I Don't See Nothing Wrong With a Little Bump-N-Grind

Hey Ladies, you know that Double Edged Sword known as the "Husband Massage"? You know, where the husband actually surprises you by offering up his massage skills, only to have the massage sabotaged by his penis. Somehow his thumbs are tired after 5.6 seconds of rubbing, but by golly Mr.Penis looks as though he just drank 10 Red Bulls!

Let me explain it:

Wife: Gosh, my back and neck really have been hurting lately. I mean, really sore. I sure wish I could get a massage!

Husband: Then go get one. 

Wife: We don't have the money right now. Also, I am pretty traumatized from the last massage I got which I have now dubbed " The worst massage EVER because I was holding in a Fart the WHOLE ENTIRE TIME" Dam my gassy stomach and irritable bowel syndrome!!!! I just wish you would give me a massage. Like a real massage! Like the one you gave me when we were first dating. Oil, tranquil music, full 50 minute massage. Wow those were the good ol' days!! Hint Hint

Husband: O.K. you are right! You deserve one. Tonight we will relive the 'good ol' days as you like to call them, and I will give you a real massage. 

Wife: A real one! No whining that your hands are tired, but YOU aren't too tired if 'you catch my drift'??!!??

Husband: Yes, a real massage. Promise! 

Fast Forward to Tonight

Kids in bed   -   check

Lights dimmed - check

One excited, ready to relax wife - double check

Wife: Hey babe, just turn on one of the cable music channels on the t.v. Find some mellow music.

Husband: Good idea.

Mellow music - check

I will give it to my husband. He was doing fantastic. AWESOME in fact. His hands were workin their magic. He rubbed, kneaded, circled, and touched all my sore areas. He was focused. His hands were working, and his penis was not distracting him..........

Until.......

Remember the mellow music playing from the cable t.v. music channels?

Well I was not paying 100% attention to what music was accompanying my massage. There was an old school Whitney Houston song, a Boyz to Men number, and some Mariah Carey. 

But then this

With lyrics like these, let's just hope he has suddenly gone deaf! FOCUS!

[Chorus: repeat 4x]
I don't see nothing wrong with a little bump and grind
I don't see nothing wrong with a little bump and grind

See I know just what you want and I know just what you need girl
So baby bring your body to me (bring your body here)
I'm not fooling around with you baby
My love is true (with you) with you is where I want to be, girl see
you need someone someone like me to satisfy your every needs

How does it all end you ask?

Well my 50 minute massage was actually interrupted by a little monster; No, not his Bump-n-Grind Penis!

A knock, knock, knock at our door. A six year old little monster, a.k.a. our daughter, had a bad dream.

Husbands internal secret thought: 

DAMMIT!!!! F*CK, SH*T, DAMMITTT!!!!!I think I almost had her into wanting some of my 'Bump -N- Grind' action!!! DAM KIDS!!!

Wife's internal secret thought:

DAMMIT, my 50 minute massage got cut short at 28 minutes! He owes me 22 minutes. Oh well, at least we were interrupted before he started Bumpin and Grindin, instead of Kneadin-n-Massagin...........

I am totally supportive when my husband is on a diet.....like totally...I promise! I SWEAR!! WHAT?!?!?

I am just going to say it! I am just going to shout the words out, and finally be set free of the guilt!

Ready?

O.K. - So, YES I admit. I have a metabolism that most people would kill for. 

There!!! I Said It! 

Now, with that being said. I probably have the clogged arteries most people would die from.

I am trying to eat healthier. I really am! I actually grew up on healthy food, but I also love junk food! 

My Husband? Not so lucky in the metabolism department............Sorry Honey (sad face inserted)

So every once in a while he gets into his little health kicks. Tells me he wants to start walking, eating better, using the laundry organizing station    errrrr, I mean the exercise bike. So on, and so on! Then there is always the discussion that starts with a look. A look he gives me as I am chomping on my Lays Potato Chips, followed by a Dr. Pepper chaser. 

"Babe.......I need your support! You have to start buying healthier foods. It'll do all of us good;you, me and even the kids. Fruits, vegetables, unsweetened cereals....all of it. Babe, you gotta do this for me.Stop filling the kitchen up with junk! Please!"

