation-

"OH MY GOD!!! Do you want me to spell it out for you? If the door is shut, we might be MAKING LOVE!!!!"

"Oh, God Mom, STOP!!! Don't say that!!!"

"Doing it! Having Sex! Freaky Freaky, Bumpin and Grindin!..........."

"STOP MOM!"

"We are married! We have sex! How do you think you all were made? How do you think I was made? Mema and Papa had sex"

"OH GOD, Not Mema and Papa! GOD PLEASE STOP!!!"

"Well, you two wanted to keep arguing! You deserve it!"

"We are leaving! I am never knocking on your door again"

"Me either, I am always afraid I am going to interrupt you or hear something gross. That is why I cough, and walk real loud when I get near your door"

"Well, if you think that, then leave us alone"

"I can't believe you guys do it when we are home! I thought you only did it when we were gone"- this was the comment of all comments, as there is always, at some point, atleast one kid home. So my daughter thinks we NEVER DO IT!

My husband was a little shocked that I just blurted it out, but I couldn't stand it anymore. His way just wasn't working. He believes that children deserve NO explanation. And while he is right, I live in the real world. I also live with these girls, and know their ways of thinking. They are arguers by nature. They need explanations. His explanation of "Well, we may be busy talking, so leave us alone" just wasn't working. 

The looks on their faces, and the trauma protruding from their core was actually getting to be quite satisfying. This was kinda fun.So I figured I'd give it one last hurrah as they gagged, and puked their way out of my room.

"Oh, and girls one more thing, just to make sure you have really soaked all of this in"

"Oh, god, what?!?!?!"

"Would you really want to walk in on us and have to see my feet up in the air, and your dads white  butt? Or better yet, me in a position that can only be described as ........

"OH GOD!!!!! I'M GONNA PUKE! YOU ARE AWFUL! STOP TALKING"

Honest to god, I feel so liberated! I feel free! It needed to be done, because it was getting out of hand. Especially in the summer time, as waiting for them to go to bed was not working. In the summer they stay up all night, we wind up falling asleep just waiting for them to go to bed. I may have scarred them for life with visions of mom and dad studying Kama Sutra, but hey, IT WORKED!

It Freaking Worked!!!!!!! 

My Little Motley Crew of Children.....Don't you know that I know what you are doing?

This post is just going to be a list of things my kids do, that they think I don't notice,won't notice, don't understand, won't find out, or will just plain go over my head.

Maybe some of it does, but most of it doesn't.

Even if I am the only one who reads this post, I will atleast have record of it, so that when my kids are parents complaining about their teens sneaky ways, I can bust this out.

BAM!
IN YOUR FACE!

Look at all of the stuff you guys pulled!!!!

Now stop complaining!

PAYBACK IS A MOTHA !!!..

