I am eating AIR and totally losing weight! Try it!

There is really not much to write for this post except for 

WTF IS THIS?!

Disgusting! I made some for myself. I even bought Honey Mustard.
YUCK!

Look at this chicken nugget!

It is filled with AIR, and what looks to be the insides of what I would imagine a dried out road kills stomach lining to look like.

My kids are always begging me for Chicken Dinos.

I always say 

"NO"

Then I saw a bag of nuggets on sale,(not Dinos, just Nuggets)buy one bag get one free! 

The bag failed to mention that they were the new 

Meatless, Air-Filled Nuggets. 

Guess I should've bought the Dinos.........Atleast those things have some crap meat in the middle.

I have a disease, and it is called Doctor appointment Cancelitis!

I am a habitual Doctor's appointment canceller (is that a word? I could only find Chancellor, but I don't think I am in any way a leader of a University)

I hate going to Doctor's appointments, and you can read about that here and here.

I have four children (well, now 3 and one official adult, but hey!)

Not to mention myself. So I feel like a month does not go by where there are not appointments to be made. Waiting rooms to be sat in. Doctors to be listening to. Co-pays to be handed over. Time to be lost from my precious life!!!!!!!!!!!

Between my four kids this is a compiled list of the last year-

Family Practice
Orthodontist
2nd, 3rd, and 4th opinion till we found the RIGHT Orthodontist
Dentist
Another Dentist due to switched insurance
Another Dentist because the new one sucked ASS
Oral Surgeon
Dermatologist- for 5 year old. Yes, Eczema
Dermatologist- for 14 year old. Dents in thumb nail thought to be from Psoriasis (which I have)
Rheumatologist - as Dermatologist was a bit baffled by dents in nail
Urgent care for after hours- Can't even list it all

So anyway, I just cancelled my 15 year olds checkup that she had scheduled yesterday at 7:30 A.M.
When I make these appointments, I have temporary memory loss. I forget that I am NOT A MORNING PERSON!!!!!!! 7:30 in the morning??? WTF was I thinking.

I just got off the phone with the 14 year old's orthodontist. Rescheduled her 10:00 appt. to next week. I woke up this morning, and felt dread and damnation at the thought of sitting in that office reading their same crinkled up People Magazines. Kourtney Kardashian gave birth to Mason 3 years ago!!! We have moved on to Penelope Kardashian now! GET A NEW MAGAZINE!

5 year old has appt. on Friday at the dentist. I just had to bring her in there last week for a dental emergency that wound up being nothing, and then had to shell out 70 bucks for them to look at her, smile and reassure me she was fine, and that was it! UGGHHH!  I think I will reschedule that because after looking at my calendar, I realize her Kindergarten orientation is at the same time.
Which brings me to my next topic. All of the lies I tell when I cancel or reschedule.
See, the Kindergarten orientation is true. But most of the time I lie.

So here is a compiled list of my cancellation excuses LIES!

• "I got called in for a shift at work -makes me sound like a waitress. My job does not have shifts! I never get called in!" I am going to HELL!
• "___________ (insert name of child) Started throwing up this morning. So sorry, but there is no way she could sit through a dental cleaning. I will reschedule later. Oh, yes I will tell her you are thinking of her."
• "OH MY GOSH, my daughter just informed me she has a yearbook meeting at that time. Ugghh, teenagers, always so forgetful. I am so sorry, and believe me, I will lecture her on the importance of letting me know these things beforehand." 
• "I am so sorry, I am going to have to reschedule. My husband promised me he was going to bring her to the appointment for me, but he just informed me he won't be able to break away from work. MEN!!! I tell ya!!!!!!!!" - and then the receptionist and I bond over the frustrations of men, their lack of helping in the mommy department, blah, blah, blah. Meanwhile my poor husband is busting his ass at work, not even knowing why his ears are ringing.
• My favorite is trying to call first thing in the morning and getting their voicemail. Then you don't have to hear their disapproving voices. Sometimes I even lie to the answering machine. 
• O.K.- I am not that bad. Sometimes...........ONLY SOMETIMES, I actually don't blame anybody else. I actually tell a semi-truth. I say "I am so sorry, I just won't be able to make it. It just kinda came up on me, and I realized there is no way I can get in there." A Halo starts forming over my angelic little head. 

Now, I must go. I have an appointment to cancel; for myself on Monday. I realize it conflicts with my teens first day of High School. Should I tell the truth, or say that lightning struck my house, there is now a big gaping hole over my living room, and Monday I have to wait for the roofer to come by??????? Sound like a good one? Believable??

Happy Wednesday everyone! 

I would like to publicly apologize for.............

I have been a bad blogger.
I have been a bad blog reader.
I have been a bad blog comment leaver (yes it makes sense)


Why?

Because summer has been BUSY for me.

But I have not been bad at this:

Daughters 14th Birthday 'ROOM MAKEOVER'
I want to live in her room.

