Tree Branches are a 'Thorn' in my side!!

I have been following the tree branch of blogs.
I use the phrase 'tree branch' for a TON of stuff. I click on a blog that I follow, then see what blogs they follow, and before you know it my eyes are stinging, my laptop battery is drained, I can't remember what blogs I had clicked on in the beginning, which ones I meant to go back to, who I had decided to start following, and who I decided to definitely NOT FOLLOW because right away I could tell our Blogs would not play well together in the sand box.

More Tree Branch examples-

My husband and I had an argument today, and it 'Tree Branched' into a Flippin Redwood. Not sure how a little twig starts sprouting other twigs, branches, and leaves.Sometimes turning into a forest!

We both wound up having the day off together. I always have Fridays off, but he of course does not.  WOW! A day off together! What should we do? Take a drive to downtown San Diego? A stroll by the beach, followed by lunch? Or,  taking our daughter to her 9:00 a.m. dentist appointment. I put on my new pair of clearance rack, but Waaaayyyy adorable, cargo jeggings from American Eagle Outfitters, straightened my hair, dabbed on some lip gloss, sprayed some Justin Bieber perfume that I stole from my daughters room,  Victoria's Secret Pink perfume, and I was ready for my day.
My husband wasn't lookin all that shabby either. In fact he looked a bit spiffy in his button up shirt and jeans. Yes, we could take on the WORLD  crying 5 year old in a dental exam chair!

Oh, but I will rewind. I will rewind to before my husband looked all handsome in his casual, yet sharp looking attire. I will rewind to when the tree branch was simply a twig.

"Ki guess what! Daddy doesn't have to go to work today! Wouldn't you love to have him go with us to your dentist appointment, so that he can help mommy and the nice dental assistant hold you down while you scream and kick, as your first cavity is filled, and maybe Daddy can sweat through his shirt, and hold back tears while you scream "please Mommy, Please. No more mommy! I don't like the dentist mommy"  hold your hand while you so calmly have your tooth worked on."


Ki- "Yay, DADDY is going with us to the dentist!"


Tree Branch. Right. Back to the Tree Branch.
Well, my husband did not start off with a collared shirt on. No siree!!!!!
I woke up this morning feeling a sense of fun and adventure. I can't explain why, I just did. I also figured that my normal Friday outfit of FYM (Fake Yoga Mom- have the look of a mom who just stepped out of a yoga studio, or is getting ready to step into one. But really, it was just a stretch pants/Nike kind of day, and the laundry had been a bit ignored this week) was going to stay in the closet. I wanted to dress up a bit for my man today. I wanted him to look at me as I tripped skipped down the stairs, and think "Wow, my wife still has it goin on"



My husband walked upstairs with a beanie on his head, his work shorts, work sweatshirt, and his construction boots. 


Remember back a few paragraphs? No? I will remind you.

He had the DAY OFF!!!

DAY OFF! 

as in

NO WORK!!!!

as in

NO WORK SHORTS NEEDED!

NO WORK SWEATSHIRT NEEDED!

NO CONSTRUCTION BOOTS NEEDED!

So I did the famous wife/girlfriend/any living female moan-

"Uh"

Husband walking past me grabbing his toothbrush

"Uh"

Husband pretending to not hear my "Uh's"

"Uh"

Husband starting to undo his belt

Me thinking "Oh, he is undoing his belt! Yay, he is going to change into something nicer"

Husband only taking his belt off to go pee!

NOT to change his outfit.

"Uh"

Husband: "You ready? I am"

"Uh"

Husband: "O.K., well I will meet you downstairs"

"Uh"

"Uhhhhh"

"Ummmmm"

Me talking to myself:

"J.R. Don't do it!! Don't do it J.R. Don't open your mouth. Just let him be. He looks fine. He even has the Hot Construction Worker look goin on! Leave him be" 

The other Me talking to Me:

"Construction M is always here! I want nice jeans that show off his cute butt! I want collared shirt that I bought him at Macy's! I want his Reef brown flip flops so that he has that Beachy Casual look, to go with my Beachy Casual Look, just in case we casually go eat lunch BY THE BEACH!!" 

The other, other Me, talking to the other, other Me:

"Uh, you are kinda crazy! Did he even ask you to lunch, because I heard him on the phone earlier, and I think he has plans after the dentist's office. I think he actually needs to keep those construction boots on. He was going to work around the yard later, then help his friend out"

The other, other, other Me

"Shut Up, all of you!"

I just couldn't stop myself.

I watered the Tree Branch.It was on it's way, limbs growing, leaves forming, pine cones and all. 

I said those words that many men are used to hearing, but for some reason my husband takes great offense to....

ME: "M, are you really going to wear that?

Or did you want to wear something else?"