I actually listened this time. I listened, because he was right. Every time he mentions eating better, I wind up coming home with Chips Ahoy and Oreos. ( all Nabisco products buy one get one 1/2 off) I can't pass that up. BBQ Lays and Cheddar Sour Cream (Coupon for two for two dollars? Whhhaaatttt!!?? Of course I'm getting them) 

I put them in the cupboard, then lecture him when he finally caves and starts munching on cookies instead of the carrots I bought him.

I realized that this game we played was potentially costing him his health. My husband being my savior, my rock, my world and more. How could I not listen?

How could I keep bringing sugar, salts, and greasy lard into the kitchen when all the poor guy is trying to do is just lose a few pounds and feel better about his health.

So I did it guys! I did it! We went grocery shopping together, him and I. Carrots, Hummus, Strawberries, grapes, raspberries. Yogurt and Granola, whole grain bread, Garlic Powder to replace the Garlic SALT! Who needs potato chips when you can crunch on one of these little suckers.......Yup, that's right! A Carrot! 

Fast forward 2 days. I am still technically being supportive, because technically he said 'not to bring that junk into the kitchen anymore' So technically I am following the rules. My new found guilty pleasure has not stepped foot in the kitchen. In fact my friend Joe; Trader Joe to you people........well he is staying tucked away up in our bedroom. Hidden from the eyes of the husband and children. 

Milk Covered Potato Chips! 

I never claimed to be a Saint! And these devilishly, delicious concoctions of the sweet and salty mix are not in the kitchen. Hubby does even know about the secret house guest I have living in our home. 

Oh Trader Joe, you  Crazy Concoction Producing Genius

They are well hidden

Well, not really well hidden, but lets face it. 

My husband has no need, desire, or even the tiniest bit of curiosity to look into my mess of a craft supply / junk holder of an Armoire.

Don't open the bag honey.......DON'T STEP INTO THE LIGHT!!!

So hidden away from his slow metabolism, are my treats. My goodies; my happiness!

What you don't know won't kill you! 

It may just kill your wife one day when her unhealthy ways finally catch up with her.

And I think they are. 

In my next post I will describe how a date night at the bowling alley has me needing an ice pack and heating pad. 

Didn't know bowling could be so strenuous. 

Fast metabolism does not = in shape

Carrots, here I come. 

We saw the 'Biebs' in concert! Cue the SCREAMS!!!

 Yes my household is a music loving household. All types of music can be heard from our ipods.
From Fleetwood Mac to Flo Rida.
From Johnny Cash to Johnny Rotten
From New Kids on the Block (hey, I relive my youth once in a while) to Justin Bieber!

I sat in front of two computers, four months ago and anxiously awaited while the hourglass spun in circles.
Would they be sold out?
Would I be able to figure out the Ticketmaster Captcha?
Are the $50 dollar seats going to be in the nosebleed section? spoiler alert.....Yes they were!

Hourglass stopped spinning

"GIRLS, WE ARE GOING TO SEE JUSTIN BIEBER IN CONCERT"

The hoops I had to jump through to get these tickets........

too many hoops to count!

Pre-Sale to American Express cardholders only- No problem!

Yes Problem- We don't have an AMEX

Call my parents, they'll surely have one- they don't

Sign up for one online, Genius!- Card will arrive in the next 2-4 weeks, WTF?? I NEED IT NOW! 

Call my parents back asking for advice- Go to grocery store and buy AMEX gift card?!?!

GENIUS PARENTS I HAVE! WAIT, NO, Not enough time!!!

Tell parents you love them, but you have to hang up now and contrive a plan- Dad says "hold on, call your Aunt! She may have one, and you can pay her back." GENIUS AGAIN!

Best Aunt in the world, can I have your AMEX # to purchase some tickets to see the Biebs in concert?- YES? I LOVE YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!

Tickets Purchased!

'Upper Concourse' Section 316......Code Name for 'NOSEBLEED'
But in all honesty, my girls and I don't complain. Justin Bieber the size of an ant is better than no Bieber at all.

My Co-Worker/BFF also jumped through the same hoops that morning, and was able to buy tickets for herself and her three girls.

Then our boss, who, in case he is reading this is THE BEST BOSS EVER, found out we were going and used his Marriott Reward points to get us each a Hotel Room.