• When the time restrictions we have set on your cell phone cause it to turn off at 10 p.m. on school nights, DON'T for one second think that I can't hear you tip toeing downstairs to grab the house phone to continue your phone conversation with your boyfriend. BED AT TEN means BED AT TEN! I hear you! I know what you are doing! Now you wonder why the house phone is hidden??? Love you too honey ;)
• Those Brazilian Cut Bikini Bottoms I found hidden under a towel in your bathroom? They are about a centimeter away from being considered THONG bottoms! When I asked you where you got them, you gave me your best friends name. Really?! Your B.F.F.!! Couldn't think of a random friend? A friend that we don't think of as a daughter.A friend we don't care about? Can't you make up a name? Get with it girl!! And when I tell you to give them back to the B.F.F. (who must think highly of her bootie), and that they are never to grace your bottom again, don't try to STILL KEEP THEM!! Don't sneak and wear them anyway. We grew up in this beach town. Your grandfather is a surfer! We have spies up and down the coast!  I feel a one piece swimsuit punishment coming up........I have a cute one piece from Old Navy that I wore right after my pregnancy.YUP! That'll do just fine. 
• When it is your dish night, don't purposely "forget" to start the dishwasher, so that you won't have to put them away before bed. I know what you did! I will just make you do them the next day, not your sister!
• Don't try to trick me into thinking I forgot to give you allowance, just because you overheard me telling your dad that I have been really forgetful lately. Eavesdropping is RUDE! Tricking aging mothers?? Just plain AWFUL! What is my name again??
• Don't ask me if you can go stay the night at a friends house on a school night because 'you have to get your school project done'. I just checked the school website, and partners were not assigned for that report! I know it is just because Kaley has new makeup, and super cute clothes that you want to borrow! 
• Son, don't tell me that pack of cigarettes on the dashboard of your car are "my friends, I swear mom" Every time you come home, I pretend to take the trash out, but really I spend about 10 minutes peering through the windows of your car scanning the seats and floorboards for illegal substances,empty beer cans, condom wrappers, and cigarettes! You are 18, yes! But you are still my baby! Make good choices. They belong to a friend MY ASS!
• Don't tell me that the parents are going to be at this end of the year party. The party you just informed me about. The party that is taking place at your "Super Cool" new friends house; which,by the way, shouldn't I have heard of this 'good friend'? New friends scare me!  A 23 year old, older brother is not parental supervision. What? What's that? How did I know about that? Well, I keep telling you nothing is private when you put it on Facebook! 
• And you, my little five year old. I know you have teen siblings, but don't use them as an excuse for everything. 'B made me laugh mama, and that is why I can't clean my room!' Ummm, what? That doesn't even get an 'A' for effort. That gets an 'F' for Fricking Ridiculous! That excuse is just plain sad. Weeping into my pillow sad! Learn better from your older siblings little girl. Take better notes on the art of lying, teenage trickery, and fooling your parents. But then after you take all of those notes..

THROW THEM IN THE TRASH!

They won't work!


WHY?

I was a teen also.

Times were different, but the drive for independence  is still the same!

You will test me,

and I will choose my battles.

Certain times I will let you learn your own lesson, but,

other times I will  bug you, nag you, lock you in your room if needed. 

Because I have been there, and when it comes down to it I want you to have fun!

I want you to have stories to tell!

I don't want to make this home a jail!

But I will protect your innocence and childhood for as long as I can.

BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!

I love you so much that I may surprise you with that iphone you have been begging for.

WHY?

Because you are such a good kid!

Because I am such an awesome mom!

OH GOD, just kidding!
You are not that great of a kid, and I am not that awesome (well, I am a bit of an awesome mom..)

NOPE!

SORRY KID!

Because you will be driving soon. And with a smart phone we can install GPS, Parent/Child tracker, and that app I heard about that stops your phone from texting when your car is in motion.

But you can think it is just because I am an awesome mom! 

Yes, times sure are different!

The only thing to distract me when driving was deciding
which cassette tape to listen to.

Now do the dishes, grab me the scissors so I can cut up those bikini bottoms, let your super cool friend know that you will not be making the party, tell your boyfriend to start calling you earlier in the night (bedtime is at 10 for goodness sake), DO NOT smoke cigarettes, drink beer, do drugs,or have sex.
And you, my five year old! Please just pick up your Barbies and Littlest Pet Shops! Please, for the last time! PLEASE!! Oh, and don't think I won't look under your bed. That is not where your toys go!

I was a kid once too ;)

Partying with my parents on a Saturday Night! 'Woop Woop!!'

I love to do nice things for people. It is just me! I wish I was rich, so I could do LOTS and LOTS of nice things, but I am not rich. But I make up for it with heartfelt love.

My mom is obsessed LOVES a band, The White Buffalo. The lead singer is a bit of a Hottie! In that  long haired, bearded, ruggedy kind of way.
Some of their music is played on the show, The Sons of Anarchy. Are you a fan?  WE ARE!!!!!!!
It is a show about a motorcycle gang. Violence, mild nudity, cussing, all the right stuff, ya know?!

My mama had wanted to see The White Buffalo up in Santa Cruz, which is where my brother lives near. But due to not feeling well around that time, she did not want to make the trip up there. And that was their last California show. Insert HUGE, GIGANTIC SAD FACE HERE!

UNTIL....................

A few months later...............

I logged onto Facebook one morning...........

and someone had posted something about The White Buffalo playing at the Belly Up.........

I SCREAMED OUT LOUD!!

