I am worried about my pal Kim Kardashian

Poor Kimberly.

Did you see the episode where Kanye comes in and has his stylist 'makeover' Kim's wardrobe? Calling some of her items ghetto.

She is left with a bare closet. So basically she has gone from one mistake to another. A guy who wants to change her. Only she says she is doing it because she is evolving, and changing herself.

Uhhhhhhhhh, Kim, that is not what it looked like from my point of view - my point of view being from my cozy bed with a nightcap, and a grumbling husband who complains about my choice in television viewing. Sorry Honey, but I am a sucker for reality. Any reality, even if it is semi scripted and fake. How do those Kardashian girls get their hair so shiny?

So it had me thinking. In a way we all change a bit when we start dating someone. Maybe we don't throw the entire contents of our closet away, but we all do something. Even if we don't notice that we are doing it.

When I first started dating my husband, I overheard him say something about how some girls look cute wearing jean overalls with tank tops. (Maybe he had some farm girl fantasy, I don't know) So what did I do? Ohhhhh, I just happened to dig out my Old Navy jean overalls, a little white tank top and just happened to wear them on one of our desert dirt bike trips. I HATED THOSE OVERALLS!!!!!! But I sure rocked the hell out of them that weekend. I also pretended to like the Lakers, even choosing my favorite player. I acted like I knew who the Dead Kennedys were (a Punk band, I don't like punk at all)
Eventually the overalls stopped seeing the light of day, I started complaining when he played his music too loud, and now I go upstairs and read while he sits downstairs alone watching The Lakers.

My daughter is on boyfriend #3 right now. I have watched (or should I say listened) to her style in music change with each boy.
Boy #1 had diamond earrings, and even though he was as white as can be, had a bit of a hip hop tone to his voice.So of course, what was blaring from her stereo for 7 months? You guessed it.......Hip Hop and Rap!
Boy #2 different boy, different music. He didn't last long, so his style of music has already been forgotten.
Boy #3- We love boy 3. He is part of the family. They have known each other for a long time. They have always been friends, but then it grew. He is respectful, kind, and helped me bring in groceries from Costco the other day. He is a keeper. But I have now watched her change again. Not major changes, just minor enough for a mom who was once a teenage girl herself, to notice. Hipster,mellow music now plays from her ipod.When asked how she discovered this band, she says "oh, I have loved them for a while"- Well, that is not what I heard when I was eavesdropping on you and your sisters conversation. A conversation that went a little something like this.

B- 'I love the Lumineers'

K- 'Me too'

B- 'I am so glad boy #3 showed me who they were.'

K- 'Me too! Hey, put on that other song he played for you.'

B-' Oh yeah, they are my new favorite band too. Just so peaceful, ya know?'

K-'Yeah, I know'

B-'What are you wearing to school tomorrow?'

K-'I don't know, you?'

B-' I don't know, boy #3 likes those brown boots I wore the other day, so probably those'


I got to go, I just realized what time it is and I was going to try to paint my nails before work. I overheard my hubby saying he likes red nail polish on women, so..................................

Be yourself
Be Happy

But sometimes it is o.k. to be a tiny bit of the person your mate wants you to be. We all know us women are experts at trying to change our men;short of cutting their balls off.
I guess I can dust off some overalls, wear some red nail polish, and listen to one punk song, while watching sports. ;)

'THE' Overalls

But don't ever, EVER ask me to give away my wardrobe. That is where I would draw the line, for myself and my daughters.

**So it is o.k. if my daughter changes her tunes, and sports her brown boots. But if I start seeing her 'true inner spirit' start to change. We will have problems. On a positive note, boy #3 is awesome, and in all seriousness he has always liked her just for being her. I could spot his crush from twenty miles away, even when she didn't even realize it was going on. I don't think he wants to change anything about her, and that is fine with me. Although I could stand for him to tell her she needs to keep up on the dishes and cat box. Hey, help a mama out boy!



Happy Tuesday!

Hello Officer, can I take a picture with all of your DUI checkpointy stuff?

B is driving! Not licensed on her own kind of driving,but learners permit, driving around town with mom kind of driving.

