Does this frazzled, stressed out look make me look fat?

I am frazzled!

But not like frazzled beyond belief.....
Not frazzled, like 10 kids, 4 quintuplets, lost job, no income, living on the streets, kind of frazzled.

Just normal frazzled.

If I did have quintuplets, I guess I would feel like I have a right to complain.

But I don't.

But what I do have is this-

An 18 year old son who has graduated,and doesn't really need me, but I can't seem to let go of him. I want to baby him, take care of him, and have control of his life. But I don't!
I haven't for a while.

I have a 15 1/2 (almost 16) year old daughter who is 'in love' for the 3rd time (this time 'for real') and she needs a ride EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have a 14 year old who just started high school as a freshman, and is trying to keep up with the 15 1/2 year old junior. She is a bit 'lost', yet somehow mature, and intelligent beyond her years.

I have a 5 year old who is really the only one who tells me she loves me anymore.

The teens only say 'I love you' as I am giving them money, or rides, or the answer they want to hear (which is YES!) In defense of the teens, they are not awful. They are not spoiled brats who just came off of the set of My Super Sweet 16 on MTV. I just condense it for the blog world. There are still hugs. There is still love. But, boy oh boy, raising teen daughters is giving me a run for my money. 

The job that I have had for almost 12 years is getting 'boring' to me.Not to mention changing directions. A direction that I am hoping I can keep up with. They are a family. I love them, but I love being creative. I love writing, crafting, painting, creating, and especially making people laugh. My dream has always been to be on Saturday Night Live. I work in an office. Not in a crafty live t.v studio set, based somewhere in New York City.

 Is it o.k. to secretly wish that I was one of those "Make A Wish Kids" and that I could make a wish to star on one episode of SNL?..............................DON'T ANSWER THAT!!!! I have the answer.It is horrible to think that, as we all know that the Make a Wish Children deserve it! Me? I am a 38 year old healthy woman who just wishes that I could 'Make A Wish'. But in no way do I actually deserve to Make A Wish and have it come true.

Blah!

Blah!

Blah!

In recent news, I handed over control of the teen girls to my husband. All of the taking advantage that they were doing was really getting to me. I think it has helped.

It felt so good to rest in my air-conditioned room the other evening while I heard this as I was eavesdropping   trying to brush my teeth-

Dad- "So, you got it???The rules are the rules! Your mom needs a break, so you will now be calling me for rides. You will call me when you want to go somewhere after school! You will call me if you want to have a friend come over! AND IF I SAY NO, IT IS NO!!!!"

Girls- "But....But............."

Dad- "But, BUT NOTHING!"

Girls- "But, what if I need to get aho?????????"

Dad- " Ahold of what??? Ahold of me???? If I answer, Great!!!! If I am up on a 20 foot scaffold with a hammer in my hand, and can't answer the phone.......well then the answer is 'NO' N...O...! GOT IT? Great, good night!!!"


Why is it so much easier for him?

Why is he able to just 'shush' them, and walk away?

Why are high waisted shorts back in style? Oh off subject!

Sometimes these girls are my confidantes!
Sometimes they are my buddies!
Sometimes they need their mommy!
Sometimes they hug me, and make me feel like the most loved mom ever!

But.....
Sometimes they are just teen girls

And
Sometimes, I have to remember I was a teen girl once too
And hopefully one day, they will be back on my shoulder.Crying, and laughing.Confiding, talking, and loving!

For now I have this

A five year old just wants to be with her Mama!
A five year old tells her Mom "Mama, you are the prettiest, best Mama EVER!"
Can I just keep producing five year olds? 

A five year old who has no idea what Facebook is (o.k. she does, but she doesn't have one)
She doesn't know that having a mom is embarrassing! In fact, quite the opposite. She wants 'Mama' to stay with her all day at school, and never leave. She doesn't make me drop her off down the street, and around the corner, all the while pretending I don't exist.
She doesn't show discomfort when I hug her, squeeze her, or grab her little booty! Sorry, but little booties are sooo cute!
She doesn't want to slam her door shut! She wants it open
She doesn't want to sleep in her room, forgetting to say goodnight because she is too busy on her phone.She wants to sleep in bed with Mommy and Daddy.

Which makes me think..............

