I am not confrontational
I don't like Hip Hop and Rap......O.K., that is a lie. I do like it. I love all music. I really do.
When I drink, my husband has now been ordered to ban all electronic devices from within my reach.
Remember Drunk Dialing?
That is a thing of the past.
Now it is
Drunk Facebooking
Drunk Tweeting
Drunk Blogging
Too many options for my ridiculousness to shine!
For the few that were able to read my drunk blog before I erased it, thanks for your comments.But that drunk blog, was nothing,and I mean NOTHING compared to the evil indulgence that I posted as my status updates on Facebook.
* and let me tell you, and I know you all don't know me extremely well, but please believe me. I post on Facebook about once a month. Maybe not even that. But anger posting on Facebook?????UGGHH I don't do it!
With that being said-
A HUGE Shout out to my Best Friend who knows me all too well.
I will give a recap of last Saturday Night:
Me: Gulp, Gulp! Yum, these Margaritas are yummy!
Gulp Gulp, oh, Honey, would you make me another one?
Gulp, pssshhhhppwwww! GOD that is strong, why did you make this one so strong?
Husband: "Hoping to get lucky"
Me: Hopin to get puked on is what is really gonna happen!
Gulp, Gulp! YUM!! I'm getting used to the strong factor
Gulp, Gulp
Husband: "I'm heading upstairs babe. Wink, Wink, Meet me up there."
15 minutes pass before I make it upstairs.
Me: Honey...........Honey.......... You sleepin?
Oh well, I guess I will log on Facebook before goin to sleep.
Uggghhhh, My head is buzzeddddd. Actually I feel a bit drunk!
Uggghhhh, My head is buzzeddddd. Actually I feel a bit drunk!
Ugghhh, I just started thinking about 'HER'
The only 'HER' in the world that I HATE dislike in an intense way!
I'm gonna write about it on Facebook.
FACEBOOK:
Status Update:wioeoaihioaehfidhfkajfkasjf fuck you bitch aaaidfhadiofh asdifj asdfka f you suck
akldfjkajfkdjfkajdf complete lyrics to a Hip Hop Song
They See Me Rollin.......... They Hatin..........Try to catch me ridin dirty.......
* which by the way , I was mumbling to my drunk self, 'Bitches Be Hatin' so I think that is where that song came into my mind???!!!??? Who the Heck knows.
My eyes are closing, I'm going to log off. Oh, but, one more thing
Status Update: blah, blah , blah, You are a beach ball,I am a little stick. My little stick will hit you down the beach. Blah, Blah, Blah!!!!!!!!!!
*More mumbles, and words, some I cannot even remember, or want to repeat.
Some were quite genius, rhyming like Eminem, some of the words would have made Satan proud, but I would rather forget those words. So I will just write Blah, Blah , Blah! I am sure you all get the point.
Oh, one more thing
Status Update: I'm nice, you are not nice. You suck, I don't suck. You are mean
* these words, I really wrote.
Log Off, Go To Sleep.
Oh, hold on!
Let me Tweet on my phone! I just installed the Tweet/Twitter app.
Ohhhh, what should my drunk ass write?? Tweet??
"BITCHES BE HATIN"
Done!
Good Night!
Ring, Ring-
1:00 a.m my phone rings......WTF? My best friend, why is she calling me so late?
Me: Hey!!! WHAT'S WRONG? Everything o.k.?
Best Friend: Everything o.k.? Everything is o.k. with me, what the hell is wrong with you?
Me: Huh?
Best Friend:Your craziness on Facebook!!! Who in the hell are you mad at? And who do I need to come beat up?
Me: Oh, Bitchface! I hate her! I so hate her! She is sooo mean!
Best Friend: O.K. well, call me in the morning, but first get out of bed, log onto your laptop, and ERASE all of your crazy ass posts! You will not be happy with yourself in the morning. Too many of your friends look up to you as being a non-drama, voice of reason. Erase it now! Then go to bed, and call me in the morning. I love you!
Me: You are right! I swear I only had 2 margaritas. I think M drugged me.....