LITERALLY 

OUT 

LOUD!!

MY MOM WAS GOING TO BE SOOOO EXCITED! A LOCAL SHOW!!!!

Got online, bought the tickets, surprised my mom.

Her reaction was a little somethin like this-

"Oh My God! No, No, Are you serious? Holy Sh*t!! Oh my gosh, No, Oh J.R., Oh my, Nooooo!!!

Ahhhhhh

Ahhhhhhh

I get to see Jake!!! In person! Oh MY GOD!! Noo

Oh, shit, Oh shit!! Oh God!! 

Ohhh

Ahhhhhhh!

Thank you honey!! 

Oh, Thank you!!!"

~then teary eyes~

And I have done my job! 

The show was this past Saturday.

My hubby and I

My mom and dad

A double date with my parents.

Want to know the best part?

We ate at a Restaurant before the concert that is attached to the club. My dad went out to put something in the car, and came back in and said 

"I think the lead singer is outside"

"Oh, are you serious. Oh , Oh, Oh my god! Should we go out there? Oh, Gosh!............"

The old teenager in me that was sometimes embarrassed of my mom's sometimes outgoing, exuberant personality started to resurface. 

But only for one second! 


I punched that snotty, bratty, moody, no good teenage J.R. straight in the nose! 

Knocked her out cold!
No place for her anymore!

Grabbed my moms hand and said 

"Come on! You may never get this chance again!"

And there he was!
Jake Smith

With his little son, wife, and what I assume to be his parents or in-laws.

My mom was starstruck!

We tried to act all cool, nonchalant, un-stalkerish. Like we were just goin for a stroll outside. My mom played it off pretty good! Acting 'surprised' to see him standing there.


 "I surprised my mom with tickets, she loves you. Can you pleeeeasssse take a picture with my mom?"

He said "sure"

Put his arm around her and smiled.

DAM! 

"Umm, you both have your eyes closed. Let me take another one"

* No way was I gonna have my mom holding dear to her heart a 'NOT PERFECT' photo!

My mom is beautiful, and had the most sincere, happy grin on her face!

Can you say perfect night?

I love my parents more than the world!

I wish I could do more for them!


I will leave you with a little video of the encore song. The 'Yeaaaaaaaah' at the very end is mom.
The 'Whoooooo' is from margarita induced me.
I did not know anything about them until my mom turned me onto their music.
I LOVE THEM now!

This is a remake of an old song. See the original below.

To have been at this concert, and see all of these guys on one stage.

WOW!

Suzy the Meth Head gets a second chance at life. Thanks to my lack of blogging time.

I basically closed my eyes, scrolled down some old posts, and chose one to re-post.

Why?

I have been SUPER busy the past few weeks. Work, kids, husband, family. Birthday parties, and BBQ's on the weekends. Kid stuff on the weeknights.
A 5 year old who told me I wasn't coloring with her enough anymore. Ugghh, can my heart break anymore?
A 13 year old who just wants to talk at night.
A 15 year old who is mending a broken heart.
An 18 year old consuming my mind, because he is not making the wisest choices in his Senior Year. 2 1/2 more months to go kid, come the hell on!!
A husband who wants some 'alone time' with his wife.

Anyway, I just chose a random old post (from when my blog was still set to private, and I was just writing for myself) I wrote this on 8/3/2011.

I have a couple new posts in the works. And I will put some time aside for myself this weekend while my husband is in his fishing tournament. Crossin  my fingers he wins. Extra money around tax time is a bonus!

ENJOY...................

Suzy- Is she a meth head or a homemaker? Fact or Fiction?

