Sunday, September 18, 2011

SHUT THE DOOR!!!!!! please

So, Bailey the cat is doing great! I have signs posted on each door so that we always remember to SHUT THE D*M DOOR!!!!!!!! Goodness, Gracious if that cat ever got out, my little 4 year old would be devastated! Therapy sessions, hypnotic mind erasing procedures, tranquilizers........they would all be needed. (and I'm talking about myself, because the guilt would eat at me like vultures to a dead squirrel) Bailey would be a nice little appetizer for the Chupacabra that live down in our canyon. Coyotes, some may call them, but doesn't Chupacabra sound so much more frightening? Mystical? Folk Lore-ish? The Chupacabra can be heard at night, screaming, cackling, taunting. Bailey dipped in some ranch dressing. That is what they are waiting for. They are seriously hoping that one day, that ditzy mom with the four kids will forget, and she will leave that sliding glass door open. Then Bailey will go running, full speed ahead straight into their arms. (or skinny, raggedy, mangy little paws)
But so far, so good! No body forgets to shut a door- well except people that don't live here. It is a strange thing to yell at people who you normally would never raise a voice too. But something about having an "indoor cat" gives you that right! I kinda like it. I can take out my aggression on unsuspecting people. "SHUT THE DOOR!!!! THE CAT!!!! THE DOOR, SHUT IT NOWWWW!!" Ahhhh- I feel so much better. Then I take the tone back down a few decibels, and pleasantly say "oh, you know, its an indoor cat. It would just devastate our daughter if anything ever happened to itty bitty Bailey. You understand right?" Then I smile. Nobody is exempt from my door shutting wrath. Not the poor religious solicitors, the pizza man who probably wonders why I pay him with only my face poking through a crack in the door, all the while darting my eyes, swinging my head my from left to right keeping an eye out for the sneaky little cat. I hand him my money, in such a hurry saying "keep all of it, change is your tip" not realizing I just gave him a ten dollar tip for a $8.99 pizza. Then I open the door a tiny bit more, he slips me the pizza sideways to fit through the 5 inches of space I have left, then I slam the door before he even has time to say "Thank you mam" or realize that the crazy cat lady just gave him a 125% tip. 
I go inside, pronounce to the family that dinner is served, my husband asks for the change, I tell him "Oh, about that". The kids start spilling into the kitchen, grabbing their plates, pouring their sodas. And then K runs in, gives Bailey a huge hug (well a huge choke hold, but what do you expect from a four year old who loves her cat more than the world. She's just giving her a little extra love squeeze) She laughs while she is patting Bailey on the head."Oooh, Bailey! You are so silly. I love, love, love you"
So I will continue to be crazy, yelling, sign making, door slamming, cat lady! I will because Baileys life, and my daughters happiness depend on it. All the kids in fact. Everyone loves Bailey. She is a cool cat, she.......wait, wait a minute. Who left the D*M DOOR OPEN??? What in the .......................I Gotta Go. There is someone to yell at!

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