We had a crazy day at the DMV. When is the DMV not crazy??

Got her permit, waited in the parking lot of the Junior College in our city for her first session of behind the wheel training.

We waited
and waited

and
waited

and waited
(o.k. we only waited 3 minutes, but it seemed longer, and the driver wasn't there yet) 

Realized we were supposed to be waiting in the parking lot at a High School in the next town over.

Ooops, my bad!

Called the Community College Course Administrative office, and prayed they would answer...

Yes! They answered

"Ummmm, I am waiting for our instructor. Are we in the wrong parking lot?"

Few minutes on hold

"Yes, hello, you are not just in the wrong lot, you are at the wrong school"

SHIT WE ARE LATE!!
HAULING ASS FROM ONE PLACE TO THE NEXT!

ALL THE WHILE EXPLAINING-

"Don't ever drive like me!!!!!! We are just late, and I have to drive fast.....and run yellow lights.....and not make complete stops.....and ........ Just do what I say, not what I do!"

B's first 2 hour course runs smooth. The driving instructor gives me a few pointers on how to teach her while I am driving with her, we nod, and take off. I let her drive home,and she reminds me about the bonfire I am to drop her off at.

I think to myself:

ENOUGH with the F*ing Bonfires already!!! My teen girls are killing me with their summertime bonfires!

Drop her off at 6!

Pick her up at 9:30

(secretly get there at 9:15, park ever so stealthlike, spy on her and boyfriend to make sure there is no lifeguard tower makeout sessions going on)
*Oh, for my regular readers, Yes, B has a new boyfriend. He is actually quite nice. But even the nice ones want to do 'not nice' things with my daughter, so I will still take on the roll of being a blocker. And what am I blocking  you ask?
It rhymes with block! That is what I am blocking! Enough said!

Get caught trying to spy on her, but she gets caught when I ask
"Where is the fire, and where is the dad that was supposed to be there?"

The silent treatment goes on for about two minutes, until I say

"Hey, I forgot you had your permit! You drive home!"

"Me? O.K."

smiles

"Do you want to take the coast the whole way, then cut through the neighborhoods? Or do you want to take the coast part way, then try your hand at the O Boulevard. Practice with a bit of traffic, and street lights?"

"I'll take O Boulevard. Might as well"

"O.K. good!"

"Turn left here, stay in the right lane, when you come up over the hill, past the 7-eleven you will.............OH   MY    GOD! How funny......."

"WHAT??WHAT? WHAT'S FUNNY?? What are all of these cones??What is going on? What are all those lights? WHAT DO I DO?? WHAT DO I DO?? DO I STOP???"

"Oh My God B, welcome to your first DUI checkpoint! And this is a major one! O.K. slowly merge ov..... OVER......O.K. Well that wasn't really a merge, you didn't even look over your shoulder."

"I'm nervous!"

"Why? Are you drunk?"

"NO!! GOD!!!"


"I know honey, I'm kidding.Now just watch the cop ahead, he is going to wave each person through, but he may stop you. I have your permit right here. You would roll down the window, but I can lean over and talk if you want. OOOHHH, let me get my phone out. If he does talk with you, I'm gonna ask to take a picture."

"I'm freaking out. He's waving his light, what does that mean? Do I go? Do I stop?"

Needless to say she was not told to pull to the side. Our sobriety was not tested. I did not get a picture for her scrapbook. Does the scrapbook supply store even sell 'My First DUI Checkpoint' stickers, emblems, and supplies? 

I am surprised we were not asked to pull aside. You have a 15 1/2 year old who merged in the most illegal manner, about 10 feet from the checkpoint, and then again 10 feet after the checkpoint.All the while clutching the wheel, looking like a cracked out deer in headlights. You have a mom searching for her cell phone, all the while giggling like a hyena, and a 13 year old in the back seat rolling the window down to stick her head out and stare at all the drunks that were pulled over. 

"Darn, I really wanted to take a picture. I sooo wished he would have asked you to pull over"

"Mom, you are a freak!"

Fun times ahead for this mom, and her eager to drive daughter.

Fun times ahead.......................