I have also not been bad at this:

Jello Shot Cantaloupes!
Healthy yet, 'FUN'

I have also been pretty good at this:

Sittin on the boat, relaxing, reading 50 Shades!

This has kept me pretty busy also:

Teachin my 15 1/2 year old how to drive.
'Keep Both Hands on the WHEEL!'

Havin a little fun too:

Surprised my older girls with a Demi Lovato concert at our local fair.
Then Fried Foods, Picture Booth Photos and Expensive rides afterwards!

Threw a graduation party for my son, and was busy hiding the booze from his friends:

No, I don't normally keep bottles of Tequila in my room, but when my grandpa comes over to me saying "Hey, that tall, loud one over there was sneakin in your booze" - Well, I had to start hiding! and taking keys away.

Summer also makes time for camping:

Hubby had a fishing tournament during our first scheduled camping trip. So it was Mama and the kids!
Girl Power! Started the fire, even had to put a plastic bag over my hand to unclog the sewer in the camper. Ugghhhhh!

An intertube, and the evening ocean!Entertaining for hours.

Daddy and his little buddy! Doing some night fishing in the surf.

Time for some unwinding with a margarita.

Just registered my youngest for Kindergarten. My older girls for their High School Classes. Working, BBQ'ing with family.
My 20th High School Reunion
School Shopping
Working
Checking on 18 year old son to make sure he is making good future choices - "What do you mean  you are going to hold off on taking some classes at the Junior College? Extending your summer a bit? WHAT?O.K. we will discuss this later! Yes,I love you too"
Getting mad at oldest teen daughter for trying to pull a fast one on us. - "Don't try to fool the masters little dear! Your dad and I were teens once too." 
My fourteen year old suddenly having the attitude of a prima donna! - "Who are  you? Where did you come from?"
My five year old wanting mommy to 'play with me.' every single second. - I am not sure how much more Littlest Pet Shop scenarios I can handle. 


I have been busy with just plain ol' family time. And it has felt good! It has been soothing, relaxing, fun! I love my kids! I love my husband, and right now, I am kinda lovin my life in general.

But school is starting soon, back to the old grind. Carpools, busy days, etc.

I will be back to blogging too, but right now, sunshine, beach, kids, husband and margaritas are taking precedence.

Cheers!

Here's to hoping that everyone has been having an AWESOME summer!

OH MY GOD - I wish I was never born!!!!!!!!!

"Oh my god, WHY DID YOU EVEN HAVE ME?"

"You ruined my LIFE!"

"You are soooooooooooo embarrassing!No other parents do that!"

"******'s mom buys her whatever clothes she wants!"

"*****'s parents just took her to Contempo Casuals and bought her a new cropped shirt! Why can't you be like them?"

"What?? WHAT??? You said 'hi' to the boy I like???I'm NEVER going to school again! EVER!!!"

"Drop me off at the corner! The cor.....what?? What are you doing? Why are you pulling up in front of the school? I said the cooooorrrrrnnnnnneeeerrrrrr.............Ugggggghhhhh! So embarrassing!"

"Mom, are you seriously going to pull over and ask that kid if he wants a ride? WHY? He is in my math class, and he is a weirdo? I don't care if it's raining, you are soooo EMBARRASSING!!"

"Why are you waving at them?Soooooo embarassing!"

"On restriction? Are you serious? There is a HUGE party on Friday and everybody is going! I swear I will never roll my eyes or talk back to you again!I promise! I am so sorry......You are the best parents in the world...........Can't I get off restriction on Thursday? What? WHY?......You are the WORST parents in the entire world."         SLAM- "Sorry, I didn't mean to slam the door" - Yeah right, I DID mean to slam it!!!-     "What? Huh, I didn't say anything, I said 'I love you guys'"

"Wait! Dad, you are kidding me right? RIGHT? Did you really paddle your board over to a group of my guy friends out in the water, and ask which one was my boyfriend and then introduce yourself to him? Please tell me you are joking!............Yes it is a big deal..........I am going to kill myself. "  - SLAM- Door slams, "ha ha, let them think I'm in my room actually causing harm to myself".........................."umm, how come they are not checking on me?"..........."Don't they care?".....................UGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!! 

"Seriously Mom, when you pick my friends and I up from the mall, do we have to listen to Joan Baez, or Joni Mitchell, or the Neville Brothers, or whatever else you listen to? I am bringing my Kid n Play, or Rob Base cassette tapes!......Fine, compromise with my Pretty in Pink Soundtrack! Your music is so embarrassing, it is probably killing my friends ears."

Parents are certainly the most embarrassing people walking the face of the earth. Just ask any teenager, and you will see that the census sways in the direction of 'Parents just should not exist'

The above quotes?  They are all things that ......................

That.......

That I......

That I have heard from.......

That I have heard from my.....

That I have heard from my own two ears.

That I have heard from my own two ears,

Coming out of ........

Coming out of my OWN TWO LIPS!!!

Yes ladies and gentleman, I am the awful teen that spouted these words of hate and rebellion!

Spouting them vehemently from my own two lips!