So I was going to start blogging everyday! Hmmmm, what happened? LIFE happened. Oh, and also the fact that I am a lazy, procrastinator. (Slightly kidding)


I want to become a writer. I dream of it. I read books all the time, and as I'm reading, as I get sucked into the characters lives, and can think of nothing else but what is going to happen at the next page turn, somehow, my brain also thinks deeper. Deeper into how the author thought of these characters. Did the author have to research cancer, because in her book one of the main characters is dying from it? Did the author actually travel to the town of 'Beachport' to locate every convenience store, diner, used car lot, and hair salon, so that her scenic descriptions were true and correct? Or does the author just take people, places, personalities, situations, towns, and lives from her very own life and somehow twist, mold and shape it into 'fictional' characters?
I love to write- but I am having a hard time writing fiction. Because every person I start to write about turns into me. Or some element of me. Sometimes funnier than me, more outlandish than me. Stronger than me,a bad girl version of me. She may even be a meth head prostitute,( the complete opposite of me, I promise) but somehow if "Suzy" the meth head decides she is hungry, and I write about her stopping off at a McDonalds to buy a Quarter Pounder with Cheese and  a large Dr. Pepper,but McDonalds won't take her coupon because it expired in 2010, and we are now in 2011, but how was poor Suzy to know. I mean her purse is a mess, with all of the receipts, gum wrappers, post it notes, grocery lists, and just plain junk, so she begs the guy at the drive thru to take it, because she only has three dollars, her ATM card is MIA, and her daughter is in the car seat crying. Not to mention she is late to pick up her other kids from school (and if she is late to get them, even by 30 seconds, the texts start coming, and they come FULL FORCE. "Mooommm, are you coming? Where are you? OMG!! ") And Suzy is just so hungry, and all she wanted was to treat herself to a Quarter Pounder, sit in her car, scarf it down, then go home and start doing laundry and helping with homework. Well folks,I've just incorporated myself into Meth Head Suzy.I love, love, love Quarter Pounders, I have definitely dealt with the embarrassment of handing over an expired coupon to a clerk, just because I was trying to rid my purse of the heap of trash, consuming its every pocket, one mangled coupon at a time.About my purse, Oh good lord, you should see my purse. I just won a game at a baby shower where you had to go down a checklist of miscellaneous items, and you got so many points if you could prove you had all of these items in your purse. Not only did I win, but I actually won the bonus points for the "extreme item" I mean who does not have their daughters baby teeth in a ziploc bag at the bottom of their Louis Vuitton? I was on my way to run upstairs and hide them, but my daughter came out of her room, so I panicked and stuffed them in my purse. Just having a busy week, not enough time in the day to take them out and put them away.
Wow, I have really gone off subject. The point is, I even found a way of turning Suzy Meth Head into Suzy Homemaker. So it starts off one way, but all in all, it's me!! I have a busy life, and it makes for some GREAT stories. So I am starting to second guess my life choice of wanting to be a writer.
Stand Up Comedian specializing in the tales of my life! THAT'S IT!! That may be my new venture. Now to just get over this increasing daily anxiety that is starting to plague my every move. I would definitely have to be drugged up with some perfectly legal prescription pills before I could get my butt up on a stage.
Oooooh. Kkkkk. So maybe stand up won't be my thing. Back to writing.......let the creative juices start flowin! Wish me luck ;)   Oh, one more thing, I do not,nor have I ever owned a Louis Vuitton. Suzy the Meth head might have gotten one as a present from her pimp, but I don't have one. This Mama's way, way to thrifty for that.

FEND FOR YOURSELF KID......MOMMY'S BUSY!!!!

O.K. Well I didn't actually tell my precious five year old little girl to 'fend for yourself', but I did NOT get my butt up from my chair when my daughter pleaded with me to make her something to eat.But might I add that I was working 
(Fridays are usually my day off, but we are in a rush to get a project finished)

She said she was hungry.

I said "I have one more email to send out."


She said "I'm super starving mommy"
I said "Hold on just one more minute"


She said "O.K. 1 !! There, I counted to 1 mommy"
I said "That is not what I meant!"

She asked if she could grab some crackers

I asked "can't you just wait 10 more minutes?"

She said "NO Mama I'm really hungry for breakfast"

I said "Fine, have crackers"
(and I did the mom shush, wave, go away signal with my hand)

She must have been confused by the word crackers.

I must have been confused as to whom I was trusting in a cupboard full of snacks.

She must have thought that I am a distant relative of Willy Wonka and believe that candy is an acceptable breakfast.
I must have been so enthralled with my email to not notice that she had slipped out of the kitchen and upstairs into my bed, where Sponge Bob awaited. 


