Saturday, February 18, 2012

Tree Branches are a 'Thorn' in my side!!

I have been following the tree branch of blogs.
I use the phrase 'tree branch' for a TON of stuff. I click on a blog that I follow, then see what blogs they follow, and before you know it my eyes are stinging, my laptop battery is drained, I can't remember what blogs I had clicked on in the beginning, which ones I meant to go back to, who I had decided to start following, and who I decided to definitely NOT FOLLOW because right away I could tell our Blogs would not play well together in the sand box.

More Tree Branch examples-

My husband and I had an argument today, and it 'Tree Branched' into a Flippin Redwood. Not sure how a little twig starts sprouting other twigs, branches, and leaves.Sometimes turning into a forest!
We both wound up having the day off together. I always have Fridays off, but he of course does not.  WOW! A day off together! What should we do? Take a drive to downtown San Diego? A stroll by the beach, followed by lunch? Or,  taking our daughter to her 9:00 a.m. dentist appointment. I put on my new pair of clearance rack, but Waaaayyyy adorable, cargo jeggings from American Eagle Outfitters, straightened my hair, dabbed on some lip gloss, sprayed some Justin Bieber perfume that I stole from my daughters room,  Victoria's Secret Pink perfume, and I was ready for my day.
My husband wasn't lookin all that shabby either. In fact he looked a bit spiffy in his button up shirt and jeans. Yes, we could take on the WORLD  crying 5 year old in a dental exam chair!

Oh, but I will rewind. I will rewind to before my husband looked all handsome in his casual, yet sharp looking attire. I will rewind to when the tree branch was simply a twig.

"Ki guess what! Daddy doesn't have to go to work today! Wouldn't you love to have him go with us to your dentist appointment, so that he can help mommy and the nice dental assistant hold you down while you scream and kick, as your first cavity is filled, and maybe Daddy can sweat through his shirt, and hold back tears while you scream "please Mommy, Please. No more mommy! I don't like the dentist mommy"  hold your hand while you so calmly have your tooth worked on."

Ki- "Yay, DADDY is going with us to the dentist!"

Tree Branch. Right. Back to the Tree Branch.
Well, my husband did not start off with a collared shirt on. No siree!!!!!
I woke up this morning feeling a sense of fun and adventure. I can't explain why, I just did. I also figured that my normal Friday outfit of FYM (Fake Yoga Mom- have the look of a mom who just stepped out of a yoga studio, or is getting ready to step into one. But really, it was just a stretch pants/Nike kind of day, and the laundry had been a bit ignored this week) was going to stay in the closet. I wanted to dress up a bit for my man today. I wanted him to look at me as I tripped skipped down the stairs, and think "Wow, my wife still has it goin on"

My husband walked upstairs with a beanie on his head, his work shorts, work sweatshirt, and his construction boots. 

Remember back a few paragraphs? No? I will remind you.

He had the DAY OFF!!!

as in
as in

So I did the famous wife/girlfriend/any living female moan-


Husband walking past me grabbing his toothbrush


Husband pretending to not hear my "Uh's"


Husband starting to undo his belt

Me thinking "Oh, he is undoing his belt! Yay, he is going to change into something nicer"

Husband only taking his belt off to go pee!
NOT to change his outfit.


Husband: "You ready? I am"


Husband: "O.K., well I will meet you downstairs"


Me talking to myself:
"J.R. Don't do it!! Don't do it J.R. Don't open your mouth. Just let him be. He looks fine. He even has the Hot Construction Worker look goin on! Leave him be" 

The other Me talking to Me:
"Construction M is always here! I want nice jeans that show off his cute butt! I want collared shirt that I bought him at Macy's! I want his Reef brown flip flops so that he has that Beachy Casual look, to go with my Beachy Casual Look, just in case we casually go eat lunch BY THE BEACH!!" 

The other, other Me, talking to the other, other Me:
"Uh, you are kinda crazy! Did he even ask you to lunch, because I heard him on the phone earlier, and I think he has plans after the dentist's office. I think he actually needs to keep those construction boots on. He was going to work around the yard later, then help his friend out"

The other, other, other Me
"Shut Up, all of you!"