What a wretched teen I was!

They were all from me.

Yup, sweet, wonderful daughter, J.R.!

I was a good kid, really not too bad, but gosh I could be a brat. A BIG GIANT BRAT!!!!! I loved my parents, and still do, more than anything in the entire world. But everything, and I mean everything, was embarrassing to me. I guess looking back on it, maybe I struggled with some self esteem issues. Always doubting what was cool, what would be accepted. I wish I could go back in time and give the teenage me a bit more confidence. I was not unpopular, I was not unattractive, I was not anything that could be looked at as negative for a teen.In fact, I was semi popular. Dipping one foot in with the Uber popular kids, and one foot in to the wading pool of semi popular. Not too shabby actually.  I think I was just plain and simply a TEEN! That is it. 

Nowadays, I am pretty sure about myself. I am not really lacking in self confidence, other than the occasional normal stuff. 

These days my parents do not embarrass me, just for the fact that they are breathing.In fact I love and appreciate them so much, that to say they ever embarrassed me nowadays would almost feel sacrilegious, ungrateful, down right awful. When I was a teen, they were not even able to breathe-Good lord, how dare they breathe or exist? Geez! Don't they know I have my teenage life and reputation to uphold. But now I need, love, and admire them so much that they better keep on breathing. Dammit, don't they know they have a daughter to keep on keeping on for?

But what I have actually come to the realization of is this- My parents are actually considered to be 'Cool'! Don't tell them that though, don't need any big heads goin on. They are not, nor were they ever cool in the way of being 'those parents'. You know, the ones that let you drink, stay out all night, cover for you, and help you roll your first joint.When you are young, those are the 'Cool' parents. I would hear rumors of 'Those' parents existing, and think 'Why was I not born to them'?

Or those other kind of 'Cool Parents'- The rich ones! My mom did not take me shopping every weekend like other moms, and I did not have a wardrobe that was to die for thanks to my 'super young fashionable rich' mom. My dad wasn't the kind of 'Daddy' that made me out to be 'Daddy's Princess', buying me a car for my 16th Birthday or lavishing me with gifts,money, and material items. My mom did not wear makeup, or understand my need for getting to the drugstore because I was out of mousse, and that is considered an emergency for a girl with a spiral perm. 

I would not realize until years later, and I would run into people from high school, that my parents were just cool, because........well, just because they were just plain COOL! 

My dad is a wonderful man. Honest, true, kind hearted, dependable, responsible, loving, caring and kind. Not to mention he is a surfer! He has surfed at the same beach since he was a kid, and is definitely a respected local. But most of all, my dad loves me! He never made me feel less than. He never put unrealistic expectations on me. He never made me feel bad, guilty, or awful for mistakes that I made. My dad has always loved me unconditionally.

My mom is a wonderful woman. Nurturer, loving, caring, and kindness beyond belief. Neighborhood kids knew that they could bring baby birds that they found on the ground TO HER!. She would feed it and take care of it. She was probably hipper, cooler, and more with it than I gave her credit for. I also have to say that maybe as a daughter, I was a bit harder to get along with than my brothers. Mothers and daughters just clash by nature. I, of course, am learning that now.My mom (like my dad) loves me one hundred percent UNCONDITIONALLY! And that is alot more than I can say for most parents.

I love my parents more than the sun, moon and stars! They don't embarrass me anymore.

They can't!

They just can't!

I am an adult!

I am secure!

I am confid.......

Confiden........

Confident!........

Oh, wait a minute!!

Oh Shit!!!

Wait, my mom is on Facebook!

My reputation!

DID SHE JUST BECOME FRIENDS WITH MY 7th GRADE BOYFRIEND????

Ohhhhhhh Nooooooooo, She Di'int!

Oh My God!

OH MY GOD!

OH MY GOD!

Did she just comment on my 7th grade boyfriends picture that he posted 2 years ago (meaning that she has been spending the day 'creeping' on his old albums')

O.M.G.!!!!!

My daughters accuse me all the time of being a 'Facebook Creeper'
Me?
Not me, I am a cool mom!
Geez!

I am a teenager all over again, only I am not a teenager.I am a mature adult who appreciates my parents. Who loves my parents. I am incapable of being embarrassed..........DAMMIT......DAMMIT...

It is hard being older and mature! 

This is what I woke up to.
This is what I logged on to Facebook and saw this morning.

J.R.s Facebook Wall

J.R.'s Mom- Made a comment on 'J.R.s childhood boyfriends photo'

 Comment to a picture my off and on junior high/high school boyfriend posted of himself from Junior High.A YEAR AGO!! MOM, You creepin much??
You just became friends with him 2. 5 hours ago woman! 

WOW! Thanks Mom! Love you too! Facebook is NOT private ya know! Your last name??? Well, it was my last name all through school...........Yup!!! Everyone will know who your 'winky face' is talking about!