This was her self made pre-breakfast snack

Saltines and Reese's Pieces
Breakfast of a 5 year old Champion
-or -a 5 year old 'deprived by her mom' little girl
-or- an Extraterrestrial that goes by the name E.T.

So I first walked into the kitchen

No Daughter?!?!?!

So I walk upstairs

She is happily playing in her room.

I smile, and go into my bedroom to get dressed.

I walk over to my nightstand to get my phone off of the charger and see the evidence.

Oh well, atleast the crumbs were on Daddy's side of the bed.


She must have heard me mumbling, or decided to come back in to finish her episode of Sponge Bob.

 I proceeded to lecture her on getting crumbs in my bed, and eating candy without asking.

She said

"But Mama, I was really hungry. Really, super, duper hungry!"

Then she gave me the sweetest look in the world, with her adorable buck toothed smile, and her strangely, unfairly long eyelashes fluttering.

"I'm sorry Mama"

Then came the hug! The strongest, tightest squeeze of a hug. I instantly melted. She has that affect. Maybe it is because I deal with the 3 teenagers so much, that she is such a refreshing dose of sunshine no matter what she does.
~but I have caught her practicing a very dramatic eye roll in the mirror. So not sure how much longer I will have sunshine. I see the rain clouds forming already. I have to remember to thank my older girls for teaching her that.~
Oh, I can't lie. She probably learned it from me.I am the QUEEN of eye rolling. I started young with my parents, then teachers(only when they weren't looking) and now my poor husband gets the eye roll at least 5 times a day, if not more. I will still blame my daughters though! 


Anyway, how could I go on with the rest of my morning knowing that little peanut butter candy's were floating around in her stomach, bobbing up and down in a sea of saltines.
~Is it just me, or does anyone else think of saltines ONLY as a Morning Sickness Meal???~
My 15 year old daughter loves Saltines, and requested I buy them. She is also obsessed with Teen Moms on MTV. 
That's it. Her and J-Man are breaking up this instant!!! Overreaction?? 
O.K. I will calm down
They are just Saltines!


O.K. So back to my mom of the year story; one that will surely go on to win a Mom of the Year contest in Good Housekeeping or Family Circle
or Jailhouse Mom's. 
As long as I win!!

So this is what Candy and Crackers Mom did next

"Thank you Mama! You are the best Mom in the WHOLE ENTIRE UNIVERSE!!!!"
(she did not really say that. But it's only because her mouth was full, and I have taught her to not talk with food in her mouth. She was definitely thinking it though!) 

I had to redeem myself somehow.


Then we sat outback enjoying the warm weather we have been blessed with lately, and I ignored her some more while I read the Hunger Games. 


Don't worry I made her lunch.
Snickers  Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich!

Depeche Mode Made Me Crash My Parents Car in High School

If you have read any of my old posts, you may remember reading about my gut wrenching, white knuckled freeway anxiety.

I am happy to say it is one hundred percent almost gone!

When it started a few years ago, I was at first perplexed, then worried, then angry, then upset, sad, perplexed again. I asked my doctor to prescribe me Xanax just for road trips; because crying to your husband that he is going to kill us if he drives any faster, and pressing on your imaginary brakes the whole time is not good for any marriage.

I did not get the Xanax, but was told to look deeper into what was causing it. Maybe talk to somebody is what my doctor told me. Well I am too busy to sit down and talk to somebody, so that was out of the question.

It wasn't just when others were driving it was when I was driving as well. I stayed in the slow lane, absolutely certain that a tire was going to blow out on my car, I would lose control and die!!!

I walked into Cost Plus one day to buy a candle, and possibly some throw pillows for my home. There was a little basket on a shelf calling out to me. I wandered over, and saw a large pile of little tiny dolls with explanations for each doll. They were Worry Dolls. My friend was having issues with her teenage son, so I started digging through the basket searching for a Teenager Worry Doll. I then realized, who am I kidding, she is a total Christian who thought Harry Potter supported wizardry, and 'Hocus Pocus', so she definitely was not going to look towards a Mayan Worry Doll to pour her faith into. I on the other hand was raised Catholic, but am open to whatever works. I live with the idea that as long as you are just a good person, then all is good. And not to pat myself on the back, but I am pretty sure God likes me. I'm kind of a nice person. Can't go wrong there!
I kept searching through the basket, because now I was just intrigued.
And then I saw it, like a little Mayan angel, sent from above;or sent from Central America,but wherever he was sent from, he was in my cart now.