* I started this post last Saturday morning. Since then we had a little scare with a panicked permit driver, 'accidentally' stepping on the gas instead of the brake. I may turn that moment into it's own post, or I may squash it. As of now she is a bit shaken, a bit embarrassed, and a bit worried that we are going to tell everyone about what happened.

No Honey!

I would never tell anybody that you gassed it, flew over the curb, and only pressed on the brake 2 inches before hitting the retaining wall next to the palm tree. I will not dedicate a post to that spine tingling, chilling moment where our lives flashed before our eyes, and I started to doubt letting you have your license. 

No, that is private family stuff.

You just keep practicing B. Six months of driving with your permit, and you are going to be a seasoned pro.

WHO AM I KIDDING?

Dear DMV,

Hi. My name is J.R. In six months I will be bringing my sweet, eager, anxious 16 year old daughter in to your office, where she will nervously be testing for her drivers license. I would like to ask you to please fail her. Fail her, and keep failing her! My life flashed before my eyes today, and I am starting to think that carpools, driving to and from bonfires, movie theaters, parties, shopping malls, and concerts is not so bad. I don't need her to drive herself. She can wait.

Don't be too harsh on her, but make it realistic, and never, ever tell her that I bribed you or paid you off. This is between you and me Mr. DMV driving tester guy! Our little secret!

Sincerely,

J.R.

Moms Against Teenagers Being Allowed to Drive

M.A.T.B.A.D.

o.k. the last three initials spell out B A D! BAD!! Is that a sign?

Don't ever say I'm not a fun mom! Would an un-fun mom do this?

The weather here in San Diego county is beautiful. Even in the winter, we are lucky. I'm not going to lie!


But we do get rain.
We have thunder.
We experience lightning.


When your daughter is on Spring Break, and has plans to go to the beach, but then those plans are thwarted by rain,

==Lots and LOTS of rain==

well what do you do? 

You give your daughter and her friend some ideas for a rainy day.

• Rent a movie
• Give each other makeovers
• Throw some rain ponchos on, and run up and down the street
• Bake something
• Uhhh, rent a movie

I get no response

I see blank stares

It is as if I have said "do some homework"

Oh well, I tried! I'm going to snuggle in my bed, while watching General Hospital and reading a book simultaneously. I love rainy days, especially on my days off.

Then I hear it........

The sound of a plan....

The sound of masterminding......

The sound of Imagination, driven by extreme boredom.....

I come out of my room to find this

l

Cover the stairs with blankets
Line the walls with pillows
Take the cushions off of the couch to pad the tile at the bottom
Grab a hamper
and
INSTANT AMUSEMENT!

What in the heck are you doing?

That is dangerous?

NO!

NO MORE!

"Moooommm!!! It's Fun!!!OH MY GOD MOM, You should try it!"

No Way!

No How!

Did I say 'No Way!No How!' ?
Was that me?
NO- 
that was un-fun mom
I am FUN mom!!

When you can't beat 'em
Join 'em








Oh, and after they got bored with their stair sliding idea,
they took one of mine


 

True Quotes


"Ummm, OMG, These ponchos don't match"
"This poncho hood is messing up my hair"
"Wait, let me look in the mirror first"
"Are we really gonna run around the neighborhood?What if we see someone we know?"
"Your poncho is cuter than mine"






*Sometimes it is fun to act like a kid.
Sometimes it is rewarding to be fun mom.
Sometimes I don't wanna beat 'em.
Sometimes I wanna join 'em.

Me is really smart! Ain't I? Just ask my BFF!

I am pretty lucky in the job department. I have worked for the same company for 11 years, and honestly other than wishing that I was rich and didn't have to work at all, this is the next best thing. (well, maybe the next, to next, to the next best thing. But still a great place to work!)

But one of my ABSOLUTE favorite reasons for loving my place of employment is that I actually get to work next to one of my best friends in the entire world. 

I met her when I started working there, and after we got over the hump of getting to know one another, we realized we were soulmates. 

In many ways we are different:

She doesn't take crap from anybody                    

I, on the other hand, take your crap, hold onto it for you, and tell you your crap smells like roses all the while smiling.I will nurture it, hug it, and keep it safe for you!