Ugghhh

You are a Cool Mom
You are a Cool Mom
Everyone Likes you
Everyone Likes You
Deep Breaths
Deep Breaths

Speed Dial Therapist
Speed Dial Therapist

Fuck , I don't have a Therapist
Xanax
Xanax

Xanax downed with Pear Cider

I don't have Xanax.......Ugghhh, I wish I did!

O.K. Deep Breaths.
Calming down
I'm Calm


You are a cool mom!

I'm sleepy


ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

* I called my mom this morning

My dad answered

I started off the conversation saying "Dad, you remember in junior high when you paddled your longboard over to ***** and said "Hi, I'm J.R.'s dad!Just wanted to introduce myself"

"Yes! How could I forget? I 'ruined your life' that day. What about it?

"Well, you need to tell my mother she's killin me! That woman is killin me!"

"What did your mom do?"

"She commented on *****'s photo on Facebook!"

"Oh, well I can't control what she does on Facebook. Here let me hand the phone to her."

I hear laughs, mumbles, and more laughs

They think this is funny??

"Mom?"

"Uh, Oh, what did I do?"

All of a sudden I didn't have the heart.

All of a sudden I did not want to lecture my mom on embarrassing me.

All of a sudden a thought came into the forefront of my brain.

All of the people over the years that have told me,mentioned to me, or confided in me how much they really liked my parents growing up.

Including ***** my junior high boyfriend.

My mom is cool!

She has lived a long life, and most of that life she has had to endure me.

So I can endure her.

Why?

Because I would never want to wake up to a day where I didn't have her to endure,

Or love.

Happy 4th of July Everybody!

Screw This!!What do you mean I don't get to live my life as a Post? I don't want to be just a 'Draft'!!!!!!

I was going through my posts, and realized 'WOW' I have alot of drafts.

Some I cannot even remember titling, starting, or thinking of - Was I drunk blogging?? Who Knows!

Anyway, so instead of going back, trying to actually add to these posts, I am just going to list the titles.

• What is a 'Good' Mom? What is a 'Good' Kid? - This was going to be a long, rambly post. How as parents we all have different opinions, views, thoughts, ideas for what is the best way to raise our children. But as long as there is happiness, love, and NO abuse, then everything is all good. I was also going to go write from the viewpoint of the children also. What defines a 'good kid'? I have some friends, who have kids the same age as mine. When we have our girls night happy hour, it can sometimes turn into a Child Bragging night! I just want to drink and eat hot wings ladies. My children are AWESOME! I will brag to my parents about them. Grandparents care!! Friends?? We just want a rum and coke! I had many other reasons for this post, but it turned so jumbled, that I gave up. I will go back to this post one day, but I need to gather my thoughts better. 
• Untitled - Picture of Husband eating??? But not showing his face, only fork full of food. Perhaps it was going to be a recipe post??
• 
  
• Untitled - Picture of a pile of clothing tags. I was going to write a post about how sometimes I tear tags off my new clothes, then stuff them in weird places, as opposed to tossing in the trash can. I cleaned out my closet, and seriously, SERIOUSLY.....You would not believe this pile of hidden tags. Is there a reality show for people with this issue? O.K. I will be honest, sometimes I go shopping when I shouldn't. Like the day after my husband and I have a talk on budgeting, savings, and retirement. So, I tear tags off,hide them, and say 'Oh, this old thing, I've had this'. Honey, if you are reading this, I know that you know I do this. It's one of the cute things you love about me.......right?? Honey??

• I don't like change! Well, sometimes I do....but mostly I don't! -Started to write about how I have had the same doctor since I was 12.Also, the same dentist since I was 5. He is now 102 years old I think, but I still trust him drilling my teeth. I don't like change people!
• Untitled -Picture of my cat. Does anyone really care? Probably why I scrapped that one.
• Are Men and Women meant to be together?   - this one must have been after a fight with hubby. The fight had me pondering being a lesbian. I really don't ever fight with my girlfriends.......
• Woop Woop!! - Not quite sure. This draft had no body to the post. Maybe Margaritas brought on this title.
• Untitled - Picture of my wine glass in front of fire pit in backyard. Hmmm, was I going to 'brag about how I am relaxing by the fire, with a glass of wine, hanging with my wonderful husband, enjoying the beautiful evening'??? Noooo, that is what Facebook is for. Giving minute by minute, second by second play by plays, about how wonderful your husband/life/kids/dinner/coffee/insert any word, is or are! Uggh, Facebook braggers BUG ME! Maybe that was going to be the post, a joking, ridiculing of the FB (Facebrook Braggers)!!! WHO CARES HOW WARM YOUR COFFEE IS! WHO CARES! O.K., they bug me, but sometimes I do it. Not gonna lie! ;)
• The only thing I begged my parents for when I was young, was clothes- Boring title. I think I was going to write about all of the F'ing things that kids need want these days!
• JUSTIN BIEBER We are coming for you! - Yes my followers, I bought Justin Bieber tickets!Yes I went into work late last week so that I could sit in front of, not one, but two computers, multi mousing, waiting for the clock to change to 12 noon. The time that pre-sale tickets for the Biebs went on sale to American Express card holders. Yes, I called my Aunt to use her AMEX, as we only have VISA. YES I GOT THE TICKETS. JUSTIN BIEBER, in October at the Staples Center in Los Angeles. YES, MY GIRLS WERE ECSTATIC!! ........................................ I'm  a bit psyched also, not gonna lie. Don't judge the poor kid, until you see his movie. Even my husband was a 'hater' but we duct taped him to the couch, rented the movie, and forced his eyes open. At the end he said, and I quote - "O.K., I'll give it to him. That kid is talented.Pretty cool how he is close to his mom and grandparents too!"
• When I have a car, I am NEVER going to be home - long story, but my friend and I were able to read texts back and forth between her 15 year old son, and my 15 year old daughter. Both of whom wound up in the same drivers ed class. O.K., not long story. He had his phone taken away, used his grandmas phone all weekend while he was texting my daughter. Then left grandmas, did NOT erase the texts, and the grandma brought the phone over and let us read the texts. Nothin juicy, nothin bad, nothin worth putting anyone on restriction for. THANK GOD! I was reading it, with one eye open, the other eye cringing. You never know with kids and their texting. It brings on courage with words. The most hilarious, downright laugh out loud, you've got to be kidding me, pile of words?  The back and forth conversation they had about when they get their licenses/cars. -