I will put you under my pillow. You will make everything better!o.k. little buddy....

He was only a Car Worry Doll, but sometimes I would tell him other worries. Like I'm worried that I don't have an outfit to wear to the wedding we are attending this weekend. I am worried that the beauty supply no longer carries my hair dye. I am worried that I left my sunglasses at the grocery store, and I am worried that these boots don't look right with this outfit......

I had the doll for about 2 years. I just started feeling a bit more at ease about 3 months ago. I would like to thank my new Mayan friend, but since I started out with him under my pillow, but then lost him, and then found him again as I sucked him up into our vacuum, I am not sure he was the reason I stopped having roadside panic attacks. If anything he is probably a little pissed that he got sucked up into a black hole of dust bunnies. In fact, as he was flapping around the wheel of the Vacuum, I heard him mumbling something about bigger troubles ahead...... the end of the world .... freeway shmeeway .......the ancient Mayan calendar predictions.......something,something....blah, blah, blah. Anyway, he is now in my junk drawer with my rubber bands, old batteries, and broken flashlights.

Just as fast as the freeway torture came into my life, it was disappearing. But it did make me stop and think a little more deeper  into it. Why had it come on?? My husband suggested one day, that it was post traumatic stress disorder,maybe from a previous car accident.

OH CRAP!!!

MAYBE IT WAS!!!

**BUT THAT CAR ACCIDENT WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL, OVER 20 YEARS AGO....

 BUT COULD IT BE??

Come to think of it, I did have an awful car crash in High School. And guess who's car I totaled....
Mine? Nope! My parents car! I asked my dad to trade cars with me for a day. His car had a cassette player, and mine only had a radio;not to mention, a radiator leak, rusted holes in the trunk, moldy french fries under the seats, and fast food cups everywhere.We both had Toyota Camry's,mine paid for courtesy of my job at the Restaurant on the Pier.(Courtesy of my parents too, who only made me pay $1500 of the $3000 they bought it for)

I was going to drive my cousin to San Diego that day, so we picked up my Best Friend, and headed on our way. Of course I first went through my plastic crate that held all of my cassettes.Gotta have some tunes, since that was the whole point of borrowing his car, and entrusting him with my trash can on wheels!

We only drove about 5 miles down the freeway before it started to lightly sprinkle. No big deal! I was 17 years old, totally experienced in life and driving (yeah, right!!) I looked down real quick to find my Depeche Mode tape and then I look up and I see brake lights, I swerve to the right,my car (or should I say my parents car) starts fishtailing,eventually doing 360's until I finally crashed into the center divider. I clung onto the steering wheel screaming, looked at my cousin in the front seat next to me, then to the back seat where my best friend was sitting. As my car spun, and circled out of control, I honestly felt like we were in a cloud.I could hear the screeching, the sound of metal crashing, my best friend and my cousin yelling. But at the same time, it was like we were floating, and the sounds were muffled.

Many onlookers pulled over to help us. These were the days before cell phones, but days of car phones. One man ran over saying he had already called 911. One of my most surreal memories was of a woman rushing over to me, peeling my fingers off of the steering wheel, and asking me for my parents name and number. I remember crying that 'they are going to kill me' and she put her hand on me and said 'No, they will just be glad you are alive'. She then kept her hand on me and said "Honey, I don't know if you are religious or not, but you, little girl, had a guardian angel watching over you" She, and the man who had called 911,then proceeded to talk about how they honestly could not believe what they just witnessed. A busy  weekend on the San Diego freeway, my car starting in the fast lane, doing 360's all the way to the slow lane, then back to the fast lane center divider. And I did not hit one car. Not one car!!!!

Maybe that is why I felt as though we were in a cloud....

A muffled cloud.....

Maybe I was being carried to safety...

Maybe I did have a guardian angel...

Whip lash,slight black eye, and stitches on my friends leg from one of the back windows crashing out, resulting in some shards of glass in her thigh. That was it! 