I just couldn't stop myself.
I watered the Tree Branch.It was on it's way, limbs growing, leaves forming, pine cones and all. 
I said those words that many men are used to hearing, but for some reason my husband takes great offense to....

ME: "M, are you really going to wear that?
Or did you want to wear something else?"

Husband in a tone, that I am pretty sure was NOT sincere:"What would I ever do without you J.R.? What would I do without you 'reminding' me that I actually wanted to wear something else!!" 

ME: "No, No! You look fine! I meant, like...... like. I meant, like did you want to wear that red beanie, or did you want to wear the blue one that matches your......ummmm........that matches your.. your BOOTS!" 

Husband: "I'm changing babe. Fine, I will put on a collared shirt! Would you like me to put on a tie, and get my dress shoes shined as well?" - Ya think he was being sarcastic?

He took off the work clothes
Dabbed a bit of cologne on
I am making up the cologne part,
but his deodorant smells really good

Put on my favorite pair of jeans
Put on a casual collared shirt

He came downstairs, and tried not to smile at me
He came downstairs, and tried to be annoyed at me!

Once in the car, everything was Roses and Sunshine. 
I told him he looked handsome, he smiled and said 
"Thanks, I actually forgot about this shirt you bought me. I do like it"

All was right with the world. Our day was started.

The dentist appointment went well. Our daughter was Awesome. No tears!

Then we drove STRAIGHT HOME!

We did not go for a Casual Lunch Date at the Beach. 
We did not have any spontaneous fun
We did not get to show off our Nicely Outfitted 'selves to all who cared
**I don 't think anyone cares**
'Shut up Negative Me!!'

we went home 
and watered the tree branch.
We watered the tree branch, until other branches grew.

One branch was about bills!- Why does he always go to the mailbox right when we pull up in the driveway? 

*I need to talk with that mailman of ours. Can't he deliver happiness??!!!
One branch was about the sticky mess left by one of our daughters trying to hide a blender mishap- Did he not feel the sticky floor beneath his shoes this morning?  
*or, I'm sorry, excuse me, beneath his Super Cool Construction Boots!! 
One branch sprouted off of that branch, and then the leaves started growing, along with some prickly pineconey looking things. Prickly pine cones are the worst! 
Those usually come with jabs, and start off this way:
"And you know what else bugs me about you???........."

Yellowstone National Forest is now in our living room

  • Speaking of sticky floors, I can't even see our floor in the bedroom. Are you on strike from the laundry?Or are we waiting for a laundry fairy to fly down?
  • And I did not think women were supposed to be such slobs. I mean really, how does toothpaste splatter to the top of the mirror when you are brushing your teeth?
  • Also, I am trying to do a low carb diet. But you seem to only be shopping at the High Carb Warehouse! A little support would help!
  And One More Thing
  • I am a grown man. I can dress myself. If I wake up and put on shorts, a shirt, shoes, or a frickin feather boa, it's my choice! It is because I chose that! I don't get dressed thinking, 'Ummmm, now what am I doing?? What is my name?? Where is my wife? I could soooo use her help right now!' 
Ahhhhhhh, so that is what this was about?
The outfit debacle was the beginning.
It was a little seed planted in the forest.

ME: You are soooooo turning this into a big ol' Tree Branch of arguments. Blah! You suck!


You see not all Tree Branching is bad!

After some time apart,
(Me with my trusty laptop
Him with his garage manly stuff)
We salvaged the rest of the day. Me putting on my FYM outfit (those Cargo Jeggings were a bit tight), him taking off his collared shirt, where underneath he was wearing his #1 dad t-shirt that the kids had bought him last year. We watched an afternoon movie with the kids, sat upstairs and folded laundry together while listening to my ipod on the new iHome he bought me,and we laughed and talked. We talked about how much bills suck ass! We talked about his business, and how we could help it grow (he is a General Contractor), we talked about his bad attitude when it comes to watching The Office with me, and he said he would give it another try. We left our teen daughters on the couch, snuggled up with our five year old watching Sponge Bob and we went on an evening date. It may have just been to Trader Joes, but it was nice. He grabbed a basket with one hand, and put his arm around me with his free arm. We each picked out a bottle of wine, grabbed the tortillas we needed for our dinner, and talked about how we want to start eating healthier (Even me. God I love junk food) 
Then we walked out of Trader Joes and were immediately accosted by Girl Scouts. 2 boxes of Thin Mints, and then we will start our new Healthy Lifestyle. He laughed at me as I opened the box as soon as we got in the car. 