'When I get my car, I am soooo NEVER going to be home'

'Me too! I can't wait'

'I'll be able to do whatever I want, whenever I want'

'I know, it's going to be so cool! I'm never going to be stuck here.'

You just have to laugh at this. I remember thinking the same thing. Car=Freedom!

Boy is she going to be in for a surprise! But I will let her keep living this fantasy life. Until she gets her license in December. Her Dad and I will be responsible for squashing, breaking, and then stomping on, setting fire too, and burying that fantasy. The only thing your car and license will be used for is running to the store to grab milk and toilet paper when we run out. Oh, that, and taking your younger sister to school. No more car pool to the High School for Mama. Daughter has her license fantasy, I have mine! MINE WINS!

There you go! Posts that never made it!

Have a great day, I'm off to work.

Yum Honey! Some of these recipes you find on Pinterest are the Bomb!

I don't mean to brag but...........

O.K.
A bit random
Another post that never made it.
Limb broke off of plant.
Mom and daughter tried to tape limb back on to plant,so dad would not notice.
Plant being special to dad and all, because mom gave plant to dad when they were first dating.


Note to self.
You cannot tape a limb back onto a plant, tree or bush.

My Little Motley Crew of Children.....Don't you know that I know what you are doing?

This post is just going to be a list of things my kids do, that they think I don't notice,won't notice, don't understand, won't find out, or will just plain go over my head.

Maybe some of it does, but most of it doesn't.

Even if I am the only one who reads this post, I will atleast have record of it, so that when my kids are parents complaining about their teens sneaky ways, I can bust this out.

BAM!
IN YOUR FACE!

Look at all of the stuff you guys pulled!!!!

Now stop complaining!

PAYBACK IS A MOTHA !!!..

• When the time restrictions we have set on your cell phone cause it to turn off at 10 p.m. on school nights, DON'T for one second think that I can't hear you tip toeing downstairs to grab the house phone to continue your phone conversation with your boyfriend. BED AT TEN means BED AT TEN! I hear you! I know what you are doing! Now you wonder why the house phone is hidden??? Love you too honey ;)
• Those Brazilian Cut Bikini Bottoms I found hidden under a towel in your bathroom? They are about a centimeter away from being considered THONG bottoms! When I asked you where you got them, you gave me your best friends name. Really?! Your B.F.F.!! Couldn't think of a random friend? A friend that we don't think of as a daughter.A friend we don't care about? Can't you make up a name? Get with it girl!! And when I tell you to give them back to the B.F.F. (who must think highly of her bootie), and that they are never to grace your bottom again, don't try to STILL KEEP THEM!! Don't sneak and wear them anyway. We grew up in this beach town. Your grandfather is a surfer! We have spies up and down the coast!  I feel a one piece swimsuit punishment coming up........I have a cute one piece from Old Navy that I wore right after my pregnancy.YUP! That'll do just fine. 
• When it is your dish night, don't purposely "forget" to start the dishwasher, so that you won't have to put them away before bed. I know what you did! I will just make you do them the next day, not your sister!
• Don't try to trick me into thinking I forgot to give you allowance, just because you overheard me telling your dad that I have been really forgetful lately. Eavesdropping is RUDE! Tricking aging mothers?? Just plain AWFUL! What is my name again??
• Don't ask me if you can go stay the night at a friends house on a school night because 'you have to get your school project done'. I just checked the school website, and partners were not assigned for that report! I know it is just because Kaley has new makeup, and super cute clothes that you want to borrow! 
• Son, don't tell me that pack of cigarettes on the dashboard of your car are "my friends, I swear mom" Every time you come home, I pretend to take the trash out, but really I spend about 10 minutes peering through the windows of your car scanning the seats and floorboards for illegal substances,empty beer cans, condom wrappers, and cigarettes! You are 18, yes! But you are still my baby! Make good choices. They belong to a friend MY ASS!
• Don't tell me that the parents are going to be at this end of the year party. The party you just informed me about. The party that is taking place at your "Super Cool" new friends house; which,by the way, shouldn't I have heard of this 'good friend'? New friends scare me!  A 23 year old, older brother is not parental supervision. What? What's that? How did I know about that? Well, I keep telling you nothing is private when you put it on Facebook! 
• And you, my little five year old. I know you have teen siblings, but don't use them as an excuse for everything. 'B made me laugh mama, and that is why I can't clean my room!' Ummm, what? That doesn't even get an 'A' for effort. That gets an 'F' for Fricking Ridiculous! That excuse is just plain sad. Weeping into my pillow sad! Learn better from your older siblings little girl. Take better notes on the art of lying, teenage trickery, and fooling your parents. But then after you take all of those notes..