She does not get nervous in professional office situations. In fact she is calm and cool, and intelligence oozes out of her.

I on the other hand develop a horrible case of the nerves anytime we have important meetings with anyone other than our normal work crew! If my Immodium A-D doesn't take affect quick enough, the only thing that oozes out of me is diarrhea! 

On the other hand,she does get nervous in certain social situations. BBQ's, Parties, etc.

Social situations..........Pssshhhh, a breeze! Gimme a microphone, I'll even tell you some jokes!

When she gets drunk, you really can't tell.Other than a glassy eyed look, and a slight head roll and finger snapping attitude that decides to come out, she is never falling down drunk.

When I am drunk, you really CAN tell! I will just leave it at that......You really, REALLY can tell! 
REALLY, REALLY can tell!!!!! 

She has curly hair

I have straight hair 

(figured I'd throw that in there)

In alot of ways we are the same:

She can spot a bargain from 10 miles away. 

I can spot a bargain from 9.9 miles away.

(hey, close enough)

She has a buttload of kids

I have a buttload of kids

She grew up in our town

I grew up in our town

(I am a few years older than her, we went to competing high schools, but did not actually know one another when we were young)

She has stomach issues

I have stomach issues

(this alone made us soulmates.When you go to a Quickbooks class with a new co-worker, then ask for the bathroom key, and don't come back until 2 hours later. ...... well there is no room for embarrassment. You just gotta put it out there! "O.K. I get diarrhea ...... I mean ALOT"  When you hear back an "Oh my god, I have stomach issues too!" Well a friendship is formed for life!!)

We have the EXACT SAME TASTE IN FOOD

We have the EXACT SAME TASTE IN FOOD

She will tell a story, and I will know exactly where she is going with it

I will tell a story and she will know exactly where I am going with it

(in fact, we will keep a story going, embellishing it, making it more humorous and adding to one another's 'stories' to keep it all going)

I love to text her. Sometimes it is easier than a phone call. Stories, sentences, one liners, jokes, or just a stupid emoticon (like the piece of poop emoticon on the iphone. Immature? Yes. Funny? Yes)
She loves to text me. She understands it is easier than a phone call. 
(Sometimes we text each other until one of our husbands has to put the brakes on it, accusing us of sitting on our butts, laughing out loud to our phones, and forgetting we have dinner on the stove)
'Ooops, sorry honey! Just texting D.'
'Why don't you just call her. Or better yet, go down to her house, she just lives down the street?'
'Because I wanted to hang out with you tonight Babe! But hold on, let me text her back one more thing' "LOL       LOL         LOL      OMG           LOL       Husband getting cranky! I'll see you tomorrow at work! Bleh, can he be any moodier! Whahhh, Whahhh!! I burned the biscuits! 
Call a WAA-MBULANCE! LOL!! LOL!! Gotta go!"
'What are you laughing at over there?'
'Nothing honey! O.K. I turned my phone off. Now where were we pookie........'

Our differences are very different.

But our similarities are extremely similar.

So it was no surprise today when we were both at our desks

Checking our emails

Getting updated on our tasks for the day

Going over contracts, websites, paperwork

Filtering out stuff in our inbox

and

NOURISHING OUR BRAIN

to it's fullest potential.

We both believe that being smart is important.

How do we do this you ask?

Read books?

Study current events?

Attend classes at our local college?

No, we eat smart!

As I was chomping down on this

Smart Popcorn! I can feel the intelligence growing inside me.I won't be able to contain it!

She was guzzling this down

The bottle is almost empty. Somebody, QUICK,!Call 9-1-1, her brain is about to explode with Smarts!!!

Oh, and one more thing that we have in common.....
the way we think


As soon as it was pointed out that we were both consuming brainiac snacks, what did we do?


We both grabbed our phones out of our purses and took a picture......


all the while laughing, because we had realized we both grabbed our phones.


So now we were laughing at the Smart Food
We were laughing at our phones
We were laughing because we were laughing
And then
We laughed some more!






Soulmates!