Our parents rushed to the ER, and the woman was right.

My parents hugged me

My friends parents hugged me

They were just happy we were alive

My parents car was TOTALED

The junk yard was it's new home

My dad was able to buy a new car

I got back my radiator leaking, rust bucket

and appreciated every fuzzy radio station 

that my Cassette Playerless stereo had to offer me

So here is my own theory on the whole freeway anxiety thing.My son was working towards getting his drivers license, eventually obtaining one, and buying his own rolling heap of junk. I am a natural worrier, and once I realized my little babies were turning into car owning, car driving members of society, I kinda started to freak. I was losing control of my kids;that mixed with an extremely late in life onset of Post Traumatic Stress, was surely to blame . You can call me Dr. J.R.. Call me with all of your anxiety diagnosis needs.My 15 year old daughter is getting ready to sign up for Drivers Ed, so thank god I am getting a handle on this. 

Dear Freeway Anxiety,

So glad you are going away now!

No time for this!

I drive a lot,

and the white knuckled stuff was giving me carpal tunnel..... 

or arthritis, 

or....

just really ugly white knuckles........ 

I remembered myself as a teenager. I remember how invincible I thought I was. I would change lanes without even a second glance. I would pile friends into my car with no seat belt. I would have one hand on the steering wheel, while the other was searching through the center console for the perfect mixed tape, all the while balancing a Roberto's Bean and Cheese burrito in my lap. I would ask my friend to take the wheel so that I could throw on my Fisherman's Restaurant Polo shirt, over my bikini top;always late to work! Ahhhh,the memories!!! 

Nowadays teenagers have so much more to distract them. Cell phones, texting, talking, ipods, car chargers; o.k., our generation had talking too, but I wanted to add that in there. Talking is distracting, especially if you use alot of hand gestures when you talk, such as I do.  

I have texted my son before, because I think he is at home. I get a text back saying

'Ma, I'm driving'

Really!!!????

You are driving???!!!!

And you just texted me???!!!!!

UGGGHHHHH!!!!???? 

I guess in life, there are always dangers. 

There are always distractions

There is always going to be that song that you just had to play right that second

There is always going to be Depeche Mode

Dear Mom and Dad,

I may have never told you this

but, this is where that unconditional love comes in.

When you asked me about the accident, 

and the specifics of what happened.....

Well.......

It wasn't the jerk in front of me, who just slammed on his brakes without warning!

I mean, he did have to slam on his brakes, but I probably would have had a longer time to react, had it not been for the fact that I was searching through my bag. 
O.K. well this is where it gets tricky.................Had I not been searching through my................Looking for my........................................................................................ LOOKING FOR MY DEPECHE MODE TAPE!!!!!! There I said it!!!!!!

I had to put on the perfect song for driving with my best friend. It was of the utmost importance for the beginning of our little freeway road trip to San Diego.

I mean,you understand right?

I am sure you remember leaning over, looking in your glove box, one hand on the wheel, and the other digging for your Beach Boys 8 Track Tape???

Love,

J.R. 

I'm taking a ride with my best friend

I hope he never lets me down again

Drive safe kids
Don't text
Don't talk
And
Put your ipod on shuffle


Just let the music flow
Whether it is
Depeche Mode
Marky Mark
Stevie B
The Cure
Nirvana
Fleetwood Mac
Beach Boys
Lil' Wayne
Tupac
Nicki Minaj
Garth Brooks
Jason Aldean
or None of the above
Get there safely!
You don't want to have to admit 20 years later to your parents that LMFAO made you crash their car because you just had to hear
Party Rock Anthem!!




*this post dedicated to my Mom, Dad, and their Grey Toyota Camry with the cassette player.

J.R. at 15 1/2 learning to drive
Exactly 2  years later, a Depeche Mode Song would cause the destruction of this car
"Never Let Me Down Again"Sorry little car,
Sorry I let you down

* Disclaimer- Depeche Mode is not really to blame. My own negligence and lack of safe driving were. Depeche Mode still brings me happiness, or darkness depending on the song (ahem... Blasphemous Rumors) I think I may go turn on my ipod and get nostalgic :)