CAN YOU SAY          

COMPLETE AND UDDER(OR IS IT utter??) AWESOMENESS??!!!

When checking into a hotel that is full of Justin Bieber fans from all over California, what do you do first?

You leave your teen daughters in the hotel room with your five year old while they get all decked out in homemade t-shirts, and makeup (teens, not 5 year old! No makeup for her yet. This isn't Toddlers and Tiaras)

You tell them you are going to 'check out the Hotel and go for a little walk', then you grab your husband (who only came because he happened to have the next day off. No ticket for him. He was going to lounge at the bar while I have my ear screamed in by crazed lunatic teenagers) 

You call your BFF who is staying a floor below you;even though the B*TCHY girl at the front desk swore you were on the same floor. Uhhhh, when did 21 and 20 become the same number?

.......and you wind up here

We checked out the Hotel......on our way to the outdoor bar. These parents deserve a drink before heading into the treacherous land of Maniac Bieber Fans!
By the way, we could hear the screams from the Staples Center while sitting at the bar. The screams of girls that thought if they showed up early they'd catch a glimpse of JB hoppin out of his tinted windowed, chrome car!
"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH JUSTIN WE LOVE YOU AHHHHHHHHHH EEEEEEEEEEE"

Bartender, can you make that a double?

Time to go!

Blurry action shot of the girls jumping in the hall on the way down. 

All in all it was a great experience

Oh, wait let me rewind. 

A word of advice

Five year olds get tired waiting 2 hours for someone to show up on a stage. 

Five year olds don't care about concerts

They only care about Hotel Pools and jumping on Hotel Beds

Five year olds grab your hand midway through the FIRST SONG and yell in your ear

"Can I go to the Hotel with Daddy? I'm tired!"

Five year olds make teenagers say 

"OHHHHHH MYYYYY GOOODDDDDDDDDD! She is wasting a ticket! We so could have brought one of our friends"

To which mom replies-

"We are NOT even going to go there!"

and for once.......they zipped their lips, and didn't go there. :)

Daddy saved the day.Thank goodness he came, thank goodness he was 2 seconds away having a tray of sliders and a beer at the ESPN Sports Bar! Thank goodness his night was made by having two moms try to pick him up because he looked 'lonely'.

Thank goodness he had an excuse of "Oh, I'm waiting for my wife and daughters inside the concert"

Thank goodness that excuse turned out not to be a lie, because one minute later he was actually needed.

Daddy to the rescue. 

YES, they went back to the room and jumped on the beds! He is a big kid too!

What an AMAZING time with my family.

The next morning we raided the Executive Lounge for all of the free snacks.Thanks Boss....again......for being an Elite Member! We love free snacks!

We were exhausted, but hubby still drove us through Hollywood to 'see the sights'
Sights being Homeless and Graffiti, but Hey, I got my Hollywood sign Picture.

Lessons learned

• If you are going to sit in front of your computer for AMEX presale tickets. Make sure you actually have an American Express. 
• Don't think your homemade purple t-shirts from Michaels are going to be 'Super Original'- They AREN'T! I can't even tell you how many homemade purple t-shirts we saw! And Justin didn't even take the time to come find my girls and compliment them on their iron on skills.
• If your five year old states to you beforehand that she is SUPER excited about the Hotel, but the concert 'Uhhhh, not too much Mama'- Believe her! Don't waste the money on the ticket. She will have just as much fun in the pool or jumping on the bed with Daddy.
• Find the Bar! Find the Bar at the Hotel, and then when you get into the arena, find that bar too. Smile at the Bartender, slam your hand down on the counter and say "I think this Mama deserves a Margarita"
• Most important lesson learned- HAVE FUN! Because I did! 
• Upper Concourse means............             UPPER CONCOURSE!!!   SUPER DUPER UPPER!

Is Bored a bad word? How dare you say it!!!??!!!

I get so frustrated when my kids tell me they are bored!

I just told my husband I was bored!

Am I a hypocrite???

Shhhhhhh! Don't you dare tell my kids!

He thinks that by me saying 'I am bored' it means so many things- I am bored with him, I am bored with my life, I am bored with our family, marriage, or whatever,and I may now run off with a hunk from the Brazilian circus, and never return home again to take care of our children.


NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Honey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am here to stay, bored or not! Don't read so much into it.

I am just bored!

Like, there is nothing on T.V.
I don't feel like doing a craft!
I know we have laundry to do, but uggggh, that is the last thing I want to do!
I do need to finish my 3rd book of the 50 shades series, but I am a little over the sex stuff (over the sex stuff? Gasp!)
I could go through my makeup basket and get rid of some stuff; Does anyone wear Wet n' Wild liquid blue eyeliner anymore? Can I sell it on eBay as an antique?
I DVR'd 15 movies, but now they all seem lame,and boring!

UGGGGHHHHHH I am somehow a 14 year old teenager, and I am just plain BORED!

I am happy!
I am NOT depressed!


I am just bored!


Kids, I am sorry! Mommy understands, and next time you tell me you are bored, I promise I will not say "well, if you are that bored, go CLEAN YOUR ROOM! It'll give you something to do."

I PROMISE!!!!!!!!

Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a fricking hot needle in my eye. I will never tell you to clean your room when you are bored.

WHY?

Well, because Mommy is bored and the last thing I feel like doing is cleaning my Mother F'ing room!!!!!!

God, what mother ever thought that was a good suggestion?

WHAT COMES NEXT?
Husband's Help

Oh.............Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..............................Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh........

My husband's suggestion?

"Wanna, DO IT? I mean if you are bored and all................wink wink" - gyrating motion!

God, what husband ever thought that was a good suggestion?

"Shucks babe, I have a load of whites to do!"

I would like to publicly apologize for.............

I have been a bad blogger.
I have been a bad blog reader.
I have been a bad blog comment leaver (yes it makes sense)


Why?

Because summer has been BUSY for me.

But I have not been bad at this:

Daughters 14th Birthday 'ROOM MAKEOVER'
I want to live in her room.

I have also not been bad at this:

Jello Shot Cantaloupes!
Healthy yet, 'FUN'

I have also been pretty good at this:

Sittin on the boat, relaxing, reading 50 Shades!

This has kept me pretty busy also:

Teachin my 15 1/2 year old how to drive.
'Keep Both Hands on the WHEEL!'

Havin a little fun too:

Surprised my older girls with a Demi Lovato concert at our local fair.
Then Fried Foods, Picture Booth Photos and Expensive rides afterwards!

Threw a graduation party for my son, and was busy hiding the booze from his friends:

No, I don't normally keep bottles of Tequila in my room, but when my grandpa comes over to me saying "Hey, that tall, loud one over there was sneakin in your booze" - Well, I had to start hiding! and taking keys away.

Summer also makes time for camping:

Hubby had a fishing tournament during our first scheduled camping trip. So it was Mama and the kids!
Girl Power! Started the fire, even had to put a plastic bag over my hand to unclog the sewer in the camper. Ugghhhhh!

An intertube, and the evening ocean!Entertaining for hours.

Daddy and his little buddy! Doing some night fishing in the surf.

Time for some unwinding with a margarita.

Just registered my youngest for Kindergarten. My older girls for their High School Classes. Working, BBQ'ing with family.
My 20th High School Reunion
School Shopping
Working
Checking on 18 year old son to make sure he is making good future choices - "What do you mean  you are going to hold off on taking some classes at the Junior College? Extending your summer a bit? WHAT?O.K. we will discuss this later! Yes,I love you too"
Getting mad at oldest teen daughter for trying to pull a fast one on us. - "Don't try to fool the masters little dear! Your dad and I were teens once too." 
My fourteen year old suddenly having the attitude of a prima donna! - "Who are  you? Where did you come from?"
My five year old wanting mommy to 'play with me.' every single second. - I am not sure how much more Littlest Pet Shop scenarios I can handle. 


I have been busy with just plain ol' family time. And it has felt good! It has been soothing, relaxing, fun! I love my kids! I love my husband, and right now, I am kinda lovin my life in general.

But school is starting soon, back to the old grind. Carpools, busy days, etc.

I will be back to blogging too, but right now, sunshine, beach, kids, husband and margaritas are taking precedence.

Cheers!

Here's to hoping that everyone has been having an AWESOME summer!

Screw This!!What do you mean I don't get to live my life as a Post? I don't want to be just a 'Draft'!!!!!!