Parenting is just one big mess of confusion.
You spend so long waiting till' the 'next stage', only to curse it.
You put so much thought into how you can do everything right, only to have it backfire on you.
You want them out of your hair, out of your room, out of your bed, to hurry up, to shush, to give you a moment of peace, to give you just 'one second of silence', to please play the 'who can be the quietest game' for a bit more longer, to just LEAVE YOU ALONE!!!! You want all of this!

But then they get older, and you want them in your hair, in your room, wanting to sleep with you, slow it down, talk more, break the silence,not be so FRICKING QUIET. You want them to not be strangers.

I guess parents can't win.

We are all just doing the best we can.

My best really isn't too bad. Even my teens would begrudgingly agree!

I am going to end this post now, because this five year old has now rolled over, kicked me, and asked me in her sleep , to "turn down the light on my laptop".

See, this is where confusion sets in. I am now wishing she was a teen that wanted nothing to do with me, or my bed! 

Happy Labor Day everybody! As being a parent is one of the most laboring jobs there could be.

Fairy Gardens,Frolics, and No More Farts (For Now)

If you are here from Pinterest, Welcome! I am a humor blog writer, mostly writing about the shenanigans that go on in my household, but sometimes I show my crafty side. Hence the Fairy Garden.

Stick around! You came for a Fairy Garden, but you can leave with a smile. 

I wrote a post about all of the fart talk that goes on in my household. It is still going on, but I am not going to write about it (not for today at least)

Fridays are my day off, time I spend with my five year old when she is not in Pre-School, I am not at work, the older ones are in school, and M is usually at work.  I wanted to to something fun with her! Creative, Crafty, Neat, Girly, all of the above!

Now I do not, nor will I ever have a Green Thumb! It is just not in me. I have tried, believe me I have tried. In my old house, I would get little gardening jolts, run off to Home Depot,and come home with a flat of ground cover, flowers, or green stuff with pretty colors.

I have absolutely ZERO knowledge or understanding of soil, seasons, or seeds!

My house now, thanks to my husband, has a more tropical landscape going on. Palm Trees, Palm Trees, Palm Trees.  He has the Green Thumb. We compost our trash, he knows all of the scientific names for the trees, and the more everything grows, the more we feel as though we are surrounded by a lush, green paradise.

So back to creative time with Ki! While I do love our Hawaiian themed yard, I do love the whole cottage, flower look as well. But I know our garden will never look like that.After a few pictures I saw online, and some inspiration from my cousins adorable house in San Diego, where she created a little Unicorn Garden in one of the tree stumps in her yard, I thought of a plan.

~A Fairy Garden~

My husband told me I could use some of his precious compost, his precious wine barrel (that was set to hold a new palm tree probably) , and his precious advice!

I will use the compost

I will use the wine barrel

Advice??

I can do this on my own buddy, thank you very much!!

So I waited for him to leave, went to Lowe's, went to the craft store, picked through some supplies we are already had on hand. Pulled out my IMAGINATION, and we were ready.

I used a dolly, I shoveled, I scooped out compost, I was J.R. the Gardener!

With my little sidekick, Ki!

It was calming, therapeutic, and honestly just plain FUN!

Here is what we created

-The Beginning-
I shoveled all that dirt
I deserve a Golden Shovel Award



KEEP SCROLLING DOWN

Work in Progress. 

Fairy Garden Final Product

The blue rocks were left over from an old fish tank.

The little bridge was from one of her Littlest Pet Shop toys.

The sitting fairy, and blue mushroom came with houseplants my hubby picked up at a garage sale.

The sun had broken off of a sensor nightlight we had in her room.

The mini tiles leading up to the bridge, were from a tile sample kit. My husband picked that up for me at a garage sale, because I had wanted to try mosaic tiling.

The silver star wands were left over from a princess party for my daughter.

The house, moss,white gate and tiny wheelbarrow next to house were from the craft store. Ki painted it all by herself. 

The little white birds by the mushroom. Those I hot glued to wire, wrapped the wire around a popsicle stick, stuck it in the soil. then bent the wires to make them look like they were flying. 

Plants from Lowe's Home Improvement store.

Blue glass candle holder had a broken base. I turned it upside down, then put another broken candle base on top of it.I will add a citronella candle there at night.

Baby tears ground cover back near fairy house. I just transplanted some of that from our front yard.

IMAGINATION supplied by Ki and myself!

Whimsical, Fun & Easy.

We check on it everyday, and add new things to it.

