Kobe Bryant Can't Hear You Honey,STOP yelling at the t.v.!!

I am blogging right this second, all the while looking at my husband every few minutes saying 'mmm, hhhmmm'. -or- 'oh, yeah, wow that sucks babe!'

Why am I throwing out these little one-liners? Because he is watching the Lakers play, and he wants me to be just as passionate and interested as he is.If I have to hear him yell at the T.V. one more time, I may scream. Doesn't he know that the players cannot hear him. And even if they could, they DON'T NEED HIS ADVICE on what play they should have carried out, or how they 'just F*cked up a shot!!'  Unfortunately, I set myself up for this, as I was extremely interested when we were first dating. But good lord,that is what you do when you are in the throes of passion in a new relationship.I mean for god's sake, I was also interested in what type of music he enjoys, what his childhood pets name was, what kind of boy he was growing up, what his hopes and dreams were, whether he was too cold or too hot, does he want me to turn the volume up? is he comfortable? does he like Sushi, or should we go somewhere else? I'll get that for you babe! Sure, I will sit on the little wooden stool with the broken leg, freezing my ass off, watching you re-cement your walkway just so that I can be close to you. I had butterflies in my stomach, sweet fluttering, beautiful butterflies. Now I am not sure what the hell is in my stomach, but I do know that I get horrible bouts of diarrhea every once in a while, and I don't give a crap what his hopes and dreams are, but can he please give me some privacy while I am in the restroom. Wooo Hooo, that turned into a rant! 

I used to watch the Lakers with him when we were first dating. Even when I was at my house, and he was at his. We would sit on the phone, and discuss the game (at the time, Karl Malone was on the Lakers, and I even pegged him as my favorite player, ooohing and ahhhing), I would yell when the other team got the ball away, or when they were unfairly fouled. I would cheer when they made a 3 pointer. Now I roll my eyes when he asks me to watch the game (not to his face, God no. I roll my eyes privately. I have respect for my husband people!!)
I usually say "Hold on babe, let me go put my sweats on and I'll be back downstairs in a minute to watch The Laker game with you"
This is code for  - Let me go upstairs, call my best friend, have a 1/2 hour conversation with her about an ex boyfriend from 7th grade who just found her on Facebook, wash my face, then put my sweats on, "uhh, where are my pink sweats?" Having teenage daughters who wear the same size as you, and like to borrow steal your clothes can have it's advantages. What are the advantages you ask???? Well, I can steal theirs! The disadvantages? You are late for work, you can't find your new black tights that you were going to wear with your new skirt and boots, only to discover they are in your daughters laundry pile.........RIPPED! 
I grab another pair of pajamas, sit down on the side of bed, then start to slump in a 'lay down' position and wish that I could just fall asleep.No tucking kids in, no late night homework help, no running to the store for a child that "forgot" they have a school project due in the morning. Ooooh, a look on my nightstand reminds me that I was going to start reading my new Danielle Steel novel. ( I can amazingly jump from Twilight, to Confessions of a Shopaholic, to the tragedy, lust and passion of a Danielle Steel novel. I LOVE TO READ)
So the Lakers season has finally begun, and I try to multi-task.I grab my book off the nightstand, throw on my Lakers t-shirt my hubby bought me years ago, and make my way downstairs. I will show my husband that I still have passion for the Purple and Gold, passion for our marriage,passion for snuggling up next to him, and all the while I will be sneaking in my passion for reading combined with my passion for blogging and Pinterest pinning. Then, in a few minutes, I will show my passion for sweets. That Easter basket candy I have hidden is calling my name! 

I am totally supportive when my husband is on a diet.....like totally...I promise! I SWEAR!! WHAT?!?!?

I am just going to say it! I am just going to shout the words out, and finally be set free of the guilt!

Ready?

O.K. - So, YES I admit. I have a metabolism that most people would kill for. 

There!!! I Said It! 

Now, with that being said. I probably have the clogged arteries most people would die from.

I am trying to eat healthier. I really am! I actually grew up on healthy food, but I also love junk food! 

My Husband? Not so lucky in the metabolism department............Sorry Honey (sad face inserted)

So every once in a while he gets into his little health kicks. Tells me he wants to start walking, eating better, using the laundry organizing station    errrrr, I mean the exercise bike. So on, and so on! Then there is always the discussion that starts with a look. A look he gives me as I am chomping on my Lays Potato Chips, followed by a Dr. Pepper chaser. 

"Babe.......I need your support! You have to start buying healthier foods. It'll do all of us good;you, me and even the kids. Fruits, vegetables, unsweetened cereals....all of it. Babe, you gotta do this for me.Stop filling the kitchen up with junk! Please!"

I actually listened this time. I listened, because he was right. Every time he mentions eating better, I wind up coming home with Chips Ahoy and Oreos. ( all Nabisco products buy one get one 1/2 off) I can't pass that up. BBQ Lays and Cheddar Sour Cream (Coupon for two for two dollars? Whhhaaatttt!!?? Of course I'm getting them) 

I put them in the cupboard, then lecture him when he finally caves and starts munching on cookies instead of the carrots I bought him.

I realized that this game we played was potentially costing him his health. My husband being my savior, my rock, my world and more. How could I not listen?

How could I keep bringing sugar, salts, and greasy lard into the kitchen when all the poor guy is trying to do is just lose a few pounds and feel better about his health.

So I did it guys! I did it! We went grocery shopping together, him and I. Carrots, Hummus, Strawberries, grapes, raspberries. Yogurt and Granola, whole grain bread, Garlic Powder to replace the Garlic SALT! Who needs potato chips when you can crunch on one of these little suckers.......Yup, that's right! A Carrot! 

Fast forward 2 days. I am still technically being supportive, because technically he said 'not to bring that junk into the kitchen anymore' So technically I am following the rules. My new found guilty pleasure has not stepped foot in the kitchen. In fact my friend Joe; Trader Joe to you people........well he is staying tucked away up in our bedroom. Hidden from the eyes of the husband and children. 

Milk Covered Potato Chips! 

I never claimed to be a Saint! And these devilishly, delicious concoctions of the sweet and salty mix are not in the kitchen. Hubby does even know about the secret house guest I have living in our home. 

Oh Trader Joe, you  Crazy Concoction Producing Genius

They are well hidden

Well, not really well hidden, but lets face it. 

My husband has no need, desire, or even the tiniest bit of curiosity to look into my mess of a craft supply / junk holder of an Armoire.

Don't open the bag honey.......DON'T STEP INTO THE LIGHT!!!

So hidden away from his slow metabolism, are my treats. My goodies; my happiness!

What you don't know won't kill you! 

It may just kill your wife one day when her unhealthy ways finally catch up with her.

And I think they are. 

In my next post I will describe how a date night at the bowling alley has me needing an ice pack and heating pad. 

Didn't know bowling could be so strenuous. 

Fast metabolism does not = in shape

Carrots, here I come.