I was going through my posts, and realized 'WOW' I have alot of drafts.

Some I cannot even remember titling, starting, or thinking of - Was I drunk blogging?? Who Knows!

Anyway, so instead of going back, trying to actually add to these posts, I am just going to list the titles.

• What is a 'Good' Mom? What is a 'Good' Kid? - This was going to be a long, rambly post. How as parents we all have different opinions, views, thoughts, ideas for what is the best way to raise our children. But as long as there is happiness, love, and NO abuse, then everything is all good. I was also going to go write from the viewpoint of the children also. What defines a 'good kid'? I have some friends, who have kids the same age as mine. When we have our girls night happy hour, it can sometimes turn into a Child Bragging night! I just want to drink and eat hot wings ladies. My children are AWESOME! I will brag to my parents about them. Grandparents care!! Friends?? We just want a rum and coke! I had many other reasons for this post, but it turned so jumbled, that I gave up. I will go back to this post one day, but I need to gather my thoughts better. 
• Untitled - Picture of Husband eating??? But not showing his face, only fork full of food. Perhaps it was going to be a recipe post??
• 
  
• Untitled - Picture of a pile of clothing tags. I was going to write a post about how sometimes I tear tags off my new clothes, then stuff them in weird places, as opposed to tossing in the trash can. I cleaned out my closet, and seriously, SERIOUSLY.....You would not believe this pile of hidden tags. Is there a reality show for people with this issue? O.K. I will be honest, sometimes I go shopping when I shouldn't. Like the day after my husband and I have a talk on budgeting, savings, and retirement. So, I tear tags off,hide them, and say 'Oh, this old thing, I've had this'. Honey, if you are reading this, I know that you know I do this. It's one of the cute things you love about me.......right?? Honey??

• I don't like change! Well, sometimes I do....but mostly I don't! -Started to write about how I have had the same doctor since I was 12.Also, the same dentist since I was 5. He is now 102 years old I think, but I still trust him drilling my teeth. I don't like change people!
• Untitled -Picture of my cat. Does anyone really care? Probably why I scrapped that one.
• Are Men and Women meant to be together?   - this one must have been after a fight with hubby. The fight had me pondering being a lesbian. I really don't ever fight with my girlfriends.......
• Woop Woop!! - Not quite sure. This draft had no body to the post. Maybe Margaritas brought on this title.
• Untitled - Picture of my wine glass in front of fire pit in backyard. Hmmm, was I going to 'brag about how I am relaxing by the fire, with a glass of wine, hanging with my wonderful husband, enjoying the beautiful evening'??? Noooo, that is what Facebook is for. Giving minute by minute, second by second play by plays, about how wonderful your husband/life/kids/dinner/coffee/insert any word, is or are! Uggh, Facebook braggers BUG ME! Maybe that was going to be the post, a joking, ridiculing of the FB (Facebrook Braggers)!!! WHO CARES HOW WARM YOUR COFFEE IS! WHO CARES! O.K., they bug me, but sometimes I do it. Not gonna lie! ;)
• The only thing I begged my parents for when I was young, was clothes- Boring title. I think I was going to write about all of the F'ing things that kids need want these days!
• JUSTIN BIEBER We are coming for you! - Yes my followers, I bought Justin Bieber tickets!Yes I went into work late last week so that I could sit in front of, not one, but two computers, multi mousing, waiting for the clock to change to 12 noon. The time that pre-sale tickets for the Biebs went on sale to American Express card holders. Yes, I called my Aunt to use her AMEX, as we only have VISA. YES I GOT THE TICKETS. JUSTIN BIEBER, in October at the Staples Center in Los Angeles. YES, MY GIRLS WERE ECSTATIC!! ........................................ I'm  a bit psyched also, not gonna lie. Don't judge the poor kid, until you see his movie. Even my husband was a 'hater' but we duct taped him to the couch, rented the movie, and forced his eyes open. At the end he said, and I quote - "O.K., I'll give it to him. That kid is talented.Pretty cool how he is close to his mom and grandparents too!"
• When I have a car, I am NEVER going to be home - long story, but my friend and I were able to read texts back and forth between her 15 year old son, and my 15 year old daughter. Both of whom wound up in the same drivers ed class. O.K., not long story. He had his phone taken away, used his grandmas phone all weekend while he was texting my daughter. Then left grandmas, did NOT erase the texts, and the grandma brought the phone over and let us read the texts. Nothin juicy, nothin bad, nothin worth putting anyone on restriction for. THANK GOD! I was reading it, with one eye open, the other eye cringing. You never know with kids and their texting. It brings on courage with words. The most hilarious, downright laugh out loud, you've got to be kidding me, pile of words?  The back and forth conversation they had about when they get their licenses/cars. -

