Wednesday, August 15, 2012

I have a disease, and it is called Doctor appointment Cancelitis!

I am a habitual Doctor's appointment canceller (is that a word? I could only find Chancellor, but I don't think I am in any way a leader of a University)

I hate going to Doctor's appointments, and you can read about that here and here.

I have four children (well, now 3 and one official adult, but hey!)

Not to mention myself. So I feel like a month does not go by where there are not appointments to be made. Waiting rooms to be sat in. Doctors to be listening to. Co-pays to be handed over. Time to be lost from my precious life!!!!!!!!!!!

Between my four kids this is a compiled list of the last year-

Family Practice
2nd, 3rd, and 4th opinion till we found the RIGHT Orthodontist
Another Dentist due to switched insurance
Another Dentist because the new one sucked ASS
Oral Surgeon
Dermatologist- for 5 year old. Yes, Eczema
Dermatologist- for 14 year old. Dents in thumb nail thought to be from Psoriasis (which I have)
Rheumatologist - as Dermatologist was a bit baffled by dents in nail
Urgent care for after hours- Can't even list it all

So anyway, I just cancelled my 15 year olds checkup that she had scheduled yesterday at 7:30 A.M.
When I make these appointments, I have temporary memory loss. I forget that I am NOT A MORNING PERSON!!!!!!! 7:30 in the morning??? WTF was I thinking.

I just got off the phone with the 14 year old's orthodontist. Rescheduled her 10:00 appt. to next week. I woke up this morning, and felt dread and damnation at the thought of sitting in that office reading their same crinkled up People Magazines. Kourtney Kardashian gave birth to Mason 3 years ago!!! We have moved on to Penelope Kardashian now! GET A NEW MAGAZINE!

5 year old has appt. on Friday at the dentist. I just had to bring her in there last week for a dental emergency that wound up being nothing, and then had to shell out 70 bucks for them to look at her, smile and reassure me she was fine, and that was it! UGGHHH!  I think I will reschedule that because after looking at my calendar, I realize her Kindergarten orientation is at the same time.
Which brings me to my next topic. All of the lies I tell when I cancel or reschedule.
See, the Kindergarten orientation is true. But most of the time I lie.

So here is a compiled list of my cancellation excuses LIES!

  • "I got called in for a shift at work -makes me sound like a waitress. My job does not have shifts! I never get called in!" I am going to HELL!
  • "___________ (insert name of child) Started throwing up this morning. So sorry, but there is no way she could sit through a dental cleaning. I will reschedule later. Oh, yes I will tell her you are thinking of her."
  • "OH MY GOSH, my daughter just informed me she has a yearbook meeting at that time. Ugghh, teenagers, always so forgetful. I am so sorry, and believe me, I will lecture her on the importance of letting me know these things beforehand." 
  • "I am so sorry, I am going to have to reschedule. My husband promised me he was going to bring her to the appointment for me, but he just informed me he won't be able to break away from work. MEN!!! I tell ya!!!!!!!!" - and then the receptionist and I bond over the frustrations of men, their lack of helping in the mommy department, blah, blah, blah. Meanwhile my poor husband is busting his ass at work, not even knowing why his ears are ringing.
  • My favorite is trying to call first thing in the morning and getting their voicemail. Then you don't have to hear their disapproving voices. Sometimes I even lie to the answering machine. 
  • O.K.- I am not that bad. Sometimes...........ONLY SOMETIMES, I actually don't blame anybody else. I actually tell a semi-truth. I say "I am so sorry, I just won't be able to make it. It just kinda came up on me, and I realized there is no way I can get in there." A Halo starts forming over my angelic little head. 
Now, I must go. I have an appointment to cancel; for myself on Monday. I realize it conflicts with my teens first day of High School. Should I tell the truth, or say that lightning struck my house, there is now a big gaping hole over my living room, and Monday I have to wait for the roofer to come by??????? Sound like a good one? Believable??

Happy Wednesday everyone! 


  1. A check up at 7:30am?? Isn't it illegal for anyone but shift workers and first time mums, to be up at 7:30am??

    1. Yes- This office has early morning appointments 2 days a week. Of course I always imagine myself, up soaking in the morning sunshine, and ready to start my day.
      Uhhhhhhh, NOPE! That is not me. I procrastinate, sip my coffee, and play on my laptop, then get ready for work and take advantage of every minute I can to be lazy at home before I have to head out.

  2. This is exactly why I haven't seen a dentist or girl-parts doctor in years. I suffer cancellator guilt.

    1. Cancellator guilt? Ahhh yes, I have gone past the guilt. I have gone into believing my own lies. I mean I really think there is a hole in my roof from the crater that came down from outerspace, therefore causing me to cancel my last pap.

      Dentist and Lady check ups- yes, those are definitely my favorite to cancel!


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