Best Friend: M drugged you? You are insane! Go back to sleep....Erase those posts first though!!! And I am telling M he is never allowed to fall asleep first, and leave you unattended with social networks! Plus, who are you kidding? You are not kicking anyone's ass! I'd have to drive down there and do it for you!! And we are too old for that!
Me: I wrote that I wanted to kick ass?? Oh.... yeah, I did write that.
Best Friend: Yeah, you are apparently channeling your inner Dr. Seuss meets Snoop Dogg.
Just be glad I have insomnia, and was able to catch your dumb ass before everyone else in the world woke up and read your posts.
By the way, if it ever happens again, we will just tell people your facebook got hacked!
*That is why I love her. She is quick with the excuses!
GOOD NIGHT!!
GOOD NIGHT!!
So a Public Service Announcement to all.
Eat, Drink and be Merry!
Do NOT!
Under any circumstances,
ever, NEVER, EVER,
Eat, Drink and Post, Tweet, or Blog!
Well, let me re-phrase that.
Never, Ever
Eat, Drink and Post, when you have pent up anger over a really, super duper mean lady!
I am CRYING with laughter here!
ReplyDeleteYou erased the last post just as I was about to read it but never mind, this more than made up for it.
Just picturing you rapping 'Ridin Dirty,' makes me want to pee my knickers...and I'm not even wearing any!! And the beach ball/stick rant...sorry, I have to stop...still bloody laughing my arse off.
PS
Your friend is one hell of a gem. :)
Lily- You didn't miss much, it was just a little too descriptive in mentioning the actual person. Now the Facebook, that could have kept you entertained for days.
DeleteAdded all together, it sure made for a great post though!
Believe me, Ridin Dirty will always be my theme song from here on out. It really makes no sense for the situation, but it sure fit that evening, so I'm keepin it!!!!
Her insomnia worked for me, I do have great gems in my life! ;)
A super mean "Lady" ??? cute
ReplyDeleteNo wait--- a super Duper mean Lady. You are the best!!!!
ReplyDeleteAnonymous?? Tryin to figure out who you are?? But since you ended your last comment with 'You are the best'!! - I think I love you ;)
DeleteThank you
hahahahahahahahaha
ReplyDeleteBut those types of rants are the things that make us great! Or memorable! Or certifiable for psychiatric holds!
I like your friend. She's a fixer.
Marianne, thank you for understanding. Have you ever had any 'Mikes Hard Lemonade' rants??
DeleteIt was great, memorable, and I was probably about 2 status updates away from being certifiable!
She is one of those fixing friends. From fixing my bangs when I Aqua Netted them incorrectly, to fixing my liquid blue eyeliner when I applied too much in junior high, to fixing to fight someone for me if needed. (never been needed.I tend to get along with EVERYBODY....except......)
I have a few fixer friends. Thank god for them! We all need those in our lives!
"...your inner Dr. Seuss meets Snoop Dogg." Ha Ha!! Oh man, I have social networked while intoxicated, I have texted while blitzed and oh my...if we thought the next morning of "what did I say/do last nigh?" was bad enough, this is the epitome right there in black in white for all to see for posterity! Unless you have a fantabulous friend to give you the heads up. How awesome was that? LOL And you were able to actually go and delete the stuff! If it were me, I probably would've hung up, rolled over and fallen asleep. Loved this post!
ReplyDeleteModdie (that is my new nickname for you) - YES!!! Isn't it awful that our blitzes can be recorded,captured,facebooked,you tubed, etc?
DeleteSeriously, big shout out to my friend for that night!
Speaking of you tube, just watched some of your You Tube videos.
AWESOME!!! I think your version of Video Games totally outdoes Lana Del Rey! Giving up alcohol for 9 months was a breeze, even though I write about it a lot I could really take it or leave it......but SUSHI!!!! The hardest thing to give up. That video should become a viral hit. ;) As my son is a video game junkie (although he is 18 now, and since having a girlfriend, he is a girlfriend junkie, but hey... whatever)