One of my best friends and her husband tried to kill me!!!

I am pretty much a small framed woman. Genes, high metabolism, whatever. But do not.......I repeat, DO NOT JUDGE ME BY THAT!!!! DO NOT BE ENVIOUS!!!!WHY????

BECAUSE

I AM THE MOST OUT OF SHAPE HUMAN BEING YOU WILL EVER COME ACROSS and I proved it yesterday on a bike ride with my girlfriend, and her husband. All seriousness, it was the most humiliating experience ever.

Well, maybe not the most humiliating. But that is for a post to come.

The bike ride that proved to me that they are secretly plotting to kill me. I am not sure what they would get out of killing me. Can B.F.F.'s take insurance policies out on one another? I don't think so.
Maybe they thought it would be fun. Maybe my friend doesn't really like me, or enjoy my company as much as I thought she did. I have been fooled this whole time, thinking that she loved me. Thinking that her husband liked me.

I was wrong! Heart attack is what they had in store for me! Make it look like a 'natural death' was their plan!

It all started with mine and my husbands idea to call them and ask them if they'd like to meet us down at a local dive bar. Dive bar? YES! Best Cheeseburgers in town? DEFINITELY YES!

Too long of story, change of events, etc. to explain why my husband wound up NOT being able to go, and I wound up still talking my friend and her husband into going, but it happened.

Then I get a text from my friend saying:

Friend:
Let's just ride our bikes down there. Then we don't have to worry about drinking and driving.

Me:
O.K.

Friend:
We have an extra beach cruiser for you. Just drive down to our house, and we will ride from here. That way you won't have to ride your bike up 2 hills on the way home. Just 1.
I live one street up the hill- I could shout to her from my house.

Me:
O.K. Sounds good!


What happens next is where the pre-meditated murder of a friend ALMOST happens!

We ride downhill to the bar.

We eat the most delicious, greasy, yummy burger, slathered in ortega chiles, cheese, and onions.
We dip our onion rings in ranch, put money in the juke box, and I drink 2 pear ciders.

We decide we are done for the night, that was fun, we should do it more often, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda.

This is when I start to see the evil glimmer in their eyes. The looks, the exchanges they give one another as we are putting on our sweatshirts and getting ready to ride back home in the beautiful, summer night air.

Flat ground at first, I am doing fine! This is kinda fun! Like being a teenager again. The breeze in my hair. Riding and laughing!

But slowly, my breathing starts to get a little heavy. Breathing turns into panting. The flat ground is starting to incline. What is happening to me? What is going on?

I am ........having.........a .......hard ..................................time..........................................Brea........thing...........................!!

Friend:

You O.K. J.R.? - 

Did I just detect a hint of laughter in her voice?

Friends Husband:

J.R. you alright? Are you really having that hard of a time?- 

Is he laughing at me too?

Friend:

Do you want to wait at the bottom of the hill, and we can ride our bikes home, and come back and get you?

Me:

OMG that would be pathetic!!! I can make it!!!!! - 

I think! Actually I think I am dying! Paranoia is setting in. They are plotting against me! 

Look at them up there! Ridiculing me! Acting supportive, but secretly high fiving at their almost success of my demise!

I have not had to ride up this hill since I was young,as I actually grew up in the house 3 doors down from them. But strange thing.........I don't think I have the energy I had when I was young! HOW IN THE HELL DOES THAT HAPPEN?

Is this what Heaven Looks Like? Am I alive? Did my heart just pump out of my chest? What is my name? I need water!!!

The Red One is mine! Pretty and shiny! It is 5 years old! Barely ridden. I think I need to change that!
I officially am stepping into action!

PROJECT GET J.R. INTO SHAPE officially starts NOW!!!!






* I have an active mind. I grew up at the beach. Loved boogie boarding as a kid, running or riding my bike all over with my friends. As an adult, I have a competitive streak to me. I want to be good at whatever I try. We used to go to the desert, riding dirt bikes, until my husband crashed bad, and then so did I. I was on a girls ride, and went over my handle bars. Tore my rotator cuff. If I go bowling I want to be the best. If I play ladderball while camping, I want to be the best.
But being small framed my whole life, made me think I was a little more invincible to health issues.
Boy was I wrong!
I am almost 40 now!
I am not in my 20's anymore!
I cannot keep taking pride in the fact that I can 'eat whatever I want' and not really gain too much weight.
It really isn't 'cute' or 'funny' anymore!
This evening of cardiac arrest proved it to me!