Farts, Farting, Fart!! What is a conversation without mentioning the 'F' word!

Farting and Pooping. Totally natural. Everybody does it.

In my house?

Not only is it natural, not only does everybody do it. EVERYBODY TALKS ABOUT IT!! ALOT!

On any given morning, as my teen daughters are so perfectly applying their makeup, straightening their hair, and borrowing one another's clothes to create the most fashionable of outfits, the fart talk is running rampant.

"Can I borrow your black skirt? The one with the ......EWWW You just farted!"

"Yeah, the skirt is in my bottom drawer."

Covering Nose

"Whh drarew" - which drawer in face cover talk.

"The bottom drawer!! And don't act all disgusted. You stunk up the bathroom BAD yesterday!"

These are GIRLS people! SO all of you with BOYS, don't think it doesn't happen to the Girl only households. 

And by looking at my daughters, you would never know it. Meticulous with their beauty, Popular, even featured on the fashion pages of their yearbook!

Farts do not discriminate!! 

I think I may start a weekly post, dedicated to the fart and poop talk that goes on in my house. Like how "PooPoo on the Head" somehow turned into the theme song for when my husband gives our 5 year old daughter her shower. Don't ask, cause I don't have an answer. I think one day, he was getting ready to jump in the shower, so I told him to bring her, she didn't want to, he tried to make her laugh by saying. "We have to wash your hair. It smells like Poo Poo"  Giggles & Laughter followed.

They laugh together, she gets clean, doesn't freak out about washing her hair,and all is peaceful at shower time.

Well except hearing them all the way from downstairs. 

"Poo Poo on the head"

"Poo Poo on the head"

?

When she is in her twenties, in her apartment,

will she reminisce about Poo Poo on the Head?

As an adult who is able to curse, will she change it to 

"Shit on the Head"

"Shit on the Head"

?

Hope Not!

Her roommates may think she is demented.

Here is the conversation this morning as I was dropping my 13 year old daughter off at her Junior High.

K- "Oh MY GOD Mom, see that kid with the red backpack?"

Me- "Uhh, yeah!" -my brain going into hyperdrive- "WHAT?! Is he mean to you? Is he a bully?WHAT?"

K- "Mom, no! God! He is the one I was telling you about......the one that STINKS!"

Me- "Ohhhh, that one!"

K- "Yeah, he stinks so bad it distracts me in class!I sit right next to him!I don't want to ask to move, because I don't want him to feel bad! But he is making me feel bad!!!"

She is now gathering her folder, and purse. And getting ready to shut the door.

K- " He smells like ROTTEN ORANGE CHICKEN AND FARTS!"

Me-"??"

K- "Yeah, ROTTEN ORANGE CHICKEN AND FARTS. Bye Mom, I love you!"

Me- "Call me from the nurses office if you feel sick........"       DOOR SLAMS

I drive away thinking of Rotten Orange Chicken, and how I may never order that again from the Chinese Takeout.

Then my 5 year old pipes up from her booster seat

Ki- "Call me if you feel sick! That is funny! Cause the farts would make her sick, huh Mama!!!"

Me- "Huh?"

Ki- "You said to K 'call me if you feel sick from the farts' "

Me- "Oh, no baby, not from the Orange Farts" - I have now condensed the name of the fart "K had a bad headache this morning, so I was reminding her that if it gets worse to call me."

Ki- "Oh"

Heading back home,we start pointing out anything circular we see along the way. Her pre-school class is studying circles,and wants us to point out EVERYTHING, according to my daughter.

But the fart talk could not end.

Ki- "But Mommy! A fart could make K sick. It could make her sick, huh? It makes me feel sick sometimes. Like when you or daddy.......!"

Me- "O.K., o.k. enough fart talk"

Ki- "But, sometimes..."

Me-"Yes, I suppose an Orange Chicken Fart could make K want to puke. The thought is kinda making me want to puke!"

~We both laugh~

And that was my morning conversation

Circles and Farts

and Rotten Orange Chicken (whatever that smells like)

My household is 80 percent female, I can't even blame it on the boys. Farts are funny! Gross! But Funny!