Siri is teaching my six year old the F Bomb, and other news

Translated into six year old language, it would read:
"Siri, how can Mommy beat this level on Crash Bandicoot and beat the boss?"

O.K., so, I was playing Crash Bandicoot on Playstation. I hadn't played Video Games in years, but it was all starting to come back to me. I got to a level where you have to beat a boss before advancing. I was having a really tough time. My six year old daughter had my phone, and was doing whatever it is that she does when she says "Mommy, can I see your phone?" Usually I'm busy, not paying attention, and then 30 minutes later I discover that she has recorded a video of her Littlest Pet Shops that is 28 minutes long. Do you know how much patience it takes to sit on the couch and watch the videos your daughter has made? Videos of toys? Videos that can last upwards of 28 minutes? Videos of Barbies and Pet Shops having discussions with one another? Videos so shaky it gives me a headache? Things that parents have to pretend to enjoy!

Anyway, this time she asked to see my phone, I was busy trying to 'Beat the Boss' and I guess she wanted to ask Siri to help me out.I could hear my daughter speaking into my phone, and Siris annoying voice speaking back to her........

Next thing you know she throws the phone on the floor, starts to almost cry and blurts out

"I didn't say a bad word to Siri (a.k.a. 'Sorry', as my daughter pronounces it). I didn't tell her to say that bad word mommy, I don't know why she said it. I promise"

HUH?? I paused the game, picked up the phone, and read the screen. 

My 14 year old daughter and I literally had to catch our breath from the loud, long laughter that followed.I couldn't have made that up if I tried.

Homemade Recycled Cardboard Dollhouse

And so you all don't think I am just some negligent mom who plays video games, and lets Siri teach my daughter how to say "F'ing", I figured I would show the above picture. I got the idea from Pinterest, which lead me to this page http://www.redtedart.com/category/dolls-house-2/ A mom who started making a little mini dollhouse with her daughter from cardboard, scraps of material, and other items usually just sitting around the house. Time consuming and a bit tedious? YES. Fun, and wonderful to see my daughter's face light up when I say we can 'work on the dollhouse for a bit'? THE BEST.

"OMG, if she thinks that I don't know that she is taking a picture of me, well she doesn't know that I know her better than she thinks"
WOW, that was like a Dr. Seuss Quote

16 year old daughter has a job!! WOO HOO!!! At a local Taco Shop down by the beach! Of course we eat there all the time now.
And of course we embarrass her, and take pictures of her wiping down the tables. And of course we leave money in her tip jar! Way to go B!! Your first job!

"Mom, can you take a picture of my hair so I can text it to Kalie?"
"Sure Honey" - and my ulterior motive is so I can also write a post about it. My poor daughters....

Have you all seen the Ombre hair look on the internet? Ummm, isn't that just called - "Hey, my roots are showing"? But whatever, tomato / to-mah-to! My 14 year old had been wanting to try the Ombre look. A bit of a beachy, lighter on the ends kind of thing.

Am I a hairdresser? No, but I play one on T.V............

A little bit of bleach, a few pieces of foil, and Voila, Ombre Hair. 

**Before you all start wondering if I can afford conditioner for my daughter, the answer is 'Yes' 
This is kinda the look she was going for. 'Beachy Hair' it is called. Other days she does the whole, blow dried  straight ironed, shine spray, gloss serum look.

* J.R. trivia fact. EVERY SINGLE TIME that I use the word Voila in a blog post, I have to Google the spelling first. :)

Walla

Vwalla

Woila

Valla

These are all the different ways that my brain tries to peer pressure me into spelling it. But I take charge and say "Brain, stop pressuring me! I am going to Google it, and ignore you!!"

Fear of Teenagers

Ephebiphobia

So my internet homepage yesterday had a list of strange phobias that you may or may not have heard of.

One of them being Ephebiphobia - Fear of Teenagers.

So that explains the debilitating pain that comes over me every day at 3:18 p.m. when I hear the front door open, and the massive whirl of Hollister perfume and teen girl chatter fills up the front entry way.
Followed by a firing squad of questions/comments from my 14 and 16 year old teen daughters.

"I need to find a prom dress, NOW"
"What are we having for dinner? Fish? YUCK!"
"Who was in my room today? Mom, why do you let K play with my stuff? I don't need a six year playing in my room!"
"Can I go out to dinner with Trent tonight? I mean, I don't like fish, so it'd probably be better if I don't eat here."
"Why can't I go out to dinner with him??? I already finished my homework!"
"What? My teacher is crazy.......why did she email you that? I DID turn that in, she is lying!"
"Mom, can I talk to you privately?........can I borrow money?"
"Mom, can you take me to Target, or the mall? I told my friends that we could buy our matching outfits for our dance final...........Yes, they'll pay you back, Geez Mom!!"
"Mom, can you help me get this stain out? Ryan and Troy had a Juice Box war at lunch today."
"Guess what, we are officially, and I mean O-FISH-UH-LEE, the only two people left at school whose parents won't let them have iPhones! You know how embarrassing our pho..........."

"STOP"

"How bout a 'Hi mom'?"

"How was your day mom?"

"That lunch you packed us today was yummy mom!"

"We were just getting ready to ask you that mom. I swear!"

"We do love you mom!"

"That salad was really good......even our friends were jealous."

"You need a hug mom?"

"WE LOVE YOU and APPRECIATE YOU!"

*I always like to add my 'J.R. Disclaimer' at the bottom of these rants. A little something positive to balance out the negative.
The 'Prom Dress/Fish Hater'? She offered to pay for her own prom dress with her paycheck. Sweet right?
The 'Take me to Target / Mall' daughter- She just got a 4.2 GPA on her last report card, and the second highest mark on a surprise Geometry test.

But.......................... the fear still exists. PMS'y teen girls are always creepin around the corner. 4.2 GPA's and money offering aside........Ephebiphobia - It's real. Look it up.

STOP BEING SO LAZY AND MAKE SOMETHING HEALTHY! This Mom is Taking a Stand, One Post-It Note at a Time!!

It is the same ol' story in households across the country.

Mom and Dad go grocery shopping,

Stock up on some good stuff

Healthy and Not so Healthy living together in one cupboard or refrigerator.

Not So Healthy always being the first to go.

Kids get home from school and are STARVING (which is another post in itself) 

They ask for a snack, when really they are looking for a 2000 calorie fourth meal.

What do they reach for?

Banana?      NO, Waffles.

Fruit I washed and cut up, because I know that is half the battle is them being too lazy to wash or cut it.?         NOPE, no fruit, they want Cinnamon Toast Crunch!

Another setting - It is a Saturday afternoon, around 12:30. Kids start to herd into the kitchen, mumbling that they are hungry. I know this because I have supersonic hearing, which sometimes feels like a curse. 

I am hoping to god I hear the fridge door open; because let's face it. that is where most of the healthy stuff is. That is where anything that needs to be washed, cut up, or prepped has it's home. 

Do I hear the refrigerator door? NOPE

I hear the squeaky ass cupboard door. Cupboard - Home of SNACKS!!!

Then I walk around the corner and see the freezer door open. Freezer - Home of Waffles and Ice Cream.

Immediately I spring into action.

Psycho Kitchen Warden Mom takes charge, and starts in on her lectures.

"It is 12 freaking 30. LUNCH time! Make LUNCH! Cereal and waffles are for breakfast, which you already had, and don't get me started on the ice cream. 3 hours ago you were dousing your waffles with pure sugar, a.k.a. 5 pounds of syrup, and now you want to eat the ice cream? Make a sandwich first, then you can have a SMALL bowl of ice cream."

What am I met with? 

The moans, groans and grumbles of what you would think were teenagers living in a boot camp getting told to run 40 miles at 0300 in the pouring rain.

"A sandwich? Then I have to take out all the stuff. What do we even have good to make sandwiches? Turkey? I hate Turkey, and I'm sick of Peanut Butter and Jelly.

Never mind, I'm not hungry."

aaaaaaaaannnnnnnndddddddd......... teenager exits the kitchen; with a look that should be saved for someone who just lost their childhood pet.

"Waaaa Waaaaaa! Want me to call you a WWWaaaaaaaa mbulance??"

I chuckle to myself.

"Ugghh, mom, no one even says that! You are such a weirdo!"

Hubby and I went grocery shopping on Sunday. The older girls were with friends at the beach, but I knew when they got home they were going to be hungry. So I sprung into action.

* By the way, when I write "these are for lunches" it means they are quick and easy snacks that are to be saved for packing in their school lunches.School lunches that should consist of a sandwich, some type of fruit, and one 'quick snack item'.

 Had to explain that, otherwise it makes me seem like a crazy mom contradicting myself. 

"Waffles are for breakfast only. Grab a banana!!"

My kids think that Goldfish or Cheez its are an acceptable substitute for a sandwich. When they pack their own lunches in the morning, they will stand there pouring the whole box into a zip loc, and call it a meal.

Chocolate Chip Granola Bars are gone in 2.2 seconds in this house. Not any more! Not with my new Post -It note plan!

Cereal is for BREAKFAST!!!
and for mom's late night snack, but these rules don't apply to mom.
I am an adult! I can do what I want! I pay for the cereal!
You kids go make a sandwich!

EAT THIS!!!!!
* Oh, by the way. When you go grocery shopping with hubby, and you both venture off on your own; throwing stuff in the cart without checking if your hubby already did the same, you end up with double of a few things.
So I am pretty serious now......these kids really need to eat some fricking bananas!


See the picture below?
This is my fridge stocked with fruits, vegetables, yogurt, and sandwich fixings.
Ohhhhhhh, but that is too much work!!!
It is so much easier to grab a Chocolate Chip Granola Bar!
UGGGHH!!!!!!!

10 most dangerous teen fads- I have 'Good Kids', and I know for a fact mine have tried atleast two of these

Here is a link to an article I read this morning on MSN. My kids always, and I mean ALWAYS make fun of me for quoting articles that I read. Mostly parenting articles. But oh well, too bad, sooooo sad!!
10 most dangerous teen fads

I remember when my son decided to move to Orange County with my ex husband. He was sixteen and wanted to try living with dad. Orange County is made up of a bit more money than what we have. So I immediately imagined my son at high school parties snorting Pure Cut Cocaine off of a $1,000,000 antique mirror, through a platinum and diamond encrusted blow straw. I mean, he was going to be hanging out with Rich Kids, while their parents were away jet setting around the world.
Then I read about 'Punch Bowl Parties'!! I immediately called him on the phone, and preached to him the dangers of digesting any colorful pill from a punch bowl.

The phone went dead

~Silence~

"C, you there? Did  you hear me? Be careful at parties, and stay away from pills in a punch bowl"

"Crap mom, seriously, you need to not read parenting articles off of the internet, and you especially need to trust me! In fact, mostly you just need to trust me! Pills out of a punch bowl?? I've never even heard of that. Maybe the people who write those articles are going to Pill Parties, huh?! Love ya mom, I gotta go! I'm gonna go smoke some crack............Kidding! Love ya Ma!"

So I laid off of the whole process of reading an article about some crazy teen party fad, and then instantly assuming my children were partaking. I stopped my obsession with the fact that my girls were going to go to slumber parties and 'choke each other till they passed out', or my son would be high fiving his buddies, after digesting a rainbow of pills belonging to some teen boys pill popping mom.

I have good kids. My son is right, I just need to trust them.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I can breathe!

But you know what?

Even good kids make stupid mistakes.
Even good kids can have a lapse in judgment from time to time.
Even good kids can choose to make a 'not good' choice.

So if you click on the link 10 most dangerous teen fads and read through them, I will tell you this.

My 'Good Kids'? They have tried a couple of these.

The Ice Cube Salt trick? - My son. Thank god it didn't get infected, or worse.
The Cinnamon Challenge? -  My daughters friends post their videos on Facebook. Hacking, coughing, almost throwing up. My daughter (The one with the Straight A's, and in 2 Honors classes)  was grossed out and thought they were stupid. 3 months later she changed her mind. Had a sore throat and a cough for a while, and finally wondered out loud to me "I wonder if there is still Cinnamon in my throat?"  WTF was my first thought! Followed by a very long talk.
Passing out game? (not on this list, but....) -  Heard from a friend of a friend, of a friend that my daughter had tried this at a slumber party 2 years ago. My frail, skinny, tiny little daughter? All I imagined was her passing out, and never waking up.I approached her on the subject, and she admitted that her and her friend actually were the ones who did not want to really do it, so they teamed up and really only pretended to do it. I called the friends mom, and in the end we believe our daughters that they faked the choking. But as you are reading this, aren't you asking yourself - "FAKE CHOKING?? IS THIS EVEN A 'THING'? WTF" - Yeah, WTF, get's asked a lot around here. Sorry!
Synthetic Marijuana - My son who is now 19, and not so stupid,but every kid is stupid at some time, so I guess he is kinda stupid,  admitted to trying this once. His buddy had some, and he tried it. Didn't like it, end of story.

The list has quite a few that I am praying my children have not, and will never try.

Car surfing?? - Guess what, my husband has a scar on his chin, and  a piece of asphalt still imbedded into his knee from truck surfing as a teen.


I am not sure exactly what my point was when writing this post, but I think I can summarize a thought.

Every parent thinks they have good kids. (unless you obviously gave birth to the son of Satan,and you knew this because of the horns and tail), and most of us do have good kids.

My children really are 'good', even though they are teenagers. And I guess that brings me to my point.

TEENAGERS

They are thrown into a giant pool of pressure. Maybe not the peer pressure that exists in an after school special; remember those programs?

In fact, my kids laugh at me when I use the phrase 'peer pressure'. They say nobody acts like they do in the movies. There isn't a group that surrounds you, shoving a joint in your face, strong arming you and saying "Come on, all the cool kids are doing it! Don't you want to be cool too?"

So that kind of peer pressure may not be happening, but there is a stealth, hidden pressure that I think just exists. Teens are inundated every single second of their day by social media, and of course the friends that are soaking in the social media, and it just keeps going.

I can't be with them every single second of their day.

I can't follow them to every slumber party, or get together.

I can only keep talking to them, opening up conversation, and yes,

I can keep bringing up the articles I read.

Because maybe out of the twenty crazy things that I read about that teens all over the world are trying, 

my 'good kids' may be getting ready to try one. Or they already did, and they'd like to get it off of their chest.

For every bad choice they may make, they are making 50 more good choices, and for that I will praise my kids........but boy will I lecture or punish the hell out of them for that one bad choice.

Parenting is hard.

My parents worried that I would do drugs, drink and have sex.

Not that I would digest a spoonful of cinnamon while being choked, after digesting pills from a punch bowl, before going car surfing and downing a Robitussin concoction. 

A toast to parents, and just trying to make it through the teen years!

And a toast to the teens, because they really do have a lot comin at them from all directions. They are just trying to make it through as well.

Am I actually old enough to say "I miss the good ol' days"?