Walks through the neighborhood, HERE I COME!
My life, my kids, and my health are too important!

But I will start after this weekend! We are going camping, and I just realized I bought pretty much every bit of junk food that you can imagine!

PROJECT GET J.R. INTO SHAPE starts next week! Promise!

Have a terrific, fun, wonderful, HEART HEALTHY weekend everybody!

* And to my friend and her hubby!
I'm watching you......
I've got my eyes on you.....
I've wised up...
Mmmmmm, Hmmmmmm! YUP!!

Happy Mothers Day!You know drive thrus are your second home when........

I love Healthy Food, my mom being a little ahead of her time in the health food department. Now Health food stores are on every corner. It is 'in' to be healthy, organic, buy your peanut butter from a store that makes it right there.
But......When I was young, we had to drive about a half hour to another town south of us to a little health food store, where my mom could torture supply our household with

Buckwheat Pancakes

Homemade Peanut Butter. No salt, no taste, just a 2 inch layer of oily stuff on top.

Bread with nuts, seeds, and other chokable food particles baked in.Wonder Bread was a sin!

Lentils, for whatever kind of concoction she could put lentils into,

Apple juice in a HUGE gigantic jar, and you had to shake it real well before serving, get all the mushy, chunky stuff that had sunk to the bottom mixed in properly.

BUT.......


I also LOVE fast food!


I just love it!

Fast food was not totally forbidden. Just not always allowed. I remember when we would actually get to visit the golden arches. Sweet Heaven! I would be in the backseat, my parents in the front. I would always ask for a cheeseburger, fries and a cok........ then I would get interrupted.

"We have apple juice at home. You don't need a Coke!"

DEFEAT!

MISERY!

I am not completely 'happy' now!
Only 75% of the Happy Meal was allowed!

Not happy to the fullest!

Once I was old enough to drive, or had my own money, you could not keep me away.

I now 'treat' my kids to fast food a little more than my mom did for me. But I will say, that she sure made up for it with other treats. Every once in a while, my mom would let me stay home from school............. just because. Much to the dismay of my dad. Sorry Dad. She would look out the window, sensing it was going to be a dreary day, and say 'why don't you stay home today? We could get out of the house, go for a drive. Snuggle!Whatever the day brings' 
You don't have to ask me twice!

I thank you mom! I thank you for your love,

your guidance,

your support,

your ability to always show patience, even when you were frustrated.

I love you despite the fact that you made a Anchovy Casserole one of the first times that my new, cool, popular best friend stayed the night. 

I love you despite the fact that you did not let me live off of cheeseburgers and soda.

I love you even though you did not understand that Guess and Esprit clothing would make me a happier teen.

I love you despite the fact that you did not let me buy the Madonna Like a Virgin cassette, and when Aunt J tried to buy it for me, you made her return it.

I love you despite the fact that I was the last of my friends to wear a bikini.

I love you despite the fact you would show up at my friends houses to bring me back home, because you changed your mind 'you cannot stay the night, I just have a weird feeling about what you girls are up to' 

Mostly Mom, I love you because you made me who I am today! 

I love you because you showed me more love and support than anyone on the face of this universe.

I love you Mom, because thanks to you I get complimented on my loving nature, my kindness towards others, and my ability to be a good mom.

Mom, you are a great mom!

I love you for you!

My kids love you because, due to the fact that I was traumatized in not being allowed to eat a ton of junk food, I am now trying to make it up to them in some twisted, weird, therapy needing, junk food desiring, post traumatic stress, french fry over spoiling lifestyle!! 

Thanks Mema!

Thanks Mema for not letting our Mama eat from those golden arches. It gave mom weird fast food issues, and she now spoils us with it.

You are the best Mema in the whole entire world!

Below is a Lincoln Log structure that Ki (my five year old) made the other day. She said it was a fast food restaurant. 

"Just like we do Mama"

"Hi J.R. Haven't seen you since yesterday. The usual? Say Hi to the kids for me"

* I do cook healthy for the record!Limiting the fast food intake, but sometimes, you just gotta do it! Sometimes, you just gotta give in. Sometimes you just need to slurp on that soda, and eat those greasy fries.

If you are a mother, have a mother, or know a mother! Happy Mothers Day.

As women, we are all Mother's. Whether we have actually had children or not. We have all 'mothered' somebody, somewhere, somehow! It is in our nature I think! So have a great day today!

Eat some fries, drink some Coke, and relax!

Happy Female Day!