I just cleaned her room last week, and found a mini little chair, and an old teeny, tiny Tinkerbell figurine from an ornament. Those have been added as well. 

Ki sprinkles glitter over it every once in a while. 

In the midst of the Palm Trees, Fish Pond, and Plumerias we have our own little dreamy village.
A good book, a lounge chair, a wading pool and some sunshine. My backyard can take me away from all of the stress that my life can sometimes bring. 

*not to be cheesy, or lovey dovey. But I want to say 'thank you' to my husband. Thank you for creating the peaceful, tropical oasis that I have grown to love. It is a work in progress, but the work has been done solely by you! - well, and by C, on chore days!
Thank you also for letting our Fairies have a little corner of the Palm Tree Village. 

Also, aren't you proud of me? 

Nothing has died in the Fairy Garden..... YET.... Still Green... Still Living!

Farts, Farting, Fart!! What is a conversation without mentioning the 'F' word!

Farting and Pooping. Totally natural. Everybody does it.

In my house?

Not only is it natural, not only does everybody do it. EVERYBODY TALKS ABOUT IT!! ALOT!

On any given morning, as my teen daughters are so perfectly applying their makeup, straightening their hair, and borrowing one another's clothes to create the most fashionable of outfits, the fart talk is running rampant.

"Can I borrow your black skirt? The one with the ......EWWW You just farted!"

"Yeah, the skirt is in my bottom drawer."

Covering Nose

"Whh drarew" - which drawer in face cover talk.

"The bottom drawer!! And don't act all disgusted. You stunk up the bathroom BAD yesterday!"

These are GIRLS people! SO all of you with BOYS, don't think it doesn't happen to the Girl only households. 

And by looking at my daughters, you would never know it. Meticulous with their beauty, Popular, even featured on the fashion pages of their yearbook!

Farts do not discriminate!! 

I think I may start a weekly post, dedicated to the fart and poop talk that goes on in my house. Like how "PooPoo on the Head" somehow turned into the theme song for when my husband gives our 5 year old daughter her shower. Don't ask, cause I don't have an answer. I think one day, he was getting ready to jump in the shower, so I told him to bring her, she didn't want to, he tried to make her laugh by saying. "We have to wash your hair. It smells like Poo Poo"  Giggles & Laughter followed.

They laugh together, she gets clean, doesn't freak out about washing her hair,and all is peaceful at shower time.

Well except hearing them all the way from downstairs. 

"Poo Poo on the head"

"Poo Poo on the head"

?

When she is in her twenties, in her apartment,

will she reminisce about Poo Poo on the Head?

As an adult who is able to curse, will she change it to 

"Shit on the Head"

"Shit on the Head"

?

Hope Not!

Her roommates may think she is demented.

Here is the conversation this morning as I was dropping my 13 year old daughter off at her Junior High.

K- "Oh MY GOD Mom, see that kid with the red backpack?"

Me- "Uhh, yeah!" -my brain going into hyperdrive- "WHAT?! Is he mean to you? Is he a bully?WHAT?"

K- "Mom, no! God! He is the one I was telling you about......the one that STINKS!"

Me- "Ohhhh, that one!"

K- "Yeah, he stinks so bad it distracts me in class!I sit right next to him!I don't want to ask to move, because I don't want him to feel bad! But he is making me feel bad!!!"

She is now gathering her folder, and purse. And getting ready to shut the door.

K- " He smells like ROTTEN ORANGE CHICKEN AND FARTS!"

Me-"??"

K- "Yeah, ROTTEN ORANGE CHICKEN AND FARTS. Bye Mom, I love you!"

Me- "Call me from the nurses office if you feel sick........"       DOOR SLAMS

I drive away thinking of Rotten Orange Chicken, and how I may never order that again from the Chinese Takeout.

Then my 5 year old pipes up from her booster seat

Ki- "Call me if you feel sick! That is funny! Cause the farts would make her sick, huh Mama!!!"

Me- "Huh?"

Ki- "You said to K 'call me if you feel sick from the farts' "

Me- "Oh, no baby, not from the Orange Farts" - I have now condensed the name of the fart "K had a bad headache this morning, so I was reminding her that if it gets worse to call me."

Ki- "Oh"

Heading back home,we start pointing out anything circular we see along the way. Her pre-school class is studying circles,and wants us to point out EVERYTHING, according to my daughter.

But the fart talk could not end.