THROW THEM IN THE TRASH!

They won't work!


WHY?

I was a teen also.

Times were different, but the drive for independence  is still the same!

You will test me,

and I will choose my battles.

Certain times I will let you learn your own lesson, but,

other times I will  bug you, nag you, lock you in your room if needed. 

Because I have been there, and when it comes down to it I want you to have fun!

I want you to have stories to tell!

I don't want to make this home a jail!

But I will protect your innocence and childhood for as long as I can.

BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!

I love you so much that I may surprise you with that iphone you have been begging for.

WHY?

Because you are such a good kid!

Because I am such an awesome mom!

OH GOD, just kidding!
You are not that great of a kid, and I am not that awesome (well, I am a bit of an awesome mom..)

NOPE!

SORRY KID!

Because you will be driving soon. And with a smart phone we can install GPS, Parent/Child tracker, and that app I heard about that stops your phone from texting when your car is in motion.

But you can think it is just because I am an awesome mom! 

Yes, times sure are different!

The only thing to distract me when driving was deciding
which cassette tape to listen to.

Now do the dishes, grab me the scissors so I can cut up those bikini bottoms, let your super cool friend know that you will not be making the party, tell your boyfriend to start calling you earlier in the night (bedtime is at 10 for goodness sake), DO NOT smoke cigarettes, drink beer, do drugs,or have sex.
And you, my five year old! Please just pick up your Barbies and Littlest Pet Shops! Please, for the last time! PLEASE!! Oh, and don't think I won't look under your bed. That is not where your toys go!

I was a kid once too ;)

A Broken Hand is NO GOOD FOR A BLOGGER!!

You cannot type with a broken hand!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean, I can only imagine how hard it would be to type with a broken hand..............

I mean.......

Oh, do you think I am talking about myself? Do you think that is where I have been?

Sorry to mislead you.

I didn't break my hand!

I was just saying, wondering

Thinking out loud!

Got your attention though!

Where have I been?

No good excuses, really..... I wish I had some terrific, funny, outrageous story. But, sadly, I don't.

Here is a quick re-cap of my last few weeks, in pictures!

I will be back with a vengeance! I have so many blogs in my head, that the fire department is getting ready to be called due to my brain reaching it's maximum occupancy limit. There is an unsafe number of words piling into this little head! It is against the city ordinance! Some of these thoughts are going to have to leave, or there could be a riot! No one wants a riot coming out of this mind! Believe me!

First of all WORK. VERY BUSY right now.

No, I don't work for a chicken tender/corn dog taste testing company. Geez!
I just really wanted junk this day!
That little dish with the fork sticking out? Those are green beans to go with my corn dog and chicken tenders.
See? Healthy, Right?

Second of all......Family Stuff! Broken hearted daughter, Easter, just stuff!

When your daughter comes home with a broken heart because some little nimrod stomped on it, well you make her homemade Frappuccino's, and Ruffles chips for dinner.
And you just listen
And you share your heartbreaks
And then you get a bad stomachache, because Ruffles and Frappuccino's don't agree with you.
Then you listen, hug, and listen some more.

Our counter top on Easter! No joke, this was exactly sitting like this when I walked through. Had to take a picture.
It's like the circle of life, but in drink form.
All that was missing was an Ensure at the end!

Third of all.......... More life stuff. 

A.K.A. Spring Cleaning!

This hamper?
It was full and overflowing.
The laundry fairy was taking a break.
Well, she came and visited.

No matter what...
Even if my life depended on it....
I can never keep a clean purse!
But I did clean it one day, because my daughters begged me to.
They are sick of standing in stores with me while I dig through it for something.

Lastly...........Just spending time with my family. Fun stuff, boring stuff, but still time with them.

'Caviar Nails'
My daughter got the idea off of Pinterest.
I have been doing this to both daughters non stop, as the beads only seem to last a day,
then they want me to do it again.

Easter Present from my son.He has been disappointing me a bit lately in the  'responsible young man' department, but when he walked in on Easter morning with this...
Let's just say 'TEARS'
The original old school Game Boy with Tetris.He knows I have been wanting one, just like the one I had in High School
Just like the one I played during my whole entire pregnancy with him.
They are either hard to come by, too expensive, or broken
He found a working one, with games, at a thrift store. Used his own money, and thought of me.
I had to hold off on the responsibility, 'what are you gonna do after you graduate' lecture for the weekend!

Ahhhhh, Yes!!!
 Our new passion!
Our new addiction!
KARAOKE!!!!!
It was supposed to be for our five year old daughter who starts singing lessons on Monday.
My family bought it for her.
She has been able to use it twice!
Why?
Because hubby and I need to brush up on our rendition of
Lita Ford and Ozzy Osbourne
"If I close my eyes forever
Will it all remain unchanged....."
This picture was taken the SECOND I walked in from work. Hubby had been practicing, and told me to put my bag down, and get over there.
He had thought of our perfect duet.............
"Uhhhh, Can I go pee first?"
"NOPE! Get over here and sing with me!"
"What song?"
"Close my eyes forever"
"OHHHH, I always loved that song. Peeing can wait!"

And the rest is Karaoke History........
We are already planning our Summertime Karaoke Bash!

Suzy the Meth Head gets a second chance at life. Thanks to my lack of blogging time.

I basically closed my eyes, scrolled down some old posts, and chose one to re-post.

Why?

I have been SUPER busy the past few weeks. Work, kids, husband, family. Birthday parties, and BBQ's on the weekends. Kid stuff on the weeknights.
A 5 year old who told me I wasn't coloring with her enough anymore. Ugghh, can my heart break anymore?
A 13 year old who just wants to talk at night.
A 15 year old who is mending a broken heart.
An 18 year old consuming my mind, because he is not making the wisest choices in his Senior Year. 2 1/2 more months to go kid, come the hell on!!
A husband who wants some 'alone time' with his wife.

Anyway, I just chose a random old post (from when my blog was still set to private, and I was just writing for myself) I wrote this on 8/3/2011.

I have a couple new posts in the works. And I will put some time aside for myself this weekend while my husband is in his fishing tournament. Crossin  my fingers he wins. Extra money around tax time is a bonus!

ENJOY...................

Suzy- Is she a meth head or a homemaker? Fact or Fiction?

So I was going to start blogging everyday! Hmmmm, what happened? LIFE happened. Oh, and also the fact that I am a lazy, procrastinator. (Slightly kidding)


I want to become a writer. I dream of it. I read books all the time, and as I'm reading, as I get sucked into the characters lives, and can think of nothing else but what is going to happen at the next page turn, somehow, my brain also thinks deeper. Deeper into how the author thought of these characters. Did the author have to research cancer, because in her book one of the main characters is dying from it? Did the author actually travel to the town of 'Beachport' to locate every convenience store, diner, used car lot, and hair salon, so that her scenic descriptions were true and correct? Or does the author just take people, places, personalities, situations, towns, and lives from her very own life and somehow twist, mold and shape it into 'fictional' characters?
I love to write- but I am having a hard time writing fiction. Because every person I start to write about turns into me. Or some element of me. Sometimes funnier than me, more outlandish than me. Stronger than me,a bad girl version of me. She may even be a meth head prostitute,( the complete opposite of me, I promise) but somehow if "Suzy" the meth head decides she is hungry, and I write about her stopping off at a McDonalds to buy a Quarter Pounder with Cheese and  a large Dr. Pepper,but McDonalds won't take her coupon because it expired in 2010, and we are now in 2011, but how was poor Suzy to know. I mean her purse is a mess, with all of the receipts, gum wrappers, post it notes, grocery lists, and just plain junk, so she begs the guy at the drive thru to take it, because she only has three dollars, her ATM card is MIA, and her daughter is in the car seat crying. Not to mention she is late to pick up her other kids from school (and if she is late to get them, even by 30 seconds, the texts start coming, and they come FULL FORCE. "Mooommm, are you coming? Where are you? OMG!! ") And Suzy is just so hungry, and all she wanted was to treat herself to a Quarter Pounder, sit in her car, scarf it down, then go home and start doing laundry and helping with homework. Well folks,I've just incorporated myself into Meth Head Suzy.I love, love, love Quarter Pounders, I have definitely dealt with the embarrassment of handing over an expired coupon to a clerk, just because I was trying to rid my purse of the heap of trash, consuming its every pocket, one mangled coupon at a time.About my purse, Oh good lord, you should see my purse. I just won a game at a baby shower where you had to go down a checklist of miscellaneous items, and you got so many points if you could prove you had all of these items in your purse. Not only did I win, but I actually won the bonus points for the "extreme item" I mean who does not have their daughters baby teeth in a ziploc bag at the bottom of their Louis Vuitton? I was on my way to run upstairs and hide them, but my daughter came out of her room, so I panicked and stuffed them in my purse. Just having a busy week, not enough time in the day to take them out and put them away.
Wow, I have really gone off subject. The point is, I even found a way of turning Suzy Meth Head into Suzy Homemaker. So it starts off one way, but all in all, it's me!! I have a busy life, and it makes for some GREAT stories. So I am starting to second guess my life choice of wanting to be a writer.
Stand Up Comedian specializing in the tales of my life! THAT'S IT!! That may be my new venture. Now to just get over this increasing daily anxiety that is starting to plague my every move. I would definitely have to be drugged up with some perfectly legal prescription pills before I could get my butt up on a stage.
Oooooh. Kkkkk. So maybe stand up won't be my thing. Back to writing.......let the creative juices start flowin! Wish me luck ;)   Oh, one more thing, I do not,nor have I ever owned a Louis Vuitton. Suzy the Meth head might have gotten one as a present from her pimp, but I don't have one. This Mama's way, way to thrifty for that.

Who ate my last avocado? DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!

I LOVE AVOCADO's !!!!

If we make any sort of Mexican food, whether it is bean and cheese burritos, carne asada, pollo asada, enchiladas, quesadillas, nachos, anything at all, I must have avocado!! 

It is not complete without avocado or guacamole.

Avocados are expensive! 

(believe me, I have to hear about it from my husband) 

Sometimes they are on sale.

YAY!!!

Sometimes they are $2.59.... EACH!

BLEH!!

But if we are having anything to eat where an avocado would fit in, I cannot eat without having an avocado.

Scene from Saturday afternoon

Husband

"Hey babe, I'm gonna stop off at Primo Market and pick up some Pollo and Carne to BBQ tonight. Do we need anything besides tortillas and cheese?"

Me

"Umm, let me check. O.K. we have sour cream, we have all the stuff to make Pico de Gallo. Oh, let me check the basket.......O.K., yes I have an avocado. We are all set"

Husband 

"O.K. See you in a few"

M comes home from the store, does some stuff around the yard. I diddle daddle around the house, putting laundry away, finishing up a book, cleaning out my purse. Lazy Saturday stuff. 

My daughters have been pretty self contained all day as well. Making their own lunch, planning their evening, which mostly consists of a bonfire at the beach with friends.

I am relaxing in my room, hubby is getting ready to start the BBQ, figuring we would have an early dinner. 

All is good

Until............

The attack of the teen daughters......

"Hey mom, can we make a face mask out of kitchen stuff?"

"Like what kitchen stuff?"

"I don't know, egg, mayonnaise, olive oil. I don't know. We are just bored, and want to do something."

"Well, I am dropping you off at the bonfire tonight"

"I know, but that's not til later"

"Whatever, fine, I'm almost at the end of my book, and it is sad....leave me alone for like two minutes.... do whatever!"

"o.k." 

in unison, and they run downstairs

15 minutes later

a knock on my door

K, my 13 year old

Standing at my door with a bowl in her hand.

"Mom, can you help me put this on my face? I already put it on B's face, but if you stand up it drips down, so now she can't get up to help me put it on my face."

Me

"What? Put what on your face?"

K

"The face mask. We asked you! Remember? You never pay attention when you are blogging or reading, or whatever it is you do"

Me

"Oh, yeah! The egg mask! Go wait for me in B's room, I'll be there in a minute"

What happens next can only be described as a horrendous display of disrespect. Exhibited by my awful, horrible, no good teen daughters.
They committed the ultimate crime! Their actions almost sent me over the edge. The kind of edge where CPS needs to be called out. Because I am sure that is what the neighbors would have done, had  my windows been open, and they heard the screams of anger coming from my now raw and red throat.

"WHAT?
WHY IS HER FACE GREEN?

WHAT IS THAT IN THE BOWL?

DID YOU......

YOU DIDN'T......

YOU COULDN'T HAVE.......

YOU KNOW BETTER......

DID YOU USE MY LAST AVOCADO????"

"Uhh, yeah mom! For the face mask! It's to help make our skin soft."

"You are fifteen and thirteen years old. You are practically babies. Practically Babies, with practically baby soft skin"

"But we asked you....Remember? See, you never pay attention!"

"I am a mom, with wrinkles growing by the minute! If anyone needs an avocado, it's me. And I need it in my stomach! 

NOT ON YOUR FACE!

And I do pay attention!!"

*Sometimes*

"Sorry mom..............but can you still help put it on my face??"

AHA!! I have an idea!

"Yes, Yes my little darlings! I will. Lay down.

Ahh, does that feel too cold? 

Sorry my little princesses.

There. There you go. All spread. Cheers to your baby soft skin."

Mwaaaahhuuuhaaaa Mwaaaa Haaaa Haaa

Evil laugh as I grab my camera.

And this my friends is what happens when you make guacamole with my last avocado..
and proceed to spread it on YOUR FACE!!!
I take pictures






*This post is dedicated to my teenage girls. Love you both, and your beautiful, smooth, soft, satiny skin.
Mama loves you!
And I do pay attention
Most of the time ;)