Husband in a tone, that I am pretty sure was NOT sincere:"What would I ever do without you J.R.? What would I do without you 'reminding' me that I actually wanted to wear something else!!" 

ME: "No, No! You look fine! I meant, like...... like. I meant, like did you want to wear that red beanie, or did you want to wear the blue one that matches your......ummmm........that matches your.. your BOOTS!" 

Husband: "I'm changing babe. Fine, I will put on a collared shirt! Would you like me to put on a tie, and get my dress shoes shined as well?" - Ya think he was being sarcastic?

He took off the work clothes

Shaved

Dabbed a bit of cologne on

I am making up the cologne part,
but his deodorant smells really good

Put on my favorite pair of jeans

Put on a casual collared shirt

He came downstairs, and tried not to smile at me

He came downstairs, and tried to be annoyed at me!


Once in the car, everything was Roses and Sunshine. 
I told him he looked handsome, he smiled and said 
"Thanks, I actually forgot about this shirt you bought me. I do like it"


All was right with the world. Our day was started.

The dentist appointment went well. Our daughter was Awesome. No tears!


Then we drove STRAIGHT HOME!

We did not go for a Casual Lunch Date at the Beach. 

We did not have any spontaneous fun

We did not get to show off our Nicely Outfitted 'selves to all who cared
**I don 't think anyone cares**
'Shut up Negative Me!!'

Instead,

we went home 

and watered the tree branch.

We watered the tree branch, until other branches grew.

One branch was about bills!- Why does he always go to the mailbox right when we pull up in the driveway? 
*I need to talk with that mailman of ours. Can't he deliver happiness??!!!

One branch was about the sticky mess left by one of our daughters trying to hide a blender mishap- Did he not feel the sticky floor beneath his shoes this morning?  
*or, I'm sorry, excuse me, beneath his Super Cool Construction Boots!! 

One branch sprouted off of that branch, and then the leaves started growing, along with some prickly pineconey looking things. Prickly pine cones are the worst! 
Those usually come with jabs, and start off this way:
"And you know what else bugs me about you???........."


OH GREAT!!! 
Yellowstone National Forest is now in our living room

BRING IT ON!!

• Speaking of sticky floors, I can't even see our floor in the bedroom. Are you on strike from the laundry?Or are we waiting for a laundry fairy to fly down?
• And I did not think women were supposed to be such slobs. I mean really, how does toothpaste splatter to the top of the mirror when you are brushing your teeth?
• Also, I am trying to do a low carb diet. But you seem to only be shopping at the High Carb Warehouse! A little support would help!

  And One More Thing

• I am a grown man. I can dress myself. If I wake up and put on shorts, a shirt, shoes, or a frickin feather boa, it's my choice! It is because I chose that! I don't get dressed thinking, 'Ummmm, now what am I doing?? What is my name?? Where is my wife? I could soooo use her help right now!' 

Ahhhhhhh, so that is what this was about?

The outfit debacle was the beginning.

It was a little seed planted in the forest.

ME: You are soooooo turning this into a big ol' Tree Branch of arguments. Blah! You suck!

But.........

You see not all Tree Branching is bad!

After some time apart,

(Me with my trusty laptop

Him with his garage manly stuff)

We salvaged the rest of the day. Me putting on my FYM outfit (those Cargo Jeggings were a bit tight), him taking off his collared shirt, where underneath he was wearing his #1 dad t-shirt that the kids had bought him last year. We watched an afternoon movie with the kids, sat upstairs and folded laundry together while listening to my ipod on the new iHome he bought me,and we laughed and talked. We talked about how much bills suck ass! We talked about his business, and how we could help it grow (he is a General Contractor), we talked about his bad attitude when it comes to watching The Office with me, and he said he would give it another try. We left our teen daughters on the couch, snuggled up with our five year old watching Sponge Bob and we went on an evening date. It may have just been to Trader Joes, but it was nice. He grabbed a basket with one hand, and put his arm around me with his free arm. We each picked out a bottle of wine, grabbed the tortillas we needed for our dinner, and talked about how we want to start eating healthier (Even me. God I love junk food) 

Then we walked out of Trader Joes and were immediately accosted by Girl Scouts. 2 boxes of Thin Mints, and then we will start our new Healthy Lifestyle. He laughed at me as I opened the box as soon as we got in the car. 

"What?"

"Nothing, just you!"

"Well, I mean I picked out Moscato. It is like a dessert wine. So I needed some dessert."

"I know. I just love you!"

Point is, that sometimes squabbles need to happen.

Sometimes prickly pine cones can be a bother. 

But when you walk into a field and collect them, you can bring them home and make some pretty cool crafts out of them.

A new branch had formed.

An Olive Branch

* I dedicate this post to my husband

I love you, even when you wear your work clothes.

But I love you lots more when you wear nice clothes.

The End