"Nothing, just you!"

"Well, I mean I picked out Moscato. It is like a dessert wine. So I needed some dessert."

"I know. I just love you!"

Point is, that sometimes squabbles need to happen.
Sometimes prickly pine cones can be a bother. 
But when you walk into a field and collect them, you can bring them home and make some pretty cool crafts out of them.

A new branch had formed.
An Olive Branch

* I dedicate this post to my husband

I love you, even when you wear your work clothes.
But I love you lots more when you wear nice clothes.
The End


  1. Oh J.R. if I had to pick out all the wonderful parts that had me laughing like a goon one minute and 'awwing' like a fool the next, then my comment would be longer than your post.

    Really really enjoyed this post!

    1. You foolish goon you! You can write long comments! Have you ever seen my 10 page comments?

      Once the Olive Branch had been extended, and a tree branch of good conversation had started, you were actually mentioned in mine and my husbands talk. Well, a few other bloggers as well. My husband asked if I knew what all of the bloggers look like, so I explained that some put pictures and some don't. But that when I picture Lily, I only picture Jessica Rabbit. Jessica Rabbit who sometimes has smeared chocolate on her red dress. Your dry cleaning bill must be horrendous! ;)
      I on the other hand, am a shadow on the beach.Dark and Mysterious
      (I assure you I am neither)

      See! Long comment, courtesy of J.R.
      Thank you Lily!

  2. This is such a lovely post, JR. You made me smile and cringe and laugh and squirm. I can definitely relate...although I'm usually the one watering the tree, not my husband.

    1. Thank you Stephanie (and and since we are soooo close, can you give me a hint as to who is in the running for your sheep? NO? o.k., I still think you are brilliant)

      Smiling and Laughing? - GOOD
      Cringing and Squirming? - BAD TAKEOUT? Maybe?
      Believe me, arguments with my husband make me cringe and squirm too! And I really don't know how toothpaste spatters to the very top of the mirror. I am a very enthusiastic brusher.

      And, yes usually I water the tree too. Just did not want to expose myself in the way. Figured I'd expose him ;)

  3. You're talking to a woman who's husband constantly where's his neon green safety shirts from work constantly. He LOVES how soft they are. I never realized how addicted he was until I looked back over or vacation pictures and that's what he wore in every stinking picture.

    1. O.K.- So Mrs. Tuna,first off, thank you for following. Every SINGLE follower has a special place in my heart. HONESTLY!! I will give you a visual through words
      ME logging in to my blog and seeing a new follower:
      "OH MY GOD!!! YAY!!!!!! I have a new follower!!YEEEEE! I am so happy!I really am happy!! This is so cool!"
      So thank you for being reason #18 on my reasons to be happy list!

      Secondly, my husband plopped next to me when I was reading my comments. He read yours and chuckled to himself. He probably already feels connected to your husband now, so if we ever pass through your state,they can share stories on the comforts of Work T-Shirts or Work Boots, and have a beer (or soda. I can't always assume all who walk the earth drink)

      Thanks for following! Truly!

  4. Truer words have never been written. My husband and I went out to dinner last night. I looked like a middle-aged rock star (sparkly shoes and all), and he refused to shave or wear a tie. He did wear khakis. Baby steps.

    1. Marianne- Oh,there are truer words, believe me, but I have to edit some of the tree branches that come out of this forest! Ha Ha

      Khakis are definitely a step in the right direction! Khakis to my husband, are the equivalent of a tuxedo, so you are doing something right!

      Lets hear it for Sparkle Shoes and Khaki! Together they probably make a pretty cute couple! I get the refusing to shave thing once in a while.He does have a mustache / goatee thing, but sometimes the rest starts growing in, and I have to remind him that only George Michael rocks that look!


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