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Showing posts with label wife. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wife. Show all posts

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Gettin jumped by my husband............NOoooo silly!! Not in that way!

Question:
What is more embarrassing than having your car NOT start after dropping your daughter off at Kindergarten???????????

Answer:
Having your car NOT start, only to make obnoxious clicking / grinding sounds right in front of the PTO program sign up table!!!! Then you have to wait 30 minutes for your husband (god love him) who has to leave work as a General Contractor (a.k.a. sometimes dirty clothed construction worker) and come jump your uncooperative car!

Nothin like a bunch of PTO moms staring at you like "who is the loser with the NON starting car?"

*Disclaimer.Nothin but love for PTO moms! I have been a PTO mom with my older kids, and now that I have one back in elementary I will probably somehow get sucked in again. Nothin against them, but definitely not one of them yet. They are a new breed. I have not been at that school in a while. I had one of them ask me in a 'I am the PTO President' Kind of tone "Oh, are you a newww mom here?"

What I wished I could say if my alter ego, Drunk J.R. was talking, "Bitch, Please!!!! Are you F*ing kidding me? Am I NEW here??!!!! I have lived in this neighborhood since I was 4. I F*ing went to school here, my husband went to school here. My 18 year old, 15 year old, and 14 year old went to school here.I used to help with the Spirit Wear, and was co- leader on the Auction Dinner Committee. It's been a few years, but now I am a Kindergarten mom once again, so you'd better hang onto your PTO PRESIDENT Title, cuz I'm a comin for it!!!!!!!!!!!!" - joke! I soooo don't want that title. But Drunk J.R. would try to take it just for fun.Drunk J.R. doesn't show up drunk to school,so I won't have to worry about her signing me up for committees, groups and such. Thank God! 

What I actually said, since Drunk J.R. only exists about twice a month, and the real J.R. is a people pleasing, sweet as pie, kind of gal- "Oh, no, I'm not technically new. It's been a few years, but now I have a Kindergartener again. Thank you for asking though. Oh, by the way, my name is J.R., what is yours? Perfect Patty? Oh, nice to meet you Perfect Patty! Well, golly gee, see you around"

Drunk J.R. tries to overtake my blog sometimes, but those usually get erased by morning time. If you are an insomniac, (or different time zone) you may get lucky about once a month.

Question: 
Want to know what is more embarrassing than your car NOT starting in front of Perfect Patty,Bake Sale Betty, and Super Suzy? 

Answer:
Calling your boss to say you would be late because  - "I am waiting for my husband to come jump me"



Made it home after he charged the battery, only to have it die right before pulling into driveway. 
Good Bye Fallen Car Part! You were a brave soul!



Good Day Folks! Car is fixed, and now I can go into work..........late........because............................ my husband did the dirty deed!!! Nooooooo, not that dirty deed, good lord! Got his hands dirty with grease, oil and stuff! New Alternator Installed!

And $167.00 dollars, and 2 hours later. Hello Mr. Alternator. Welcome to your new family. Don't let me down, and if you do.... Please not in front of anybody!




Monday, August 13, 2012

Is Bored a bad word? How dare you say it!!!??!!!

I get so frustrated when my kids tell me they are bored!

I just told my husband I was bored!

Am I a hypocrite???

Shhhhhhh! Don't you dare tell my kids!

He thinks that by me saying 'I am bored' it means so many things- I am bored with him, I am bored with my life, I am bored with our family, marriage, or whatever,and I may now run off with a hunk from the Brazilian circus, and never return home again to take care of our children.


NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Honey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am here to stay, bored or not! Don't read so much into it.

I am just bored!

Like, there is nothing on T.V.
I don't feel like doing a craft!
I know we have laundry to do, but uggggh, that is the last thing I want to do!
I do need to finish my 3rd book of the 50 shades series, but I am a little over the sex stuff (over the sex stuff? Gasp!)
I could go through my makeup basket and get rid of some stuff; Does anyone wear Wet n' Wild liquid blue eyeliner anymore? Can I sell it on eBay as an antique?
I DVR'd 15 movies, but now they all seem lame,and boring!

UGGGGHHHHHH I am somehow a 14 year old teenager, and I am just plain BORED!

I am happy!
I am NOT depressed!


I am just bored!


Kids, I am sorry! Mommy understands, and next time you tell me you are bored, I promise I will not say "well, if you are that bored, go CLEAN YOUR ROOM! It'll give you something to do."


I PROMISE!!!!!!!!

Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a fricking hot needle in my eye. I will never tell you to clean your room when you are bored.

WHY?

Well, because Mommy is bored and the last thing I feel like doing is cleaning my Mother F'ing room!!!!!!

God, what mother ever thought that was a good suggestion?





WHAT COMES NEXT?
Husband's Help


Oh.............Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..............................Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh........

My husband's suggestion?

"Wanna, DO IT? I mean if you are bored and all................wink wink" - gyrating motion!

God, what husband ever thought that was a good suggestion?

"Shucks babe, I have a load of whites to do!"