'When I get my car, I am soooo NEVER going to be home'

'Me too! I can't wait'

'I'll be able to do whatever I want, whenever I want'

'I know, it's going to be so cool! I'm never going to be stuck here.'

You just have to laugh at this. I remember thinking the same thing. Car=Freedom!

Boy is she going to be in for a surprise! But I will let her keep living this fantasy life. Until she gets her license in December. Her Dad and I will be responsible for squashing, breaking, and then stomping on, setting fire too, and burying that fantasy. The only thing your car and license will be used for is running to the store to grab milk and toilet paper when we run out. Oh, that, and taking your younger sister to school. No more car pool to the High School for Mama. Daughter has her license fantasy, I have mine! MINE WINS!

There you go! Posts that never made it!

Have a great day, I'm off to work.

Yum Honey! Some of these recipes you find on Pinterest are the Bomb!

I don't mean to brag but...........

O.K.
A bit random
Another post that never made it.
Limb broke off of plant.
Mom and daughter tried to tape limb back on to plant,so dad would not notice.
Plant being special to dad and all, because mom gave plant to dad when they were first dating.


Note to self.
You cannot tape a limb back onto a plant, tree or bush.

My husband is LOUD in the kitchen, that is why I am awake!

Oh Husbands.........
They are strong, brave, manly, funny, handsome, loving, caring, and good providers.
My husband takes me on date nights, hugs me when he knows I'm in need of one. He tells me I'm beautiful,smart and funny. He only has eyes for me. He is a wonderful father to our children. Generous, and caring son-in-law to my parents. He works hard for our family, and even harder to maintain a lifestyle that can keep us happy, warm, safe and secure in all aspects.

My husband is a true gem!

BUT........

Oh, yeah, there is a BIG ASS BUT..

HE IS AS LOUD AS F***!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HE DOES NOT SHUT DOORS QUIETLY!!

He does not shut cabinets quietly!

He slams the microwave door with the strength of He-Man! 

(and NO honey,if you are reading this, that is not a compliment! A compliment would be, "he slams the microwave door, all the while looking exactly like Brad Pitt")

Even the way his key turns in the lock is loud!?!?! WTF??

And this morning??

He was up at 4:00 a.m. getting ready to go fishing.

The kitchen is downstairs, directly below our bedroom. I could hear him searching for something in the cupboard. Loudly!

I could hear him washing his cooler out! Loudly!

I could hear him slamming the meat drawer in the refrigerator. Loudly!

I could hear him grumbling, LOUDLY, because he could not find his 'super special' coffee thermos!

So I am up!

I am awake!

He is going to hear my foot up his..........

Oh... sorry, I was just interrupted mid sentence.

Why?

Because that loud, obnoxious, door slamming, inconsiderate husband just ran upstairs to give me a kiss before he took off for fishing. He heard my footsteps, and knew that he had awoken the beast

~yes, I am a beast in the morning. I like my sleep~

DAM!

I wanted to be upset at him!

Now he has foiled my plans!

Slightly distracted by the beautiful nature outside my window. 

'Hey' is that a blue jay on the bird feeder?

WOW! 

Mornings are kinda peaceful and calming.

Good Morning World!

I guess I'm awake now.

Me is really smart! Ain't I? Just ask my BFF!

I am pretty lucky in the job department. I have worked for the same company for 11 years, and honestly other than wishing that I was rich and didn't have to work at all, this is the next best thing. (well, maybe the next, to next, to the next best thing. But still a great place to work!)

But one of my ABSOLUTE favorite reasons for loving my place of employment is that I actually get to work next to one of my best friends in the entire world. 

I met her when I started working there, and after we got over the hump of getting to know one another, we realized we were soulmates. 

In many ways we are different:

She doesn't take crap from anybody                    

I, on the other hand, take your crap, hold onto it for you, and tell you your crap smells like roses all the while smiling.I will nurture it, hug it, and keep it safe for you!

She does not get nervous in professional office situations. In fact she is calm and cool, and intelligence oozes out of her.

I on the other hand develop a horrible case of the nerves anytime we have important meetings with anyone other than our normal work crew! If my Immodium A-D doesn't take affect quick enough, the only thing that oozes out of me is diarrhea! 

On the other hand,she does get nervous in certain social situations. BBQ's, Parties, etc.

Social situations..........Pssshhhh, a breeze! Gimme a microphone, I'll even tell you some jokes!

When she gets drunk, you really can't tell.Other than a glassy eyed look, and a slight head roll and finger snapping attitude that decides to come out, she is never falling down drunk.

When I am drunk, you really CAN tell! I will just leave it at that......You really, REALLY can tell! 
REALLY, REALLY can tell!!!!! 

She has curly hair

I have straight hair 

(figured I'd throw that in there)

In alot of ways we are the same:

She can spot a bargain from 10 miles away. 

I can spot a bargain from 9.9 miles away.

(hey, close enough)

She has a buttload of kids

I have a buttload of kids

She grew up in our town

I grew up in our town

(I am a few years older than her, we went to competing high schools, but did not actually know one another when we were young)

She has stomach issues

I have stomach issues

(this alone made us soulmates.When you go to a Quickbooks class with a new co-worker, then ask for the bathroom key, and don't come back until 2 hours later. ...... well there is no room for embarrassment. You just gotta put it out there! "O.K. I get diarrhea ...... I mean ALOT"  When you hear back an "Oh my god, I have stomach issues too!" Well a friendship is formed for life!!)

We have the EXACT SAME TASTE IN FOOD

We have the EXACT SAME TASTE IN FOOD

She will tell a story, and I will know exactly where she is going with it

I will tell a story and she will know exactly where I am going with it

(in fact, we will keep a story going, embellishing it, making it more humorous and adding to one another's 'stories' to keep it all going)

I love to text her. Sometimes it is easier than a phone call. Stories, sentences, one liners, jokes, or just a stupid emoticon (like the piece of poop emoticon on the iphone. Immature? Yes. Funny? Yes)
She loves to text me. She understands it is easier than a phone call. 
(Sometimes we text each other until one of our husbands has to put the brakes on it, accusing us of sitting on our butts, laughing out loud to our phones, and forgetting we have dinner on the stove)
'Ooops, sorry honey! Just texting D.'
'Why don't you just call her. Or better yet, go down to her house, she just lives down the street?'
'Because I wanted to hang out with you tonight Babe! But hold on, let me text her back one more thing' "LOL       LOL         LOL      OMG           LOL       Husband getting cranky! I'll see you tomorrow at work! Bleh, can he be any moodier! Whahhh, Whahhh!! I burned the biscuits! 
Call a WAA-MBULANCE! LOL!! LOL!! Gotta go!"
'What are you laughing at over there?'
'Nothing honey! O.K. I turned my phone off. Now where were we pookie........'

Our differences are very different.

But our similarities are extremely similar.

So it was no surprise today when we were both at our desks

Checking our emails

Getting updated on our tasks for the day

Going over contracts, websites, paperwork

Filtering out stuff in our inbox

and

NOURISHING OUR BRAIN

to it's fullest potential.

We both believe that being smart is important.

How do we do this you ask?

Read books?

Study current events?

Attend classes at our local college?

No, we eat smart!

As I was chomping down on this

Smart Popcorn! I can feel the intelligence growing inside me.I won't be able to contain it!

She was guzzling this down

The bottle is almost empty. Somebody, QUICK,!Call 9-1-1, her brain is about to explode with Smarts!!!

Oh, and one more thing that we have in common.....
the way we think


As soon as it was pointed out that we were both consuming brainiac snacks, what did we do?


We both grabbed our phones out of our purses and took a picture......


all the while laughing, because we had realized we both grabbed our phones.


So now we were laughing at the Smart Food
We were laughing at our phones
We were laughing because we were laughing
And then
We laughed some more!






Soulmates!