Ki- "But Mommy! A fart could make K sick. It could make her sick, huh? It makes me feel sick sometimes. Like when you or daddy.......!"

Me- "O.K., o.k. enough fart talk"

Ki- "But, sometimes..."

Me-"Yes, I suppose an Orange Chicken Fart could make K want to puke. The thought is kinda making me want to puke!"

~We both laugh~

And that was my morning conversation

Circles and Farts

and Rotten Orange Chicken (whatever that smells like)

My household is 80 percent female, I can't even blame it on the boys. Farts are funny! Gross! But Funny!

FEND FOR YOURSELF KID......MOMMY'S BUSY!!!!

O.K. Well I didn't actually tell my precious five year old little girl to 'fend for yourself', but I did NOT get my butt up from my chair when my daughter pleaded with me to make her something to eat.But might I add that I was working 
(Fridays are usually my day off, but we are in a rush to get a project finished)

She said she was hungry.

I said "I have one more email to send out."


She said "I'm super starving mommy"
I said "Hold on just one more minute"


She said "O.K. 1 !! There, I counted to 1 mommy"
I said "That is not what I meant!"

She asked if she could grab some crackers

I asked "can't you just wait 10 more minutes?"

She said "NO Mama I'm really hungry for breakfast"

I said "Fine, have crackers"
(and I did the mom shush, wave, go away signal with my hand)

She must have been confused by the word crackers.

I must have been confused as to whom I was trusting in a cupboard full of snacks.

She must have thought that I am a distant relative of Willy Wonka and believe that candy is an acceptable breakfast.
I must have been so enthralled with my email to not notice that she had slipped out of the kitchen and upstairs into my bed, where Sponge Bob awaited. 


This was her self made pre-breakfast snack

Saltines and Reese's Pieces
Breakfast of a 5 year old Champion
-or -a 5 year old 'deprived by her mom' little girl
-or- an Extraterrestrial that goes by the name E.T.

So I first walked into the kitchen

No Daughter?!?!?!

So I walk upstairs

She is happily playing in her room.

I smile, and go into my bedroom to get dressed.

I walk over to my nightstand to get my phone off of the charger and see the evidence.

Oh well, atleast the crumbs were on Daddy's side of the bed.


She must have heard me mumbling, or decided to come back in to finish her episode of Sponge Bob.

 I proceeded to lecture her on getting crumbs in my bed, and eating candy without asking.

She said

"But Mama, I was really hungry. Really, super, duper hungry!"

Then she gave me the sweetest look in the world, with her adorable buck toothed smile, and her strangely, unfairly long eyelashes fluttering.

"I'm sorry Mama"

Then came the hug! The strongest, tightest squeeze of a hug. I instantly melted. She has that affect. Maybe it is because I deal with the 3 teenagers so much, that she is such a refreshing dose of sunshine no matter what she does.
~but I have caught her practicing a very dramatic eye roll in the mirror. So not sure how much longer I will have sunshine. I see the rain clouds forming already. I have to remember to thank my older girls for teaching her that.~
Oh, I can't lie. She probably learned it from me.I am the QUEEN of eye rolling. I started young with my parents, then teachers(only when they weren't looking) and now my poor husband gets the eye roll at least 5 times a day, if not more. I will still blame my daughters though! 


Anyway, how could I go on with the rest of my morning knowing that little peanut butter candy's were floating around in her stomach, bobbing up and down in a sea of saltines.
~Is it just me, or does anyone else think of saltines ONLY as a Morning Sickness Meal???~
My 15 year old daughter loves Saltines, and requested I buy them. She is also obsessed with Teen Moms on MTV. 
That's it. Her and J-Man are breaking up this instant!!! Overreaction?? 
O.K. I will calm down
They are just Saltines!


O.K. So back to my mom of the year story; one that will surely go on to win a Mom of the Year contest in Good Housekeeping or Family Circle
or Jailhouse Mom's. 
As long as I win!!

So this is what Candy and Crackers Mom did next

"Thank you Mama! You are the best Mom in the WHOLE ENTIRE UNIVERSE!!!!"
(she did not really say that. But it's only because her mouth was full, and I have taught her to not talk with food in her mouth. She was definitely thinking it though!) 

I had to redeem myself somehow.


Then we sat outback enjoying the warm weather we have been blessed with lately, and I ignored her some more while I read the Hunger Games. 


Don't worry I made her lunch.
Snickers  Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich!